mystery / thriller
, #15 for
Played 917 times (finished 89)
"Run through the jungle"
"A nice jog down the driveway"
"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably be between PG-13 and R.
A man, A child, A women, A secret.
I have not read many stories on this site, so I cannot really compare this to anything else.
However, I was asked to read and comment, and so I shall.
I see that many others have rated this highly, with enthusiastic praise, and I am sorry, but I am unable to give such a glowing recommendation.
The writing is very sloppy, with many spelling mistakes and little care for grammar or sentence structure.
There seems to be an attempt on your part to use a large, complex vocabulary, however "vestigeal" is not a word, and if you meant "vestigial" then you have used it incorrectly.
I do not find the story particularly original or unique, but you do seem to have made an effort.
Are you a child? In that case, I would give you high marks for the attempt.
Overall, it is the writing of someone who has been told by others that they possess skill, but not someone who has consistently honed their craf
on 8/7/2008 3:15:03 PM with a score of 0
I'm sure there's a story here somewhere. I'm sure, if you took away all the grammar mistakes, all the punctuation mistakes, all the capitilization mistakes, there's a story here worth reading.
on 9/1/2017 8:20:42 AM with a score of 0
I am far too trusting
on 4/24/2015 9:08:53 PM with a score of 0
This was a good story Descriptive and engaging. It is let down slightly by poor SPG (spelling, punctuation and grammer). All in all a decent short story.
— Jordi P on 10/6/2014 12:10:39 PM with a score of 0
Boring, short, bad grammar and awful.
on 3/21/2014 2:31:03 PM with a score of 0
Eh, this one I was disappointed with. It seemed a bit of a stretch. Helpful hint, try copying and pasting your story into a Word document before submitting. Hope to see more from you, especially more random adventures! :D
on 8/13/2012 3:02:46 AM with a score of 0
on 10/24/2011 10:14:54 PM with a score of 0
on 6/7/2011 10:09:35 AM with a score of 0
It's pretty good, needs a little work though; the capitalization is a bit iffy, and also, it's "vows", not "vowels".
With a little practice, you could be great.
— We Will Murder You on 3/27/2011 6:40:48 PM with a score of 0
Not bad for a short little story, could fix the grammar and spelling though.
on 3/15/2009 4:28:41 AM with a score of 0
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