Player Comments on Find a Date Before it's too Late

The premise of this game sounds good. There is certainly a great deal of potential based on the description. In fact, you could likely write a novel-length choose your own story with that idea. Sadly, I can see before I read this that the story has only a length of 3/8, so I’m not expecting a great deal from this one…

Ouch. The very first page has a misspelling on it. But then it gets worse because the first page appears to ask a question of me, the reader, but then doesn’t give me a choice, I have to click on the single option I’m presented with. Now I do think there’s times when you can end a page with a single choice. There are some instances when that makes perfect sense. But in this case, with one and a half lines via two sentences and a sentence fragment, that’s not the place to give me one option to move on. Instead, why not just include whatever is on the next page on this page until you reach the point where the reader actually has something to choose from?

I do like that the next page actually has a couple options and those options do appear to have an effect on the story – that’s what a CYOA is all about! Interesting enough, though, the very next page in both cases give me exactly one more selection again. Throughout the story, most page are just one line and sometimes there’s a choice, but more often there’s not. This would be much stronger if all those pages without choices were combined to the point where choices were available on every page.

I do like that some of the options clearly do have an effect on the story. There’s more than one path and different results, and that’s nice to see, especially in such a short story. Thank you for sharing this with the site!

There are three things I think you can improve on for this story.
1. The descriptions. Every page could use a bit more descriptive to get readers to stick around.
2. The choices. Most of the time there are no choices. Some of the choices are just so obvious. For example: Do you read the sticky note or do you ignore the sticky note? Well of course you read the sticky note! The other choices don't matter as they lead to the same page.
3. I suggest you don't use advanced editor. You didn't need it at all.
Overall, I rate this a 3/8

I'm rating it what I thought of it. It was okay - although it wasn't very descriptive and you didn't really get that much of a feel for the characters - it seemed a bit shallow, however you've put effort into it. I like that, so I've rated it up a bit too. You made it a bit longer than usual, but I think it's a bit easy (even though I'm a guy), and a bit of a coincidence that the character likes Johnny and what suddenly happens near the end.

Good work, though. Keep going on these storygames, I can see heaps of potential.

I just want to be a horrible person, but it won't let me. Is there a possibility that you could make us a manipulative player and/or sociopath?

spelling mistakes left and right.

Like it short but nice

This was a bit too short. It was still good tho!

I went to the prom with my classmates when I was 19. My friend asked me to dance with my friends. They called my name. I hope my Erickyoutuber is taking me out to the date.He takes me to the italian restaurant, the movie,walking the beach,sitting on the sand,watching the sunset, and talking Erickyoutuber puts his hand on my shoulder and he cuddled on my shoulder. He came closer to me and he kisses my lips. He holds my hand in his hand. It's very beautiful.

It is a great story, though there are a few spelling mistakes. It is a very realistic story, and overall, plot make sense, (not like some other stories)… It is kind of funny too, and it is recommended.

it ok

The branching...there is none. You literally have three endings and none of your choices matter otherwise.

Great game! Really funny and liked the plot twists

good

Nice enough. Short and the reader doesn’t have too much of an influence on the plot, but I can see this working great with some developments!

It was extremely boring

Riddled with spelling errors and grammatical issues, this story doesn't really find a way to charm readers. I'm not American, but I think there's a lack of realism - why are they wearing their prom dresses to class in the morning? There's also not much choice and really troubled pacing. I wouldn't recommend playing this. That all said, there definitely was some strong characterisation, and a fair bit of potential here.

COOL

This was cute. More options for prom dates would be nice too :)

its kinda short and bland. add a little more salt please.

love it

Amazing game

I didn't expect much, but this is okay. A little easy, though. I wish it had been more in-depth, and more to the point at some parts.

I loved it

I loved it

It wasn’t reall y’all that fun, sorry

OMG it was so much fun I love it but I am really sad that Thare is no more.

OMG it was so much fun I love it but I am really sad that Thare is no more.

It was so stupid and short. I HATED IT

Is not that good

eh i like it

I LOVE THIS i want a boy...

Kind of short and too easy to win

It was okay, with a correct number of options and an interesting plot. However, the ending (for me) was not sensible. A boy with a girlfriend wouldn’t walk up to you and just date you. Also, it ended too suddenly and the story lenght could be longer.
The item Science Books was useless (for me) so you maybe could cancel that. Overall this was quite a good try! 6/8

I was nice because I find a date fast.

The best story ever, good job.

I didn't quite get the ending. I went ahead and went back to the yes\no page and chose no instead of yes, and the no just didn't make sense.

There wasnt that much to the story, plus it was boring. No storyline. No compelling characters. Needs work.

This was pretty good. Nice work.

