Emperor's Fireworks

The Emperor's Fireworks is a fast paced action story where you play as the captain of the guard investigating a mysterious conspiracy. The story is set in Imperial China, and I really loved the way Peng establishes the setting here. It's not super obvious, and it's not overtly stated in the story itself, but the fireworks, the gun powder, and the names used, along with the concept of the regent ruling on behalf of the emperor, all point to this being set in Ancient China. Peng later confirms this himself in the Author Notes, but it was delightful that I was able to figure it out without Peng spelling it out for me, and I think that's the mark of a pretty great writer.

In history class, we learned that there was a drastic shift in the use of gunpowder, which originally was used in fireworks and traditional Chinese celebrations, but in the Song dynasty, gunpowder was slowly being weaponized. I think it took till the Ming dynasty till guns were used wholesale in warfare, but regardless, I think this story might be set in the Song dynasty, because people are certainly aware of gunpowder's destructive capabilities, but I'm also guessing that from the context clues, using gunpowder in this manner to conduct political assassinations is a bit of an oddity. So all this points to this story being set in a transitional period, where gunpowder is still largely used for traditional celebrations, but its full capabilities are slowly being realized. But it's not going to be in the Tang dynasty because we already see that there's organized crime centered around weapons dealing, and gunpowder was still in its discovery phase in the Tang Dynasty. Of course, I could be completely off base lol, but I'll ask Peng and see. inter

Anyways, that tangent aside, I really love this historical setting and the way Peng marries so many cool ideas to make such a complex and interesting mystery story. In history class, we learned a lot about the regents, who used to rule till their charges were old enough to assume power. And while this model was seen in other parts of the world, like in Rome with Seneca and Nero, I do recall it being really predominant in China. Since women were traditionally not allowed to rule on their own stead, I imagine that an empress dowager, who's gotten so used to power and comfortable in ruling the country, being naturally reluctant to just hand over the reins like that. I don't know if there are any cases off the top of my head where dowagers in China arranged assassination plots to assume power, but I imagine there are, because it makes sense, and I think it's a really sensible and creative choice Peng made to make this a story crux, because naturally, it's a human feeling that when you've ruled so long and done so much, why should you hand over the country to a young upstart who got the position by the virtue of being male.

So, the initial idea of the story is already sparking, and ready to explode in a wonderful fireworks display. Furthermore, this Emperor has also made a few other enemies, and the Dowager, displaying a level of incredible fine political finesse, has set all her chess pieces in motion, positioning the inspector here, the general there, and various loyal servants at the ready.

I really liked the Empress as a villain because she's just so sneaky and subtle. I love the way she appears in the background at first, but slowly takes the center stage. I also liked her because I could actually understand her perspective, and she's not a fully black and white villain. If you choose the path where you end up siding with her, the country is still more or less fine, proving that she does have the eligibility to rule as she had done for so long, and you also incidentally benefit. But you also forfeited in fulfilling your duty, so it may be a Pyrrhic victory.

In addition to the plot, the pacing was really good in this story. You want to write a fast paced cop-style story where the equivalent of a cop discovers a massive plot and has to figure out how to stop it. And we get all the delightful components that make this type of story great: fight scenes, interrogations, chase scenes, betrayals by authority figures, and explosions. I think it was also a really creative choice to make gunpowder the center of the whole story, because on one hand gunpowder symbolizes beauty, with beautiful colors and fireworks displays but on the other hand, it symbolizes terrible destruction.

One of the betrayals particularly impressed me, because it pays off in a clue that Peng sets in the very beginning.

I love the way the branching progresses, and there's a startling number of options available. Each of the paths can be over quick, but this story rewards multiple read throughs, because there's very little redundancy and repetition. Some paths you die badly, other paths you achieve a partial victory, like maybe you stop the Emperor from dying at the banquet but then he dies anyway due to poison. If you follow Cang to catch the thieves, you get this really fun and fascinating look at the Ancient Chinese underworld, and busting into warehouses, but you don't get the best ending, unfortunately. Still, the endings were fun enough to where I wanted to backtrack and figure out what else is going on.

You won't know all the conspirators and different plots until you play through the entire game. While the Empress Dowager may be at the center of everything, there are a few players who still remain in the shadows, so even if you get the best path the first time, replay the game and maybe you'll get some more insight.

