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EDIT: Redoing the concept and necroing this thread for new updates. The following info on old posts may be out of date now, but most of the story content examples will remain the same. Stay tuned!

Now if you’re a Villain Lair inhabitant, you already know I’ve been toying with this story idea for awhile. Don’t know when or if it’ll be finished, but I’m getting a lot of ideas. I feel like I need to write something less serious (And a whole lot shorter) and this seems like a fun subject/topic.

As you might already be able to tell, it’s about that group of poor oppressed dudes that can’t get laid so they sit around on the internet and bitch about it, say a bunch of shit about women not liking them, until they suicide by cop, or suicide by belt.

Now of course this is low hanging fruit, but so are furries and other deviants, and these dudes already think they’re subhuman scum (And they are) so who gives a shit because it’s still funny.

The greater writing challenge will probably be not to repeat what was already in Tales From the Basement, specifically Anime Addict since that focused on a “loser” character as well. However, I think there’s a difference between that character and the protagonist I’ve got in mind for this story and that’s the whole bitter/anger/hate thing.

The anime addict for instance was sort of content being a fucking anime freak and it was only his mom that was causing him to go out into the real world (when hilarity ensued). He didn’t really have the bitter hate. For the most part he doesn’t even descend into “I’m a big fat loser but why don’t these girls fuck me WAAH!”

Now while it would be easy to just start the incel off going on about how he’s going to “kill all these bitches and rape their corpses”, I sort of need to do more than that for a longer story (though not too long). I need to do the whole downward spiral.

So, he won’t start off as a completely bitter black pill swallower. He’ll just start off as a “nice guy.”

From there, the story will unfold.

And who knows, maybe in certain paths he’ll manage to avoid becoming a SUPREME GENTLEMAN and just become a plain old sexist that pays for whores!

Incel YOU

Get ready to become a supreme gentleman because it’s all over!

 

Life is so cruel.

You have no girlfriend. You’re twenty two years old and you’re still a virgin.

You’ve tried everything you can think of to get girls to like you, but it’s no use. They just won’t return your love, no matter how nice you’ve been. You just don’t understand it.

While everyone else your age is going out and having fun, it looks like another lonely night for you.

It’s not fair.

Still, you suppose there’s still a chance. Maybe there’s a chance that there is a girl out there for you just aching for you to give her your love.

Maybe there’s still HOPE.

In the meantime you decide to take your mind off of your situation by spending time on the Internet writing on your blog mostly going on about how you don’t understand why girls don’t like you and how it’s not fair how you keep failing.

After writing, you decide to watch a movie, but not the usual porn that you usually watch on nights like this. Instead you watch an old science fiction movie called The Grid. You always heard how good it was supposed to be.

Well, the female lead could have been a lot prettier, but what really caught your attention was one of the major concepts in the movie involving the protagonist.

At one point the hero of the movie gets the choice to eat a blue gumdrop or a red one. The blue gumdrop allows him to go back “to sleep” and back to his boring life.

However, the red gumdrop allows him to see THE TRUTH. Naturally he eats the red one, becomes a badass, shoots a bunch of people and fucks the girl in the end.

Oh how you wish YOU could do that.

Still mildly intrigued by the movie and wanting to keep your mind off of your crushing loneliness, you do some more searching online about it since there were sequels you still haven’t seen.

After a few hours, you soon learn that the sequels were shit and should be avoided at all cost, but instead you find more information about the concept of colored gumdrops.

Apparently large communities have taken the lessons from this movie and applied them to real life especially when it comes to difficulties with the opposite sex.

In fact right now you can order yourself a big bag of these mind-enhancing gumdrops with the guarantee that THE TRUTH will set you free of your torment.

Desperate for ANYTHING that might change your fortune with the ladies, you immediately order a bag of red gumdrops!

Looking forward to this potential life-changing item, you finish off the night by going to your favorite porn site and satisfy your urges. Of course as always, you don’t feel too much better.

Because you just know if you knew any of these ladies in real life, you could be so nice to them and they wouldn’t have to suck dick for a living. You could take care of them and they could just suck yours.

You go to sleep alone as usual.

Weeks later

You’re getting really sick of this shit.

There’s been this pretty girl in your class and you’ve been nice to her the WHOLE semester such as opening the door for her, tipping your trilby to her, and even letting her use your notes because she’s skipping the lectures.

You just gave her a new set of notes and she barely even said thank you this time!

She’s probably busy fucking her six foot five boyfriend’s huge cock. Why should animals like that get affection while a gentleman like you gets nothing?

It’s not fair.

You get home ready to take your anger out by doing some serious fapping, however when you get to the door of your apartment, you notice a small package in front.

It’s your gumdrops!

Briefly snapping out of your virgin funk, you grab the box, take it inside and open it.

Inside there is a small note accompanying the black bag of gumdrops.

 

Eat heartily brother and all will be revealed.

Respectfully,

A friend

 

Friend. Nobody has ever called you that before! Excitedly, you open up the bag of gumdrops ready to discover the truth!

No sooner have you opened up the bag, you find that the gumdrops are not in fact red, or rather not all of them are.

You pour them out on a nearby table and find that you’ve been given a mixed bag of gumdrops. Some are red, some are blue, a few are white, a couple are rainbow colored and there’s even a black one.

What the fuck? Did they send you a sampler or something? You didn’t order this!

Friend your ass, they couldn’t get your order right! You look forward to something and get kicked in the face for your trouble. You don’t even know why you ordered them.

They fucking based a whole philosophy around a flashy 90s movie that was mediocre at best and didn’t even come out with any good sequels.

And you buying into the whole gumdrop shit was a retarded desperate grasp at HOPE that somehow you were going to get laid just by buying them.

Desperate and retarded. Story of your goddamn life.

It’s not fair.

You’d try to mail them back, but there were no refunds and they weren’t much anyway.

Well you’re stuck with them now. You might as well eat a few. You have mostly red and blue ones, so you figure you’ll start with them first.

Now you bought the red ones to begin with, so you feel like you should try those first. Still, blue colored candies always seem to taste better, so maybe you’ll just go for those first.

 

Eat the blue gumdrop

Eat the red gumdrop

Oh cool, didn't realize you were starting on this already. And what a start, lol. This dude's already pretty clearly a spree killer in the making.

Eat the red gumdrop first obviously, it will teach you jiu-jitsu.

Keen for this one, I love it already

Working on part of the “Blue gumdrop” path which still makes you optimistic enough to not go full black gumdrop. (Yet!)

Writing is one of the options to refocus your pent up "energy."

 

Write

You might as well try. It’ll probably keep your mind off of things.

You look around for suitable writing sites, but you just can’t make up your mind.

An hour passes and you still haven’t settled down to a site yet, you’re almost about to give up and go look at porn, but then you stumble on some writing sites dedicated to CYOAs. You remember looking through a few of these types of things before and you thought they were cool due to all the wacky directions they could go.

You then think, that “Hey, I’m a deep and creative guy, maybe I could do something like that and then maybe girls will be so impressed with my skills that they’ll fall in love with me!”

This…overly optimistic delusion aside, you’re at least still focusing your energy in a positive way.

After some searching, you find three possible candidates to make your mark.

 

The first one is Pick Equality Games (PEG). Their stories seem to focus a lot on diversity and they seem to really value the concept. Though they seem to have some restrictions as well.  You’re not really used to restrictions since you’re often just pouring every thought you have in your blog, but maybe you could work within them.

You certainly could use a welcoming inclusive community though, seeing as you have no friends. Maybe you could make some friends there and find yourself a cute girl that will love your writing and then fall in love with you!

 

The second one is Endless Stories (ES). There seems to be no limit on what you can write there. Which might be good since if you’re going to try this writing thing, you’d rather have as much freedom as possible.

The problem is, there is virtually no community there. You suppose you could hope your writing attracts enough attention that some cute girl PMs you and tells you how great your writing is and falls in love with you!

 

Finally there is Select Your Story (SYS). This one seems to be in the middle as far as what writing restrictions are, but still pretty reasonable. It also has a fairly active community that talks about a wide variety of topics.

It would appear at first glance that the community consists of a lot of social outcasts just like you. You have a lot of experience with knowing what it feels like being an outcast so maybe you’ll fit in well there. And maybe you’ll meet a cute girl who understands your pain and loneliness and falls in love with you!

