Paradise Violated

a Sci-Fi Adventure by EndMaster

Commended by EndMaster on 7/28/2019 5:30:57 AM

Player Rating6.29/8

"#44 overall, #6 for 2007"
based on 565 ratings since 12/02/2007
played 24,926 times (finished 749)

Story Difficulty6/8

"wandering through the desert"

Play Length6/8

"It'll be a while, better grab a SnickersĀ®"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.

Humanity never changes...

Additional Notes:

There are links leading to various background information and your character's current thoughts throughout the story. In some cases these may provide greater insight since some mysterious things can occur in this story.

There are also several endings varying in degrees of good/bad/neutral outcomes. Technically there is one ultimate "winning" ending, but it isn't labeled as such.

Player Comments

It has a terrible lacklustre beginning that reminds many fanfics of Warhammer and normally If were not compose by Endmaster I will stop reading right there.

Character is portrayed as a non-descript whatever individual bored and dehumanised. Very nice and believable with the story, but making impossible to get any attachment or giving a fuck about him or about anything else really.

Then we are told not showing via meaningful dialogue or choices how the interaction between Character and main teammates Salo and Lefleur; once again, mere stereotypes who were written purposely to not be liked or cared about them and it shows.

You are left at the beginning of game With a bunch of characters you will never care about in a story background you have heard millions of times.

I should find it bad, right?

Well, Endmaster is a genius in how to intertwine scenes flow and character development in general. There is this scene where you can kill torture or just follow one prisoner and the depth he achieves with such a simple in appearance choices is astounding. Choices really matter, but still, it feels railroad and hopeless, what I think goes well with the theme and approach of the story.

Lore is well thought and familiar with normal fantasy and political history with abundant lore bits throughout the story.

And violent wonderful twists and turns inside apparently dead ends that are realistic and well planned.

But the thing Is I don't know if I really like the story. It is well thought and written, is as solid as an example of Endmaster working. However, the fact characters are so distant and there is not real immersion or meaningful dialogue reinforced my alienation from the story and from my character what I know is intended but still makes my enjoyment of the game less appealing.

Still, is a solid 7 for me and I will like more games in that lore
-- poison_mara on 11/12/2019 11:58:30 PM with a score of 0
Having played four of End's games so far, this one is the odd one out so far. The structure branches a great deal, but fully half of the branches don't feel that rich or interesting or have as much love given to them. Once you get on the main track, the writing perks up, the choices get more interesting, and the characters get more to do. Only grim determination kept me going until I figured out where the actual story was.

However, once I *got* on that main track, I was more interested. But I don't mean to suggest the other track is pointless. Actually, I got to know the main characters better in the less interesting half of the game, which made my exploration of the other half richer. I had seen these characters and been with them on other, smaller, more low-stakes (usually) adventures, and that made me care more about them.

So I'm sort of torn. I see the point of the less-main-branch section of the game, but it was less fun to read.
As for the characters, I feel like Alyssa is the one I will remember. She has a real personality, and she's well-written, with snappy dialogue and cool epilogue actions. The other characters are really two-dimension--funny, vivid, but totally cartoons. And that's fine, because this is a 40K/Avatar/Heinlein action-packed adventure, and I don't necessarily need super vivid characters for everyone.
Pacing-wise, the beginning was slow, and there were a few slow chunks at the end which really hurt the tempo where I really just wanted to get on with it and not make choices like "explore this area further" or "explore elsewhere." The middle of the game was the very best, especially the journey to and around the ruins, before I even knew what the ruins were. The hologram bit was...ok. It was fine. But the parts where the game makes you explore different versions of mind control--being meglomaniacal, all-id, paranoid--that bit, and allowing you to dive into the madness--that was by *far* the best part.

