Player Comments on I Love You, My Sweet Kate

Outside of originality issues (*cough* Snow *cough*), I found the technicalities of the story almost perfect. The singularity I found was in an earlier page where all the dialogue was in one paragraph.

It was sweet. I mean, regarding the type of story it was, it was cute. (But because I'm ignoring originality issues,) There could've been more characterization and branching. This story was linear and reminded me of a 2D DNA strand - at certain points, the two backbones reconverged.

In this story, you have a section for childhood and teenhood and then the ending section. In each section, there were "mini-stories" that you could read to gain insight on the characters. It wasn't enough—not enough characterization, as the characters were bound to fall in love and break apart (which isn't wrong, it's just predictable).

The way you introduced Kate was direct, boring, and not very insightful. I always dislike it when a writer so blatantly described what the person looks like all at once with such simple words, especially in love/romance stories because shouldn't personality (usually) be the thing the lover mentions first?

I think you could've tinkered around a bit with how the protagonist felt throughout the story. How did he feel whenever she kissed him? How did he react to that? And think about the ending—why? Why did he react this way? What made Kate so special to him other than being a loving childhood friend?

I don't see how the relationship could've developed in such a way. I'm sure it's possible, but it just doesn't seem right. Why did the boy never make a move on the girl first? Why is it always her kissing him? And besides, think about the emotional aspects of their developing relationship instead of just the end game.

The grammar/spelling was great, and the story was cute. It was very similar to Snow (and other similarly style games), and you could've made it more unique. The characters/plot wasn't developed enough.

It's not bad but it does follow an established genre. If you had to work harder to win the girl's love and then soon after you come together she dies that would add more depth, showing the aftermath of the loss or even if the reader was somehow responsible for his lover's death ("damn, shouldn't have had that third bottle of vodka before taking her flying in the family helicopter...") would all make this story take on a life of it's own. As it is at the moment it's a respectable effort but needs more to really stand out.

Unlike the others, I think I will try not to compare this to Snow. I will look at this and comment on this like a story made by itself.

For a first, the story was actually good. It was captivating and the grammar and spelling was overall Ok. My biggest problem would be the fact that there are so many stories like this already. Two people fall in love, one dies. That's more often than not the summary of most love stories nowadays. But, you obviously have potential and so keep on writing. Just try to find an original idea next time.

Personally it was a "meh" for me but I stilled liked it

that was sad but I liked it

Warrior Cat obsessed teen writes a 2/8 length Snow clone in 2015: about what you'd expect.

I did not like the linearity of the story. I would have enjoyed a romance with a happy or bittersweet ending. I know some people enjoy sad romance endings but that’s just not me.

The narrative and the memories sections were great but I would have liked more description and more character development. Character development is big when working with a romance plot since there aren’t a lot of ways to drive the plot forward which is the relationship.

Overall my general recommendation would be to add more branching paths and character development to your main characters so that your story is brought more to life and has depth to it. That would make it more interesting.

Oh my....that was very sad it seems nowadays all the girls die why cant the boys die I mean cmon?

This was so sweet!

A way poorer Snow with worse scripting, 2/8

This was more like a story than an adventure story, but it was well written with great grammar and spelling.
The story showed readers how they feel clearly. It was entertaining but very sad. From friends to admirers, and then hurting death.
I wish I had rated higher. You get 6 out of 8– it was worth every cent.
And for the little phrase to describe the story...
A great piece of writing.

It's... okay. I'm not sure what else to say. But if it was based off a true story, well, sorry, bro...

Heart warming

It was an interesting enough story I just wish I could contribute to it.

Jumps straight from love to unresolved tragedy. A bit jarring.

It's been a long time since I last went on CYS. I re-read this storygame, and now I realized it was quite badly written.

Perhaps I will make a new version of this in the future.

Thank you all for taking the time to comment on this... THING

Sad. (Although you probably could have made this longer, develop the characters more, thus causing your readers to become more attached to the characters... And then it'll be really sad.)

It just sad and Bad

:'(

Not bad at all. I wish that there had been longer pages with more dialogue, but the plot was good.

Brilliant!!! You should be VERY proud!!!

Good ending or bad? R there only sad endings?

Fark, it's hard to not compare this to Snow...

Because it's following the same style and format that Snow did. I'm not saying it's a ripoff (in fact it is a good piece), just that I was a bit disappointed that you followed a trend, instead of making an original.

Everything was okay. Wording was flawless, storytelling was a melancholy sad in a good way, details were sufficient.

Next time I hope you add more originality. Some users disapprove of stories that appear as if imitating the prestige of others.

But overall it was still more fun than homework. 4/8.

Um, I don't know if the protagonist is Swedish or not but Jorgenson isn't an american name? I'm sorry, but this was... awful. I really can't see room for improvement. :c

-Charaxes

Is this really a true story because I almost bawled my eyes out

I would have liked it better if the idea wasn't so evidently stolen (although, to be completely fair, it isn't very good either way). Really, though, did you have to make this a rip-off of Snow?

OMG, I usual HATE romance, but you sir, have made me love it! Anyone who gives this story less than a 6 is crazy, and should be taken to an asylum right away!

This is so sad........

But the story reminds me of Seth's snow story.

that was beautiful. i am in social studies, and I am no longer bored to death!

I am so sorry about your loss. I can't imagine losing my girlfriend, especially since we've been bffs' since we were able to talk. I'm 13 and this brought me to tears.
A Friend For All, Dominik Arena

Wow this was some boring stuff. You dont fell for the persons and the story Got nothing to it. No Real choices and so obviously copied after "Snow"

Nice! If only u could save her

This is very similar to Snow by Sethaniel, it has a few things that make it different, but the same concept and same strucutre.

I had expectations when I checked out new stories and saw your rating. It was sweet but I suggest putting more feeling and thoughts on the characters as I found almost no sympathy with the guy at the end. The girl is like filling up the entire story yet there is no impact on me when she died.

Amazing

It was a beautiful story.

Like Chris, you put in some effort, although you made some kind of twist with Seth's "Snow." I suggest you compare this to Snow.

What happened to my previous comment? The caps are just wrong in it!

So I cAN JUST RELIVE "Art" 50 times?

Feels like I'm reading a 'meh' version of Snow, except I wasn't reaching for the tissue box at the end.

It's like Snow, but still very good. An impressive storygame.

I don't really know why, but I found the ending hilarious. First of all, how the heck did he manage to make it to the scene in time to see her being placed into the ambulance? He must be incredibly - or rather inhumanely - fast seeing as he achieved such a challenge.

Some diversity in the romance genre would be nice for once.

Romance CYOAs, much like Pornography, has developed a definite and distinctive plot structure over the years.
Pornography goes a lot like this:
1. Introduce female 2. Introduce male 3. Introduce fucking.
Romance CYOAs go like this:
1. Introduce female 2. Intorduce male 3. Memories 4. Tragically remove the female somehow.
It's a trifle disturbing that a lot of snuff films have the same structure as both of these, but that's another story, either way I've seen too many Snowclones to actually like them anymore.

It's like Snow. But no, it's not shitty. Ignore that capybara. You actually did an impressive job! ^_^

Wow, it's like Snow, only shitty!