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Okay, so here we go again with me not understanding the basics of human interaction despite it seemingly being simple for every other human I encounter. These are the social norms/rules of etiquette that never made any sense to me:

1. Saying "bless you" after someone sneezes.
2. Saying "thank you" after someone says "bless you".
3. Saying "goodbye" when leaving, despite knowing that you will see them again soon.
4. Shaking hands (this one really bothers me)
5. Keeping elbows off the table.
6. Opening the car door for your date.
7. Pulling the chair for your date.
8. Maintaining eye contact without being creepy.
9. Smiling (I don't need to smile to be happy)

Then of course, besides basic interaction, there are things about people that always seem to puzzle me.

1. Showing empathy
2. Why people are so easily offended.
3. Why people get upset when you don't respond to a meaningless text.
4. Why people seem to be increasingly disorganized.
5. Why people seem to actively praise stupidity.
6. Why people get upset when I don't want to shake their hand.
7. Why people get offended when I don't feel like talking.

I'm just going to assume that some of you have better people skills than I do. It just seems that I am unable to have a conversation without either offending someone, or getting into a theoretical/philosophical discussion/debate.

I read number 7 as "pulling the chair from underneath your date."

Anyway, you got me, I never understood most of those either and I'm not even an aspie.

1. In Spanish speaking countries, they say "salud", meaning "health". At one time, it was believed that when someone sneezed they were expelling harmful demons from their body. These demons were thought to cause disease. This is also why people say "bless you".

2. It shows acknowledgment of another person caring for you. It is considered polite to show such acknowledgment.

6 and 7. I do, just to show them that I care. I don't know where it started, though.

My mom always told me people say bless you because your heart stops beating for half a second when you sneeze, or at least that's what people believed.

You can survive your heart stopping for half a second pretty easily man. It happens to people with heart arrhythmias all the time.

You can restart your own heart by coughing.  I just learned this a day or two ago.

To be nice?  In case they meet their maker before you do, they can put in a good word.

For number five, maybe he means people praise stupid meaningless shit in general, like caring about what reality "stars" are doing or enjoying stupid movies and books like Twilight and 50 Shades of Gray.

The handshake thing is a holdover from Ancient Rome, where they used to shake to make sure neither had a knife up their sleeve. I think. 

That reminds me of a joke! I went to the zoo the other day, but they only had one dog... ... ... It was a shih tzu ^_^

Briar, I think you just inspired suicidal depression in thousands of CYS nerds. 

YEY! ^_^

... Only if it's a shit zoo

1. I don't think I've ever done that.  I usually have to politely remind them to turn their head when they sneeze, or else!
2. Yeah, right...
3. I've said "Goodbye" to someone when I first answered the door.
4. I use it as a show of domination.  I don't try to break bones, but I let the receiver know that they can only get loose if I allow it.
5. It's like the boarding house reach, you are less likely to knock things around and make a mess if you just don't do it.
6. It really depends on your expections from said date.
7. Refer to answer #6.
8. Another show of dominance, veterinarians do this with animals.  The one to break eye contact first shows submission.  I actually do and like to do this one.
9. Smiling is a threat, and is a nonverbal demonstration of superiority.

Here we go again.

1. Demonstrating empathy a great way to illicit emotional bonds from people that might be in a position to help you at a later date.
2. They feel inferior and don't like it when someone else might suspect their fear.
3. Refer to #2.
4. It's due to the lack of structure and discipline in society.
5. If you mean in children, it's to give them the self-confidence to achieve their own goals.  Otherwise, you'll have to be more specific.
6. I can avert this because I work in a shop and usually have greasy hands.  If they are insistent, I'll try for as much transfer as possible.
7. This can be a very complicated issue due to extenuating circumstances.  Generally, people are social animals and feel lonely if they aren't in a constant state of sharing.  Alternatively, it could be that they just want to impart on you the ability of successful social interaction (which by the nature of all of these questions, seems like the general theme).

1. It's just an old tradition that has turned into a daily part of life. I doubt anybody really gets it, it's just polite.

2. Somebody took the time to say bless you, so it's polite to take the time to thank them for it.

3. It's something you say on the off chance something happens to them before you see them next.

4. Physical contact.

5. Beats me. Some people just consider it polite, I guess.

6. "A lady should never have to lift a finger."

