Seems more like a Lounge topic, but still entertaining.
Everyone should mention their own shitty gaming sessions/players in this thread.
How about... The Furry? ^_^
"So, this game is based in a high-fantasy setting."
"Can my character be a werewolf?"
"Sure, why not? Makes sense in a fantasy game, right?"
"Okay, the next game is going to be sci-fi."
"Can my character be an anthropomorphic wolf alien?"
"Uhh... I guess..."
"So, this next game is going to have a modern, super-hero setting."
"Awesome! My character's power is to turn into a humanoid wolf at will!"
"I think I'm beginning to see a pattern here." >.<
Oh, I forgot the most annoying player of all... The God Moder! ^_^
Successfully rolled to throw a fireball spell at him? Well, that doesn't work, because he's wearing fireproof armour. Successfully rolled to steal from him? Well, that doesn't count, because the character's a master ninja! Obviously, he'd be able to see your character trying to pickpocket him a mile away. Rolled a 20 just to spit in his face? The saliva ricochets off his helmet and hits you in the eye, blinding you... Basically, don't bother rolling the dice with this player, 'cos they'll come up with some bullshit excuse of why their character is immune to everything. >.<
this is when the DM drops rocks on them
Yeah, but I mostly do forum games, so no DM to save me.
The Rules Lawyer is actually starting to become something of a dying breed, what with the new editions requiring less books by virtue of most of the books not existing yet, and the general trends in new tabletop gravitating toward low-complexity character-driven games, it's getting harder and harder for rules lawyers to hold their niche, outside of 3.5 and 4th edition DnD, as well as the older Deadlands, Cthulhu, and infamous WFRPG, they're getting a lot less common. Most Rules Lawyers these days are more apt to snipe in from the sidelines of edition wars or dissect obscure combos for why certain classes in the new editions are overpowered for having a 10 hitpoint damage difference from peers of similar level, or why some class combinations are completely useless for not having a 10 hitpoint damage difference from peers of similar level.
Yea I had a game which had two paladin's and they eventually just decended to killing every town they saw while screaming, "DEUS VAULT!" or "TAKE THE HOLY LAND BACK FROM THE MUSLIMS!". They never said anyone's name without putting the "surname", brother.
"Brother Austin, should we exterminate these worthless infidels?"
"Of course brother Paden! After all, we must make sure christianity reins supreme in all realms! How bout you, brother Bryce?"
"How about we actually make some money for the quest? Or at least rest up in the..."
"Non-sense brother Bryce! There will be plenty of time to sleep when we have crusified every degenerate here! DEUS VULT!" (Starts rolling dice to attack)
These are a lot more common in freeform rps, but it's some lovely lingo I learned from a particular chatroom, so I really wanna spread it around.
The Hindu God Avenger Squad: When all or most of your characters are absolute superheroes and can't possibly be reasonably challenged by the lower-level adventure you had in mind. Ideally superhero characters are the natural endpoint for most progression system-based RPGs, but the HGAS has a little extra turd-flavoring sprinkled over it. These characters will all be early teen wet dreams. Expect lots of anime reference pictures, Latin names, etc.
If they're overly masculine, expect them to be movie vikings, all over 30 years old, still sexually attractive, scarred to shit despite being good at fighting and trained in nonlethal circumstances, and sporting names using lots of "K" "R" and hard "G" souns. Kargan, Varg, Grak, etc. because those are the "badass" letters. Young men of the more weebish persuasion will dual-wield katanas, (or wield just one japanese weapon at a time, if they are self aware enough to realize that this is ridiculous, but not otherwise aware enough to know /why/.) are often shirtless and impossibly strong despite being weedy by the standards of the other male characters and sometimes even the women, and will invariably have some sort of "quirk" wherein they are given a propensity to do things that any person would consider perverted, autistic, or downright sociopathic in real life. Expect them to be extremist and overly dedicated to certain menial things even in their downtime to emphasize their "quirkiness" and "discipline", which under any other circumstance would just be called out as the unhealthy obsession of a weaponized sperg. Expect Edgelords to be literally Sauron, or some other extra-grimdark or even more combat-focussed interpretation.