I wish the action scenes were a bit more detailed, I really like reading fancy descriptions of swordplay, but it does fit the action movie style of this story, since the story is meant to be short. I think Peng achieves a great balance of description vs brevity, getting the best of both worlds, since the story was immersive but still managed to be fast. That's not an easy feat to pull off.

Anyways, if you're fascinated with conspiracies, historical assassination plots, complex plans, fast pace story telling, and action, you're going to love this story! The story isn't too much of a mystery, because it doesn't really place the onus on you to figure out who the murderer is like some of the other stories in the category, but regardless there's a wonderful aura of mystery and thrills that hangs over you as you rush to save the Emperor before it's too late.

- - Quick Review - -
This was a pretty great story, especially given its length. It’s a very smooth read, and there aren’t gaps in information. There are a few adjustments that would’ve made it a bit better, but overall a very nice story. I would recommend, especially if you like mystery stories and themes of power struggles.

WARNING. SPOILERS AHEAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

- - Highlights- -
I want to give perks for the diversity of the paths. There were two main ways to go (which the path was chosen nice and early on) and a lot of little branches beyond that. In my opinion the story difficulty fit this piece and made it feel more real-to-life. All the choices really seemed to make sense and progress the story as well as give the reader the freedom of choice.

The story itself was very exciting. It started out not too late into the action, but deep enough that the story didn’t spend half the time describing what was going on. It felt like a fitting way to start off a story of this style.

I appreciated all the different power dynamics the reader could see depending on the path. When I went on the path that crosses Cang, I got to see his minions and how they’d do anything he commands but when guard captain walks in and calls up his favor he’s all of a sudden sharing the top dog spot. Then in the path that sees more of the empress’ people, I got to see the Imperial Guard and her servants and how obedient they were to compare and contrast.

The author also did a very good job of getting me excited about the mystery of it all. Sometimes I made decisions that seemed less likely to succeed just because I wanted to know everything. It’s not always easy to connect a reader to a story so short, and Perforated Penguin did a great job in this storygame.

Another notable thing I appreciated about this story was how smooth it was to read. Minus a couple tricky to figure out dialogue struggles here and there, this story was easy to read, understand, and enjoy.

- - No eclipse I’ve ever seen has blocked out the Sun enough to make it dark - -
A few problems I had with this story:

Most of the endings felt like they were cut short. Almost every ending I found was just a summary of events and the mc wishing he knew more or feeling uneasy or something to that effect. It was fine and didn’t leave the story incomplete or take away from the storygame much overall, I just would’ve liked it more if more of the endings got a little more love.

The other problem I had was that there was hardly any character development. I want to know the mc’s inner motives, his loyalties, his opinions, literally anything about him other than his rank. It just felt like there was a lot of opportunity missed there. Not just the mc, none of the characters were really given much personality. Just something to think about for later stories.

- - Final Thoughts - -
This was a fun little contest entry by Perforated Penguin. I loved getting to solve the mystery and decide for myself what kind of guard captain I wanted to be. It has many paths to choose from, each leading to a realistic ending; certainly gives you the feeling of being the pilot the whole way through. There were a couple issues, but not enough to distract from the value of the storygame. Very good story, would recommend.

***DISCLAIMER*** to the author, It should first be stated, that you should NOT take anything i say with a grain of salt. Everything i say i mean, and i mean it with my chest puffed out, so, take everything i say to heart. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

First Impressions:
This story is very action-oriented and fast-paced, which excellently conveys the urgency of the situation at hand. The ease with which one can die in this storygame adds a sense of realism, making it feel like a true life-or-death scenario where mistakes are unforgiving, and their consequences might only become clear pages later. The author did an excellent job in this aspect.

The antagonists in this story are exceptionally well-developed. I use the term "antagonists" rather than "villains" because they are portrayed as reasonable characters, not evil for evil's sake. The queen, for example, wants to kill the soon-to-be emperor because she fears he will be as ineffective as her late husband, leading the kingdom to ruin. Even the protagonist agrees that she was the best ruler. So, is she truly bad? She’s a pragmatist, which makes her an understandable antagonist. Another antagonist, a city guard alongside the protagonist, cannot be labeled as "evil" either. He is a man who was wronged, and the protagonist did nothing to help or console him. This complexity in the antagonists' motivations makes them more relatable, perhaps even more so than the protagonist himself.

Writing Style:
The writing style is fast-paced, which complements the narrative's strengths, it’s urgent and action-packed. I didn't notice any grammar or spelling issues, so everything was clean on that front. The writing style effectively conveys an adrenaline-infused fight for survival.

