Player Comments on ...In Love And War

Thank you for your effort. I will try to not be rude in this short critique. The story was a bit entertaining, but not in the typical way.

Tyson comes across as a child who doesn't understand boundaries. I understand he is the love interest, but remember, he is my fiance's brother, too. Tyson clearly lacks respect for me and his brother because even after 5 years of me being with his brother, he still kisses me against my wishes and tries to get me to "love" him, and he still has his head in an event that happened 5 years ago. I tried to suspend my disbelief as far as I could, ignoring the characters' history and just looking at things in the present. Well, the lead-up to him asking if I loved him was not romantic. Our dynamic was referred to as mother and baby and then the way he would talk to me seemed kinda childish.

If the goal was to make Tyson a creep and immature, you succeeded. I did have some laughs, and I would read more of your work.

If you want Tyson to be more desirable, then I would suggest giving him more desirable traits. By default, most people will stay loyal and not wanna cheat on their fiance. The description did not say I would be playing the role of a cheating fiance, so when I went into this story, I kept to my default of being a faithful partner. Maybe have a beginning chapter showing that the relationship with the fiance is strained or that Isaac has some bad character flaw that would make people consider leaving him. But because of the war, you can't talk about your relationship yet. Then when you have to take care of Tyson, have Tyson be your shoulder to cry on (as an option). He can comfort you and be there for you. Have Tyson provide what Isaac failed to provide. He can be funny, affectionate, charming. Anything. Don't have Tyson bring up the event that happened 5 years ago. At least not how it turned up in my playthrough (we went for a walk and he took me there.) Maybe have me keep a memento from that day or maybe he tells me something on that day and I bring it up. Show that my character hasn't moved on from that day instead of Tyson. Tyson holding onto love for a woman he rescued 5 years ago, knowing I was in a relationship, is creepy and immature. Even if I'm the love of his life, he should still have respect, so I would be able to see him as a romantic partner.

Since I'm taking care of him, maybe give me the option to make him his favorite food (something he told me about 5 years ago) or something else. If I make his favorite food, he sees I still care about him. Give my character options to show that Tyson still holds a special place in my heart. That way when kissing starts happening, it's established that my character might already want it.

I hope I wasn't mean with my feedback. This can be a very good story with some slight edits. And I genuinely did have a few laughs while playing, so I did have some fun, which I think the point of these stories is to have fun.

I don't really have much to say about this one besides it gives me a lot of 'Little Women' vibes with more romance and less coming of age/finding oneself. Unfortunately, the romance wasn't much and it was hard for me to keep engaged.

Here's what I noticed that didn't quite work for me: Way more tell and not enough show, the first choice didn't matter much because Tyson kissed you either way, we're just kinda dropped into this love affair, needed more character development, more sensory details would've helped some, and the ending was probably meant to be climactic but really fell flat. Let's break all that down some. What I meant by more tell/not show is that this entire story is essentially just info dumps and dialogue. Don't just say Tyson has a messed up hand, describe that hand when he's at the house in bed for example. Also, I don't mind the first choice not altering the story much but when the allure of the choice is to have Tyson kiss you or not, you shouldn't have had him kiss the main character no matter what you picked. Essentially its okay if some choices lead to the same page, but make sure they at least differ in flavor. Illusion of choice is important too! This is coupled with the fact that we're dropped into this story without any time to get attached to these characters. Starting immediately can be done well, but in this sort of story I think a slow burn approach is much more preferable in order to get the proper emotional attachment to the characters- which is needed to enjoy a romance story such as this. Tyson or Isaac, it really wouldn't make a difference but do remember I can only speak for my own view of this story. The ending is definitely supposed to be this huge, climactic encounter between our character and Tyson but it really kind of boils down to a man being unrightfully pushy to someone whose shown him loads of leeway and politeness. This really falls flat for me, even though I know that a lot of love stories can come off very.. rapey? Maybe if this story had loads more character development this wouldn't be the case but frankly we don't spend enough time getting to know them for that to be the case. It's just obsession on Tyson's side by the end and that's not particularly attractive. Yet, the most important thing that I can criticize is the lack of sensory details. There is a sentence or two peppered throughout the story but for the most part it is very bland. Describe the environments! How did that beach smell while the storm was brewing? What did the bed sheets feel like after waking up from the dream of Isaac? Those small additions would make everything exponentially more clear and easy to visualize.

