Shades of Fear

Actually, I know a bit about this. Maybe I’m wrong, but doesn’t she (the monster on page one, for people reading this) have scissors at least half her length? Maybe I’m wrong, but I thought they were a lot larger but I haven’t dappled in this for years so I could easily be incorrect. Besides that it seems accurate to me.

Actually the reason I know a bit about these kinds of myths is because of some short story or something I was reading somewhere. Continuing to read the first page, I have to commend you. This is really good! I’ve met other people (although they’re my age so not a very fair comparison) who have tried something similar to this and they hardly ever get the mask and bloodied mouth detail.

Oh come on, you start with a character I KNOW and I KNOW what to do with her (if the mc will do my will, as the options only do so much) but now you’ve summoned a boy I know NOTHING about. Now I don’t know what’s safe and what isn’t!

Although logically, I guess I should take his hand as that would seem to be the right move. Again, the logical move seems to be to follow him. From what I’ve seen so far, what I’ve been able to glean is that he’s ancient but looks young, has seen much death and bloodshed, and is probably (highlight, PROBABLY) one of the more trustable figures in this story. Perhaps the only one.

Ok, TEN YEARS LATER?! I’m sorry, objectively there’s nothing wrong with this (I don’t think) and consequently I won’t deduct from my score for it as that would be mean/rude, but I just really don’t like giant time skips like this.

…School? Did I somehow wind up in the past, future if this hadn’t happened, or just integrated back into my normal life? So these are my theories, not great I’ll admit but my best idea.
1.) I think that maybe this “ten years later” is actually the same time, but it’s as if ten years have past or the mc was sent 10 years into the future and now because her classmates were just killed, the fake memories planted in her mind made her think they were still here but it doesn’t change that now she’s here they’re dead and so gone. I know, not great and it has a ton of holes.
2.) I think maybe that the time skip was to go to the next horror story, so she actually had classmates there and now they’ve been taken or killed by the new horror monster and the mc is going to encounter it. If this is the case, it brings up the question of why she was left. If this is the case I don’t believe that she survived both times by coincidence, I think that she has something different that’s attracting these attackers. Of course, this could all be wrong and it was a coincidence but if so I think that’s the author’s fault, and it doesn’t make total sense (no offense meant, cat).

In this situation the answer seems less obvious to me. I think I’ll try looking for others. I would think she’d call me crazy if I asked about the girls, so I’ll apologize. Yes, APOLOGIZE not APOLOGISE. Oh wait never mind, that’s british english it’s correct my bad. Sorry. ><

I’m also tempted to say realise is realize, but that’s probably british english as well. How do I know they’re spirits and what does it mean by lose time? I’m still confused, but is she saying a ton of time passed while she interacted with the spirits? And if so, how does she know that?

I just realized the maturity rating. I didn’t seem that adult to me, but meh I might have not gotten to it. I’m not worried my filters do their job.

So yeah this is definitely the same character whose classmates were killed while they were all still really young and she’s definitely in a normal world normally unbrainwashed. So I just think there’s a gap in what happened with the boy but I guess that’s fine.

There’s actually a demon called Ascent (in a less known mythology) but I don’t think it’s japanese. Just with the demon setting and seeing the word ascent, I got reminded of him.

The 3-5 thing also reminds me of a fun fact, there’s not a row 13 (and some other number) in some airplanes for customer service reasons because in (I think it was Japan or America) 13 (and the other number) are unlucky numbers and passengers who are more invested in that kind of stuff can get nervous. Sorry, that’s random.

Voice messages I’m assuming, considering I can play them? …fieled? Did you mean field?

Sorry, I know it’s slightly rude, but I find the name Shun funny. Anyway, it seems the mom is rude and even though I obviously like Shun he’s probably nice enough to forgive me and the detective is probably important (and could have a major impact on the story) so I’ll call him.

Um…??? This may be an accident but calling the detective sends you to the same page again… oh well, Shun it is! Lol. Wait- same thing? Is only sleeping going to work?! Oh well, guess I’ll try mom! If that doesn’t work we sleep. Maybe it’s some script thing where eventually something happens but I don’t want to try and test that.

Yeah… bed it is, I guess. … is this branch just broken? NONE OF THE LINKS WORK. Ah well, I’ve given a long enough review I believe (hope…) it’ll be helpful.

6/8, bad loop out of the end but still really good. Have a good day :D

I’ve come across this urban legend before so it’s quite fun to see it in print – and by Cat too, an author I know of only by rep but whose writing I don’t think I have (to my shame!) read yet. The opening is vivid and immediately immersive: you see, hear and smell things and very quickly realize you are not in an ideal situation and that this is not a typical day at school. I’m all for following weird magical people in my stories and the sudden movement through time was both unexpected and a good plot development.

Cat is great at creating a genuinely chilling atmosphere in this story and she seems to have a real gift for horror writing in particular: the library scene is brilliantly creepy. Cat has researched this well and I like the little details such as no number four in the lift (it is the same in China when the Si character means both four and death). There’s a bit of a boo-boo where trying to call anyone on the Apologise page loops me back to the same page so I can’t continue on that particular branch.

I like the detective scene and was finding it highly enjoyable then… it just ended! It’s unfinished! That’s a shame but this is a story with tremendous potential, very well-and confidently written by someone who clearly knows how to tell a good ghost story. I didn’t see a single SPAG error and the whole structure of the story, with the short and tense sentences and sound word choices create a great atmosphere. I’ll give this a 6/8 just because it is unfinished but I hope the author returns to this at a later date and completes it.

I like the set up and the writing was good. There were a couple broken links before the time jump. It was disappointing however that just as the story's villain returns, it's over. I would love to see this story finished as I really enjoyed the beginning and played through all the branches.

This is a pretty good start to your horror story, and there are some elements I liked here. I liked the setting of the story, although I'm not sure they call each other 'san' and 'chan' all the time. I'll probably find out when I get to Japan in several months. You're leaving out a few descriptive details and I'd like this story to be a bit more immersive since not everyone here's from Japan.

I didn't like the monster the way the author intended us to. They're supposed to be intimidating and horrifying but it leans closer to annoying since they repeat 'Do you think I'm pretty?' If possible, you could make the girl say anything more than that one line or make them a silent antagonist.

Although this story isn't complete, it has a good structural plot with some exposition and ends right at the rising action.

Overall, this story has a lot of potential and is actually something I would read in my free time. 5/8