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Going to start with The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante, but this thread is now being used for IF reviews in general.

The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante

Okay, if you haven’t played this yet, (It’s been out awhile and as usual I’m behind the times) you really should. This is probably one of the best interactive fiction pieces I’ve played in long time.

The setting is a semi-grim dark fantasy world (Probably around 1700-1800s as far as earth tech” comparison) where the class system is so ingrained into the empire that its actually a religion. You got your nobles, your commoners and your priest castes. As you might expect, the nobles get to do all the cool shit while the commoners are supposed to just suffer and take it.

The priests are supposed to basically teach people why it’s all important to follow this doctrine because if you don’t, when you die you’ll be at the foot of the twin gods in charge of the world rather than at the top of the spire. Of course if you’re a degenerate foot fetishist, this really wouldn’t be a deterrent, but that’s not something that’s addressed, so we’ll just move on.

Basic story is you play as a guy called Sir Brante who was born of a commoner mom and a noble dad. Since you came out of a common vagina though, you’re also a lowly commoner, BUT you do have the ability to change your lot in life. It won’t be easy though and just like the title suggests, there’s gonna be some suffering. Probably a whole lot of it.

You also got some siblings, an older half sister and later a younger full brother, but only your oldest half brother is a noble like your dad since he came out of a noble vagina which then died causing your dad to remarry and fuck up his social standing in the first place. Which brings about the other relative you have which is your mean old noble grandfather who barely likes his own son, let alone all the rest of you common born lot.

The story sort of tells you how its going to end since the chapters are clearly divided into sections of childhood, adolescence, youth, peace time and finally revolt. The first 3 chapters are mainly to build up the stats though there’s certainly stats in peacetime and revolt, but they’re going to rely on the others you built up since having high enough stats leaves certain choices unlocked, while not having high enough stats (or resolving certain events) keeps them locked.

Basically the Empire is going through some changes and they’re happening whether you like it or not, so you basically need to navigate how well you’re going to come out after said changes, assuming you even survive them. Speaking of survival, since this is a fantasy setting there’s some magical shit going on which is actually somewhat beneficial. Most people get 3 “lesser deaths” and if they die the 4th time, they die the true death. However, there’s some exceptions to this rule and it might be one of the bigger plot holes in the game, but what the fuck, it’s magic! (It’s also a good “in game” way of allowing you to continue playing without having to start over)

You can die a true death prematurely if you’re sentenced to an execution via the law or the inquisition for example. There’s some other instances too, like getting shot for example. (Gunpowder weapons are becoming more common which sort of scares the nobility) I guess you might chalk that one up to tech beating magic.

I should also mention there is only one other fantasy race in the game and they’re sort of the reason of why things are like how they are. These are called the Arknians. They’re described being superior to humans in every way, and as having blue skin but pictures of them don’t make them look any different than humans. They don’t even have pointy ears or anything, though with having blue skin, these obviously dark elf stand-ins. (They are pretty arrogant and smug in general)

Arknians themselves are completely above the fucking laws and can pretty much do whatever the hell they want since they founded the empire and set up this caste system in the first place. However, of course humans breed like rabbits and it got to the point where they didn’t really have the numbers to rule over all of them, so that’s when they started making some of the more loyal humans nobles to oversee the rest, and it was just a downward spiral from there…

Besides the divine magic of the gods that happens, there are a few actual witches running around with the more traditional arcane magic. They’re generally considered dangerous and burned by the inquisition when found out though.

So you go through your childhood and such making choices and eventually you get the major branching path of what lot you’re going to follow. Do you try to become a noble, pursue a priestly path or just remain a commoner? This is where your game is really going to start being different. You won’t see every major character in all these paths, so there’s definitely replay value, plus there’s different endings and minor ending outcomes to various characters based on what happens.

Becoming a noble for example is going to see you really trying to balance your family’s reputation/wealth and your career. While being a commoner is going to put you more immediately in touch with the rebellious movements. Being priest puts you more in direct conflict of the split in faith that’s going on and which side you’re choosing in that regard.

Yeah, things are tough all over and by the end, you’re going to have to pick a side and hope you made the right connections and allies.

The artwork that accompanies the game is cool. You can play "ironman" mode where you can't replay a chapter or "blind" choice where you won't know what your results will be from your choices. Personally I played it this way the first few times, but I'll probably turn them off in later playthroughs so I can more easily see how to get other outcomes.

And I’d be lying if this game didn’t remind me of something I would write, (Though this has way less swearing) so of course I enjoyed this a lot. And it wasn’t all hung up on all the goddamn romance  faggotry bullshit that is all the rage nowadays. Not to say that there aren’t a few waifus in there but when you play it, you definitely can tell that wasn’t the main goal of game. (Thankfully)

Anyway, yeah you should definitely play it if you haven’t already.

Road 96

This is one is a bit different in terms of "IF" since it's arguably an adventure game with some CYOA components rather than "IF", however considering what passes for "IF" on the Intersexed Fiction Forums, this probably has more choices than the average "Trans and Suicidal" thing they're praising at any given time.