Now, I did enjoy the story. As mentioned above, it reminded me of a classic story that actually is one of my favorites from school. This is a very strong premise and one that is almost timeless given how war is a constant. That means you can absolutely reach people going through similar situations! When writing, reaching an audience is absolutely the main goal and this has that potential. I think with some polishing this story could be really good and something I'd recommend. Until then, though, this needs some work and if you ever see this, please update this! I, at least, would give it another read.

The premise and even the outline of the story was good, but I found the execution lacking. I've been wanting to read a romance storygame that was more plot heavy and was less about one person's great love for another. I would have been interested in a proper love triangle. I felt as if the development of the woman's relationship with the brothers was not nearly developed enough to make a definitive choice. If the end choice was also meant to be a difficult decision, the story did not build up to that well. If not, than I think Tyson's courtship could have been more likeable, instead of pushy. Not having a clear idea of Issac's character did not help, either. In order for this story to work, there needed to be that emotional weight, which I could not get.

That being said, while I was not fond of the execution, the overall story was solid, made good use of conflict, and the setup was perfect and logical. The series of events that happen are reasonable and make sense. I could believe any of these scenarios could happen. While I do have some personal issues with how light of a read this was, everything you wrote was important. There wasn't anything superfluous. This story was by no means a bad one, but I wouldn't say it was one of the greats, either.

it was good but short, I'ma replay it lol I wasn't expecting to die

Nice but could really need IMPROVEMENT

Amazing!!

I´ve played through all different endings, they´re all good stories in their own way. But they lack depht and lenght, the story is over before you really began. Would have loved to read more of it.

Good, and the ending with you staying with Tyson is good, showing that he holds no resentment and stays true to his promises.

Good book, wish there were more options. I like to 100% customize my story.

i have tried every ending and i like the one with tyson the best

It was sweet and cute and i loved it

The younger brother is an a$$ really. He waited until his older brother was gone to try stealing his girl. The opinions were literally to either betray your boyfriend/fiance or be a good loyal girlfriend/fiance. Stupid younger brother. He should have moved on and tried to find love elsewhere a long time ago.

the fact that they named the kid isaac...

i was rolling on the floor

This is the absolute worst game I have ever played. I think a 9 year old created this game since it's so bad. I can't believe I played this game. This is a horrible and boring game. WORST FREAKING GAME EVER.

it ok

This games good but a bit sad on either endings for Issac and Tyson

i loved it, read 2 endings and they were both satisfying in a way. thank you

I went the not cheating path, the whole thing is just one man feeling sorry for himself that you don't want to cheat on his brother.

I'm so confused. I just went the non-cheating path I think? I had no idea what happened in the end. I need to mull this over with some coffee or something. I can't even rate it yet.

fuck u i hoep u die

not into love games sister forced me it was terrible

This story was a lot better than the other one because it was a little bit more grown up? I liked how it was long and the problem is a lot more realistic which makes it more interesting. I wouldn't say I loved the characters because the main character ( the girl ) is pretty easy to play with and I didn't like Tyson at all because he thinks he's all that and he brings himself down so that she can pity him and feel bad which is let's be honest a trashy behavior. I'm also glad that Isaac came back in the end because if he didn't then I would've rejected Tyson for nothing and no one wants to end up alone. Overall it was pretty good it's definitely a story I would read.

The story was way better then the one with the sister. I liked the way the vibe goes, and the choices are interesting and funny.

its difficult to anderstand

Better then the one before, good pacing

it was nice

i dont like the story

Needs more jucicy sex scenes

This story isn't bad, it had me intrigued but sadly I couldn't fully immerse myself into the story, probably because I'm used to more descriptive stories but I really did enjoy it. It felt a little short but then again I only played through one of the two endings.

I didn't really enjoy this. The description was good, and the plot was good, but I didn't think the characters were fleshed out enough for me to be able to make more educated decisions. Tyson was pushy and unlikeable, so it all felt a bit pointless. Still, lots of potential here.

