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So I was wondering, what's your favorite quote?

"Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life.” - Terry Pratchett

 

Also:

"Give a man a duck and he'll be able to feed himself for a day, teach a man to duck and he'll be able to avoid low flying objects." - Unknown

Pratchett is my favorite author. my personal favorite quote by him is

“The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money.

Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles.

But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that'd still be keeping his feet dry in ten years' time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet.

This was the Captain Samuel Vimes 'Boots' theory of socioeconomic unfairness.”

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” - Terry Pratchett ^_^

"Thara is an impatient little bitch." --Mizal, 12/31/2020, 5:53 am

"Elf whore." --TharaApples, 12/31/20, Some time in the morning 

“If we are all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?” - Jimmy Carr

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant." - Robert Louis Stevenson

I don't care who your father is, while I'm fishing nobody walks on the water. --Unknown

"I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong about hitting a woman- although I don’t recommend doing it in the same way that you’d hit a man. An open-handed slap is justified if all other alternatives fail.” – Sean Connery

"It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation." - Herman Melville 

"But how are we going to get all the chimpanzees into the wet-suits?" - Pinky (Pinky and The Brain).

"But me and Pipi Longstocking, what would the children look like?" - Pinky

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:4-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.



Just some gay wholesome Christianity while you wait for me to get out the Old Testament, which is made of pure fucking metal.

[Smiting the heathen delayed while I do laundry]

[Also it's really difficult to narrow Psalm 37 down just to the highlights, we might need a metal poetry thread instead.]

Give us some real Fire & Damnation!

"That's what." --She

I laughed way too much at this. ^_^

"When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk." - Tuco

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."

"If at first you don't succeed: Cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie."

"When I die, I hope it's peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, and not screaming in terror like his passengers."


Jack Handey used to write the Deep Thoughts segment for SNL, and he kept adding more to his website even after those ended. I wasted a day binging them once many years ago, but looks like you have to buy them as a book now. Although I'm sure they're around somewhere if you look for them.

 “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. The true neighbor will risk his position, his prestige, and even his life for the welfare of others.”- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 

Ah, the classics!

"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." - Bill Cosby ... Rather disturbing in hindsight. >.>

"Stay strong. Make them wonder how you're still smiling." -Unknown

Okay, favorite badass quotes which are actually funny?

My personal favorite is "Don't mind me, just taking life several fucks at a time." - I have absolutely no idea who said this.

God this is so cringy. You're too young to understand now, but re-read this in like six years. 

There's nothing wrong with taking life several fucks at a time. No slut shaming. ^_^

what do you mean slut-shaming? I thought this was referring to how bad life can get, right?

Uhh... Sure. ^_^

??? For some reason, I feel like something's not right.

It isn't, but I'd advise you not to know.

...Okay???

Okay, favorite badass quotes which are actually funny?

I'm not much of a bad apple person, so I'll skip out on this one.

Alright! : )

"When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices; when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy." --Proverbs 11:10

Since we're doing a Bible theme, I like Ecclesiastes 2:16:

"For the wise, like the fool, will not be long remembered; the days have already come when both have been forgotten. Like the fool, the wise too must die." 

I'm not religious, but I still re-read the Book of Ecclesiastes every now and then. 

Ever tried, ever failed.
No matter.
Try again. Fail Again.
Fail better.

-- Samuel Beckett

"When I say I like Hitler I do not imply that he is a personally winning or temperately rational individual, but simply that he is an honest, ignorant man fighting bravely & blindly against the disintegrative forces which more educated & sophisticated people accept without adequate evidence as inevitable." - H.P. Lovecraft ^_^

This thread needs some Inspirobot!

 

 

Well here goes my whole morning...

Now that I have unleashed this thing, I suppose I'll get in on the inevitable image spam early.

Luckily all you need to do is wash your hands, and then you'll be white! ^_^

"Idealism, the disease of idiots." - Dr. Leonard Price

"If you will it, it is no dream"

-Herzl

Found a few fun ones. ^_^

 

"If you kick every Latino out of this country, then who is going to be cleaning your toilet, Donald Trump?" - Kelly Osbourne

"Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." - Mel Gibson

"I can't stand black guys. I would never touch one. It's gross." - Paris Hilton

"I am going to come and burn the fucking house down... but you will blow me first." - Mel Gibson

"Sometimes I wish slavery was still going' on. I don't need black fans anyway. Y'all don't buy albums." - Kreayshawn (No idea who this person is, but apparently she's famous.) :p

"I farted" -- Ogre

"Excuse me, black 'people'?? We're calling them people now?" -Avery_Moore

I don't remember saying that... But it's a quote, so I guess I must have. ^_^

Time to show off my impressive photoshopping skills. 

Where's my MAGA hat? ^_^

... It's beautiful! O.O

“I came in first in the 2014 Spring Thing, won 600 dollars and got fucked in the ass by End Master, all in all a good day.” - Real quote by Briar Rose

(I could explain the context, but it’s funnier this way)

"Who the fuck is Briar Rose?" - Someone's mom.

I'm just going to keep lurking...

Don't worry Fem, I'm going to make a new thread and keep this mob of insurrectionists out of it.

Awh :(

Lol