It Happened at the Waffle House

So you know how sometimes your extremely sleep deprived and decide to read a story but you can't focus on it correctly due to being so damn tired? Yeah...that's me now.

Except I was able to read this story with minimal effort. Given your story description you were probably in the same mindset when you wrote this, which I can relate to.

Was originally going to be all analytical about this, but there were a handful of parts that actually got me to laugh, essentially giving me permission to fully turn my brain off. As it became more clear as the story progressed there was not going to be any traditionally satisfying reveal/revelation or even much of a point really. It's just good fun.

So yeah, this is going to be a RAW IMPRESIONISTIC review instead...

Ok just re-read the first page to see if I missed something. I don't think I did, once I got used to your prose it was pretty smooth sailing as far as reading comprehension goes. SPAG is good I think.

I liked the meta element of this being a true story, took a second for my mind to realize that was BS but it added to the humor I think. The drama between Stella feels real despite the MC not really giving much of a crap about her. In other words, the first page does a good job setting up drama in a comedic way for you to then subvert that with more jokes later, but you probably already knew that...

I think I personally would have liked to have seen more verbal drama happen between you and Stella, this could even include trying to convince her to join that eye thing if you didn't want to tread the familiar waters of relationship drama or whatever. This is all being said within the context of your humor mind you, as I did laugh a few times, but I guess I would have liked for it to have gone on just a little longer before you just made every ending either dying or being a psychopath and calling it a day. Even if every ending was like that...some of them could have been built up to more naturally.

It works as a joke in a lot of endings but it felt repetitive I guess. Though the game is short so I'm assuming this really was that low effort so I guess its all whatever then...

Eye ball thing was interesting. I liked how he had conflicting motives depending on whether you chose to serve him or not. Really does a good job putting an extra layer of contrast to the otherwise mundane nihilistic "real life" your MC goes through. I don't really care if its origin is explored at all but I do like the potential such a scenario has on creating funny situations which you kinda alluded to before you cut every ending short...

So I know I've been giving your endings flak for being repetitive but in a vacuum I think they're all (at least all that I remember anyways) pretty good! A couple of them got me the laugh. Your MC randomly being shirtless in one was great. Stella having her eyes roll back to initiate the ritual was unexpected, and contrasts very well the alternate choice you make where you instantly die because your not competent enough in the eye thing's eyes or whatever. Fun/interesting stuff!

Ok so this last part is just me being autistic and has nothing to do with your story, but I can't help but feel there must be some kind of symbolism attached to a fast food place and this kind of story (as I've tried to write stuff similar to this before, kind of)...when I see patterns in places I try to find meaning, that's just how I am. If you wrote this while sleep deprived, your subconscious mind might have made some connections here and there that are only really interesting if you bother to analyze such a thing. Its like analyzing a dream you conjured while awake, or a nightmare in this case! :O

Having the Eye be confined to the Waffle House was certainly a...choice...I'm not sure how to feel about it...it was funny though!

And I suppose that was all you were trying to do here, in which case I'd say you were quite successful!

More like Fetros! Am I right?! :O

5/8. May change it to a 6/8 if I feel like it later...

(I just read every other review btw, and don't feel inclined to change anything I wrote here as a result! ;))

Godspeed/Good Luck/Good Vibes Brethren/Soldier/Fellow CYStian! Carry onward and all that jazz/stuff! Yeah! Yahoo! :D :D :D :D

Pretty funny.

Initial Thoughts: An accurate Waffle House experience.

**********************************Spoilers?****************************************************

This story was a fun ride. I don't quite know how it classifies as fan fiction, the story's location at the time of this review, but I suppose it's not too important. The story was short and lacked a great amount of detail or choices but despite that it thoroughly entertained me. You start by ordering a burger at a Waffle House with your girlfriend. Of course, this being a Waffle House, it's 2am. I love this detail as it shows the author isn't quite insane enough to suggest going to Waffle House when anything else is open.

All is going well and your girlfriend is giving you a pep talk or something about not being a bum even though from the sounds of it you live out of a car. This seems less realistic, but the author claims the story is somewhat "autobiographical" so I won't question it. Then a Waffle House line cook comes up and French kisses you forcefully, squirting cockroaches out of his tongue. This is also an accurate and common Waffle House occurrence. The only thing more accurate would have been him swinging a chair at you. You can really tell this person has been to a Waffle House at 2am. The whole story oozes that specific level of vivid truth that you can feel in your gut.

After the insect-intensified-sloppy-style-make-out session with the cook, you meet the god of waffle house. This is where you get choices, and let me tell you I wanted to see every single ending. So I did. All but one of them end in your poor girlfriend's death and a lot of violence by your hands. Technically one of the endings she lives, but she eats a hamburger from Waffle House at 2am, so I think it safe to assume she dies later on. Clearly you also walk free from any violent endings as the author must have as everyone knows that anything done in a Waffle House is basically purge rules.

Enough about the story itself though, we also have to talk about the grammar. I figured the grammar structure of this would not be very good. Not only is it blatantly obvious in the description, but the author states in said description that he was extremely sleep deprived. Perhaps it was even written in the middle of the night in a Waffle House. If anything, the bad grammar almost enhanced the midnight deadline crackhead energy of the story as well as suiting the type of story it was.

I think the main takeaway of this story is to not take it too seriously. It's length and grammatical issues brought it down in my personal rating system, but it could easily be higher if the grammar was fixed up a bit. Overall not SHAME and a solid 5/8.

i just clicked random buttons i didnt even read it but ill do it later lmao

Writing about the events at the Waffle House was surreal without the use of taste, touch, or smell. Yet, with the lack of senses available for use, the story still appeared almost otherworldly, using vision and hearing predominantly. The challenge of relying solely on sight and sound added a unique perspective to the storytelling process, emphasizing the significance of other senses in creating a truly immersive tale.

this was cool

like it

Yum

I feel like I could have rated this storygame higher if it had been longer. I've never actually been to Waffle House, but I guess I can imagine what kind of place it might be?

The player character feels pretty boring to begin with, but after the cook kisses him (and, ewww, vomiting cockroaches!), things get a lot more interesting. A bit of a shame that when the eye asks you about your god, your only options are to either worship the eye, or claim yourself as a god. It could have been interesting to see the eye's response to the player character claiming they already had a god, whether real or not.

There were some parts of this storygame that were pretty gross, so I definitely wouldn't recommend reading it while you're eating, or before you're eating.

Anyway, yeah - some good ideas behind this storygame, but it definitely could have been longer. Anyway, thank you for sharing!

People keep telling me to go to a Waffle House. I question their motives now.

The randomness is entertaining. It's a nice, light read. Still, the story's time of development does reflect its quality a bit. It's definitely not slop though and that's worth recognition.