Worldbuilding:
The worldbuilding in this story is well-executed. We learn about the past failures of the former emperor, who was incapable of stopping the northern nomad invaders. The story vividly portrays its setting, reminiscent of ancient China. From the character names to the nomads, who seem to be based on the Mongol invasions, the world feels authentic. The motivations behind the assassination attempts are clearly explained, making the worldbuilding efficient and purposeful.

Overall:
Emperor’s Fireworks is definitely worth reading. It’s an action-packed, adrenaline-infused tale where the line between good and bad is blurred. There is no clear right or wrong, and everything feels very "warlike," as if it’s just business.

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The storygame's minimalistic description conveys its scope and stakes, while also hinting that the protagonist might discover new information which may clash with his previous goal of saving the ceremony. As for the first page, it starts with a short scene where the protagonist speaks with a shopkeeper. This intrigues the reader through unanswered questions, such as what 'it' is and why thieves attempted to steal something. I like that the protagonist's role as someone important is only implied without being stated explicitly, from the curious citizens who shy away at his gaze to the words "your men".

This story builds suspense and stretches tension well. A sense of urgency is created from the crash and screaming patrons. The protagonist rushes up the steps, with the screams getting louder, and the pacing faster, reaching a crescendo. But when he reaches the top, it slows down to a halt. No more screams, though there's an 'uneasy feeling'. The situation is exacerbated when two of his 'best men' are unable to deal with the situation. Their failure is emphasized as the protagonist goes on a tirade about how they should have done better.

A quick nitpick: I noticed an overuse of adverbs. For the same reason as trying to avoid an overreliance on adjectives, I'd suggest only using adverbs where necessary or if it significantly changes the meaning of a verb, otherwise they lose their impact.

The death of the two men portrays the severity of the situation. It fits the mystery genre as there are a number of clues left in the scene of the crime: the name or title starting with 'Insp', the shiv, and the thin cloth. This sets the tone for the story to come. And it ends with a choice to begin the investigation: search for the thieves or find out what they stole.

WRITING STYLE

Lots of descriptive details are employed which allows the reader to visualize the setting. In some cases, these are tied to characterization. "You wince at the sound of bells drifting into the waiting hall, signifying the passing of another hour" --- this line doesn't just describe the protagonist's surroundings, but also portrays his impatience when waiting for the emperor. He then studies the palace door. This is only done to pass time and conveys the protagonist's boredom by slowing the pacing with description.

The dialogue conveys character personalities; with the shopkeeper, there were many clues he has been hiding something which lead up to the revelation of the firepowder. The hierarchical structure is also shown through his constant use of "sir" when referring to the protagonist. This contrasts the authoritative, sometimes demanding protagonist. His commands are obeyed even when his men disagree with him.

The endings where the protagonist fails to stop the explosion are well written. A deep point of view is useful effectively, as the reader is swept away by sensory details---blinding flash, earth shattering explosion, vision obscured by dust---while still maintaining a degree of confusion. The protagonist doesn't know what is happening amidst the deaths and commotion. And the death utilizes the same technique: his attention is drawn to the pain in his chest, he looks down to see the sword, and only then does he register the fact that he has been stabbed. This is a great example of showing rather than telling.

CHARACTERS & PLOT

This story fulfills a piece of writing feedback I once read about: each scene must change the character or the information they have. It does this well, as there are new developments with the case during each scene, which is all the more important for a mystery story. For instance, on the first path, it's revealed that the theft of firepowder was not an isolated event. The problem spans a much larger scale. Following this, it is shown that the emperor's own people cannot be trusted either.

Just like before, dialogue and action reveals information about the characters. This is a good technique and I prefer it more than lengthy explanations or descriptions about each character. When questioning the suspicious servant, his words and body language conveys he has something to hide. It also raises the stakes even more, as it is unclear who can and cannot be trusted, now that the emperor's own people have been infiltrated.

Somewhat unclear characterization of the protagonist makes his actions seem confusing at times. For example, rather than following the servant as the guard pinned his subordinate to the wall, he killed the man. But since he was already dead, is there a point to that? And killing the other man meant he couldn't question him, hence had no more leads. Was it simply a moment of anger? Still, he hardly appeared upset whenever his men died, so it might be hard to believe he cared about them much. Perhaps crafting a stronger personality for him, aside from his anger, intimidation techniques and impatience, might help with this. For instance, knowing why he wishes to protect the emperor at the cost of his own life---the goal that drives the story---would be a good start. It'll also go a long way in getting readers to root for his success.

