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A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago

Hey, you know all those God awful live action Disney remakes that everybody hates? And you know those really terrible ones like Maleficant and Cruella where they make it even worse by trying to make the villain sympathetic? Did you know that there's a good one of those? A really, really fucking good one! Swearsies, it's actually amazing!

Why haven't you heard of it? ... Well, because it wasn't actually made by Disney. It was made by a theater production group called Team StarKid who specialize in Musical comedies, with hits such as: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals, A Very Potter Musical and Holy Musical, [email protected]! (How the hell these guys haven't had their asses sued off, I have no idea.)

Either way, here is their most famous masterpiece that I have just discovered. Twisted, The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier... Ever watch Aladdin as a kid and think to yourself, "Wouldn't it be dangerous to march a fucking elephant through a crowded market square?" or "Is a small cart of manure really enough to break a fall from a ten story building?" or, "Is it just me or is the age gap between Aladdin and Jasmine kind of creepy?" Well, these guys did, and this amazing musical is the result! It'll have you feeling hell of sorry for Jafar, thinking Aladdin is the world's most massive dick, wondering why you didn't realize before how much of an insufferable brat Jasmine was, and asking yourself, "Was Robin Williams really that annoying?"

For anyone who likes Disney or Musicals or for people who hate both, I still highly recommend.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
I always saw Jafar as one of the less interesting villains. Should be interesting seeing what can be done if he's given a little more to work with though.

And the sultan was a helpless stubby legged manchild, I suppose anyone would get annoyed working for that.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
I took your suggestion and watched it and was entertained. The lowbrow language throughout was a little cringy, but overall it made a decent retelling of the story.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Not sure what lowbrow means, but yey! :)

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
It means you.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Your mom!

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Aladdin is the best movie, how dare you post this sacrilegious video.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Sacrilegious? You are aware that the live action remake exists, right? You should see what THEY did to Jafar. >.<

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
They made him hot?

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
And boring! Hot and boring is an insult to tall, dark, well dressed and slightly camp. His beard wasn't even twisted! >.<

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Now, now Avery, everyone knows hotness comes before anything else, and it could be worse. So much worse. And an untwisted beard is better than a lonely caterpillar above one's lip. :P

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Yeah, it could be SO much worse, Jafar could cast a spell on Iago and turn him into a giant parrot instead of turning himself into a giant snake for the final boss fight... Oh wait.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Lol, I haven't watched the movie. I noped when I saw the genie was just Will Smith covered in blue body paint. But, I can guarantee you I've seen a hell of a lot worse.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
You mean the Lion King Disney Reboot?

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Lol, didn't watch that one either. I'm not ruining my childhood thank you very much. Maybe it's not fair because it's not a Disney movie, but Sculpture (2009).

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago

"Is it just me or is the age gap between Aladdin and Jasmine kind of creepy?"

How old are they?

I'm not a Disney fanatic, so I don't keep up with this stuff.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago

In the original movie, Alladin is 18, Jasmine was 16. It's not too bad. 

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago

Well that's hardly making a fuss over, especially in ye olden days of Arab land.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Well, technically she was 15, considering she had 3 more days to get married before her 16th birthday.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago

Considering this is a land where their prophet married a 6 year old and the marriage was consummated when she was 9, Jasmine was an old maid and Aladdin was a late bloomer.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Fair, fair.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Jafar forged documents so that he'd have been able to marry the princess if Aladdin hadn't showed up, if you want to talk about an age gap. Not that that that ever mattered for royal marriages anywhere.

Of course he was just looking for more power, which is a pretty lame motivation when he already had one of the most powerful positions and only a tubby little retard to impress to keep it.

Scar made more sense because he'd been expecting to be king if he just played nice for long enough, and then had that suddenly ripped away from him. Jafar was more like a guy that was embezzling the company with no chance of being caught, thought his boss was an easily played idiot but then wanted all his responsibilities for some reason.

I haven't watched the video yet though, maybe it will convince me.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago

It was going good for a while at first, even though it sort of relies on you to believe that Jafar was in some way unpopular in the kingdom, and that every citizen of the Aladdin Sultanate was a watered-down disney protagonist, even though in the movie it feels like the townsfolk you see in this massive city probably wouldn't have even seen him, because he's just a bureaucrat. But I get it, it's the dynamic Jafar probably would've had with the King, so I guess it could extend to his subjects as well.

