Lazarus Cage

I have to say, I was intrigued by the start of this story. It might not have been the most unique start to an interactive story I've come across, but I was immediately intrigued by the thought of finding out what was going on. Why was the player character in the room? Who were they? And, more importantly, who were the people in the facility...or whatever it was?

Sadly, none of those questions were answered - and I kept exploring more of the world, starting over every time the player character was killed, in the hopes that I would get some of those answers.

The best part of this interactive story was definitely the various different deaths the player character could experience, but by the time I got to the inevitable 'end game and leave comments', there was nothing about how the multiple deaths had affected things. I don't mind violence and death, but I do like to have some kind of explanation...or at least an idea based on what the character learns.

I would have liked a few more choices, such as the ability to refuse to eat. The eating page is also a bit confusing, as it starts with, 'Pushing that thought away', but...what thought is being pushed away? Frankly, the player character doesn't seem to be thinking about anything. A blank slate can be pretty good, especially in an interactive story, but in that case, I think you need to include more options for what the player can do.

There was so much potential in this story, and the initial scene was definitely intriguing. I just really would have liked to see more of the world expanded upon, and I would have really liked to be able to do more than just...well, more than just die. I do hope you eventually do more with this plot, though, as I'd be interested in seeing more of the wider world.

Hmm I suppose this is an interesting game. It’s the classic story where you wake up trapped in a room, but there isn’t much about it that’s unique. You can get some food and do nothing… or you can try to escape. This is where the spoilers start if you are concerned, but there isn’t too much to spoil here, unfortunately. I gave it a 2/8. The writing wasn’t bad but I found the game boring personally. Ironically I have a game that is just like this called “Inheritance House” that has a lot of the same issues, so I can relate to the struggles with this type of story. I’m trying to help not be mean, and you can go read and make fun of my story to get even if you want! It is very similar.

First of all, it’s a looping story. A lot of people hate stories just for that, but I think there is merit to the concept! However, this was poorly executed in my option. Each loop doesn’t really change much… it just forces the reader to pick a new option. It would be more interesting if you could take something you learned on a previous walkthrough and unlock a new choice with the new knowledge. For example, if you know the fan is in the vent can you prepare for it or avoid it the second time? This can be done with a lot of coding, but it would be worth a shot. You obviously know how to do the coding because you made a conditional end game link on the first page, so having new options unlock each play through would be possible!

The writing was okay… there were a lot of fun-on sentences that needed a period—or better yet—a colon! There are some great articles in the help and info tab that Gower made about grammar. I suggest you brush up because the grammar was bad enough to affect the reading a bit for me. Run on sentences are tough to get through: there is nothing wrong with making more sentences or paragraph breaks to help the readers eyes keep track of where they are in the story. Missing commas and other punctuation turns your story—which had some good descriptions—into a wall of text.

Also, this story didn’t have a huge horror element. It was pretty… mindless. There was no plot, no unnerving information, no point to what was happening. It would have been better if you found out creepy information… like maybe you drop into an operating room rather than a kitchen and see them experimenting on people so the reader can think, “Oh no! That could be me later!” Or you could have had them cooking people in the kitchen so the same fear was present. Ultimately, it wasn’t compelling enough to build horror and suspense and got boring to me. Looping stories are fought like that. They have to be interesting enough to read 12 times (with maybe slight changes) and still be good. Your writing was good the first time, but I skimmed everything after the first time.

Also, the end game link only showing up after several loops is dangerous… I use the back button a lot to test different paths, so I almost didn’t find the end game link. I started, found where it looped, and then used the back button to try every choice looking for an end game link. When I didn’t find one I just randomly pressed links until I looped enough to find the link. I’m not sure how to fix this, but I figured I would warn you it happened. Because nothing new happened after looping once I just took the most efficient path to try every choice without having to go back through everything.

Let’s talk about choices. You literally have a “left or right” choice in the game! However, all of your choices were like this: there wasn’t much information guiding the choice. They all seemed random. You picked a door, with no descriptions of a door, and then died or got caught behind each door in a random way. At least tell me more about my choices! What does the door look like? Is there a sign on the door that tells me what it might be? Use some foreshadowing and give me a reason to go left or right!

I will say, the concept of trying to escape but there not being any escape is interesting. Looping games also are an interesting concept if they can be made to work. I would suggest that maybe if you try a game like this again, make it loop once or twice and then have things change in a dramatic way. Either your character leans something and gets new options, or your captors notice you are trying to escape and start testing you/trying new things! That would add some intrigue and give you more to build on. Maybe have all the death options be end game links and all of the “surrender” options be looping so people can “escape” by dying or choose to try again by giving up… something to make this more compelling to go through multiple times!

If you are like me, this story is a good way to test the editor and learn how to use it. I hope this feedback helps you learn and write a better story like what happened to me when I posted a game like this!

THERE IS NO ESCAPE!

Hmm. Thought there would be some way to escape after dying every time, but I guess not. The descriptive imagery was good, and I find myself wanting to know more about this prison. Other than that, it was very short, lacking characters with personality, and had no plot to uncover through death.

It's really just a gruesome death simulator...

I tried a bunch of different paths that all led to creative ways to die. The deaths are described in reasonable detail so that's good I guess. But with every death, I felt less and less inclined to continue. I don't even know if there is supposed to be a true ending if you wait and eat enough times or something, but I didn't feel particularly motivated to find out because I didn't really care about the protagonist.

Some good description, especially getting chopped up by the fan. A bit of a mystery.

No real insight into some meaningful problem the character is trying to solve, no motives other than escaping a room for which we begin with no idea why the POV character is trapped in. No real motives other than trying to figure out the answer to that question.

What would have made this better was slipping in a sense of foreboding, fear, and uncertainty for the POV character, as well as some sort of personality to them.

The concept of a story with no real ending is fascinating to me, and I greatly enjoyed this. The little writing we got from it was very stylistically appropriate, and I thought it was a great entry.