This was well written. I just wish there had been an outcome that wouldn't have meant cheating on Isaac...Like when I said "I do love you" I thought I could still be like "but we can't do this until we talk to your brother" but obviously things moved rather quickly XD Nice work, author!

omg om go ogmo omgo gm gom gomg i loved this with a passion please marry me omg tyson is my bae i even drew him and im going to post it on insta omg i loved this too much for my heart to handle like have my babies pleaseee!!! insta- 0k_rxs you'll be able to see my drawing there soon :)

loved this story it made me fall in love with tyson ....

Wow! After serving my time as the United States Secretary of Defense, it's great to see a realistic depiction of love and war, pun intended! ;) I've let my good friends Joe and Kamala in on this wonderful project of yours! It was so nice to be able to self-insert as Tyson, and I'm sure they will also agree (Kamala especially).

God bless America, in liberty and justice for all.

Welp I´m dead lol. I enjoyed it!

Dude's desperate... I recommend some cheesecake!

This was a beautiful game! The details were so clearly explained and the endings were powerful! I loved this game so much!

i loved it it was so cute and ahh~ it matchs it name so much i love it love it i love it can you make more games like this one please

it was amazing tyson has officially stole my heart

Beautiful.

Oh my....That was...something.

This wasn't the best, but certainly not the worst. Sure, it did have some moments where it didn't make sense or was a little too passionate and violent, but in the end, it was heartwarming, a mixture of good and evil, and overall a great first storygame!

AMAZING story but it definitely still has room for improvement. Loved the love triangle based story but it was more of a straight line to Tyson....rather than a triangle. As much as I seriously enjoyed this book and lemme tell you.. I reallyyyy enjoyed it (please tell me you'll write an actual book)... but if you're going to write a piece with a love triangle there's got to be tension building up and making the decision between the two hard. A book where the reader decides in a good book but a book where the reader gets to think...HAS to think about their decision before they make it now that, my friend, is a great book. so basically I just wish Isaac had a bigger role rather than the only reason a reader might choose him is because of maybe obligation because they supposedly loved him before he left.. or just because they're betrothed... or because they don't want Isaac to injure himself, or they simply don't want to be a cheater. I felt no emotional tear when there was a decision. Tyson was always the one that appealed to me and probably to most readers. there was no emotional attachment to Isaac because we didn't really get to know him. besides this it was a great book and you are a SERIOUSLY talented author. keep up the good work and hopefully you'll see this even though it's now 2020...

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! It was so sad but so happy I made so many bad things happen

This was an amazing game!

um you where a little umm savage and you now why

Nice

it was a good story

OMG THAT WAS SO GOOD IT WAS HARD TO PICK ISAAC OR TYSON

Shorter than what I would normally have wanted in a love story, but, surprisingly, it gets the message across.

Very simple too, yet it quite effectively captures the setting of a lonely woman. I appreciate how it all seems to be very realistic; trying to resist temptation in a world where you're not even sure if and when it's all going to end.

Love stories aren't my forte, but it's pretty clear: this is a good work, no more, no less. You look like you'd have a good future here if you keep it up. Here's my token 6/8 to contribute. Cheers!

this story is the same thing that happend to my ex

It was a great story...I should tell.First is I'm a loyal person when she say that she'll wait for him..I know that at the end I must be with Issac so I deny all option with Tyson but not all...I'm still concerned about Tyson health but not his feeling...he still need to think what better..Seeing your love one live happily is what you do when you love someone and can't have them....Ohh Tyson.

Hey, it was pretty good! I love these types of romance stories, the forbidden love kind. Great work!

This is the story I have been waiting for for a long time!

so romantic

So romantic

OML end is so stinking sad
Cries. I got the one where she dies
Sobs

it was ok but there could be more options

It was really good!

AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should have explained the characters more. It felt really wrong to choose between them when I didn't know anything about their personality. And I didn't know why I loved Isaac.

Great Story!

Its rather complicated

Better written than most stories on this site. None of the endings were truly happy, per se, but that's life.
Good job, especially if this is your first storygame.