Expect women to be beautiful, late teenaged warrior-mages with unnatural and/or heterochromic eye colors and fantasy or arthurian names that are never less than three syllables. They will always seek the Lawful Good moral high ground, and attempt to philosophically call out the other characters when they behave in a way that breaks their MLP fairy-tale morality. When confronted with a difficult situation or moral choice where right answers can be hard to find, they will always take the copout and/or try to find a loophole. If forced, they'll assume both answers are moral equivalents without thinking and experience DEEP SADNESS about it.
Since all of the characters will inevitably be horrible at relationships, this sadness will go nowhere, no one will react to her emotional displays because they consider her to be a smug magical girl bitch anyway, and she will often be accused of playing the lone-wolf edgelord if she doesn't eventually get bored and give up the emotional trauma she's suffered never to mention it again until the next time she receives it.
Expect these roleplayers to rest on laurels they don't actually have and believe that the coolness of their character is a given trait rather than an earned one. Expect all or most dialogue to be snappy, psuedo-philosophical, and overly moody so that they can fill their profiles up with the quotes of their fictional characters to appear more deep and experienced than they are. Also expect everyone who thinks they're funny to play an absolutely painful comic relief character, who will immediately whiplash into being serious or even downright melancholic in a grim situation when his team morale might actually benefit from at least a passing joke. Expect everyone who takes themselves seriously or acts cynical to never change, ever.
Expect characters with mortal wounds to bleed at least 500 words of "inspiring" manifesto instead of regular blood. Expect them to take cues from Legend of Korra and always be mentally indomitable hardasses who never give up, always win because they're the good guys, always overcharge their bodies/powers without lasting consequence, and never have anything resembling a character arc. H-G-A-S. What does that spell? HILARITY!... Or the Death of Fun, depending on whether you're a reader or a GM/fellow player.
If you want to know what a HGAS looks like and don't have enough literate middle schoolers to put one together, the Suicide Squad movie provides an eerily accurate example. You can practically hear the irrhythmic typing of the half-pubescents behind every ridiculous interaction.
The Noir Marine: The Noir Marine is like the Reasonable Marine in Warhammer. Except they're very boring, overly technical, and generally about as dry to read as a dictionary. So basically all the people that construct an army of Reasonable Marines in Warhammer. Army brats or just Arma Brats who always play dark, angsty mercernaries, worship "realism" and attempt to be the badass normal or batmans of the group, especially if they've been incorporated into a game that's fast becoming the adventures of the HGAS... But by virtue of their own Mythbusters code of honor, they can't allow themselves to use weapons that aren't real, or be as insanely overpowered as the others even though they try their damnedest. They may become an HGAS of their own in a game where only humans/realistic things are allowed, and lord a character's "inacurrate" or "impractical" nature over any player that hasn't similarly minmaxed their character according to the perceived limits of the human race.
Expect lots of internal monologues about war, and how war never changes. Expect all characters to suffer from mental illness and PTSD as a manner of convenience, and expect them to be very jaded and contemptuous elites with a chip on either shoulder, but ready to very emotionally die for their "Friends" as soon as the GM decides to clue in the players that a climax might be happening right now.
With the rise of the Skallagrim Grognards and the growing popularity of gritty fantasy, you can also find plenty of Noir Marines in fantasy or medieval settings, each trying to out-practical the other. They will more or less always try to emulate things like Game of Thrones, Berserk, and the gorier "realism" parts of the Warhammer Fantasy setting/rpg, no matter what feeling or gameplay the setting is attempting to evoke.
The Wizard of Space and Time: Their name may be different, their character sheet may be changed to fit the mold, but the Wizard travels through all settings and time periods more or less untouched by the constrictions of the world around them. The Wizard is a perfect individual, an idealized version of, no doubt, the author. And despite being so heavily based on a person from the real world, they will have a negligible reaction to even the most extraordinary of occurences. If it is especially strange or surreal, expect them to do the "Silent Eye-widening" reaction of a character who is clearly too cool and too serious for this silliness. (If you don't know what this looks like, check out any amateur anime, sonic, or pokemon OC fan animations, the apparent originators of this cancerous living emoji expression.) They aren't necessarily super powerful, and don't cause HGASes when they group together... But quite often, habitual HGASsers will have one or more Wizardly characters to go with them.