 

You just know that things are looking up!

 

Pick Equality Games

Endless Stories

Select Your Story

This amused me way too much not to share early.

NoblePaladin: So hey I think you should make a male love interest for your game.

SufferingSappho: What do you mean? There is a male romance option, Kelly.

NoblePaladin: But I mean a real male romance option.

SufferingSappho: I don’t understand. Kelly is a real option, I’ve got an ending where you can wind up with him, it’s just hard to get to.

NoblePaladin: That’s not what I mean. I mean didn’t Kelly used to be a girl?

SufferingSappho: He was born as female and?

NoblePaladin: Well that’s not a real dude, I was suggesting a proper male romance. Maybe make the guy a paladin who is very nice to the protagonist a lot.

SufferingSappho: Rude! Kelly identifies a male! He’s a man and you implying that he isn’t a real man is a very bigoted point of view!

NoblePaladin: Okay, okay my apologies. I’m still learning. But anyway I still think you should make another male love interest, it would make the story more diverse!

SufferingSappho: No, making a boring CIS straight white guy as a love interest doesn’t appeal to me. I’d just be contributing to the patriarchy and actually making it LESS diverse by doing so since there are already many games that allow such an option.

SexyNight: Hey do you think you could also include a romance option for Shades? I think that would be very inclusive, as I don’t sexually identify as anything that casts a shadow and would love to finally see a character like that!

NoblePaladin: But I don’t understand. You took RivetingRosie’s suggestion about having a bisexual catgirl as a love interest into consideration and she wasn’t even nice like I’ve been.

SufferingSappho: Look, I’m not making what you’re asking. There are plenty of examples of what you’re asking for elsewhere. Consider yourself privileged that you have so many options.

NoblePaladin: But I’m not privileged. Look, I’m just saying I’ve been very nice to you and have “liked” every post of yours. All 5000 of them and even the ones I didn’t really agree with. The least you could do is be nice to me back.

SufferingSappho: What? Just because you’ve been nice doesn’t give you the right to expect something from me! In fact your last PM to me was sort of creepy when you told me how sexy I looked from my avatar.

NoblePaladin: Well if you didn’t want people to comment, you shouldn’t have posted a picture of yourself.

SufferingSappho: Wow. And I bet you think if a girl wears a short skirt and walks in a dark alley she’s asking for it huh? You’ve really shown your true colors here today. You’re a fucking misogynist.

The5thGender: Can the mods ban this rape loving shitlord already? I come here to get away from CIS scum like him. I need to disengage from this thread now. I’m getting flashbacks of when my uncle touched me.

HappyCuck: You’re into rape? That’s fucked up dude. Guys like you make me ashamed to be a man.

NoblePaladin: No! I’m not into rape! I was just saying that I don’t see why my request is being ignored when Sappho is listening to everyone else!

SufferingSappho: Maybe because I don’t listen to misogynistic bigots like yourself.

NoblePaladin: For fuck’s sake I’m not a goddamn bigot! You’re being an unreasonable bitch about all this when I’ve done nothing but be nice! IT'S NOT FAIR!

SocialJustice4All: Alright, I’m getting several PMs and red flags about this thread. Many people are getting very upset and not feeling safe so I’m locking it until further notice.

In the meantime Paladin has been banned for 300 years for misogyny, transphobia, general bigotry and supporting rape.

All of these have been great. Why did you ever waste so much time writing Rogues?

Nope, haven't forgotten this.

"Alternatives"

After many strange looks, verbal commands of you to leave them alone and outright threats to call campus security, your suspicions turn out to be true and some pasty, greasy haired nerd confirms your search.

“Oh yeah, they got a prototype of some old sexbot in the basement of the engineering building. Something that’s been worked on since the eighties. Every once in awhile new people tinker with it as a goof, but not much gets accomplished.“ he says.

“Does it work?” you ask.

“I guess? I dunno. It’s still so buggy and filled with such a mishmash of old and new hardware I don’t think anyone has actually ever had sex with it. Plus it’s been around so long, it’s more of a hidden mascot than anything else.”

“And that’s the only one? Nobody working on anything newer?”

“Not in this piece of shit university they aren’t. Not like this place attracts the top engineering types. I imagine most are just beating their meat to fembot porn like the rest rather than paving the way for a better future.”

“So, is it easy to access this bot?”

At this point the random nerd that you’ve been speaking to (You don’t even know his name) starts giving you some of those strange looks you’re used to.

“Wait…you’re not thinking about fucking that thing are you?” he asks.

“Why? Do you have a claim on it?” you ask.

“Heh, no. I mean like I said, it’s more of an embarrassing not so well kept secret rather than a genuine fuckbot. There is nothing remotely attractive looking about it. Well I mean someone in the late nineties finally put some synthetic hair on its head and it’s got a face that doesn’t just resemble a robotic skeleton, but can’t say that even as horny as I get sometimes, I’d go fuck it.”

“Yeah well my options are limited, I’ve tried being nice to real girls and they don’t want my affection. It’s not fair.”

“Hmmm, you a member of Forever Nice Dudes?”

“Sorta, but I don’t really find it helpful to talk to people failing the same way I am.”

“Well I hear ya there. Used to be a member myself, nearly got into all that blue gumdrop-red gumdrop shit as well. However, I soon realized that I was going about this the wrong way.”

“Oh?” you ask a bit intrigued.

The nerd looks around to make sure nobody else is listening and then speaks.

“I realized that, getting pissed and bitter about women turning you down is a path to ruin and that there are ALWAYS other alternatives.” He says with an excited glint in his eye.

“Uh, I’m not gay dude.” You say backing off.

“What?! This ain’t about no faggotry! I’m talking about getting some REAL pussy, not some artificial shit or your hand!”

“Even if I had the money, I’m not hiring a dirty whore. I’m better than that.” You sniff.

“Not talking about whores either. Tell me, you ever been to the mortuary science building on campus?”

“Can’t say I have.”

“Then you’ve been missing out. The place has a whole cold storage filled with fresh corpses. And some of them are not the traditional old dead fucks from natural causes situation. Some of them are about our age and still look as beautiful as the day they died…perhaps even more so…”

Okay, you can’t say you don’t have your problems, and sure your recent robogirl fetish probably isn’t healthy, but fucking corpses isn’t something you’ve ever considered. The necrophile nerd is now sensing your discomfort.

“Now wait, before you shoot this down, just hear me out. Guys like us are NEVER going to get that perfect ten. Shit, we can’t even get the five.  Life isn’t fair, but there are always loop holes around the rules. If she’s dead, I can get that perfect ten and it’s not rape.”

“Um, I’m not sure about that.”

“A corpse is considered property, it’s not a living being anymore, it’s a thing. It’s inanimate. It’s just meat. I mean if I shove my dick in a compost heap, I’m not raping that right? At best I’m just a vandal.”

“I suppose, but…”

“Look, I get not wanting to fuck some nasty worm rotting corpse, but these are FRESH corpses and they’re just laying around to either get cut up, put in the ground or worse burned up. Might as well take advantage, who is getting hurt? Nobody!”

“I guess I never thought of it that way before.”

“I mean you’re into robots. Which is cool. Obviously though you’re desiring a sex partner that isn’t going to judge or reject you. And it would be great if there really were some fembots that looked like they do in the scifi movies, but we ain’t there yet. You really want to shove your dick in something that looks more like the Terminator rather than cherry 2000?”

“Well…”

“Look, I’m just saying if you want some real pussy that’s just there for the taking, get yourself down to the mortuary science building. Hell, I can even help you out, not that security is really tight there anyway. It’s really easy to nip in and out of the place.”

You have to say that the nerd has made some sort of sense to you. This might be the only way you’ll ever really get to touch a real woman, let alone have sex with one. Does it really matter if she's dead?

 

Head to mortuary and crack open a cold one

Just go stick your dick in a toaster and be done with it

I just went through the whole thread and it looks great so far. It's going to be a fun read, can't wait to see it published.

About time I became a main character in an Endmaster story

Has anyone tried pitching this idea to real incels? Maybe some Staceys could volunteer their bodies for such a good cause.

The work always continues. Anyway, something seemed very familiar when writing this section...

Select Your Story

You think Select Your Story might be the place for you. There’s enough creative freedom on there for you to write what you want and it’s active enough that you’ll no doubt meet several cute girls that will love your writing.

