From leastest to mostest:
M&M's
Peanut M&M's
Circus peanuts, if I'm not in the mood for them.
Thanksgiving candy Corn. Not only is it racist, but it contains shitty chocolate flavor in a delicacy where shitty chocolate flavor DOES NOT BELONG!
Anything orange flavored.
Anything Cherry Flavored. With the exception of Cherry Starbursts, which just aren't very gross.
Tootsie pops
Tootsie rolls
Gum that doesn't last
Things with Coconut in them. Fuck those.
Cookies. Who does that!? They'll crumble apart whenever things get on top of them! These had better be ballin-cookies t make al the bucket-cleaning that comes after worth it... If enough of it is still together enough to eat any substantial bits of it, that is.
Gummies. The world's most "Huh... Okay!" candy.
Suckers.
Hard caramels. Delicious but inconvenient to eat, like lobster, but exponentially less expensive.
Lifesavers.
Fruit lifesavers.
Starburst.
Jolly Ranchers.
Straight-up fruit. It's actually pretty pleasant, unless it's raisins. Find it hard to trust a lot of fruit in a post-razorblade era, though. I'm not sure whether to put caramel apples higher or lower than this, since, while delicious, they are absolute messes and you have to carry them around super-carefully. Honestly, I'm not sure whether it's supposed to be an epic surprise or a prank to inconvenience trick-or-treaters, but if you manage to carry it off to a place of eating without ruining it or anything else, it's the fucking bomb.
<Candy Bar Section>
Heath
Snickers
3 Musketeers
Kit Kat.
Milky Way.
Butterfingers. Best Candy-bar. End of discussion. Say otherwise and you're a heathen.
</Candy Bar Section>
Gum that lasts.
Reese's M&Ms.
Those suckers with gum in them.
Sour Gummi Worms. They are the exception.
Gummi peach-flavored rings that I have no idea what they're called.
Circus-Peanuts, if I'm in the mood for them.
Reese's Cups.
Skittles.
Candy-Corn Pumpkins. I'd argue that they're oftentimes more delicious than candy corn. Like regular candy corn, but sweeter, nicer texture, and there's more of it. However, they lose points for inconsistency. Depending on what kind it is 33-50% of all Mellowcreme pumpkins you will experience will not taste like candy pumpkins, but rather like fucking Tootsie Rolls, which are candy Hitler. They're like Carrots that way, They would be my favorite vegetable if half of them didn't taste like anus.
Candy Corn. Best Halloween candy. Best Fall candy. Fuck, it'd be the best candy around if they actually sold it at any other time of the year.
As usual, my opinions are completely correct at all times, and those who disagree will be subject to impolite and unnecessarily personal remarks.