Overthrown: The Makings of a God

This was really a well written story and I enjoyed reading it. The action sequences were well done and it fit well in the world of Greek Mythology.

Obviously, as listed in the description this game is extremely linear. Every choice followed the exact same narrative. It would have been nice if the places where there were different choices adjusted the path and even perhaps a different end.

Also, I would have gotten into the character more if he was a little more rounded out.The main character seemed pretty one dimensional emotionally and I would have liked a bit more internal conflict during the course of the story.

Overall, this was a good short story and worth the time to read.

The writing was good at the begging but started to fall of in the middle of the story. It started to become a bit rushed and your rising action felt a bit more like an ending. Some of it was confusing and then the random events started to happen. Like oh my Pegasus is old let me let him go, cool but it doesn’t ad to the story. If you are going to add “fillers” add multiple or it just seems random, and make it contribute to the actual story in someway shape or form.

I liked the fact that you added captions that gave the reader hints, but the only issue with that is the fact that it makes it less immersive. If your trying to immerse your crowd in the story game don’t add these comments. But if your going for a story game on the funnier side than add them. Immersing your readers is very important it can make a break a story. If you have your reader gasping at the plot twist or crying at a main character’s death you have done your job. Adding comments like don’t get your panties in a bunch ruins that though they may be funny. The key to making a good story in general is to emotionally connect with the reader, if it means being funny then add these comments but I don’t think your story wasn’t meant to be funny so that’s my tidbit of advice

Your grammar is good but don’t quote me on that because I absolutely suck when it comes to stuff like that. But I didn’t catch any spelling or grammar errors
I thought the horrible monster was typhoon it was confusing there were a lot of monsters and since they weren’t distantly identified I got a few of the mixed up.
Also I don’t like how you didn’t earn becoming a god, it kind of randomly happened. Becoming a god like you said was rare of zueses sons especially him granting it to you, so just saying The plot twist was okay but next time make it less predictable oh sacrifice comes with ebing a god who’s he going to sacrifice his family obviously make it more elusive more shocking and like I said before emotional.
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Lastly some of the things that happened in this story were too coincidental I see this a lot but you did an excellent job of taming it down until the end. When he became a god you kind off lost it but for the most part good story 5/8

This was a good entertaining read, and while some might criticise you for a its linearity, I think this style works and it does make it replayable.

I did enjoy this story and your writing style is pretty good, but I thought character development felt sorta empty. The protagonist's emotions and motives seem too simple. He wants to save people just because, and afterwards he feels angry because his village was destroyed. I think you could have given him more depth.

It's allright, but I think it will work better when you leave the author's note out of the story as it breaks the immersion a bit. I do like all the greek mythology references, you really did your homework on this one!

pretty good

This story was way too linear for my liking.

It's pretty good but all roads led back to the main story, which was a little boring.

Liked it. Good story.

nice nice nice

8/8