Major spoilers ahead:

The emperor appeared to be quite immature or naive given how easily he dismissed the problem of stolen gunpowder. On the other hand, while the emperor appears genuinely unconcerned, the dowager seems to dismiss the matter hastily. I am slightly suspicious of her. She even prevents the protagonist from investigating the ceremonial grounds. Moreover, she doesn't attend the ceremony and there are talks about how she's jealous that the emperor would be taking away her power. Oh, looks like I'm right! And there was clever foreshadowing I missed, such as the guards and general being an extension of her power. She gets her revenge by poisoning his food.

Back to the part about inconsistent characterization: in one of the endings, just as he's about to get killed by the general, the protagonist sets the firepowder ablaze. Guess that's the part about not saving the ceremony. Still, without a better idea of the protagonist's motives, it is slightly out of character for him to prioritize revenge on the general over his duties to the emperor. Perhaps a reason as to why he hated the man to such an extent would have made this more realistic considering it was his goal to save the ceremony from the start. In one of the endings, he uses following the systems as a reason for this, though some of the other choices have him actively breaking the law. Still, the differences in his personality allow for the great variety of paths so that's probably a good thing.

Maybe it's just the order I read the paths in, but the emperor being cruel like his father felt off. Especially since he was portrayed as careless at best in the other scene. Though the dowager's motive is realistic, especially given the pain she must have gone through seeing her child die. The protagonist sees her as a good ruler too. I find this sort of nuance refreshing; all too often, villains are given no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Here, there's a convincing argument either way during this moment of temptation.

Cang is another character who blurs the line between morality and illegality. He owes a favor to the protagonist, and despite his criticisms of him, he plays a large role in helping the protagonist with the mystery. Yet, he has his own ulterior motives. He isn't completely upfront with the protagonist about what the men were doing. And he protects one of the thieves, who is unmasked in another path.

Oh, Inspector Xia! That's what the man's last words were about. One thing I like about the story is that each path reveals the significance of a different clue, further enhancing the narrative through new layers of the story. For instance, the part about Mu shows just how many people are involved in this scheme to kill the emperor, hence the high number of endings where he ends up dead makes sense.

There are a number of action scenes in some paths, such as the one where the protagonist chases after thieves. The protagonist is skilled in combat, cutting down several men, though his abilities are not unrealistic. Making the wrong choice---such as taking on too many men---still lead to death. And there are numerous endings but the ones where the protagonist successfully saves the ceremony often involves the emperor's death. This is realistic given the sheer number of people who want him dead. In one of the endings, he lives, though it's bittersweet as the protagonist wonders whether this is a worse fate for their people.

In conclusion, I really enjoyed the various branches in this story and how each one portrayed the mystery in a new perspective.

Review 13 – Emperor’s fireworks

There are some points that I like a lot about the story. The prose is simple, easy to read and snappy enough. I think the overall concept of saving the emperor from assassination is also a cool idea. The scope is narrow enough that the size would be manageable.

Sadly enough, it didn’t do enough for me to genuinely like the story. The protagonist himself wasn’t very interesting or memorable; it’s fine, but it would really spice up a story like this. Most detectives in lots of mystery novels are little weirdos themselves, probably because it makes the character interactions a lot more fun. Also, the other characters are also not that interesting and a bit one note, even after reading through all the routes. It’s mainly that you don’t give them enough room to show off their personality. Their motivations are known, but often thrown very haphazardly around the end.

One thing that was a pretty interesting creative decision, was that you never get to see the emperor talk throughout the whole story. Pretty much everything we know about him is told by other characters. Xia and the empress Dowager both had a very unique view on him and the previous emperor too. So I think you ought to lean into that more, since that was one of the more interesting parts of the story.

And as I also referred in my notes, I expected a mystery, but all I got was a weirdly paced thriller hahah. Another note, I think that most endings are a bit too rushed. Some of the fights, especially with Xia are resolved way too quickly. Plus if you want to write a good mystery, the buildup and the investigation is often more than half of the novel for a very good reason, because that is the allotted time you get to establish the main players in your story and delve deeper into the protagonist’s character motivation and make us root for him. That is something you didn’t bother to do all that much haha.