7. Refer to above.

8. Usually you make eye contact when you're trying to say something with emphasis, or get a point across.

9. It's easier to trust a smiling face than it is a frowning one.

Awhh, this looks fun! I wanna play!

1. In 590 AD, there was an outbreak of plague reaching Rome. The Pope ordered unending prayer to try and stop the disease from spreading, and since sneezing was an early symptom of the plague, everybody had to say "Bless you" when someone sneezed, and that was supposed to banish the disease before it got worse... So yeah, if one of your friends dies of plague, it's your own fault.

2. They just saved you from the plague, show some gratitude.

3. The word "goodbye" actually originates from the phrase "God b'w'y" which is short for "God be with you" ... I'd say it's a good idea to say it to your friends and family when you leave them for short periods of time... Just to make sure they don't catch the plague while you're away and there's nobody around to bless them if they sneeze.

4. Like Ford said, the Romans and Greeks did it as a sign of peace to prove they weren't holding any weapons. If you don't want to shake people's hands it's up to you, but if you get stabbed it's your own fault.

5. In the 17th and 18th century, British sailors were conscripting people to serve on their ships, and they would go into taverns and look specifically for people with their elbows on the table. Basically, if a man had their elbows on the table, it was a sign they they had experience working on a ship, 'cos people working on ships would put their elbows on the table to stop their food and drink from spilling or falling off the table if the boat was rocking... Do you want to get conscripted into the British navy Dan? Do you?

6. ... Well, what if the child lock's on?

7. Us women are weak and feeble creatures and we just can't pick up the heavy chairs all by ourselves.

8. I'll give you that one. It's much more fun to maintain eye contact while being creepy. ^_^

9. Try being a girl. You get random men you've never seen before walk up to you in the streets and say "Give us a smile love, it's not the end of the world." ... Next time somebody does that I'm going to tell them my Mum died of cancer and see if it shuts them up. ^_^

And the next batch...

1. I find empathy usually involves people going, "Awh, I know just how you feel!" And then telling a story about something that happened to them that's similar to what happened to you, only worse... That way they get act like they're trying to make you feel better, when really they're just hijacking the conversation to make it all about them.

2. We are NOT easily offended! How dare you suggest that!

3. Perhaps they think a response will give the text some meaning?

4. Uhh... Are we?

5. That's a really stupid thing to say... Well done! ^_^

6. They probably think you've got a weapon.

7. I actually know exactly why people feel that way and how you can stop them from getting upset... I'd tell you, but I don't feel like talking right now.

Because I'm British 

The British, the British, the British are Best

So Up with the British and Down with the Rest

The British, the British, the British are Pests

So Down with the British and fuck with the Rest

Personally I'd prefer a British chef... We don't eat frogs or snails ^_^

Haggis tastes like shit, yes, but that's a Scottish thing, and Scotland, culinary-wise, is like the Texas State Fair of England, so I wouldn't judge Britain on Haggis. Stargazey pie is actually kinda nice, compared to most egg-filled breakfasts I've had, and if you can get past the heads/they remove them afterward it's really not that horrible. England isn't a bad place to eat,(Based on the 3-4 British dishes that I actually know of.) there are worse places, just not whole countries. I still think the stereotype is a little undeserved.

Hell is where everything is Indian dessert food.

It's just that bad, but without brains and eyeballs. I mean, it's understandable in their culture, given that their food is incredibly spicy, but on it's own it's practically raw sugar. Unless you're using it to douse a flaming mouth, it's basically a low-power emetic.

Like SenPen said, haggis is Scottish... And actually tastes quite nice.

Down here we eat nice, greasy fish and chips. Also we invented the Yorkshire pudding... The best food of all time! ^_^

I'm sorry, but you Brits can never have the honor of having the best food. Why?

Becuase you came up with "spotted dick".

I haven't read most of the other replies but I'll give thesea good go with my limited knowledge

1. An old tradition stemming from Religious belief/Plague fears as many have said before. Over the years it simply became a custom and is seen as the polite thing to do, although is appears to be slowly dying out in many places

2. Same as above. Just with the added context of Western culture often being trained to say thankyou for everything nice anyone does for you. This is in stark contrast to Russia (From my understanding) Where saying thankyou is actually reserved for greater acts and they do not understand why Westeners say it for everything that happens ever.