Meh...

SO ROMANTIC

SO ROMANTIC

Super linear, you got the perfect ending by doing absolutely nothing. This was not a challenge. This was total sh*t.

Funny

cute and classic!

Idk it was okay the plot was pretty lame but I liked that it wasn't twenty paragraphs so pretty good

too short.... hellooo

Why isn't there a suicide option? Can I get some more in-depth lore about Jared,please? I'm not some slut that just walks in out of the gutter to kiss some dude who fell off a swing like ten years ago.
*dabs*

It could be longer...

really short but good

Cute.

Awesome and cute! Sadly it wasn't as long as I thought, but still ok. Just try to fix the errors in there

Lots of spelling and grammar issues. Otherwise, a nice little story.

It was a fun thing to do to pass the time for my sister and I on our snow day.
Nice job

Amazeballs ... Good or maybe fricking awesome lol good story

Could you please make one for boys

It's okay but really needs more description. What make Johny so special? Tell us as the readers - Is he tall? What colour is his hair? How long have you had a crush on him? All this adds to the depth of the story.

Also the story needs to be more challenging to complete. I just went to school and Johny asked me out - the end. I didn't seem to have to do anything to get this outcome so it feels quite unfulfilling.

You should work on spelling and puctuation but other than that its very fun. You used the colours and stuff pretty well but you didn't really have a moral to the story. All I saw in it was:
Dress good get a hot guy you win the game?!?!

Cool but pretty short...

it was OK but should have a chapter about the prom and after the prom if you stay together with johnny and mabey put more detail in and make it longer too

Short.

it was over to quick lol

Wish it was that easy I'm a single pringle

So I just walk onto the dance floor and the guy of my dreams asks me out? Haha. Funny.

amazing

Well, on the descriptive side, I guess it was okay. I don't think you should add the words in the parenthesis as they are completely unnecessary. Onto the choices. Every part was bad, there were barely any choices and when they were there, you were lead to the page you have to go anyway. The choices you make don't progress the story. The last thing I have to say is don't use the advanced editor, it's completely unnecessary. For example, you get the books, but you never need them. Overall: 3/8

its short, and not very good. Could use improvement.

IT WAS AWESOME

Ugh. Wayyyyyy too girly! Add a murder, or something! Please!

That was boring, sorry. Add more choices and make it harder to get Johnny

Very Short. Not very "Exciting" *Does jazz hands same time when says "Exciting"* Hey u did ok thou!

You didn't get a grip of the characters and the only thing you did was to say yes or no

Why make this game so easy? I mean, seriously?

i liked this game. the story was nice. the poop aspect was bootyfuel. i would say i liked it, if it weren't that the art in this game sukkz.

Wait... who's Jared? When did he show up? Johnny wasn't that bad, but I said no because he was boring. They're all boring. Kelsey is also boring. I'm boring, too. And the sticky note your mom leaves on the mirror is the most romantic thing that happened in this story.

This was great!! A little short but great!!

So, is the character attracted to Jared or Jonny? This is confusing!

I LOVED IT MAKE ANOTHER ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!XD

blah so bad

I got Jared B) Anyway, this was good, and what I don't get that the really only option of who to date is Johnny. And Johnny seems like a popular person. I think this is good though.

now you should make #2 about school and me going with jared.....

It is okay, but the finding a date that easily is kind of unrealistic as far as I am concerned. In my personal tastes the clumsy dude (I forget his name) sounds super cute, and why couldn't I stinking go with him! Any who, great grammar and I loved the part saying "key word: ATTEMPTED".

Not much thought to it, painfully simple

It was short and sweet but seemingly a bit silly.

fun

i love it

it was ok...... :l

it was pretty easy but not bad

If I could attract the mate of my dreams that quickly and shallowly and never actually have to use my schoolbooks for anything, I'd be ecstatic. Unfortunately, I can't do either of those things, but I guess the first ability is just part of the magic of having breasts attached to you.

Incredibly simple, rushed game. Shallow, too.

This is a serious question, I don't want to offend you in anyway, but did you even try?

If only mates were that easy to get..

Confusion is my friend. I ignored everyone, rejected Johnny and then apparently had some guy named Jared in my pocket (never talked to him), ready to go.

Well, I got a date, so that's a plus

If it's high school then isn't the best person to write the story a high schooler? Sorry, that was just in response to Help's comment. Aside from that, the grammar was pretty much broken and the story generally needs help. What's the use of the school books anyways?

The story was rather linear and not emotional at all, as love and dating stories often need to be to hook audiences. 3/8.

