The Champ of TV Wrestling
Alright this is a “re-upload” mainly because this thread is a better place for this review than the grimdark graphic novel thread which I’ll probably be adding to again at some point.
Whatcha gonna do brother when vampamania runs wild on you?
Some brief history as usual.
I’ve probably mentioned this before, but I never did own a lot of the “pure” CYOA style books as I always preferred stuff with stats and dice rolling. Yes, very ironic given that my own writing is “pure” text, but that’s just one of life’s little cosmic jokes I suppose.
This is literally the only “Which Way” book I ever had from that particular CYOA series. Pretty sure it was my mom or grandmother that bought it for me since I was getting into watching wrestling back in the 80s. Or the “Golden Era” when there was a big boom in pro-wrestling what with Hulkamania and shit becoming more popular. (Though I never cared much for Hogan)
Going purely by memory on this one since I don’t actually own the book anymore, however I played this one quite a bit when I got it. And I got a good memory so I remember the best bits to at least create an entertaining set of text. Going to also be making more than a few wrestler references (and the 80s in general) so if you don’t know, well you got the internet at your finger tips.
So the premise is you’re some snot nosed punk that’s a big wrestling fan and you watch it all the time. Then some guy called Carl Colossus won the world wrestling championship and he’s a huge asshole. He’s everything a champion shouldn’t be and you’re angrier than Chris Benoit about it. (Okay maybe not quite THAT angry)
But instead of just bitching about it to other nerds at school, you decide to become a wrestler yourself to win the championship!
Lol wut?
Now, it doesn’t exactly say how old you are, but you do get to see “yourself” in some of the book’s illustrations and you’re a white guy (naturally) that MIGHT be in his early 20s. Though it seems like you could even be a teenager given how young you look. You’re not even a big dude, your “build” is about X-Pac size when he was the 1-2-3 Kid!
Never mind the fact that you just decide to become a pro-wrestler with no damn training whatsoever and just show up at the next match being held in your town saying you’re there to wrestle. Yep, that’s just how this world works.
And because this world works exactly that way, you even get the choice of who to wrestle for your first match. You either get to wrestle the 500 pound Awesome Al or the smaller (but scarier) Vampire Vic.
Like most CYOA books, picking one of these choices leads you into a vastly different branch. Since Vic is on the cover of the book, we’ll start with that branch first.
So when you get in the ring with Vic you start having second thoughts because you thought his vampire gimmick was just for show on TV, but now you’re not so sure since he’s snarling and gnashing his fangs at you. This guy is way more hardcore than Gangrel ever was.
This is a good time to point out that in this world, wrestling doesn’t seem to be scripted and it’s definitely not fake. You will get the shit kicked out of you because that makes this book more fun.
So the match with vampire vic has a couple choices with what moves to do. In fact it’s probably one of the longer matches in the whole book (More on that later). However one choice stands out above all of them. Vic has got you in some sort of submission hold and you can either try to reverse it through plain old wrestling skill or distract him by saying “Blood” in his ear.
Why you’d even think this would work is retarded, but if you do pick this choice, arguably you get the best death ending.
Ol’ Vic immediately asks you “Where?” and you tell him at the concession stand and he replies, “No there isn’t but there will be soon.” and he immediately carries you out of the ring and to the concession stand in the lobby (Which is oddly empty). He slams you on the counter saying how hungry he is and now he’s going to have a quick bite.
And right there he murders the shit out of you by biting your neck. What’s even cooler about this ending is it’s accompanied with a picture of Vic about to kill you on the concession counter! Apparently not only is wrestling very real in this world, but so are vampires.
But assuming you beat Vic (You end up throwing him out of ring and into the audience because apparently despite your slight build, you’ve got freakish strength) you move on to something else and here’s one of the weird quirks of the book in general.
Your whole goal of becoming a wrestler was to beat Carl the Colossus, well the book tends to get away from that goal quite a bit with you getting into different professions altogether. Granted some of these are somewhat wrestling related, but it’s like your character has ADD and forgets all about beating Carl. The book was more focused on all the entertainment elements that were going on in wrestling at the time.