3.There are many terms that could be used instead like "See you later" "Until next time" or even "L4terz!". I would surmise that goodbye simply became the most popular form and has thus adapted it's original meaning and intent into something less final. Nowadays it seems to be a catchall term for leaving anyones presence for any length of time, however long or small. Also acting as a way of officially 'ending' an interaction, this prevents awkward pauses where people are not sure if they should leave or stay or keep talking...

4. Shaking hands I believe descended from a sign of trust and proof that one was not carrying a weapon. It also incorporated the willingness to have physical contact to show you were not afraid of catching disease from them and many other believes from a very long time ago. going a great many centuries back variations of it can be found like arm clasping, clasping arms and kissing on the cheeks etc. I believe over the centuries it became a formal sign of recognition and so became the only 'polite greeting'. Not doing it was then taken as a sign of direct mistrust or insult.

5. No idea. this one seems localized as in many places it is not rude at all. Also elbows on the table helps with eating certain foods.

6. Another descendant of the age of chivalry where men of higher class an morals took on codes of honor to always aid and 'respect' the 'more fragile' feminine gender. It obviously just descended as the Respectful thing to do, although do it for some girls and they will think it is sweet and lovely, do it for others and you'll have to put up with a 20 minute rant about sexism.

7. Pull it out too far and it will be very funny. As for the serious answer see point 6

8. Again see the thing about handshaking. It was a trust thing, but is also HIGHLY cultural. different levels of eye contact is expected in different cultures. what you then do with your eyes can also be a compliment or insult. In some cultures, constant eye contact is taken to mean a direct challenge to the others authority. In others it is simply polite. In others still constant eye contact is a sign of disrespect and arrogance. This is partly why a lot of cultures hate Americans, many other reasons of course but this is often cited as a factor when talking about American rudeness abroad.

9. This seems to me to be more about people not wanting to actually know what is really happening in your life, otherwise they would feel obliged to actually care and do something about it. People want you to smile so they can be selfish and ignore the reality of your feelings.

.................................................

1. People just feel it, I could try and explain this to you but explaining empathy to those who cannot understand it is a truly difficult topic and I believe beyond me when I am this tired. a super basic simplifications is that is is an innate urge to feel emotion for the person and their situation, probably activated by mirror neurones triggered by the knowledge or presumption of their emotional or physical state.

2. Many people are arrogant and take things that should not be taken as so, as insults. Others are very insecure so take constructive feedback/criticism as personal attacks. I know when I am tired I am more easily offended but when I am not tired I am actually very hard to offend. Mainly I think it stems from how people view themselves and their self-image. People innately care about this self-image and how they believe themselves to be, so when something challenges that, they lash out rather than having to rethink that self-image. Finally some people are just super touchy for whatever reason and see the world as out to get them so they will be offended by just about anything- for example they would read this and despite it being a general discussion, they would assume that it was actually secretly directed at them and would then rant about it, ignore these people, they simply are not worth anyones time.

4. Almost everything can affect this, I recently became A LOT more organized than I used to be, but I also know that emotional state, amount of sleep, time of year and levels or sunlight can affect this on me. If you are commenting on a long term general trend in a specific populous.... maybe due to people relying more and more on electronic devices to do their thinking and remembering for them to the point where they train their own brains less and so are actually worse at it?

5. Look up the Darwin awards, this is my fav way of praising stupidity, praise those who removed themselves from the gene-pool.

6. Sadly as I spoke about above. It is actually seem as a direct insult now. Not shaking a hand is seen to be you saying they are not worthy of you touching them or you believe them to be dirty and below you. It's cultural, just tell them you have a very bad and possibly infectious skin condition and they wont want to shake yours.

7. They build their own self worth around others attention and you not giving to them harms that. Or they thought they went out of their way to be polite but see you not responding as throwing that back at them. There can be a number of reasons.

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!"

Well then, I fart in your general direction!

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper!

Now go away or I will taunt you a second time!

1. Saying "bless you" after someone sneezes.

I was told that it started when people believe you could lose part of yourself when sneezing, so they blessed you after you sneezed so that you wouldn't lose anything. I guess the tradition hung on.

