Hey, you know all those God awful live action Disney remakes that everybody hates? And you know those really terrible ones like Maleficant and Cruella where they make it even worse by trying to make the villain sympathetic? Did you know that there's a good one of those? A really, really fucking good one! Swearsies, it's actually amazing!
Why haven't you heard of it? ... Well, because it wasn't actually made by Disney. It was made by a theater production group called Team StarKid who specialize in Musical comedies, with hits such as: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals, A Very Potter Musical and Holy Musical, B@tman! (How the hell these guys haven't had their asses sued off, I have no idea.)
Either way, here is their most famous masterpiece that I have just discovered. Twisted, The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier... Ever watch Aladdin as a kid and think to yourself, "Wouldn't it be dangerous to march a fucking elephant through a crowded market square?" or "Is a small cart of manure really enough to break a fall from a ten story building?" or, "Is it just me or is the age gap between Aladdin and Jasmine kind of creepy?" Well, these guys did, and this amazing musical is the result! It'll have you feeling hell of sorry for Jafar, thinking Aladdin is the world's most massive dick, wondering why you didn't realize before how much of an insufferable brat Jasmine was, and asking yourself, "Was Robin Williams really that annoying?"
For anyone who likes Disney or Musicals or for people who hate both, I still highly recommend.
"Is it just me or is the age gap between Aladdin and Jasmine kind of creepy?"
How old are they?
I'm not a Disney fanatic, so I don't keep up with this stuff.
In the original movie, Alladin is 18, Jasmine was 16. It's not too bad.
Well that's hardly making a fuss over, especially in ye olden days of Arab land.
Considering this is a land where their prophet married a 6 year old and the marriage was consummated when she was 9, Jasmine was an old maid and Aladdin was a late bloomer.
It was going good for a while at first, even though it sort of relies on you to believe that Jafar was in some way unpopular in the kingdom, and that every citizen of the Aladdin Sultanate was a watered-down disney protagonist, even though in the movie it feels like the townsfolk you see in this massive city probably wouldn't have even seen him, because he's just a bureaucrat. But I get it, it's the dynamic Jafar probably would've had with the King, so I guess it could extend to his subjects as well. The shit really hits the fan when they have to just make shit up to make the others the bad guy, and then it's clear that they're not pointing out that many flaws in the source material other than the one obvious thing, they're really just making up their own story where the situation is reversed.
What about the prince in Snow White, he basically just wanders in at the end and makes out with a teenage dead chick.
Funny thing is Sleeping Beauty is considered to be the lamest princess because she doesn't do anything.
But I mean really, what more does a real princess have to do except look pretty and lay there and take it?
The sleep raping wasn't the worst part in the original tale.
When he eventually decided to wake her up she found that she had three new babies.
Then the prince's mom ate them right in front of her.
Ah, I love that this was the standard for "family friendly" in the time when these fairytales were written down.
What would even be the moral of that story? Please don't prick yourself on a spinning wheel or otherwise you will find yourself with three children and a creepy ass dude.
I'm also pretty sure that the princess woke up, because one of her children was suckling on her breast, which isn't any better.
I like how some of the original tales don't really have a moral, it's just a bunch of fucked up shit that happened.
The evil queen mother is also supposed to be part ogre (hence why she's eating babies and it's completely normal for her)
Which sort of brings into question if the prince had ogre blood or if it was just supposed to be his step mom.
I'm sure the prince was gentlemanly enough to put her in a more comfortable position.