It was a mixed bag for me. It has some parts that I will be thinking about for a long time--the "Embrace Destiny" ending, for example, or Alyssa's "Final Link to Humanity Severed" ending (my two favorites)--but there was a lot of bits that I deeply wanted to tell End to rewrite, because I know he could do more with some of the paths. (the invisible being, for example, in the caves.)

All in all, it was very cool to see End do a different type of game, in a new genre, with a larger, branchier structure than his earlier games.
-- Gower on 9/27/2019 8:47:54 PM with a score of 0
Paradise Violated by End Master was a home run in my opinion. I didn't give it a ten, because that is perfection, an nothing is perfect in life.
The story is reminiscent of one of my favorite films, Ghost of Mars featuring rapper Ice Cube. Ghost of Mars was made in the '90s and its premise was that of a colony on mars that locate and an ancient artifact that turns everyone into bloodthirsty zombie warriors. It was an instant cult classic complete with edgy music.
I read thru Paradise Violated several times to see several different version's and endings. I'm a typical female, so my favorite ending involved sex and death. I can't say that it was incredibly romantic, but it was certainly raw and pure animal lust and instinct.
The premise was that of a human general over his army scouting and unknown alien planet. His party captures a prisoner who has important information about the planet and a lost civilization. He is aided by his 2nd in command, an indoctrinator, and a sexy female alien that doesn't take any crap.
The locals are lizard people with base function intelligence. They are easily controlled and utilized to plunder for riches. However, they are maybe mentally slow but not necessarily docile.
The tale will take you to insanity; incompetence; a homeward bound journey in shame with a cover-up; and into a lover's eternal embrace. The spectrum of journeys was inviting and kept me going back to the beginning to try again.
In summary, it had sex, violence, and intrigue. In my opinion, key ingredients to make you want to turn the page and keep turning the page.
I intended to rate this as a 9. It may have gone thru wrong, but my intent was a 9. I considered 7 and 8, but I read thru it again and decided that nine was the best choice.
Thanks, End for a superb story yet again.

-- oraclemache on 6/26/2019 11:02:08 AM with a score of 0
Now this story is really good. There is no other way to put it besides that. Sci-Fi isn't my favorite genre, but even so this was a pretty good story. It is good in almost ever aspect, and if you haven't read it, then I emplore you to go and do so. Same goes with any of EndMaster's works. I'm still making my way through the catalog myself, but so far ever single one of his stories is worthy of praise. So before you read my review, go read this story.

Now the first thing that that I loved about this story is it's characters. The captain has this sense of personality to him, and I love it. It is all too easy to create a protag that is generic, and bland so that your reader can project theirself onto them. While I'm not say that is a bad idea, and for some games it is even favorable, I like it when the character is his own person.

As for the other characters, there are also amazing. Salo is one that I hated and loved at the same path. In fact, the ending where you become an indoctrinator is my favorite. He is my favorite character in this story, though not my most liked. Alyssa is also really good. Her backstory is a little gernic, but that isn't too bad. The character who I didn't really like was LaFluer, who I had to look at his name since I forgot. He kind of irks me, and I never really liked him at all. His backstory was good though, and overall he isn't badly written

The branching was pretty good. It had a lot of paths, and it was spread out well. They helped to really establish the world, and the state of everything. The only gripe is that a lot of the endings where you live are pretty simlar, though that is to be expected since all you did was survive and not tell the empire anything

To sum everything up, this story was pretty good. I enjoyed it a lot, and that is saying something since I didn't think I would with the premise. I am going to have to rate it a 6 though. 6 is a big catagory, and for me it is for the stories that are great, and that enjoyed, but to get into 7 it has to be one of the best. Though I do recommend this story to anyone who is stupid enough to have read through my review without reading the game.

-- MicroPen on 4/25/2020 9:08:10 PM with a score of 0
-- Razvan007 on 3/21/2020 9:38:19 PM with a score of 0
Enlist now, they said. It'll be fun, they said. You'll make a difference for the empire they said.