1. Saying "thank you" after someone says "bless you".

Connected to the above; you thank someone for helping you not lose anything.

1. Saying "goodbye" when leaving, despite knowing that you will see them again soon.

I don't always say goodbye. Don't know the reasoning behind this one.

1. Shaking hands (this one really bothers me)

I never shake hands, nor have I seen anyone at me school do that. Only time I've seen that is old people meeting for the first time.

1. Keeping elbows off the table.

My mom said to keep me from looking like a barbarian.

1. Opening the car door for your date.

It's the little things that count. Making the first move and opening the door saves your partner a tiny bit of work and adding a tiny bit to your own and is generally conceived of being polite.

1. Pulling the chair for your date.

Same as above.

1. Maintaining eye contact without being creepy.

It's supposed to add emphasis to whatever you're saying.

1. Smiling (I don't need to smile to be happy)

Other people can't tell if you're happy or not. 

1. Why people get offended when I don't feel like talking.

People take it as ignoring them, which many take as rude.

(The numbers got messed up.)

Most of these started as a way to prove that you are of a higher class than others.

Fucking capitalists.

How?

Actually what's interesting is that, when I first came to America, I never got these either. Especially the elbow at the dinner table one. The first time I even heard of that was in an American movie where the parent scolded the kid for having their elbows on the table, and I remember wondering the rest of the day whether or not I saw that one scene right.

I'm not going to answer these because everyone else already has, but most of these seem like your personal quirks - like people getting upset you don't want to shake hands, smile, speak, act chivalrous to a lady, how you view society as praising stupidity/being disorganized, etc. 

Aww fuck. I just learned I'm socially inept XD fucking figures. 

Most of them are habits that were passed down.

And for the last one, people don't like it when you ignore them lol.

You certainly asked the right forum for this one, Danaos! Here, let me explain the very romantic and important traditions behind these rules of ettiquette:

1. In ancient times, a sneeze was considered a spasm of Demonic Possession, and alone would be grounds enough to call the nearest priest in order to beat you with a cross and scream at Satan until he pulls his cock out of your frontal lobe and goes back to Hell. These days, now that we know it's mostly bullshit, people with Christian backgrounds say it as a sort of in-joke, in a sort of, "Remember when we used to call Father Abram to pry out our childrens' demon-infested sinuses with a blessed silver spoon? Haha, what silly bastards we were back then!"

2. There are still fringe-group lunatics out there. You should be very glad that they didn't call an exorcist.

3. Cars hide in the strangest of places. One time when Jemmy Wilson left my office, he was hit by a truck that came right up to the 23rd floor. My only regret was not having been able to say goodbye. Although I suppose Jemmy did deserve that truck...

4. People used to shake both of their hands, to prove that they didn't have any weapons on them. This made it very difficult for knife-wielding assassins to do their dirtywork when invited to dinner by their quarries, and so long as they greeted each other by shaking hands, they would prolong their lives enough to figure out an escape plan. When the industrial revolution hit, everyone was too busy to use both of their hands, and it wasn't uncommon for meat plant to greet coworkers with one hand and grind off their thumbs splitting carcasses with large cleavers in the other. Ever since then, being a polite-knife wielding assassin like Briar has always been easy work, so long as you remember to hide the knife behind you.

5. This tradition originated during the Cold War in Communist concentration camps. One fine day an American spy stole a Chinese Guard's tootbrush, and hid the shiv in his sleeve. After one of the guards got stabbed, camps began demanding that all prisoners put their elbows on the tables, so that the guards could tell whether or not people were hiding shivs in their sleeves. This soon spread to all kinds of random places, especially France, where paranoia ran rampant. 

This was ended after Gorbachev took power, who, when inviting Raegan to dinner in order to start shutting down the Cold War, insisted that Raegan not eat with his elbows on the table, because he didn't suspect any malice from him. This Cold-War-ending expression of goodwill was so deeply touching, that many people began taking up the practice of eating without their elbows on the table, and not even the stabbing assassination attempt of president Raegan, which took place at a barbecue with Mau Zedong. Mau ate with his elbows off the table in order to hide a rather suspicious bulge in his sleeve.

Whenever someone insists that you get your damn elbows off the table, just tell them this story, they will surely understand.