Another thing that bothered me a little was that there weren’t any personal stakes for the protagonist. I don’t know why he is so driven in keeping the emperor alive. From all the stories, the emperor sounds like a pretty horrible ruler. That rant he gave to empress dowager doesn’t really count. Lots of people like to follow the rules and structure, but to go this far people also need another big motivation.

All in all, structurally pretty well written, but some things can still be improved upon. It’s a nice read to pass the time when traveling on public transport, but don’t expect Pierrot level of fiction.

Notes
- I like the beginning of the story. It sets up the setting, location and the overall mystery pretty quickly. The way we are clued in about it is also clever. At first we only know that we are in a shop, but as the protagonist makes his deductions about the identity of the thief, the readers are also notified that it is set in the capital city. That same natural worldbuilding also happened when he was surprised to be called ‘inspector’ by the guards or when he fretted about the emperor’s coronation. Also, to use gunpowder as the goods that are illegally traded (and is seen as something valuable enough to be smuggled) gives us also enough context what era of technology we are dealing with in this setting.
- I don’t think that blood that spews out of a person’s mouth would be described as ‘dark red mist’ unless you meant it literally and it is some sort of fantasy poison.
- Okay, I now think that this setting has more of an imperial Chinese vibe going on based on the names of the characters and the food. It’s in a way very subtle, but I like it that way.
- One thing that makes a good whodunnit extra special is that you can figure out with some clever reasoning who the culprit may be. Seeing that Inspector Xia was introduced and revealed to be trying to assassinate the emperor, is a bit of a weak writing decision. I think that with a more clever build up, you could make his betrayal a lot more interesting. (or at least mention him in some way, shape or form before the reveal)
- The same thing could be said about the Empress Dowager. Little was there for build up to her character. So her wanting the emperor dead also is a bit of a weak reveal. However, I do find her reasoning a little bit more sympathetic than inspector Xia.
- I do like the interconnectedness of the different routes. In certain paths where you save the emperor, the empress Dowager will poison you because she is pissy that you saved her son.
- I think that Shan has a very similar role as Xia, that they both worked in the North and are back in the capital city and do want the emperor dead. At some points I think that the two characters can be combined into one more complex character. (Have the personal motivation of Xia, but the personality and proximity to the Empress, another key character.

---------------

VERDICT:
The story is not better than that of Malk or even equal to his, not even close... sorry hahah
But I like it more than Ben's!

An intriguing question in the opening and good writing from the very beginning make this a promising story. The writing is “tight” in that there is nothing in it that is unnecessary or doesn’t contribute to creating the atmosphere and events. I feel a bit harsh criticizing my subordinates as they lie dead or dying but as a boss this is how you get results! Being a diligent police officer (?) I want to find out what the thieves are stealing – as it’s gunpowder I’m guessing they plant to blow up the emperor, or at least make a dedicated effort to launch him skywards. I’m going to take the threat seriously, even if he isn’t. Meeting an old friend (?) is a nice twist and I think I’m more likely to get a promotion under a new regime so I let the assassination happen.

This is a nice little story and I wish it were longer. It is exciting throughout and the situation was developing well. It could have been taken much further and a little more depth or detail would have improved it (it would have been good foreshadowing if I had known of my old friend’s Xia’s exile at the start of the story rather than when I encounter him at the end). This is very good writing though in an original setting and I think PP did very well with this one. 6/8

Nice dialogues and pacing.

good job

I do love a good old whodunnit story. Multiple playthroughs are indeed required to understand the whole of the story. It was compelling enough for me to try the different paths and see what information I could uncover.

<<SPOILER ALERT>>

One complaint I have is that it's never made adequately apparent that the emperor would turn out like his father. I know the dowager says as much but we don't really get any information of our own to confirm this. So, to me, it just feels unnatural that the guard captain would just suddenly decide to side with the dowager just because she said, "Emperor bad". It may have been more convincing if she had some evidence of his vile nature.

That said, it was still a fun read :]

Good story, if a little underdeveloped, especially in the endings


Good:

1. The writing was pretty good, in particular the descriptiveness and phrasing

2. The death endings were well-done

3. Minimal technical errors

4. Good branching


Bad:

1. No epilogues, and some of the endings felt underdeveloped

2. As Darius also mentioned, more characterization of the protagonist would made him feel less like a crime-solving robot.

What was that two and four thing about?