The premise of this game is you're one of the many faceless teenagers trying to escape your country which is a dictatorship. The game is also set during the 90s, so that does away with any smartphone/internet shit that could potentially get you out of trouble/help you in some way. There's also a minor inventory and food stat to keep an eye on. Money is useful, though keeping your health up with food is very necessary since if you run out of energy, you get found by the cops and thrown into teen jail ending that run.

You'll actually play as multiple teens since if your teen gets killed, captured, or escapes, the game isn't exactly over yet. You pick a new teen who has completely different adventures.

These adventures you have are in the form of mini-scenarios. Remember, you're hitchhiking to the border (Or potentially stealing a car, riding in a taxi, etc), so you're going to encounter some interesting characters along the way. These include several ongoing major ones that are all pursuing their own goals and most of these characters are connected with each other in some way. From the obnoxious news lady, to the criminal duo, to the politician's rebel daughter, etc. This is where most of your CYOA style choices are going to be, as you interact with them. There's also some mini-games like driving or figuring out a small puzzle.

With each new teen, the events in the game march on which involves the election. Your actions can influence how that turns out eventually. Your actions also end up determining what might happen to the characters you ran into in the game. Escape gets harder as well with each new teen since the government gets stricter on the border crossing. The game ends when the story finally reaches it's conclusion of the election which can range from a new person getting elected and making the country freer to a complete rebel protest being crushed by government troops. (Along with various characters living or dying)

I actually enjoyed this one quite a bit. It's definitely look different than the Sir Brante game I mentioned, but even with the brighter colors, comedic moments and somewhat cheerful look, this game has sort of its own dark tone about it. I mean you're trying to escape from a tyrannical government that's throwing disobedient teens into a prison pit. Not to mention you can die at the hands of not just the government, but also a psycho that's running around as one of the characters, so despite it being having more of a PG-13 rating than R, it's not like this one doesn't have it grim bits.

Road 96 is awesome! One of my favorites definitely. It's pretty unique among games right now. If you have an xbox and a few coins left lying around, their gamepass is only 1 dollar for the first month! Just make sure to end the subscription right after your done playing, after the month is over it reverts back to 9.99 :(

Looks like there's a prequel called Road 96 Mile 0 that's just come out, but you only play as Zoe and some guy named Kaito.

Might download this one too.

I watched the trailer, the art is indeed really nice. It actually reminds me so much of those woodwork prints or the drawings of Frank Utpatel in Shadow over Innsmouth. High contrast and heavy focus on ink work.

Mothmen 1966

This was the other one I played through recently. This one is probably more in the visual novel category than a traditional CYOA. Pretty sure there’s only one winning ending, but there’s a few choices that lead to death, so I’m counting it as an IF.

Mothmen 1966 is the first of what looks to be starting a series of “pixel pulp” adventures. The art style of the game is made to look like the graphics of an old 1980s computer game. That alone is probably going to turn away some people, but it’s mainly what drew me to it in the first place.

As you can tell by the title, the story is taking place in 1966 and involves the cryptid Mothman. Multiple of them, in fact it isn’t even just mothmen, there’s some other weird hybrids running around too. (The Jersey Devil also makes an appearance!) 

You’ll play as 3 different characters throughout the story which unfolds pretty similar to what you might see on an old Tales from the Crypt/Darkside episode (Or any of those old horror shows) There’s an older gas station owner taking care of his grandma, a young couple on a date and a weird writer as the main characters and dealing with the mothmen who start showing up in this rural location. You only get to play as the gas station owner and the couple. Though really I would have rather just played as the gas station guy or the writer had he been available.

The choice stuff is broken up with mini-games, some of which are optional (Like the solitaire game) or move the story along (Like small puzzles that if you fail to solve, you die) 

I’d say there was really only one puzzle mini-game that was annoying since it was required and tedious due to how the control scheme is. The control scheme for the mini-games also acts like an old computer design, so its a bit clunky than it needs to be at time. I get what they were going for, but it probably could have had a less “immersive” design and not lost anything.

Since the main draw is going to be the story, I’ll go ahead and say if you’re into cheap b-movie horror stories then you might find this to be a good use of your time and money. It’s pretty cheap.

I didn’t mind the game over all, though I think they could have had a few alternate “winning” endings without changing the general story too much. Like having certain characters survive/die similar to something you’d see in Until Dawn. There's some bloody death scenes, so that was a cool.

The version of the game I had, also had a free demo of the next pixel pulp adventure called Varney Lake. There was actually a good sized bit of the beginning for it too. That one was set in the 1950s with a group of kids. (Someone really likes solitaire variations as mini-games at that company since there’s one in here too) The friends are hanging out until some bullies are looking for one of them, so they run into an old barn where they meet a vampire that's hiding from the sun. Demo ends about there, but looks like the full version is supposed to be out this year. In any case, it was sort of a nice bonus since I wasn’t expecting any sort of additional stuff to play when I downloaded the Mothmen game.

There’s a third pixel pulp adventure in the works called Bahsen Knights. Have no idea what that one is about, but says something about religious fanatics in the description I read.

Yeah it's fine. I'd rather see this at the top of the Lounge with reviews than Ant's retarded flop shit.