The Godzilla: If your game is to be about barebones survival, guerilla warfare, horror, mystery-solving, politics, or just a peaceful slice of life, expect The Godzilla to be an absolute (sometimes literal) beast specialized in raiding for supplies, open combat, horror-slaying, war-fighting, and brawling, and expect them to be constantly trying to instigate those aforementioned things. The Godzilla is the orphan high schooler whose father regularly gave him commando training and mastery of the family blade before somebody promptly mass-assassinated their family. Presumably to keep the weebs from laying more eggs. The Godzilla is the bulletproof scorpion centaur with Deadpool healing and acid blood in the Mass Effect squad. The Godzilla is the giant "genetically modified" hyperintelligent Deathclaw Legendary who hangs out with a group of regular survivors for some reason and randomly kills some of them.
They will often be ridiculously powerful/good at what they're doing, and call YOU a godmodder if you claim to survive, escape, block, or in any way negate anything they're doing. They're usually in the minority, but 3 or more in an rp with a lot of players can create a Hindu God Avenger Confederacy as a separate "subset" of the plot. This term is inspired by the aforementioned invincible Deathclaw, whose character and the characters of his HGAS clique were sort of Wizards of Space and Time all their own, from an rp that the "survivors" posthumously nicknamed "A Boy and his Dogzilla", which later morphed into just "Godzilla".
This character appeared in many rps since, but ever since the intelligent members of the original site started ousting him and the other parts of the forum left over started filling with idiot noobs, he left and I only ever saw him once again years later... As the Deathclaw was apparently his default character for scaly fetish cyber shit. Oh how time changes people!
There may or may not be a helluva lot of overlap between people who fit the various descriptions here. There are quite a lot of symptoms, and it is possible to be all of them, in one or any genre!
You forgot what I thought to be the most obvious of DnD tropes - The Min/Maxing Munchkin.
Because "This ungodly hour" was aprox 7.30 this morning, an hour and a half after I started work :)
I have a feeling this isn't included in recent editions, but in the original Dungeon Master's Guide, Gary Gygax suggested the Etheral Mummy solution for annoying players. The etheral mummy materializes, whacks the player for substantial damage, and promptly disappears before anyone can do anything. After a few appearances, the player presumably will learn the lesson.
So what's the intrigue with d and d type of games? I've always wondered/slash been a little bit interested myself but they seem like too much work xD
It's been years since I played Dungeons and Dragons, and I know things have changed a bit. Still, the basics remain the same. Create a fantasy character, and join a team of other fantasy characters as you travel the world, fighting monsters and obtaining treasure. With any luck the other players in your team won't act like idiots and you'll have a Dungeon Master who knows how to run a campaign and you'll have a good time.
It's that "with any luck" part that's problematic..
You'll either get the min/maxing munchkins, attempted god-modders, or a railroading DM.
It seems like they're going through a period of too much bastardization, like most franchises/games eventually go through.
And from what you all are saying it seems as though most players declare themselves as gods xD
No, you can't really declare yourself a god. Not unless you're running something in the neighborhood of level 18+ where you're literally, actually ascending to god or godlike status, whether it's declared or not. There's very clear limits, if you're playing by the rules.
There isn't really much "Bastardization" going on. If you'd like to argue that it's corrupted the source material somehow I'd say that every edition since 2E has done that, and the Current Edition is even a helluva lot closer to the original game than 3 and 4 were. The fact of the matter is that they're all mechanically useful for fundamentally different experiences, at least in a game that makes use of every rule or item or whatever, and even then it's pretty much up to the DM.
fuck, the way that dude says "we wore cloaks" kills me
I don't know what aroused them more, the princess or describing the massacre of the cobalt dudes lmao
Surprised nobody said "Murder Hobo" yet, unless I missed it or everyone was just classifying them under Munchkin.
I'm writing up a seriously goofy cool DnD campaign right now, but I think there is one player I'm a little worried about. Might pull too may unoriginal OJ SIMPSON KILLED HIS WIFE LOL jokes. Also the kind of person to immediately start crying if I tell them to take it down a notch. But I'm still hyped!
In the few DnD campaigns I've been allowed into, I've always been some kind of unconventional bard (either totally useless or sportin' sick abs). If the DM is a hardass, I make it my life's mission to let them know that I can not be CHAINEDDD DOOOOWN. Yes, it's awful, but really, they can be terrible! I only act without reason within reason nowadays.
EDIT: I admit to being a fuckboy on the occasion.
To be fair, that bush was totally smiling at you. ^_^