6. and 7. In Medieval times, mostly everyone was as infested, unshaven, ugly, and filthy as fuck, so it was not at all uncommon for women to blind themselves in order to cope with the hideous, buboe-covered sunnuvabitch they were just forced to marry. Many of them became very high-functioning, of course, and were able to locate things by sound. Their husbands would often make the hinges creak in order for their wives to know which rooms they were in, often ordering their serfs to build noisier doors for them. (Movies always emphasize this, notice the exaggerated rumble that doors make whenever a cartoon character walks into an ominous castle.) Likewise, husbands often dragged chairs on the floor so that their blind wives would know where to sit.

So, if you're ever on a blind date, you should probably do this. And make sure to do your own sound effects if it happens to be a wheely chair.

This was hilarious, thank you.

This certainly made my day.

History is awesome ^_^

You learn interesting things in AP Easter Island History when the teacher runs out of textbook and starts smoking things.

1. It's tradition, there's a reason for it. Look it up.
2. It's thanking them for the sentiment of the tradition, refer to answer 1.
3. How do you know with absolute certainty that you will see them again? I never do.
4. Again, it's tradition. I prefer it to bowing all the time, dunno about you. 
5. I don't want peoples' elbows all up in my table. :P
6. It's a polite gesture.
7. It's a polite gesture.
8. It shows you're paying attention to the other person.
9. Because smiling actually tells your brain to give you a happiness boost and because it's an expression of basic human emotions. Again, look it up. (Beginning to wonder if you're a damn robot at this point, man. How do you not inherently understand at least some of this...?)

1. ... Ok, I was joking about the robot thing, but I'm (very mildly) concerned now.
2. This one falls under a case-by-case basis. I cannot help you. But if you don't understand empathy, I probably can't help you regardless. (Joking completely aside, with an apology if it was offensive, have you considered the possibility that you may have a disorder? It's entirely possible you just think differently, but difficulty understanding or processing normal social interactions / social cues / stuff like that can be indications of a few things.)
3. Do they, now? I haven't had that issue.
4. Who the hell are you hanging out with?
5. Not in my circles, though on Youtube, yes. I assume people find it amusing.
6. Because it's a gesture of goodwill and by refusing it, you're refusing more than the actual handshake in their eyes.
7. ... I can tell you that I would not be offended if you didn't feel like talking to me. xD However, we don't know each other in real life, so people you know IRL might care considerably more about hearing your opinions and emotions, and this "caring" can cause people to be "upset" when you're closed off.

I generally wear the same expression on my face, whether I'm happy, sad, angry, or just thinking. Honestly, empathy has always confused me. People somehow are able to show concern to people they don't even know, yet I find myself not caring very much if at all.

Person: "Oh my goodness, that bomb killed 42 people! I feel to bad for them!"

Me: "Ok..."

I bet people answered the questions so I'll just say that if you don't like shaking hands just bow (not on your knees or anything, just a tilt like in some animes). It'll get a few odd glances but people accept it pretty quickly haha.

The one thing I can't understand is dancing. Can't get myself to want to dance with the crowd for whatever reason.

It's a better icebreaker than locking eyes with a girl who's already locked eyes with other guys / gays for the past 2 hours.  Do try it out.

In Judeo-religious circles we can't touch females (except with the one you're married to) XD

Most 'dancing' is just walking around in circles and the occasional jumping around (and random breakdancing) whilst listening to some sort of Hareidi dubstep. Nearly everybody seems into it haha.

Dubstep while going in circles.

The fuck.

Different culture I guess haha.

No, I guess I'd agree with you if you didn't want to dance to that.

You've never touched a girl?

... Wait, seriously? Like, no physical contact at all? What about mothers and sisters and other female members of the family? You can still give them hugs and high-fives, right?

Only immediate family (mother, grandmother, sister.) That's about it though.

Lol. I hope you don't want to kiss your spouse before you marry her. 

I assume he will since otherwise why would he marry her? 

If this is really concerning you (Which I doubt it is) just learn to mimic typical human behavior when necessary. It's pretty simple really.

The next time someone says "OH NOES a bomb just killed 42 people!" respond by saying something like "Yeah that's pretty fucked up, it's a crazy world."

You don't need to go overboard with the emotional outburst, just don't act like an emotionless android.