This needs a lot more work. There aren't many logical choices, it ends quickly, and it sounds like it was written by a child.

its a good game

This was a cool game

I usually find dating games cute, but I wasn't really keen on this one, since the aim of the game seemed to be to steal someone else's boyfriend.

Short but fun

Very good attempt, but I didn't like the authors commentary (ugh) and how short and explanatory it was. Add some details about what each character looks like and what is actually happening.

Something that is good to try is to find a how to thing, for example making a sandwich, and write a paragraph WITHOUT using any word that is part of the sandwich, for example don't use the words bread, meat (or what kind of meat)or any of the condiments used. Use words like steel to symbolize how the knife dipped into the mayo and spread over the sandwich and so on. Send me a message sometime and I'll give you a few tests you can do like that one to help with your story making.

Really boring and quick. The story was simple and there was no fun in it.

Cute!

Why did neither one of them have a date yet?

Meh. Not a very good game at all.

I wasnt even trying and he asked me out!!! It must have beenthe dress

don't make your first option a you lose link

This didn't have much of a story to it. And I played it a couple of times and it only had two endings, unless you don't read the sticky note in the beginning, so I guess three endings. I just didn't feel invested in the character or story and it felt rushed and unrealistic.

So is there any way to NOT get Johnny? I completely ignored him the whole story because I was interested in finding out more about Jared, but not only did I not learn anything about Jared, I still ended up propositioned by Johnny. I turned him down and then run and kiss Jared (a little more forward than I usually prefer to be). I don't see much potential with this story. It was uninteresting and the spelling mistakes detracted from it even more. Of course, I'm not exactly the target audience for a game like this, but it was still boring.

It was enjoyable. (:

The ending was so rushed, it could have been a little more detailed

Not bad, but there are a few spelling errors, and I noticed that you switch from 2cnd to 1st person without quotations.

Fucking stupid. Why the hell is everyone wearing their prom clothes to class anyway?! I wouldn't want to go to prom with either of the guys. Johnny sounds like an asshole, and Jared is barely mentioned. All I know is that he's some dude I was friends with that fell off the swings in 5th grade. You need to work on character development...and pretty much everything else.

Not too bad!

Stupid.boring.stupid.boring.zzzzzzzzz..... Sorry I fell asleep during your story

The plot was too simple and the character development was non-existent. Also, I found the spelling and grammar mistakes to be distracting. Johnny was a jerk and I never once spoke to Jared the entire story but somehow I ended up kissing him at the end? Weird.

There's only 3 endings. have more variety! and make it less intertwining in the story. you can do anything without any consequenses! i didn't take my books and nothing happened!

I wanted Jared anyway. That Johnny seems like a jerk. And getting mad at me when i just say no to the prom? Please! But you need to have more than one ending, you only have 2 as far as i can tell. but i didn't see all the options, so maybe not.

It's ok a little boring but hey it's ok.

Well my ending was kinda snarky. : \
Is Jhonny really the only guy to choose from? I agree, more characters would be great.

I'm just a guy, but I'm thinking this story only has one possible date. Maybe if you elaborated on the characters and added a few more...

So...very...stereotypical. That 'OMG' actually made me groan.

3/8. I know you don't care or something close to that, but like the previous have said, you really need to check your grammar. It looks bad when you have errors on a finished piece, and the ratings would rise if you changed somethings.

DS

Hey! I thought that was a great first game! Good job sis!
?xoxo?

A, uh, satisfactory "find a date" game. Not bad for a first game, but you might want to watch your grammar.

So. . . My comment was deleted.
OK, this story is crap and needs alot of work.
This seems like a... planning draft. I think you need to look over EVERY page and catch spelling errors. Improve the plot so that it feels immersive and alot of fun. DESCRIBE things. Make my actions feel important. Oh yeah and its "too" not "to". Oh and spelling your name wrong on a "writing site" (I feel like Fleshy, goddamit!) is about as awesome as drunk people trying to sing the alphabet backwards.

WOOAAHHHHH!!!!! I won!!! :O
Im way too excited

GREAT first game. A for effort? :P

Corinth, how often have you mispelled something that you only get to spell once? Take my name for example, you get to only spell it once. Also, in her game she spells pretty right.

Once again, 1st game is an advanced game, that doesn't suck. You CAN have a good future on this site.

Why can't I hook up with Jared?
Seems like you kinda sorta tried, and I suppose you can't expect much in the way of correct spelling from someone who thinks "pretty" only has one t.
(Hint: at least spell all the words in the title correctly next time.)
Mostly I think it's stupid that I get a bad ending for rejecting the shallow, characterless prom king. Why the hell do I even like him?
And what's my name? Sharen? Sharron? Am I that indecisive?
Still, it's better than a lot of people's first games.

There's some effort here. Not bad for a first attempt.