You sign up and start to think of something to write about. You see that the romance section doesn’t have many stories so you figure you’ll do something like that.

In predictable fashion you make an author insert protagonist and make every choice lead to true love due to behaving in a polite manner towards the various idealized ladies in the story.

You spend a few days on this shitty story and then publish and wait for comments to roll in from female readers saying how much they enjoyed the story and wish they knew a guy like the protagonist and at which point you can say “Your wish has come true m’lady, for I am the one you seek!”

Unfortunately that isn’t what you get:

“Holy shit that was the most fucking cringey thing I’ve read on here in awhile. This story needs a back alley abortion immediately.” - IcyOverseer

“I wish the ratings went into the negative numbers, because that’s what this piece of shit deserves. This cumstain of a story was so fucking retarded that I question how the author even has the mental capacity to type at all.” – ViolentVigilante

“Wow. That was something alright. I guess the only good thing I can say is it wasn’t very long to suffer through.” – StompingYourNeck

“The protagonist is a complete fucking loser, just like the faggot that wrote this story. Lol.” - AztecTentacleRape

And that’s just some of the nicer comments. A lot of them are even meaner. This site really has a troll problem.

Soon you realize that your story isn’t even listed any more. You initially think it’s a glitch due to it being an old site and full of bugs so you republish. Then it isn’t listed again, so you republish again.

Finally, you notice a third time, but this time when you go to republish, you find that your story has completely disappeared and you’ve gotten a negative point penalty for “Posting shitty stories” in your points list.

You put a lot of work into your story! It’s not fair.

Feeling disheartened by all this, you decide to finally engage the forums and ask exactly what is going on.

NoblePaladin: Hey everyone, I’m new here and I was just wondering what happened to my story. It kept getting unpublished and now it’s completely gone.

Insectuous: What was it called? If it’s gone, then one of the admins probably deleted it.

NoblePaladin: It was called “Nice Guys Finish First” and I certainly hope it wasn’t deleted! I worked hard on that story!

Insectuous: Oh that was yours? I read that and if you worked as hard as you say you did, then I hate to see what you would have written if you hadn’t. Anyway, yeah your shitty story was probably deleted. I suggest you go back read some of the better stories on this site to get an idea of how to write.

NoblePaladin: Deleted?! I wasn’t even given a warning! It’s not fair!

Insectuous: Was it unpublished?

NoblePaladin: Yeah, twice.

ForbiddenFruit: That was your warning. Fuck you if you can’t keep up faggot.

HoundofHell: Lol. Yeah I read that story and it fucking sucked more dick than WarCriminal.

WarCriminal: Fuck off HoH. But yeah the story sucked a lot.

NoblePaladin: Look I know my story might not have been the best, but I don’t think it deserved to be trashed like that! I wrote an uplifting story about finding true love!

mizztress: True love? Lol. You wrote a bunch of fucking clichéd shit and not even in an entertaining way. It was just the protagonist going around being a white knighting bitch to a bunch of vapid one-dimensional bimbos that only exist in the lowest forms of entertainment. You don’t know shit about writing, let alone writing romance.

Even though you’re getting mass attacked, you notice that the last poster has a female sounding handle. You calm yourself and decide to engage her more directly. Perhaps she has more insight on this and you can accommodate her.

NoblePaladin: Okay, maybe you’re right. Do you have any advice that could make me write in such a way that would be better?

BloodyRose: Got a belt? ^_^

NoblePaladin: A belt?

ForbiddenFruit: To hang yourself with obviously. I must say, you’re very retarded. Please cease your autism.

NoblePaladin: Why the hell is everyone so mean on this forum? I want to talk to girl with the dark elf avatar again. She at least provided some constructive criticism and I need a female perspective on my writing anyway.

HoundofHell: Hey dumbass, I know it’s hard to tell on the internet, but besides War and myself, everyone that’s posted in this thread so far HAS been female and they’ve all told you that you sucked.

ToxicSilence: Here’s another female opinion, your story was shit.

NoblePaladin: Fine, but I still don’t see why I didn’t get a proper warning about my story before it got deleted. This isn’t a way to run a site.

mizztress: Well you’re free to go elsewhere if your fee fees are hurt. I hear PEG likes overly sensitive faggots like you. Better yet, try the Intersexed Fiction Forums, since you’ve obviously lost your balls already.

NoblePaladin: My “fee fees” aren’t hurt, I’m just getting agitated, because I’m trying to pour out my heart and soul into something and I shouldn’t be getting slammed for that.

CappyFate: Goddamnit you’re a faggot and your logic makes you a retarded cunt. Just because you poured your heart and soul into something doesn’t mean it doesn’t deserve to get shit on if it sucks. I’m sure Hitler poured his heart and soul into Mein Kampf too, doesn’t mean we should praise it.

NoblePaladin: Wait, what? Are you seriously comparing me to Hitler?

CappyFate: No you dumb faggot, I’m using an example of why shit shouldn’t just be automatically praised because someone worked hard on it. If you weren’t such a retarded cunt you would have realized that.

NoblePaladin: You know what, I’ve tried being nice, but FUCK YOU. I’m not putting up with your abuse. You’re probably some 30 year old living in his mom’s basement.

CappyFate: Oh how original, the 30 year old basement dweller accusation. With that sort of creativity that explains why your story sucked so hard. Do everyone a favor and go drink bleach.

Insectuous: You know, the one who probably deleted your story was TheEnd, you probably should contact him directly. I’m sure if you explain your situation he’ll understand and be able to retrieve it for you. You’ll have to call him three times though.

ToxicSilence: Be sure to use the @ before his name!

NoblePaladin: @TheEnd @TheEnd @TheEnd

Insectuous: Should be coming soon. :)

At this point you type up a long message about your story and what you were trying to achieve with it. You go into great detail about how you believe the story should be on the site as a guide of how to treat women and how you nearly put it in the edutainment section instead of romance.

You feel like your long-winded defense of your story will surely win over the forum and your views on how women should be treated will surely appeal to the females on here and they will re-evaluate their views on you in a more favorable light.

Then you press the button to post your message and that’s when you get instantly logged out. You don’t know what’s happening at first and you’ve just lost everything you wrote!

You try to log in again and you get logged back out when you try to do anything else. You then realize what has happened when you go back to your original thread.

TheEnd: Lol, fag.

And just like that, you’ve been banned.

You've captured the essence of CYS  SYS perfectly.  I could not stop laughing through the whole thing.  

People have asked why you haven't made Eternal into a novel, well I ask why you aren't making THIS into a novel. Truly this is the next Odyssey.

Who are HoundofHell and FarEastDevil supposed to be? I think I know who everyone else is. 

Edit: Oh, duh. Corgi.

FED is coins.

EDIT: Replaced Coins with Cel (WarCriminal) since despite nobody liking him, he's more relevant and contributes more than coins ever did.

Given that the main gag around me seems to be the unfortunate car accident, I think making me "CrippledWarCriminal" would make it more recognizable.

Not even the flames of internet site wars can stop progress!

Fighting the SYStem

KittyJockey: Hey, I’ve been noticing you and your persistence. I admire that. This place is a pox on the Internet, run by corrupt admins and needs to be taken down. I believe that you can help in this endeavor.

GoodPaladin27: What do you mean?

KittyJockey: I am no noob. I’ve been here lurking for years and dedicated my life to taking down this wretched website. I’ve come close many times, but I believe I would succeed if I could gather enough help. I can fill you in on the details, if you agree to assist.

At this point you aren’t sure of what to make of all this. You proceed to explain why you originally came to the site in the first place to KJ who answers you.

KittyJockey: I see. Well I suppose I could help you, if you help me bring down SYS first.

GoodPaladin27: I dunno. I mean what you’re proposing seems illegal and you haven’t even explained it yet.

KittyJockey: SYS is a scumpit that MUST be destroyed. The risk is minimal to you and my help with your female problems will solve that issue as well. All I need you to do is post some pictures on their forums, which I will provide for you. It’s mainly a distraction while I hack their site.

GoodPaladin27: I just really don’t know about that.

KittyJockey: Well I suppose I understand if you don’t want to, but despite your reluctance, I’m still willing to help you because I still respect your persistence, tell me do you own a cat?

GoodPaladin27: A cat?

KittyJockey: Yeah, it’s literally the best type of pussy you can ever get. Seriously. Why bother trying to impress the girls on this horrible site when you can just fuck a cat?