The shit really hits the fan when they have to just make shit up to make the others the bad guy, and then it's clear that they're not pointing out that many flaws in the source material other than the one obvious thing, they're really just making up their own story where the situation is reversed.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Watching now and off to a great start, I was not expecting it to start off as Beauty and the Beast, but that's MY favorite Disney movie, so no complaints.

"Why is everyone in the kingdom whiiiiiiite?" made me have lose it for a minute, had to pause the video.

Although I already do feel like some of the sneering it's doing about Disney plots and passive heroines etc isn't entirely accurate, and a liiiittle bit mean spirited, (I'm prepared to fight anyone who doesn't like Cinderella btw) I'm still glad I saw Sent's post first so I'm not going in expecting a faithfully parallel tale, just a very familiar one.

It'll probably be tomorrow before I can finish it, but I shall report back.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Can we at least roast the Prince in Cinderella? I think he definitely wins the award for most useless Prince in any Disney movie. He can't even be bothered to find Cinderella himself, he sends a butler to do it. >.<

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago

What about the prince in Snow White, he basically just wanders in at the end and makes out with a teenage dead chick.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Well, at least he kissed her himself, instead of sending one of his daddies servants to kiss her for him. :p

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Most REALISTIC prince, I think you mean. But yeah, that guy is lame. Prince Phillip wins best prince title hands down.



Only good thing about the Maleficent movies is that it might have driven more kids to check out the original and see what hand drawn animation was capable of sixty years ago back when someone at Disney still gave a crap.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago

Funny thing is Sleeping Beauty is considered to be the lamest princess because she doesn't do anything.

But I mean really, what more does a real princess have to do except look pretty and lay there and take it?

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Disney science didn't figure out how to make a princess movie with both characters useful and cool at once until Tangled.

Princess and the Frog might have been an earlier attempt, but no one remembers anything but the villain song so it's hard to say for sure.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Yeah, Prince Philip is pretty awesome, especially when you consider that he was based on a king that literally raped a woman while she was asleep. :p

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
I think back then that was just called exercising royal privilege.

Of course nowadays she'd be too old for most world leaders.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
I mean... She didn't say "No", right?

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago

The sleep raping wasn't the worst part in the original tale.

When he eventually decided to wake her up she found that she had three new babies.

Then the prince's mom ate them right in front of her.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago

Ah, I love that this was the standard for "family friendly" in the time when these fairytales were written down.

What would even be the moral of that story? Please don't prick yourself on a spinning wheel or otherwise you will find yourself with three children and a creepy ass dude.

I'm also pretty sure that the princess woke up, because one of her children was suckling on her breast, which isn't any better. 

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago

I like how some of the original tales don't really have a moral, it's just a bunch of fucked up shit that happened.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
The original fairy tales were just recordings of oral stories that already existed, so it really probably was some bored person sitting in front of a fire inventing fucked up shit to mess with the kids.

https://thefairytalecentral.com/sleeping-beauty-origins/

According to this, the Grimm version of Sleeping Beauty is actually the tamest one, and the original may have gone back to some Norse tale.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Meanwhile the prince in Rapunzel is a really decent guy, who gets blinded by thorns while Rapunzel gets dragged off to raise her kids in a wasteland.

But, as in Sleeping Beauty and in all of these, the important thing is they lived happily ever after.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
And in the version I heard, the evil queen who wanted to eat the babies actually failed and ended up getting executed, which left Sleeping Beauty free to marry her rapist, so it all worked out in the end. ^_^

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago

The evil queen mother is also supposed to be part ogre (hence why she's eating babies and it's completely normal for her)

Which sort of brings into question if the prince had ogre blood or if it was just supposed to be his step mom.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Look at her lying there all unconscious and fully clothed, what a slut, she was asking for it. (lets see if I did the image code right...)

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Man, forget the rape. Can you imagine how badly your back would hurt after lying in that position for a hundred years?

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Ouch, and her neck. That stool doesn't look particularly comfortable.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago

I'm sure the prince was gentlemanly enough to put her in a more comfortable position.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
omg I LOVE the classic Sleeping Beauty animation. The whole movie is just very pure.

The Maleficient movies are like what you say that play does but a thousand times worse, they just completely invent their own story in a cynical way that twists the original.

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Avery posting Starkid musicals on the forums. Imagine outing yourself as a former theatre kid like that

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
Watch out Briar, that means you're Malk's "type".

A Good Disney Reebot

one year ago
His type is nerdy theater kid?