So the Vamp Vic path…well I don’t remember exactly all of how it went down, but I do remember after you beat him you get the chance to either become a wrestling announcer at ring side or host a wrestling talk show. Presumably this was a take on Piper’s Pit hosted by Rowdy Roddy Piper at the time, except your show is a lot lamer because you’re no where near as cool as Roddy Piper.
Sort of completely forgot what happens with the talk show path though I know it can just end with you being successful at it and the story ending there. I think you can become a movie star as well (Like Roddy Piper was trying to do at this time with They Live) when you meet “Sylvester Saloon” (And there’s the 80s action hero reference in the book to cross off)
The other path of becoming an announcer is more wrestling focused. You start calling a tag team match between four hulking brutes. One of them is in trouble and he’s so disoriented that he tries to tag YOU at ringside rather than his partner. You get the choice of tagging in or not. Tagging in has you suddenly returning to wrestling right then and there and you have a couple more choices with what moves to do to win the match. Picking the wrong one results in one of the other few death endings since the opposing tag team are wearing animal masks and it says something about it being feeding time at the zoo. You get an illustration of just two huge guys with their backs to the reader presumably turning your character into mush.
If you avoid that, you win the tag team belts, it’s not the world championship belt, but it’s something. And not bad for not even being officially in the match, but then they just let you in the door to become a wrestler anyway.
If you refuse to tag in however, you start getting booed loudly by the audience and they start throwing shit at you. It gets to the point you say whoever throws the next thing, you’ll wrestle them in the ring. Then someone does and it turns out to be none other than Carl the Colossus. He looks a little like the old wrestler Big John Studd rather than Hogan, which makes sense since John was definitely a heel rather than babyface.
Well this is your big chance where you can fight him. Of course picking the wrong choices can lead to him kicking your ass. I do believe that even if you win this fight, you don’t actually win the championship, since it wasn’t an official match. Guess that shit only works for scrub titles like tag team.
Oddly the fight can even lead to outside the building resulting in Carl falling down a manhole while he’s chasing you. Again, no title for you, but maybe it’s now vacant since Carl might have very well broke his neck in the fall.
And that’s it for the “Vamp Vic” path. I didn’t even pick that one on my first play through, I actually picked to fight Awesome Al so let’s see what that one holds.
This path as I remember is a bit shorter. First step is getting past Al though who is fucking massive. They actually show the big guy kneeling into your back with all his weight while you’re face down on the mat. This big ass motherfucker would be breaking your back and there would be NO way you’d be winning against this guy unless wrestling was scripted, but since it isn’t in this world, you manage to turn the match around through the power of fictional writing instead.
(This book is sort of a case where the illustrations of your character break the immersion a bit due to how scrawny you look against these big fucking brutes you’re always fighting. I get that they wanted to make the average reader to identify more with the character by making him a young nerdy looking white guy, but come on.)
So you turn the tables on Al and now you’re beating him. Al then whispers in your ear that he’s actually an undercover police officer and he needs to win the match to stop some criminal in the audience or something. And if you picked that choice because you believed him (Rather than say for funzies) you’d be pretty damn retarded. Picking this choice of course results in Al turning out to be a liar (Big shock) and kicking your ass.
Not listening to his obvious lies results in you pinning him instead, which is a hilarious pic since you’re laying on top of the dude shoving your elbow into his shoulder and you’re still so small compared to him that you’re probably only covering his torso. He could easily fucking kick out of it.
Having won your first match, you celebrate your victory feeling pretty pleased with yourself. In the meantime, the intermission to the show arrives (Already? You were the first match!) and some musician going by the name Trendy Wendy arrives to sing a song.
And this reference is definitely one of the most 80s of them all since this is direct one about Cyndi Lauper being involved in pro wrestling. Regardless of what you think of her or her music, she actually was pretty influential at the time of bringing wrestling (Especially WWE/WWF) into more mainstream attention. She was showing up at things like Wrestlemania and had popular wrestlers in her music videos. MTV was also involved (which actually played music at the time) and this lead to the whole “Rock n Wrestling Connection” which then resulted in a Saturday Morning cartoon, along with some horrible songs sung by wrestlers (This last one unfortunately wouldn’t be the last time this would happen).