KittyJockey then proceeds to go into great detail about this and the benefits of doing so. The disturbing part is he’s actually convincing enough that you’re considering it. After all, it counts right?

Maybe getting yourself a pet cat that would unconditionally love you IS the solution to your problems...

This KittyJockey person sounds oddly familiar...

"I'm no noob.  I've been here lurking for years..."

that and the cat part are hilarious lol

Technically I was going to abandon this one since I got focused on the succubus story (and need to work on some other stuff for Rogues) but Berka's brief comment about "incels making sexbot" in another thread sort of spurred on the incentive to complete it.

However, this is still not taking priority over the succubus story, and I'm thinking I should extend this one into a Tales like story and add 2 other protagonists. I sort of have an idea of the other two protagonists already, one of them would be a reworked version of the Exploitation Theater story (Finally transferred here from IS after all these years)

The plan for the third protagonist would be based on another idea I had, but not sure if I wanted to make a larger story with it, so it would work better as a smaller one.

In any case, it would definitely be "Tales From The Basement 2"

(Insert your jokes about an Electric Boogaloo)

BASEMENT BOOGALOO

Glad you're picking this one up again, in whatever form it winds up in. The succubus story sounds cool but this one is just hilarious.

It lives!

Virtual Romance

Sure why not. It isn’t like you’re actually going to get anywhere in real life with a girl, might as well live out your fantasies in video game format.

You go through your list of unfinished games and pick one an RPG called Legendary. As you remember, the stat system is sort of clunky and the story line isn’t the most interesting, but you can romance your companions in it, and as everyone knows that’s the most important thing in an RPG nowadays.

You start from scratch, making your character and going through the usual beginner quest lines, like killing rats, killing some orcs, travelling from your home village, etc.

All in all, it’s a normal experience and takes your mind off things.

For weeks, you go about your life of going to class and then return home to play Legendary. Things are going well, except none of the companions you’ve managed to recruit are romancable or if they are, they aren’t what you’re into.

You’ve got the gay fighter who you had to stop talking to because every dialog choice was either mistaken as flirting or saying something that would piss him off and leave the party forever.

There’s a cleric who was cute, but unfortunately she’s a lesbian. You thought about restarting the game as a female character, but you’re pretty far into the game now and don’t want to restart.

And the wizard is some sort of furry race and that’s just disgusting.

Eventually you get to the part where you remember there was a hot rogue chick that could join you, but she was hard to recruit, let alone romance. You’d rather not have to look up hints on how to romance her, but so far after reloading several times, you haven’t even managed to get her in your party.

As much as you wanted to do it yourself, you can’t figure it out and you decide to seek help on RPGamer Guild.

 

NoblePaladin: Hey, I can’t figure out how to romance the cute rogue girl, Tatiana. Anyone know how?

HobgoblinSLAYER: Yeah, but it’s sort of a pain in the balls. Did you join the thieves’ guild yet?

NoblePaladin: No, I’m playing as a paladin.

HobgoblinSLAYER: Lol, you might as well start over then. You can only get her if you’re playing as a thief. Its sort of dumb, because why the fuck have her in the party if you already have the same skill set?

Imawizard!: You could play as bard and get her and not completely have the same skill set.

HobgoblinSLAYER: Lol, who the fuck wants to play as a bard?

Imawizard!: I dunno, I just made the suggestion.

NightKnife: You could also play as an assassin class and get her that way, but they didn’t really do a good job in implementing the assassin skills from the Warrens & Wyrms books. This game sucks so much.

HobgoblinSLAYER: Lol, dude, you say that every fucking day. Why do you keep playing it, let alone bitching on here all the time? Just play something else.

NightKnife: Fuck off fanboy.

HobgoblinSLAYER: Lol, how the fuck am I a fanboy? I’ve pointed out bad things on the game on several occasions. Like the tech class for example being underpowered.

Onetruefollower: Underpowered? Always felt like it was OVERpowered. You start off with a freaking gun that bypasses armor!

HobgoblinSLAYER: Sure you got a weapon that can literally one-shot enemies, but you start with limited ammo and the rest of your fighting skills are shit. You struggle to find ingredients to make more bullets, not to mention it costs more money to maintain the weapon. Early game is a real chore especially if you decide to go through the forest. Forget about tangling with the dark elf cult. Things don’t really even out until you get to the city of Helgard. Even then…

As Hob drones on about stats and skill sets (With Night calling him a Legendary dick sucker the whole time) your original question of trying romance the rogue girl has completely been forgotten. Annoyed, you ask again.

NoblePaladin: Hey, I just want to know how you romance the rogue girl, I’d like to get back on track. Does anyone know?

Imawizard!: Her quest is bugged and the devs haven’t fixed it yet. Just romance Kit instead. She’s more useful due to being a wizard.

Onetruefollower: Not everyone’s into furries dude.

HobgoblinSLAYER: Honestly I usually just play a female character and romance Priestess Polly. You still get the sex scene and besides, if I’m going to play, I’d rather look at two naked women.

NightKnife: That’s another thing, you don’t get a sex scene if you romance Ardok the fighter as a guy! It just fades to black! Like what fucking century are we living in that this sort of homophobia is allowed in gaming?

HobgoblinSLAYER: Lol, and you were calling ME a dick sucker earlier? Anyway, yeah like wiz said, her quest is bugged BUT it is still possible to do since some modder made a patch recently. You might have to search for it though since they don’t want anyone linking to unofficial content which is retarded because it’s content that’s IN the fucking game that the creators fucked up and didn’t implement correctly. You have install that patch first and then start a new game, which you’ll have to do anyway since she only romances other rogue types. Then you have to join the thieves’ guild and do the quests and pick certain dialog choices otherwise you miss her forever.

LegendaryOverlord: Hob, I advise you to take the rest of this to DMs, because last time you posted spoilers without the proper tags.

HobgoblinSLAYER: Ugh, fine.

Hob soon messages you privately, going through a fairly long description of everything it entails to romance. He wasn’t joking when he mentioned it was complicated.

NoblePaladin: Geez, thanks. I would have never figured this out. Why the hell did they make it so complicated?

HobgoblinSLAYER: Well, I don’t think she originally was romancable, but during the development when they were reading fan requests, some mentioned it so they ended up shoving it in at the last minute I guess. You can tell due to her romance quest being bugged. Hey are you playing through VR?

NoblePaladin: No, I mean I do have a VR set, but it’s sort of just collecting dust since I found out I can’t wear the damn thing without getting sick almost immediately.

HobgoblinSLAYER: Aw man, you gotta try it again! It really makes the game WAY better! I wasn’t a fan of the VR either, but eventually I tried it a little bit each day and got used to it. Everything feels more immersive! Seriously get the VR version, you gotta try it, especially the sex scene! Holy fuck, I felt like Polly was actually licking my pussy! I mean I’m a dude, but seriously it’s THAT intense!

NoblePaladin: Really?

HobgoblinSLAYER: Seriously, feels like the really thing and I’m not even sure how that’s possible. I think they had some people that worked on VR hentai games in Japan or something work on this game. Surprised more hasn’t been made of that really.

NoblePaladin: Does it work with Tatiana?

HobgoblinPaladin: Dunno, I haven’t tried it myself with her since the VR version of the game hasn’t been modded yet, but I think someone is working on that, won’t be for another month though I think. I can tell you it definitely works with the brothel whores. A lot easier than any of the romance options really. Anyway I’ll send the link to the site that has mod for the game. Telling you though, you really should get the VR version. It really is the best experience!

Hob sends you the link to the site with the mod and you’re left with a bit more of a dilemma than just trying to figure out how to romance a computer character you’re pathetically lusting after since you have crushing loneliness that can only be resolved with the illusion of a virtual world.

And now you’re being told you could make that even MORE “real” by using the VR. You just wish it didn’t make you so violently sick.

But, maybe this is the way?

Download the mod

Buy the VR version

Nice hook. It seems like a great fit for a sequel to TFTB!

Yes, I'm still slowly working on this.

Black Gumdrop

Everything has failed despite all your efforts. You’re in constant torment and after hearing about it; you can’t imagine that eating the black gumdrop could make things any worse.

You might as well give in.

You grab the black gumdrop from the bag and eat it. The bitterness of it invades your sense of taste to the point where you nearly spit it out, but you manage to choke it down.