This game is OK but if you stay you die and if you run Issac kills himself this is just... boring.

It is short and sweet but totally worth it. I actually don't regret leaving Isaac even if *SPOILER ALERT* he kills himself. :(

It really tugged att my heart strings

That was great, loved every ending and the hard choices along the way.Keep up the great work!

THIS DUDE IS CREEPY!! I mean! I don't want to cheat on my husband for you bro!

Tradgity

It's so sad...

THIS WAS FUCKING SAD BUT AMAZING

its so sad

I loved it. I was feeling lonely and now i'm happier.

*snif* Truly heart wrending. I wanna cry now. So sweet...

Ohhhh... Aww... It was so heart warming and wrenching at the same time. A good read.

Awwwe, so sweet. I approve.

Wow. That was beautiful. Rarely ever do stories like these manage to captivate emotions like this does. I think it's my... fourth? favorite love & dating game.

It's no This Fate, but damn... the ending where you go for Isaac and Tyson appears to comfort you... that sparked some emotions.

Omg I loved the story

Adorbes. :')

Forced story line almost always with brother kissing yOu

Very fun, but you do have to redo the story(or story options) to get more fun

Oh my god dont piss of iisac hes a total d-bag P.S. i loved it

A very well written story, I found it interesting and very romantic.

Beautiful!

It is super good but sad at the same time

It was kinda short but overall pretty good

GOD DAMMIT! I WAS GONNA MAKE A STORY WITH THIS TITLE!!!

Well, it's good. I'm just kinda pissed I have to come up with another name for MINE.

I loved this so much. <3 I can't understand why it isn't higher rated! I mean I suppose it was a bit short, but it was nice and got to the point. Please write more like this!

BEAUTIFUL! I almost cried when she died :c but I did run first, then stay... It's a excellent story, so wish there was a part two..

A good well written story. Multiple choices and endings. Exactly what a story game should be.

That was so beautiful...I played it again and again to get all the endings. This is without a doubt the best storygame I've played yet.

Not usually into romancey novel type stories, but I'm unmanly enough to admit... I loved it!*winky face*

Sweet. Love it.

BEAUTIFUL! PUBLISH THIS!!!!! Made me cry. Best book i have EVER seen

I've been looking for any romance story to make me feel what romance stories made me felt before. THIS IS THE STORY I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR! Please write more :)

I LOVED THIS!

Better than everything created and not created and that will never createdddddddd!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Better than everything created and not created and that will never createdddddddd!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly I loved this

Good game.

Good writing and an interesting story told well.

Very good.

Easy

Speechless.

Oh my god.. I did not expect the feels at the tyson ending! 5/10

Great story

It was pretty good. You really should have done more descriptive sex though.

This Is Great But sorta sad in the end

ok

Way too short, and a little cliche. But still good.

Beautiful, simply beautiful.

I love this CYOA. I found myself freaking out (in excitement, and in angst) around every corner. Each ending surprised me a bit. The bad ending was so incredibly bitter sweet I found myself enjoying even it. Great job. I don't remember finding any spelling or grammatical errors either, but I was so into the story that I was speed reading so I'm not really sure xD GREAT story!

Nice the depth of this story is unusually good

7/8

That... was a beautifyl tale of love and war. But as I'm sure you've heard, I with there were an ending where someone doesn't die or develop EXTREME issues. You know, thte kind of ending you expect. You choose Tyson(that sweet creep), Issac finds out, the boy fight, but he gets over you and marries Annemarie the miller's daughter and dies old. Something like that. That's just me...

P.S. The recurring, "Stupid girl", thing, was beyond wonderful.

P.P.S. There should also be an option where the gun missfires and you sock Issac in the stomach. ;)

That game was so romantic!

OMG i love it!!!! Made me feel sad.

That was really good

First off- it was decently written, there was definite effort put into this story. I would certainly read more from this author. That said. . .
I didn't really like the protagonist, she was whiny and passive. Honestly, my biggest problem was that Tyson was creepy. I kept telling him no, and the story kept insisting that he loved me. I could get if the author was going for "the pressure of trying to stay faithful to your true love despite unwanted advances," but it felt like it wasn't just Tyson demanding my affection, but that the story/the author were also trying to insist that the "right" choice was to give in.

