Hey CYStians!
The Gazette Free-For-All continues with one last round! Got two more stories for you all to read and review. Post your votes here to the thread now before the deadline this Saturday 11:59 EST!
As always, a hearty thank you to all the members of the CYS Monthly Gazette and specifically the winners from the last round, RKrallonor and Anthraxus. Congratulations guys!
Expect an announcement for the winner of the Free-Foe-All in another short Bonus Issue later this month, and of course you'll still be treated to another issue by our regular schedule. Hope you all enjoy.
The pictures here are clickable! If you want the slideshow of this article, here's a link.
It feels odd that in Story A, the main character is afraid of Scotty beaming him up when the aliens come, despite supposedly being an avid UFO enthusiast and telling us that he wants to be abducted at the beginning of the story. Meanwhile, Story B has some good foreshadowing in the beginning, and also gives us a good reason for why they are in the middle of the forest that is rumored to have not one, but two types of dangerous killers lurking within it, instead of just having them mindlessly wandering in because of the usual "THaT DEfiNiTelY WON't haPpen tO us! We'rE toO smARt For thAT!". As such, I'm going to vote for Story B.
FYI: The link for the slideshow goes to the last issue.
Okay, I read both of the stories, and I did think both of them had good points...but if I'm honest, both of them felt a bit disjointed. Story A was interesting, but it was a little jarring to go from the UFOs appearing, and the main character being a believer, to the main character trying to escape. And with story B, the opening scene was really engaging...but there was no reason to care about the characters. Honestly, I think both stories offered short glimpses into interesting plots, and both could do with being expanded into longer stories.
In terms of which I prefer...I felt the descriptions were more compelling for story B, so my vote does have to be for story B.
Voting is probably closed by now, but since the results have not been announced, I’ll post my feedback on these stories. Story A It has an interesting opening and clear characterization of the protagonist as an alien conspiracy theorist. The tone is rather informal, as if the narrator is speaking directly to the reader, which is a good way to deliver information in an engaging format. There are a few minor grammatical errors (e.g. didt, there has to be a comma after Janelle, etc) but nothing too major. Normally I'd critique the overuse of adverbs, especially 'actually' but it does match the narrative tone of someone telling a story verbally as people tend to have their own crutch words. The same goes for words like 'even' and 'also'. But does this narrative voice work? On one hand, this technique allows a lot of information to be delivered in a few words. On the other hand, it speeds through one event after the next without taking the time to immerse the reader in any scene specifically or create any emotional attachments. This meant the first seven paragraphs could potentially be condensed since it seemed a bit like filler information that did not contribute to the protagonist's development nor provide information that would be vital later on in the climax (i.e. foreshadowing). Lots of good worldbuilding details are sprinkled in. Either the author thought a lot about how UFO meetings go or they've secretly attended one. Descriptions are all filtered through first person pov and matches what we know of the protagonist as an alien conspiracy theorist; he selectively observes details about who is and isn't one. There’s a missing word after 'renting the .' Well, that's one way to reduce word count. I like the different reactions to the spacecraft. They are all believers, but some accept it more easily, while others are understandably filled with uncertainty and doubt. This makes sense, as some people just believe in aliens on a balance of probabilities while others are utterly convinced they're already on earth. The main conflict is running from the aliens when they arrive. Good use of fast paced narration here to build suspense. I would have liked perhaps more details on what it was like being captured - did the protagonist resist, and what emotions went through his mind? The ending was good and I like the twist: these used to be die hard alien fans no longer like the aliens now they are captured. Maybe I would have liked to see this theme explored more in the earlier sections: for instance, how much effort the protagonist/ other characters have devoted into sending messages to space or welcoming the aliens, so this would make the 'betrayal' more hardhitting Story B It also had a strong opening and started as the opposite of the other one: it takes a lot of time to ground the reader in the scene through descriptive language and character thoughts. Each action comes with reflection - swiping his sleeve reminds him of the soldiers, limping across the snow brings to mind a trail akin to dragging a dead deer through the woods. This builds more connection with the protagonist. In the earlier story, readers observed the protagonist like one watches an amusing character on screen, out of a curiosity to see what would happen. Part of it has to do with the tones of both stories–this one is more serious, while the other more lighthearted and comical. Surprise vs suspense: there is a perfect example of this here. The first story uses surprise, and the second suspense. Surprise was when, at the end, it is revealed that the story was narrated from an alien holding cell; it juxtaposes the protagonist’s view of aliens at the start and at the end. But my creative writing teacher always preferred suspense, saying it has more of an impact. Rather than a short sudden 'oh that's surprising', suspense drags out the tension, and the question—why is the protagonist covered in blood?—remains unanswered, lingering for a while. There is a slight overreliance on 'as' clauses in the second story, and when introducing Elise, using 'His girlfriend' instead of 'Max's girlfriend ' may flow a bit better'. I like how both these stories create a sense of normalcy before the event that changes everything. Here, I like how it focuses on one moment instead of many, so it can create more depth through details. The mention of the serial killer was good foreshadowing. I have to agree that this plotline is slightly cliche, but execution usually triumphs concept. I also like the mention that the cabin was between civilization and the wild woods, a symbol for the protagonist as he struggles to keep true to his humanity but the wildness of what happens to Elise drives him to murder the serial killer. But my main gripe is that this story does not really follow the prompt. It mentioned Christmas, but it seemed to be a one off reference rather than something that played a large part in the story. For all I know, it could have taken place at any time in the year as long as it was in a snowy region. Maybe if the protagonist had more memories about the first snow of Christmas, or at the end mused about dying on his favourite holiday of the year, it could be a more integral part of the story.