You close your eyes and begin to feel a seething hatred grow inside you…

You open your eyes and you see a void. You see the REAL TRUTH.

No future. There never was for you. Blue gumdrop. Red gumdrop. It doesn’t matter. You were fated to never experience the touch of a woman, let alone the love of one.

Tears fill your eyes and rage fills your body. There’s no hope.

You go back on your old forums to bitch and complain to the regulars on there about the hopelessness of it all, but they don’t really want to hear your black gumdrop shit. They got their own issues and they promptly ban you.

You immediately seek out others of this nihilistic mindset because you have to bitch someone. You find the forum Incelaclysm and start posting and are quickly swept up in the circle jerk of wallowing.

 

DoomTrooper: All I see is the blackness of existence.

RapeARoastie: It’s over.

BitchHater72: It’s over.

Virgin4Life: It’s over.

UNRELENTINGRAGE: Of course it’s over, but the question is what are YOU going to do about it?

Virgin4Life: Here we go.

DoomTrooper: What can I do? I’m obviously hideous, I’m not tall and I don’t have any money.

UNRELENTINGRAGE: Exactly! So why continue on?

DoomTrooper: I mean I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m just trying to cope with the situation.

Virgin4Life: Yep, that’s about all you can do really. Hey I got some links to some really good rape porn. I think this is the real thing this time!

RapeARoastie: Bullshit, you probably got that from the same dumb porn site you always get that shit from. All that shit is fake. Same dumb porn whores just getting fucked roughly over and over in those scenes. I got some REAL videos from the dark web. There’s this bitch getting gang buttfucked by some dudes in masks. She’s crying and screaming. Goes on for like an hour and there’s blood and shit coming out her ass and they end up shoving her face in it at the end of the video. Fucking great stuff!

BitchHater72:  Why are you still wasting your time jacking off? You need to just go to the gym and no fap.

RapeARoastie: That’s fucking retarded. You NEED to release the poison and it doesn’t matter how much you work out, you’re still not attracting any whores.

The forum starts to argue about jacking off verses not jacking off, but then you get a private message from the member who first addressed you.

UNRELENTINGRAGE: So as I asked before, what are YOU going to do about your situation?

DoomTrooper: Why do you keep picking on me?

UNRELENTINGRAGE: Why do you insist on being a whining pussy? This is why you’re in the situation you are now. You think whining on here is coping? Hah! This shit ain’t coping. This is continuing to be a beta bitch.

DoomTrooper: Oh? Well if you’re so smart, why the hell are you on here?

UNRELENTINGRAGE: Because I’m trying to fucking get through to you lot! If we ALL actually rose up and created a shitstorm, things would actually change!

DoomTrooper: What do you mean?

UNRELENTINGRAGE: I’m talking about action! REAL action! Jacking it to rape porn or working out ISN’T going to help your problem. I know you feel the RAGE inside you! That anger MUST be unleashed. And it needs to be unleashed on those that have wronged you. I’m talking mass retaliation. REVENGE.

DoomTrooper: Wait. Are you talking about mass murder?

UNRELENTINGRAGE: I’m talking about righting the wrongs of the world! If we ALL followed in the foot steps of Saint Alek Dee Rodger, society would HAVE to change! Why sneak about jerking off to rape porn when we could get rape legalized? All it takes is an ongoing campaign of terror and we could finally rule this world! Going out and mowing down some fucking Brads and Tracys is REALLY coping.

 

You’re vaguely familiar with the name Rage rattled off. Alek Rodger was a young man much like yourself that went on a killing spree after a long time of being rejected by women. His online manifesto is quite popular with the black gumdrop crowd, though you’ve only really ever skimmed it mainly because most of it was going on about boring mundane things.

The more interesting stuff was about teaching women a lesson and how he was going to make a throne built by the skulls of sluts and drink their blood while he sat on it.

He didn’t actually get very far, since when he was going to spray the sorority house, his gun jammed and he accidentally blew his own head off when he looked into the barrel as he was trying to unjam the thing.

Of course it was the message that was important. A message that you do identify more and more with now. Rage might be right, if you all did rise up and did something then maybe things would change in your favor.

However, you still aren’t sure.

DoomTrooper: I mean I hear you, but I dunno. I don’t even own a gun or anything.

UNRELENTINGRAGE: Oh fuck off with your excuses! Bah, I can see I’m wasting my time here! You may be black gumdropped but you’re still a goddamn beta cuck. Go back to the forum and jack it to porn while you cry about these diseased cunts not fucking you.

Or better yet, just go rope if the situation is so fucking hopeless. Why prolong your fucking misery?  Go follow the rest of the pathetic fucks that eventually realize the echo chamber isn’t going to solve their problems that a tight necktie will. DO IT.

And with those final words, Mr. Rage logs off leaving you to ponder his wisdom. You have to admit, you would be just extending your sorrow if you just hung around on the forums.

Maybe you should just end it all.

 

Cope

Rope

Choosing ROPE at every opportunity, but I bet he's too weak and indecisive to even manage that much.

And the Incel Insanity story is FINALLY fucking finished!

Now to work on the OTHER two stories that are going to be in this multi-tale story. One of them is going to be more of a rewrite so that shouldn't be too long. It's the third one that's probably going to be a slog since I'm still not sure of a solid concept for the third story yet.

I'll think of something though.

Incel story is 97 pages on Word and 34,941 words total.

Amazing!

I'm looking forward to it. The final word count must be something else.

One of the added stories will be Exploitation Theater. I'm going to slightly alter it a bit though, but at last that one is going to be transferred over.

One of my favorites.

A timeless classic for all ages.

Working on the next bit. Though this is the intro I have so far (And planned final title and tag line)

Tales From the Basement 2

It’s a Neckbeard Boogaloo!

 

There’s never a shortage of losers, faggots and other ne’er do wells, so here’s three more stories about such types.

Yes, they don’t strictly live in the basement, but you get the idea. (Besides, I really wanted to use the “Boogaloo” rhyme for the tag line)

Enjoy!

 

Incel Insanity (Get ready to become a supreme gentleman because it’s all over!)

Whining Wokie (Get ready to check your privilege because your all triggers are BROKE!)

Film Fanatic (Exploitation Theater: RE-LOADED TARDED)

Starting work on Film Fanatic

Movie Selection

“Okay honey so what are you in the mood for?”

“You’re asking me? I don’t know, I’m guessing all these movies are going to be badly acted, have minimal plot and have crappy special effects so it’s all the same to me.” Your girlfriend glances over at the nearby movie posters. “What the hell is White Devil Black Heart?”

“Oh that’s a Blaxploitation film.”

Your girlfriend stops you before you can continue to explain the movie plot.

“Well we are NOT seeing that one. I’m in no mood to watch a bunch of pro-black shit in a theater with a bunch of hostile crackhead gangbangers and their ghetto ass baby’s mamas.”

Your girlfriend’s culturally insensitive but completely accurate remark doesn’t faze you since you don’t care and more importantly you’ve seen that movie before and thought it wasn’t nearly violent enough anyway. Besides you’ve already "narrowed" your choices down to the other four movies.

In the meantime the ticket guy wants to get back to his literature.

“Hey buddy, so what’s it gonna be? I ain’t got all fucking night.”

 

Groin Zero

Pornomancer

Erectal

Sally’s Sexy Saga

You're not looking!

“SHOW US A BIG DICK!” someone in the audience shouts which is promptly followed by the Enduring undoing his codpiece and some clapping from the audience.

“Holy shit. That can’t be real.” Your girlfriend says.
“I mean there’s tons of porn stars with horse dicks.” You remark.
“Well I dunno, I don’t watch porn and I’ve only seen yours and a few other past boyfriends, so I don’t have much to compare it to.”

You give your girlfriend a look as if you don’t know if you should be insulted, then you realize that you’re lucky that she hasn’t seen too many other dicks. You then see her getting on the phone.

“What the hell are you doing?” you say.
“I’m looking something up. I want to see if they used a fake dick on the actor or not.” She replies.
“Does it matter? This is just like at home when you get distracted with your phone! You’re missing the movie!”
“I’m not missing anything, he’s obviously going to fuck the queen so hard she’s going to submit and he’ll win this war the way he won the last one, by fucking the queen.”
“The last one was a empress.”
“Whatever. I think I know the plot by now.”
“There’s more to it than that! There’s twists and shit you need to pay attention to!”
“Well it’s not like I’m not trying, but its not like the audience of cosplayers we’re sitting with is making it easy.

