The Sable Sea
, #58 for
Played 478 times (finished 69)
"Walk in the park"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably be between PG-13 and R.
Hi folks, welcome to my first storygame. More story than game, really, but I hope you enjoy.
If I was being unkind I'd suggest the main reason this story has been passed over for comment is because it has a Play Length greater than 1 or 2... as it stands this is a strong and tension-developing piece of writing which draws the reader in but there are a few points which I am a little puzzled over:
1) Why is the reader's character approaching the boat? Was it explained and I missed it?
2) Why does the reader's perspective transfer suddenly from first person to third? In a prose story where you can leave a space to explain this shift it's easier to follow but in this story it appears suddenly unexpected.
3) This story is in what we might call an enclosed-universe, the main character/reader, experiences everything aboard this vessel and nothing outside that but I would question whether in reality we would not just stop and think "woah, this is a dodgy ship, perhaps I'd better call the coastguard". It is a good idea to create immersive worlds but I'd suggest addressing and then destroying our chances of communicating with the outside world (no phone/GPS signal, tides sweep our own vessel away etc).
Altogether I enjoyed this terrifically though, the story-telling is taught, interesting and reveals itself slowly, if in unusual ways. Definitely a good read :)
on 7/14/2015 12:09:20 PM with a score of 0
Took for a while to get started, but it did get a bit interesting towards the end. Really, I didn't see that my choices had much impact on the story - other than hiding in the right room, or picking up the knife. It didn't even feel like the boat was deserted in the first place. I thought I'd just snuck onto some random boat (why are you there in the first place? who are you?) and woken some guy up. It wasn't until you started mentioning dead bodies that it felt a bit like horror.
Oh, and those 10+ single-link pages at the end dragged it down too. It did have a plot, though. In the end it just felt like I was running around a boat.
on 9/19/2017 4:53:19 AM with a score of 0
The rating would've been considably higher if, toward the end, the different perspectives weren't so convoluted. Great story! Keep trying! :)
on 12/20/2016 11:25:10 PM with a score of 0
Wow, this was quite the interesting read. I don't think I was expecting that ending in all honesty.
on 9/10/2016 1:43:08 PM with a score of 0
Interesting story. Exploration was good. The constant switch between "He", and "I", and "You" are kind of confusing.
on 8/6/2015 5:02:15 PM with a score of 0
Enjoyed it. Cute story.
on 7/15/2015 9:37:48 PM with a score of 0
Wow. Fantastic job for a first story. And, I know you said it was more of a story, but next time add more choices and make them affect you more, more detailed and engaging. Otherwise, you did a pretty good job. Keep on writing your stories :3
on 7/14/2015 3:07:57 PM with a score of 0
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