In any case, you do get to see an illustration of Trendy Wendy who is a little more toned down than Cyndi was really. She doesn’t have the new wave multicolored hair for one thing. She’s also wearing a slightly oversized hat that looks a bit more like what Boy George wore in the 80s. Guess they were going for a mix of famous singers at the time.
So Wendy is performing “Wrestlers Just Wanna Have Fun” (Real original) as you’re standing by and then all of a sudden Awesome Al arrives because he’s still pissed that a pencil necked geek like yourself managed to beat him. Well, you manage to take Wendy’s guitar and smash Al in the head with it. (Cool illustration of this too, while Wendy looks on in shock) While you’ve successfully caved in Al’s skull, now Wendy is annoyed that you’ve ruined her guitar and asks how the hell is she supposed to perform now.
You suggest humming the music and lacking any other options, Wendy goes along with it and now you’re singing with her. This results in the audience going wild (Because they’re idiots) and now Wendy wants to record a whole album with you.
As is typical of your character having ADD, you agree and you record the album which even you think sucks, but fortunately for you the masses are still idiots who’ll buy whatever is marketed right and popular, the album is not only a hit, but it goes platinum. Now Wendy wants you to go on tour with her.
(I should point out, this is probably one of the few paths where it sort of implies a large passage of time passing. The other ones all always seem to imply all this shit is happening in either one day or a week at most)
While being a singing wrestler that’s obviously now fucking a famous pop musician is great and all, but you suddenly remember why you got into all this in the first place and that’s to defeat Carl the Colossus. Wendy isn’t exactly happy about this, especially since if you win the title, then you’ll be even less available to tour as you’ll have to defend it. However, you agree to the compromise that if you lose the match, then you’ll go on tour and continue simping for her.
You finally return to the ring to challenge Carl after not doing shit for months. No other matches since Al, but hey just come back and challenge the champ because that’s how you roll. You didn’t get to be a wrestler in the first place by going through normal procedures.
So you’re back stage and wandering the halls, and stumble on Carl and Wendy speaking to each other in one of the rooms! You can’t make out what they’re saying but it’s got you wondering. Now at this point, you can either confront them both now or just head to the ring thinking Wendy is just setting up your match seeing that she’s your manager and all.
If you confront them, Wendy claims that she is indeed just setting up your match, however Carl outright just says that Wendy is setting you up to lose. When she protests, Carl takes a pitcher of water and pours it on her head. This results in a fight between you and Carl which regardless of whether you win or not based on your choices, it wasn’t official, so you don’t technically win shit.
The real question is though, was Carl telling the truth about Wendy? Well you learn that if you don’t confront them and just head to the ring for your match.
When showtime arrives, Wendy is in your corner telling you to listen to EVERYTHING she says. Yeah, already suspicious.
You and Carl square off and he starts kicking your ass. At some point Wendy starts shouting what move you should do next. If you listen to her advice, Carl will counter it and you’ll lose the match. Afterwards, Wendy will just shrug and say “Sorry, I thought it would work, but at least you’ll get to do the tour now.” then she does a little smirk like the backstabbing bitch she really is.
And then it ends with you realizing that Wendy set you up to lose and you’ll NEVER get to become the champ now. Guess no re-matches in this world.
Sort of an interesting twist that they made Wendy your buddy at first and then she betrays you, though maybe she’s going to make up for it with more blowjobs during the tour. She damn well better after costing you the title.
However, if you’re sigma about it all, then you’ll manage to beat Carl on your own and win the world championship title, finally achieving your nerd dreams.
Fin
And that’s the book more or less from what I can remember of it. It’s not very long so I didn’t leave out much and covered the main bits. I’ve seen a few other reviews of this one saying it was the worst one of the series, though I can’t really compare since I never played any of the others. I liked this one well enough that I played through it multiple times and still remember most of it despite not owning the book anymore and several decades passing.
Certainly not worth the fifty bucks I’m seeing it go for on Ebay or Amazon though and as usual I imagine I’ve made the book sound better than it actually is anyway so I've saved you time and money