She does have somewhat of a point there.

You continue watching the movie for another hour and a half, while idiots in the audience interact with the movie dialogue and your girlfriend is half distracted on her phone. She’s still watching, but it’s like you’re at home except worse due to all the fucking cosplayers.

You get to the part though where the Enduring finally going to meet the Tzar. You nudge your girlfriend to pay attention to which she looks up.

“Huh? Oh, is he going to rape another ruler? Y’know its weird that they all happen to be female.”
“No! He’s going to meet the Tzar!”
“Tzar? I don’t remember seeing him before.”
“That’s because you haven’t, he’s the unseen ruler of the Dominion!”
“I thought it was that chick in black face that ruled it. Mistress or something.”
“That's the Matriarch! Now pay attention!”
“Alright, alright, I’m looking!”

The Saga Begins...

“Sis, stop this REALLY hurts!” Sally cried.

“Oh shut the fuck up bitch and take it! You’re lucky I’m not using the nine inch strapon in your ass, now you gonna obey the rules of the house from now on?!” her sister said while pulling her long blonde hair.

“Yes! I will!”

“That’s what I thought. Otherwise next time I’ll shove this in your mouth AFTER I fuck you in the ass with it!”

Sally’s sister pulled out of her ass and then pushed Sally’s head roughly into the pillow she was biting on earlier. She gave a sadistic chuckle as she left Sally weeping and sore.

Sally slowly recovered from her ordeal and went to go take a shower, but even after washing up a bit, she didn’t feel much better. She was still a prisoner in her own home and with her older sister in charge, there was nothing she could do about it.

She had no job and no one else to turn to. Parents were dead and all the other siblings that she did have all moved out and had their own problems to deal with before being able to take her in.

It was at this time that Sally looked into the mirror and imagined herself elsewhere. She had a very vivid imagination that could take her anywhere. Though nowadays that imagination was becoming less and less useful. The crushing reality of her horrible situation was unavoidable.

She touched the mirror.

“Oh how I wish a prince would take me away...right now.”

And with those words suddenly there was a blinding flash causing Sally to fall backwards on her ass which wouldn’t have hurt at all had she not still been sore from getting fucked in it.

When Sally opened her eyes she saw a blue man with what looked to be armor on though she’d never seen any like it before. It looked like something out of a science fiction movie.

“Who are you?” she asked as he looked down upon her like a warrior.

“Prince Anu, ruler of the galaxy and everything that exists in it. How do you NOT know of me? And where am I?” Anu said equally confused.

“Uh…my room?”

“And where is that? What planet is this?”

“Oh! Uh…earth?”

“Never heard of it.”

“How are you prince of everything in the galaxy and you’ve never heard of earth?”

“Um…”

“And shouldn’t you be a king if you rule everything?”

“I will soon! Just waiting for my dad to die, but the old fuck just won’t. Anyway, you aren’t unattractive in a peasant girl sort of way. You will become part of my harem, but first I need to test something. Stay right there, you’re in the perfect position.”

Anu unfastened the crotch part of his armor as Sally was still a little bewildered by what was going on.

“Hey wait, wha…uphm!” was all Sally managed to utter before Anu pulled her head forward to perform his “test.” Sally being the naturally submissive type all her life, just let it happen and put up no resistance.

When the “test” was finished, another explosion of light occurred at the same time

Sally then found herself in a completely different setting. She was in some luxurious room with a lot of fancy looking furniture. Or she would have noticed if she wasn’t still preoccupied until Anu stopped her.

“Damn, fuck, stop! Let me recover! Shit, I ain’t never had a blowjob like that before. And I’ve had so many I wouldn’t even be able to count that high.” Anu said as he withdrew and backed away a bit.

“Wait… did you actually swallow?” Anu asked as he recovered.

“Well yeah, what else would I do?” Sally said wondering why that was even a question.

Sally got up from her knees and finally looked around at her new surroundings. What stood out the most wasn’t the fancy digs, but the large window overlooking a blue alien landscape and the sky having two suns.

Sally gulped (again) and realized she wasn’t in…well wherever she lived before.

As Sally stared in wonder, Anu had finally recovered and walked up behind her.

“I’m guessing you’ve never seen anything like that before.” Anu said.

“Nope. Are we on an alien planet?” Sally asked.

“Well we’re on my homeworld, so I’m not on an alien planet, but you are I suppose. I’m also guessing your species doesn’t have space travel?”

“Oh, we’ve been to our moon and been trying to get to another nearby planet, but nothing like this.”

“Hm. Still in the primitive stages then. I imagine that’s why we’ve never discovered earth before. Besides your Stone Age technology, it seems you’re also located in the backwater of the galaxy. Too far away and unimportant to conquer, at least at this time.”

“Conquer?”

“Why yes my dear. That is what we do. The Zik Empire conquers those that stand in our way. This is why we are the greatest power in the galaxy.

“Do you just kill everyone?”

“What? No. Well, I mean…it depends. If a race is wise enough to know their place, then of course we don’t, they are gladly accepted into the Empire with our complete protection! In fact they may even become proper citizens in time. Of course if a race is unwise enough to resist, well there may be no other option, but to destroy the planet.”

“Oh dear. That sounds rather extreme.”

“It is regrettable, but necessary at times. Tell me, is your race rather of the rebellious nature?

Anu turned her around to face him and began groping Sally, generally exploring her body with his six fingered hands.

“Uhm…yeah some are. Not all though.” Sally answered, as she once again gave no resistance.

“I guess I got lucky as you don’t seem to resist me at all. Perhaps you are just special?”

“Not particularly.”

“Nonsense. Your blowjob transported me not only back home, but right in my own room in my personal palace. Never before have I had a vessel that brought such accuracy. At least not an untested one. Even Toothless Two Tongue Tama doesn’t have that sort of accuracy.”

“Vessel?”

“Yes my dear human. As part of the royal line, I have the ability to transport by getting oral sex. I just focus on where I want to go as the vessel does its thing and then when climax is reached, I’m there. It’s very useful and much more effective than the typical travel via starship. More fun too.”

“Was that how you got to my world?”

“Yes. Admittedly, occasionally that method of travel does have its random element of chance. I was using one of my harem girls to travel to a party on Trilixion Three, and the girl was a bit new. Probably shouldn’t have used her to try to travel such a far distance, but I really wanted to start breaking her in. The girl ended up scraping her teeth against my dick, which caused me to lose focus, and somehow I ended up on earth. I suppose I should be lucky I didn’t end up in space.”

“Wait, where did the girl go then?”

“Who knows? Generally, they arrive with me like you did, but when mistakes like that happen, well the girl probably was atomized upon transportation. It’s also possible she didn’t transport at all or even wound up in a completely different location. I suppose I’ll see the next time I check my harem, if I remember. Of course if she’s still there, I’ll probably refrain from having her executed since this severe error in her oral skills led me to a treasure in you.”

Anu, made a motion around Sally’s lips with his fingers causing her to instinctively  suck on one of them briefly.

 

“Hmm, perhaps we SHOULD make the effort to conquer earth, if all humans have your skills and enthusiasm. However, I would like to keep you for myself. You are way too useful to be a regular harem girl.” Anu said.

“You want me to be your wife?” Sally asked.

“What? No! You’re a primitive alien peasant; someone of my royal blood couldn’t possibly marry a creature like you! However, you are going to be my personal vessel from now on, which means you will be very well taken care for. Arguably you’re probably more useful than whatever snobby bitch noble I’m unfortunate enough to marry in the future. Let us not dwell on such depressing details though, off with your clothes, I want to fuck you properly now.”

“Didn’t you have a party to go to?”

“To hell with the party, it’ll just be the usual blood sports and orgies. Boring, done it all before. I have a feeling I’ll have more fun playing around with you for a while.

“Wait, are we going to be transporting to different planets again?”

“Of course not, I have to focus on such things and it only works with oral sex. Silly human. Now turn around and bend over.”

 

"Ew!" your girlfriend says.
"What? You just saw her getting fucked in the ass and giving head earlier." you reply.
"I’m talking about that over there! I think that old guy is jacking off!"

You take a quick look over to the old guy that your girlfriend is referring to and you can't really tell in this dark, but his hands do look like they're moving about in his lap.

