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This is my description of this vampire character in my story.
You feel a sharp pain as her sharp teeth sink into your neck, and you feel your blood heat up to an unbearable temperature, boiling in every vein and artery in your body, feeling like lava underneath your skin. You feel her teeth slide out of your neck, and promptly fall to your knees. You look up at your assailant, who seems impossibly tall standing over you. She has a lithe figure, with long legs covered in a long velvet black skirt leading up to a black cotton bodice with a low neckline. The dress barely holds on to her shoulders, held together with loose corset lacing running up to her ivory neck, which is covered in blood that drips from her smiling lips. Her teeth and fangs are already completely white and pearlescent, glittering in the dim candlelight as they begin to move.

Writing with your dick, eh Bezro?

No, it'll be worse if I am. I have to write as if the character is just captivated by this vampire to advance the plot the way I want and it be realistic. If you want Besumt I got you though.

I don't want that, actually. If you want actual advice, it might be to describe the character in a way that characterizes her, or at least isn't just an outfit description

I'd recommend weaving the character's captivation with the vampire into her description. For example,

'The gentle moonlight falls upon her unnaturally pale skin, giving her an otherworldly beauty that you've never witnessed before. Perhaps, it's a beauty you will never witness again if you choose to look away.'

In addition to saying that the vampire has pale skin, you will have also conveyed how it affects the character's thoughts.

Thanks, I don't know why I didn't do that.

Vary your sentences to use "you" and "your" less.

To clarify, the main character is kidnapped by a vampire to become essentially a blood cow. Your goal is to escape, but you developed an intense attachment to her from a combination of Stockholm syndrome, the vampire's natural seduction (which is a thing in most vampires from fiction, such as skyrim), and addiction from the endorphins injected during the vampire bite. Every time you make a decision that goes against the vampire's wishes, you have to play a minigame to fight against your own head.

TL;DR, there's a perfectly not faggot reason for me to write about a vampire in such a fashion.

I read this earlier and just figured that you were intending it to be gay and that was the reason that you were writing about vampires to begin with.

However, in the spirit of the new year I will try and provide something constructive.  For me when reading, I dont really care much about the details of a characters wardrobe unless it is necessary for the story (diver in a wetsuit) or the clothing provides some insight into the character.  Your description provides very little detail about the actual character - the look in their eyes or expression for example - and therefore does not tell me anything about who they are.  Perhaps focus on details that provide the reader with insight. You used a lot of words to basically say this being was a female vampire dressed in Victorian fashion, 

I feel like you're using "you feel" just a bit too liberally here. It's used twice in the first sentence and then begins the next one. Seems a bit much.

Unrelated: do vampires farming humans realize they need to feed their humans? I've never seen a story where this is actually specifically mentioned. And if so, is it a high iron diet? If I were a vampire, I'd certainly want my humans eating lots of ribeyes, ya know?

I would assume, I think I've seen references in the skooma den (skyrim) and other works. I'll make sure to include that in my story though.

Awesome. I do wonder about how healthy they'd want them eating too though. Do vampires prefer clogged arteries?

Well it would probably depend on their own personal tastes. Like diabetics would taste sweet, smokers would have a smoky tobacco flavor, health nuts would taste like water, alcoholics would taste spicy. Edibles taste just earthy so weed smokers would just taste like salad. But I'm not sure, I don't drink blood.
That would be a cool thing to add though, where the kidnapper makes him eat or do different things based on what she wants her next meal to taste like.

If you ever do the vampire as a POV character, you could mention their preferences and dislikes. Interesting character dev that would be.

Man you are in that valley right now where either you did too much, or you didn't enough. Either road works, but you half-assed yourself right in the middle. I feel like the others have already given enough tips and feedback for both options, so I'll just add my 2c in: if she's that central to the whole plot, why don't you grow some balls and spend an entire page on just the MC's first impression of her. Picture yourself in his shoes; what makes an impression and what doesn't?

Now the trick is to make the writing good enough with interesting enough descriptions and similes to make the reader want to read it all.

Look, if you’re gonna write this kind of shit, at least commit. Don’t half ass it. And what the hell was up with that dress description? Like, nobody cares that the fabric is held together with corset strings. Get to the fucking point, what’s the character actually look like? Oh, and the biting scene? Yeah, that was kinda weird how you stayed on it.

Ngl, it's a little bit weird how your main activity on the site has been roasting Bezro, having RPS duels with Bezro, and sharing his IP.

Hmm...

If it's one person, then does he want to be seen as a sub? Hence the roasting? Would this fit in with the recent gay-theme around here? Like Mel Gibson in that South Park episode the Passion of the Jew. "Go ahead, see what you can fit in there! I can take it!"

Or maybe they are lovers with a public humiliation kink.

Then again, maybe it's just a scam to quickly acquire points in RPS...

Think whatever you want dude. Also, how could it be a scam if I have more points than the bitch.

Aha! So it IS a kinky relationship! As for how it would be a scam, one account would be the sacrificial one. But in my head cannon this is just a relationship, an abusive and degrading one, filled with spicy sub-dom dynamics.

Yep, one hundred percent right. Couldn’t be more right. Matter of fact, you should write a short story or something.

Phew, I almost thought that Bezro was straight for a moment.

You would know lmao. I still remember reading your storygame years and years ago. Surprisingly good, at least I thought so at the time. That's the main thing I associate with you honestly.

Don't make me renew the order, just chill out. I know your mad and everything, but I would like to remind you that you're the crazy person who went out and did that. Also, spoofing? Seriously?