The writing style is great, but I felt like the story was a bit forced and I didn't agree with all of the choices.

there was a good basis for a story, but not much else. It ended abruptly, and too soon, really.

The writing sounded slightly off to me. Tyson would say things like, "Oh, my love, how I have always loved you" and things like that. The writing was awkward to me, and the endings were weird. I felt bad for Tyson all the way up until the ending. I stayed with Isaac, and Tyson does NOT take rejection well at all. It wasn't the greatest, but not the worst, either.

Very cute story - well thought through concept x

Very well written. The suspense was amazing!

Oh, my gosh. I'm not one for all the love, but this is amazing. The flow of words and the way the characters speak; I am truly impressed. I don't know if the other endings were happy or sad. Mine was a sad one, and I loved the twist. It's beautiful, really. Good job!

Loved every bit :D Keep up the good work!

The only thing I regret is that there is no option "Slap Tyson across the face!!!"
That brat was to damned sure of himself! I would stay with him anyway, but it would be good just to show him!

It was an alright short story, it felt a little force though, kind of point blank in the choices, either you go with option A, or you go with option B. A gives you ending A, B gives you ending B. I tried to implement my personality into the story, or at least a solid character, but I felt there wasn't much room involved on the whole wait for your betroth. The writing wasn't bad, but I feel the options and scenarios needed a bit more freedom and personality.

Absolutely amazing. This is the first good one i've ever played. I was in tears by the end. So well writen and just amazing.

nice nyan~

Nearly brought me to tears, some of the endings...

Devastating and beautiful. Loved it! I'll probably play till I run out of results.

Ha! I found all three outcomes. Though it's sad how someone always get hurt. Mentaly or physicly.

I loved this storygame! It was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for, and it turns out this was the first one I've played. Great job!

Love it. The story feels like a movie.

Awesome

not bad, but oh look the author has left the site yet another :\

Good Catch-22 situation, definitely something different.

omg this is so amazingg <3, i've read all 3 endings and they were simply wonderfully written. It's reall heart wrenching :")i felt for all the characters though .x:")

Excellent, have read all three endings, absolutley lovely, brought a tear to my eye!

SPOILER


Third attempt, why does Issac have to die if I marry Tyson? :(
Great story, write some more!

#2nd attempt. So sad. I wish I wasn't engaged to Issac at the beginning. :(

Aww why do I have to be killed? *Play Again*

Great game!

All my feels just exploded. All three endings are traumatic and make me feel raw. :c

SO HEATWARMINGLY TEARJERKINGLY SADLY HAPPY!


Nuff said!

Touching.

This game was amazing, great use of grammar and great storyline. I would have loved it if it were longer, and had more options. You should make a second one.

I ended up dieing #1

This was an incedibly well written story and i only wish it would be longer

I don't like how Tyson was made out to be the good guy.

i wish it wouldve been longer

it was utterly amazing! great job!

Really liked this a lot! It was like a nice war love story with a very happy ending-or i at least got a very happy ending. Feels like something from your real life. Keep up the good work!

Not bad writing, but could use more variety of choices. It's actually only the final few decisions that affect the ending though, so could use more branching. Not too bad a story

oh it was beautiful and a little sad

Continued from previous comment-

the excuse to do something like that.

Don't be mistaken though: It wasn't a bad game, especially for your first try.

Keep trying.

5/8

It wasn't that bad. It's nice to see some plot and a little bit of character development. Also, I haven't read a story on this site about romance that wasn't in a high school or college setting. But there were some problems.

"gently stroke". You like to use that description a lot so I would suggest cutting back on that.

Also, the choices that I had were mostly if I wanted to kiss somebody or do something romantic. Now I know this is a romance story but I think it needs to be a little more well rounded. So a little more options to do things other than romance would be good.

Finally, I don't really like Tyson all that much and I get the feeling you wanted me to end up with him. The guy is moving in on his brother's girlfriend while he is away. Quite honestly, that's low and dirty and I don't really like him as a love interest or character and just because he's injured doesn't give him t