“Alright then let's just move."
“Move? I wanna get the hell outta here! This whole place is gross and this movie is gross! It's just misogynistic porn!" she exclaims.

Your girlfriend seems pretty upset and the movie’s barely begun. You’re wondering if you should have picked something else, but it’s too late now.

You could cut your losses before things get worse, or you can try to convince her to stay.

 

Leave now

Convince her

Convince her this turns into a movie about feminist empowerment.

I mean it still could, if Sally was a little more like Suzy.

Well that is the route the main character is going to go as far as trying to convince her is concerned.

When noobs ask how pornographic their story can be, this should be the new go-to reference.

Honestly still not the most graphic thing on here as far as sex scenes go.

I wouldn't call this pornographic, it's a good example of how to walk the line with some restraint. Lots of "they did the sex" and funny dialogue around it, but not the kind of details people roving the internet specifically for that kind of thing would be looking for.

But at any rate, Mathbrush couldn't read this one.

I swear I'm ALMOST thinking about turning this parody into an actual story at this point. Lol.

The Saga Continues...

Upon opening the shot up door, the bathroom was almost as big as the Prince’s bedroom. Sally scanned the room and found Anu cowering in his bathtub, pointlessly hiding behind his see-through shower curtains.

“Is he gone?” Anu asked.

“Yeah, but I think there’s a bunch of rebels or something about to break down your bedroom door! Don’t you have any weapons?” Sally asked.

“No, not here anyway. My robots and automated turret systems were the defense.”

“Yeah well those got shut down so good going with that false sense of security. You don’t have a secret passage out of here or something?”

“No…oh the cosmic gods, I’m gonna die!”

Anu began weeping and curling up into a ball as the sound of his bedroom door continued to be assaulted. As solid as that door looked, it really won’t be long before they get inside. Sally had no idea what would happen to her, but she got the impression that a half naked female like herself might be in for gang raping and sex enslavement at best.

Not a good situation, and there was only ONE way she was going to get out of it. She got in the tub with Anu and pulled down his underwear.

“Wha…what the fuck are you doing?” Anu asked.

“I’m about to suck your dick that’s what!” Sally shouted.

“Now?!”

“Fuck yes now! You said you can transport when you get head, so how else are we going to get out of here?”

“But…I’m…I can’t focus on anything with death being so imminent!”

“Well you better get fucking focused!” Sally said and got started immediately.

Anu was still too scared and still wasn’t entirely sold on this idea however.

“But they almost got the door down! There’s no way you’re going to make me climax so quick!”

Sally just looked up with eyes that said, “Challenge accepted.”

 “Oh fuck…damn…” Anu said as the pleasure began to increase.

Sally was confident that she could do it before the rebels got the door open, what she was more concerned about was if this cowardly asshole was going focus properly so that she didn’t get atomized or transported into a volcano or something. She was taking all the risk here.

Wow, it really IS a story of feminist empowerment!

I'm finishing up this storyline and I've been laughing the entire time writing it. I nearly posted another bit, but I figured some of this needs to be saved for later otherwise it really will be like one of those old grindhouse movies where they just show all the best parts in the trailer.

EDIT: Fuck it, I'm confident the several other pages I've written are just as fucking good anyway. Posting another bit.

I can't stop laughing

Lovers Spat

“Alright fine, so you didn’t like the movie, I fucked up with the pick, but YOU were the one that agreed to go and PROMISED to sit through it!” you say.

“And?! You’re actually going to hold me to something like that like its some binding contract?” your girlfriend replies.

“Fuck yes I am! A promise is a promise and should be stuck to!”

“Are you serious? Where the hell do you get this shit from? I swear I think you just dragged me to see the movie just so you wouldn’t look like a complete pervert. Maybe show me off to the other losers in there like I was some sort of trophy you managed to win.”

“Okay, are YOU being fucking serious right now? First of all I have no problem watching these movies by myself and looking like a complete pervert, I think we both know that. Second, I certainly didn’t take you in there as some sort of trophy as you put it. My plan was just trying to make you see the reason why I enjoy these movies and all I’m saying is when I make a promise to do something for you I always stick to it. You couldn’t even do the same.”

“Oh fuck off, I’m not some dumb submissive bimbo that’s going to just cater to your every whim…wait a minute…is THAT why you watch those movies? Do you wish I was like that?”

“Wha…”

“Do you wish I LOOKED like those girls?”

“I…”

Now it should be said that your girlfriend of course does NOT look like Sally (and especially not Glima because that would be a little creepy even for you) but she’s definitely still attractive to you otherwise you wouldn’t be with her. If anything, she’s probably a step higher than you are on that scale.

While of course it would be great if she did look like Sally, you’re grounded enough to know that’s not realistic and even Sally doesn’t look like “Sally” without all the film industry magic help.

Still, the brief pause in your answer (Which really was only a microsecond) was enough to set off a reaction that even you weren’t prepared for…

“…no of course not!” you answer.

Your girlfriend looks at you and you see the eyes watering and the lip quivering.

“Oh shit.” Is all that goes through your head.

A barrage of tears followed by wailing soon starts.

Goddamn it.

F

Film Fanatic main path is finished.

Now to move on to the Whining Wokie path. Gotta create that one from scratch so it'll probably take a bit longer than the last one which I at least had some of it finished already and just added/altered some bits.

Well it's early, but I think I got a good opening for Whining Wokie.

Representation matters!

Before we begin, please choose your identification pronoun.

1. You

2. Mentally Ill

3. Faggot

The ideas are starting to form.

Based on your gender/pronoun choice in the beginning, there will be three distinctly different paths. Originally I was going to have the choice not actually make a difference and just lead to the next page, but this is CYS where your choices matter!

Male?

Another day…

And the social injustices of this world still exist, but YOU can make the world a better place for all races, genders and orientations!

You take a quick look on the Internet and see what injustices you can right today. There’s certainly no shortage, but you can only focus on one since your daily testosterone blockers are making you less energetic. It’s a struggle since you’d really like to do more, but decreasing your potential to engage in toxic masculinity is more important than being a man penis haver.

The main thing that catches your eye is the protest going on about installing genderless bathroom across the city. The “I Can’t Pee!” Movement has been really gaining some ground and you could help directly by being a vocal ally!

You also see another gathering that’s trying to do something about the growing homeless problem in the city, most of which are from marginalized groups such as minorities and especially “illegal” immigrants.

Of course you could give yourself a little break from righting the world's wrongs and perhaps focus on your life partner instead. After all, sometimes diversity begins at home!

 

Go to the protest

Go to the gathering

Go see to your partner

To be fair, if this guy's got a life partner he's already doing better than the incel. I will remain cautiously optimistic about his chances.

The "F" word

You slowly go into the box truck and try to find something that doesn’t seem heavy and grab it.  You do this a couple times, moving lighter things such as a box of plastic sporks to the big tent until Matt notices what you’re doing.

“Jesus Christ, you some sort of faggot that you can’t lift more than one box at a time or are you just a lazy asshole?” Matt says.

“Could you please not say that?” you say.

“What asshole?”

“No, the F word.”

“What? Fuck? I haven’t said fuck once until just now.”

“No, The F WORD!”

It takes Matt a moment to realize what you’re referring to and when he does…

“Faggot? Are you fucking kidding me?” Matt says.

“No, it’s a slur and you should stop using it.” You say.

“Oh fuck off with that stupid shit. Faggot is a perfectly fine word and it’s not a slur just because you lot all of a sudden got a little power to swing your rainbow dicks around scolding everyone to act a certain way.”

“Stop saying that word! It’s offensive to the LGBT community!”

“Look, I don’t give a shit if you’re gay, I’m calling you a faggot because that’s what you’re acting like. Especially right now.”

“I’m not gay.”

“You’re not? Then why the fuck are you even getting offended? Oh right, I know why, because you’re a fucking FAGGOT!”

At this point you’re getting slight anxiety from all this aggressiveness. If you didn’t have such low testosterone, you’d really teach this bigot a lesson!

Before this conversation continues to escalate, Michael comes back from the tent.

“What the hell are you two doing, my mom is giving me a bunch of shit for things going too slow!” Michael says.

“This faggot is getting offended for me calling him a faggot.” Matt responds.

“Why the hell did you call him a faggot?”