See if you can make a difference in your empire without getting horribly murdered on an alien planet.
-- DerPrussen on 6/14/2019 11:26:40 AM with a score of 0
According to EndMaster's description of this story, "there is one ultimate 'winning' ending, but it isn't labeled as such."

I think I found that ending (along with a few other false endings along the way). And I'll admit the story ended with a bit more heart than I bargained for at the beginning.

The opening page of "Paradise Violated" had me thinking immediately of the movie Avatar, with an unsavory version of humanity occupying a jungle planet with a native population that is ambivalent about your presence. This story was published in 2007, and the movie came out late in 2009, so who knows? Maybe James Cameron is a lurker on CYS.

You are not immediately given much to do as the story opens, however; you, the reader, have to discover the spark that lights this story and sets the plot in motion several choices in. You'll probably deduce the correct path when you encounter the quick endings that educate you in the error of your ways and put you back on the proper path.

Basically, you need to interact with the other characters, and learn how to behave how the protagonist--a Captain serving in a brutal and materialistic Terran Empire--would behave. Acting as the moral human being you probably are in real life probably won't serve you too well on "Paradise." Instead, you need to be self-serving and ruthless; you need to see the other characters as resources who can serve you up to a point, but which should be eliminated after that point has been reached. And with the exception of just one of those secondary characters, sentimentality is not a factor worth considering--not if you want to succeed.

This is not a view of humanity in which I share, but it is nevertheless one that is productive fodder for storytelling. Therefore it was interesting as I stayed the course and the main character transformed into something unexpected.

Despite the introduction of a very talkative character introduced later in the story with a need to explain everything, I'm not sure I fully bought the transformation of the Captain from a soulless soldier to someone who might almost be mistaken for a mensch.

But this was a decent story, and hopefully a model to other would-be writers for how a story requires time for a plot to be developed.
-- Bill_Ingersoll on 6/13/2019 10:18:13 PM with a score of 0
A big favorite of ours. The best sci-fi story on the site. Caerbog truly does provide
-- WWS on 6/12/2019 3:05:01 AM with a score of 0
I absolutely loved the gradual change to the protagonist, I think it was very efficient in causing empathy.
-- DarthRighty on 6/5/2019 10:52:43 PM with a score of 0
Paradise Violated isn't one of EndMaster's well-known stories or even best written, but this doesn't mean the quality is lacking. EndMaster has a true talent at building a believable cast of characters and a truly gripping world, whether that be the apocalyptic world of Ground Zero or The dark world of Enteral. Where there is also a massive authoritarian empire ready to genocide any enemies.

But back to the story, I played it originally when I first found it site and it quickly became one of my favorite Sci-Fi storygames on the site. Something about the world and characters really connected with me.
The soldier who believed in their empire then slowly began to discover it never truly cared for him or the billions of others who fight for it, The overzealous preacher who believes the empire shits gold and does no wrong, The lieutenant forced to squander his gifts at Administration and is instead put on the frontline as a result of his overbearing father, and more. All these characters are interesting and relatable, This helps bring a more personal investment into the story and the fates of these characters.

Something I found especially appealing about Paradice Violated is the race of the Xonts, the smalls pieces of information given out before the ruins were enough to spark an interest in their ancient empire.
Something I quite enjoyed about them was that their arrogance and paranoia were essentially their downfall which could be a metaphor for human behavior.
their attempt at gaining control of their rebellious slave races with a biological weapon to mind control them backfired and instead was the catalyst for their collapse, a bit ironic if you ask me.
Something I disliked was that some paths and endings felt rushed or not delved into deeply enough, but it does give the reader to make their own mind on what happens so maybe it is for the best.

Just to add, there were only a handful of typos I spotted and none of them really detracted from the story, so that is always a plus in my books.

Overall, It might not be the most notable story on the site, but you would be doing yourself an injustice by not reading it.
-- lordkarstark on 6/4/2019 5:28:32 PM with a score of 0
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