Commended by TharaApples on 3/25/2021 11:21:28 PM
, #16 for
Played 1,479 times (finished 109)
"No possible way to lose"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"Need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.
You harvest in the Arena. Every machine needs a function, and that is yours. Written for the
Tiny 'Topia challenge
It was difficult to decide how to rate this, I decided to take into account the rules of the contest for which it was written. One must read through every page to get a handle on the setting. Fortunately, doing so is a pleasure, takes very little time, and is worth the effort. First, the editing is impeccable, and secondly, the writing is free of overly familiar phrases. The style is practiced and creative. The passage demonstrates admirable description within ultra concise passages.
One of the consequences of scavenging for every word is a somewhat unnatural sentence structure and occasionally choppy flow. The author partially conceals this by matching the writing tone to the setting. I doubt if there is really enough content here to satisfy the gawking rabble, but the morsels harvestable from this regrettably short glance into a dystopian colony are intriguing. The clever culture notes and a fragmented history elevate this tiny tale into something slightly larger than its humble packaging might otherwise suggest.
on 3/25/2021 2:22:58 AM with a score of 0
When it comes to mizal's writing, I'm always surprised by how many different genres she has a grasp on. This one in particular is no different, I would say. The quality that
s present in this story, remains consistent all throughout every page that is present in this story-game.
I feel as through the use of a different sort of font, than what some would consider the standard, and the tone and dialogue choices, certainly makes one feel as if they're a machine. Such a thing gives this story a bit of a unique flair and feel to quite a fair amount of stories that are on this site.
Although this is a short, it also done well. A story-game being done well is something that I personally feel to be of the up most importance when all is said and done.
it does just that.
on 2/8/2021 6:16:31 PM with a score of 0
This.... was..... let's just say, you should treat it like acid.... the kind of acid that burns your skin off.
— Anonymous on 8/21/2022 10:10:09 AM with a score of 0
Just a little too short
— Parker Kraychy on 9/2/2021 11:03:39 AM with a score of 0
All in all >DEVOTION is a wonderful snack that fills you up like a five course meal!
Every little choice plays such a big impact that takes the story on wildly different adventures with each play through feeling almost independent from each and getting through all of the choices you see a major story outlining the mechanical world outside of the Arena... I also love the font it so fitting to the story.
on 5/23/2021 4:58:03 AM with a score of 0
The typesetting itself shapes the game entirely different from how I'd normally read a storygame on here, so props for the adherence to that Sci-Fi atmosphere. The writing here is dense and digestible, but the vocabulary isn't too obtuse to understand. I'd have formatted the combat and descriptive scenes to have more spaces for even easier readability, but readers who are more used to larger blocks of paragraph writing should have little trouble with it.
As echoed by other sentiments, the writing and premise here is good enough to warrant a more flesh-out iteration. Good work.
on 5/12/2021 8:54:28 PM with a score of 0
it was good
on 5/3/2021 1:56:40 PM with a score of 0
The action pacing was a bit jittery. It's difficult to get an appropriate sense of time in writing fast-paced action. The key is a careful balance of detail to match the slow down.
on 2/26/2021 8:28:37 PM with a score of 0
Wow! I love this game! So epic although I wish it was a bajillion pages longer, I just love Mizal's stories so much!!!
on 1/13/2021 6:15:15 PM with a score of 0
on 1/6/2021 4:42:51 PM with a score of 0
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