“Haven’t you noticed? He’s only been lifting one thing at a time and its all the light shit. I mean hell if he’s going to lift the light shit, he could at least carry a few more boxes. Which means he’s either a lazy asshole, or a weak ass faggot and considering he’s all fucking offended by me merely saying faggot, I guess my guess about him being a faggot was the correct one.”

It’s all too much you can’t take it anymore! You overcome your chemically induced docility and swing at Matt!

You punch connects!

Granted it was on his arm and it had all the power of a wet piece of paper, but you actually hit him. Matt looks at you with a mixture of confusion and surprise at first, then amusement.

“Did you just hit me?” he says.

“Yes, one should always punch a Nazi!” you respond.

“I take it back you’re not a faggot, you’re just a plain retard.”

“REEEEEEEEEEE!” you scream at yet another slur uttered by Matt and go into full attack mode flailing your arms at him like…well a retard.

This sight is so hilarious to Matt, that he doesn’t even bother to really fight back, he just pushes you to the ground, where upon you flail about on there continuing to scream.

“Oh shit, I think you made him have a fucking seizure!” Michael shouts.

“Fuck, go get your mom, she’s a nurse!” Matt says.

“She’s not a nurse!”

“Well she took medical classes or something, just fucking get her!”

Michael goes running off, while you’re still flailing on the ground. Matt in the meantime just stands around looking at you until Yamika shows up.

“What the hell is going on?” she asks.

“I dunno, this crazy faggot attacked me and now I think he’s having a seizure or something. Michael, you saw it, he attacked me.”

Michael shrugs and just says “Yeah he did hit him first.”

“Nazi! Nazi! Nazi!” you scream.

“Why is he screaming Nazi?” Yamika asks.

“Hell if I know, this faggot called me that before he attacked me. Maybe he’s off his meds or some shit.”

“…wait a minute, were you calling him a faggot this whole time? Goddamnit Matt, I told you before, you need to watch what the hell you say to some people! You wouldn’t call me a nigger hoe would you?”

“Definitely not the first part, but you did tell me to call you a hoe when we were…”

Yamika immediately waves her hand to Matt with a “Shhhhh!” sound, while briefly looking at her son.

“Aw man, I didn’t need to hear that shit! Ugh, I’m leaving!” Michael says in disgust, walking off.

At this point you’ve managed to finally get up off the ground. You’re calmer now, but still very angry. Yamika, addresses you.

“You alright? You seemed to have had a bit of an episode there. You on any meds or anything? You need a ride to a hospital?” Yamika asks.

“I’m fine, but I refuse to work with this homophobic AND transphobic Nazi!” you exclaim.

“Alright, look I know Matt’s not the most sensitive of people, but he’s not a Nazi. What if he apologized for attacking your orientation? Would that suffice?”

“I’m not gay! And I’m afraid it wouldn’t suffice! I will not enable Nazism and if you’re with him then you’re a Nazi too!”

“How the fuck am I a Nazi?”

“You stand with Nazis, you get counted among them! You people are terrible!”

And with those last words as your parting shot, you turn to leave, and then…

“You people? What the fuck do you mean by you people?” Yamika says.

Omg, what did I just read. This is hilarious stuff, I couldn't stop laughing by the time I got to the "seizure".

It even has sporks!

Really looking forward to this becoming a Boondocks episode when the mom kicks his ass.

Getting down to the final stretch of the story. Less than 10 more passages to go.

 

Moan about gender shit

You haven’t ranted about gender since yesterday, time to bring it up again.

You go on your Ynr account and start typing away about the various struggles of being a differently gendered person and all the discrimination and bigotry you deal with.

After writing your rant, you start getting a trickle of likeminded faggots agreeing with you in one big faggot circle jerk.

Of course this is all really bullshit even in the usual insanity of this sort of thing mainly because you rarely leave the damn house, so you’re never actually facing any sort of real “discrimination” of any sort. You’re just parroting shit you’ve either seen on the net or the times you’ve visited more based websites and gotten triggered in the process.

While you’re enjoying your circle jerk, you suddenly receive a new message from some anonymous Ynr.

Anon: If you’re so dedicated to the cause why aren’t you at this protest you mentioned going on in your city?

Transcendent: I have to take care of my parents who are dependent on me. I can’t possibly go to something like that even though I might like to.

Anon: Didn’t you say you hate your parents like a month ago?

Transcendent: I probably was just frustrated at the time. Things get overwhelming. I obviously don’t really hate them.

Anon: But you said you wished they’d die already so you could just inherit all their shit. Also how are you taking care of them? You’ve mentioned several times in the past that you don’t have a job because of discrimination.

Transcendent: Okay, I’m feeling unsafe. Going to just turn off the anonymous comments now.

And with that you run away from a potential confrontation as usual. However, the damage has already been done as now some of the named Ynrs start to question you.

GenderlessRobot: I dunno, the anon sort of had a point, you do tend to talk a good game but I’ve never heard of you actually DOING anything other than playing some video game or talking about some anime futa you want to have sex with.

Transcendent: Hey, you don’t know what I do or don’t do? This is my Ynr and I talk about stuff that’s fun! The internet is my fun time, I get enough bad vibes from the real world!

Nonbinarystar: But you spend most of your time on the Internet complaining a lot. That doesn’t sound like having fun. Even when you’re talking about a video game, you start ranting about some sort of injustice, but you never say you’re actually doing anything about it.

Transcendent: I have extreme anxiety! Going to a protest like that would cause me to have a panic episode!

Drinkyourgenderfluids: Yeah, so you’ve said many times, but you don’t even participate indirectly. Like you mention that you order take out from Hen House all the time, but that chain is owned by fucking Mormons that are fiercy anti-rainbow! If you’re not going to actively protest, at least protest with your wallet. Or parents’ wallet I suppose.

PronounPurger: I have to agree. Look I even understand the whole anxiety thing. I sometimes have to just take a moment to clear my head before I leave the house, but I know I have to do it. Only we can make a change if we DO something other than just whining.

Transcendent: I’m starting to feel really attacked right now.

SJWARLORD: Okay, I’m going to just say it. YOU are everything those CISSYS point at and laugh about. YOU make everything harder for the rest of us. You’re weak and you’re an embarrassment to the cause.

And with that last message, you immediately block everyone.

Your heart starts racing and your whole body literally starts shaking! Tears start running down your face and you begin to cry.

After about an hour of this, you finally stop crying in your pillow and manage to calm down a bit from that triggering.

Still, you don’t know how you’re ever going to be able to go back to your Ynr now. Sure you could go back and just write on it, but now that you’ve practically blocked everyone, you won’t get that nice circle jerk anymore. It’ll just be you typing into a void without attention and despite being triggered over the most minor of things you still like the attention.

As much as you hate to have any sort of self-reflection, you do wonder if you should do more than just whine on the Internet. Maybe you COULD do something. If you did, then you could at least go back on your Ynr and not get called out anymore.

Going to the “I Can’t Pee!” protest is still out though; you just don’t have the means to get there. Even if you had a driver’s license, your parents probably wouldn’t let you use theirs. And to be honest, you’re still too scared of going to something like that.

You wonder for a moment about where else you could go and Hen House comes to mind. You could protest that place. It’s just around the corner so you wouldn’t be far from home. It could be like practice for the future, if it turns out successful.

You also think of another place that isn’t too far from home and that’s the local library. There’s been all those drag queens doing storytime hour to kids. You probably could do something like that. Sure it’s not protesting, BUT it is educating the youth of tomorrow to be more open minded.

1. Protest the Hen House

2. Storytime at the library

Ooooh storytime :O

It is done.

All that remains is copy/pasting the story to the site and publishing after the current contest is over.

I am looking forward to this one. I do love the epic fantasy, but all your modern day stories are the funniest by far.

And somehow I feel like this one will be harvesting a lot of gold from people who ignore the warnings for a long time to come.

Another masterpiece soon.

Okay, it's all set to be published for after the contest is over.

94,891 words total according to the site. More than I thought actually. More than twice that of the original Tales. Definitely way more than the original Exploitation Theater.

Just a reminder that after the contest, this will finally be released as well.

And it will be an amazing day. I can't wait to read it in its entirety.

Also used a specific quote that you once said, so once again you've inspired a bit of dialog in my story.

I feel honored once again. Thank you for that!

Will be keeping my eyes peeled throughout my reading.