Didn't realize there was an ending that lead to becoming a God. I guess there is a way of beating the system despite all the grimdark mortal life.

I did a play-through with no going back and not being able to see future choices and I got pretty far into it before I got my true death. Honestly was pretty tilted that Grandpa gave me one like one chapter in and you can't really get any revenge given him burning the entire house down. I did the lotless and noble path. The noble path is honestly a lot better in terms of writing in my opinion especially if you're able to keep the family together and get the unity sub ending, probably one of the few interactive steam games where I actually gave a shit about the entire family and making sure most of them were in most graces except for maybe Nathan and Mother who really didn't have as much writing quality as the two other siblings and Dad got. Got my final death in the trial and sentencing that one Ark freedom fighter guy but honestly think it's pretty easy to avoid getting killed since most of them are pretty obvious.

9/10 game though super enjoyable and reminds me a lot of suzerain.

The Innsmouth Case

Probably haven't explored a lot of the paths in this one yet, but so far this one has captured my attention enough to have me trying to find all the different endings. (Got 3 so far and it looks like there's a bunch more if the achievements are anything to go by)

As you might be able to tell from the title, this is a Lovecraft related IF, but it doesn't go in the creepy/horror direction, it goes in a more humorous one though you definitely can still die a horrible death which is usually accompanied by mocking narration. In fact the narration really doesn't let up with mocking you (and everything else). Due to the mocking narration I'm probably also enjoying it since it reminds me of something I'd write (with way less swearing of course).

The setting at first seems like it might be taking place in the 1930s or 40s, due to the whole private detective noir feel, but it soon becomes apparent that it's taking place in a more modern time. Though Innsmouth being a eldritch horror town, its still a bit stuck in the past. The main premise is that you're tasked with finding a lost little girl in the town of Innsmouth. So you go there and start your search and hilarious comic horror ensues. Or if you're like me you got your first ending by NOT taking the case which I always appreciate an option to do. Honestly that short path reminded me a bit of what Ogre does with some of his stories even where the game tries a few times to prod you back to the "right path" but if you remain determined to not follow directions, the game says fuck it and you'll get an ending for it.

Innsmouth isn't quite entirely just some remote town filled with fish people abominations, there's actually a thriving tourist business here which already makes the setting a bit different than the usual way its portrayed. If anything Innsmouth seems a bit less isolated than it usually is which I guess helps with the humor aspect like there's just this place that people visit for fun despite all the eldritch horror running about.

While the obvious Deep One inhabitants and their big fish daddy Dagon are the main antagonists here, you can bump into the other Lovecraftian beings as well like the Great Race of Yith. Haven't encountered him yet, but I'm sure Cthulhu will pop up in some branch since it wouldn't be a Lovecraft based game without him. (Pretty sure I saw a faded squid face silhouette on the achievements list too) 

Anyway might follow up with another post on this after playing a bit more later, but yeah so far it's been worth playing.

Oh cool, I might check this one out then too. This one is also way cheaper than the Innsmouth one, which was already a lot cheaper on the phone rather than steam.

Varney Lake

Now I mentioned this one a bit before in the Mothmen post since there was a little demo of it in that game. I’ve played the whole “game” proper now.

And I use the term game very loosely since this one was definitely more in the visual novel category even more than the Mothmen one. There’s several chapters, but you might only get one choice selection per chapter at most and most of the time with those it’s just a list you’re going down until it funnels into the only choice that moves the story ahead. 

You don’t even get any death endings like you did with mothmen (at least I never encountered any), so you’re pretty much reading a book with maybe a few alterations on a couple things since I didn’t unlock a lot of the gallery scenes so there’s probably some minor stuff I missed. I did get one of the secret scenes (out of 4) though. Could be a case where the few minor choices you get eventually unlock "the whole story" with replays.

While this isn’t much of a CYOA, let alone a puzzle based story (Doesn’t even have those this time around) the story did interest me enough that none of that mattered much. 

As I mentioned before, the premise of this one is basically about 3 childhood friends who encounter a vampire while spending their summer at Varney Lake. While this takes place in 1954, the story jumps between this event and 1981 which involves the friends when they’re older and talking about the even to a reporter character who was in the Mothmen game. You actually play as him this time, in fact you play as several characters just like you did in the mothmen game. 

Besides Lou (The reporter character) several other characters from the Mothmen game pop up. While you wouldn’t really need to play that game, you’d sort of miss out on some of the references. Several in fact and honestly, I feel like you might not even enjoy this one without having at least played through Mothmen 1966, because all this one really has going for it is a storyline. As I said, there just isn’t much gameplay here so the main thing that’s going to keep you engaged is the story and the connecting lore from the first game. If you didn’t like Mothmen 1966, you probably wouldn’t like this one.

There’s actually stuff going on which doesn’t quite get completely explained and just hinted at within the story, so I assume they’re planning on fleshing out this little Pixel Pulp world they’re creating with these games. 

Speaking of which, this one also came with a demo of their next Pixel Pulp adventure called Bahnsen Knights. That one is a bit odder with a religious cult and an unknown year. (Might be taking place long after the other two games though) The character you play as in the demo seems to have infiltrated the cult but you don’t learn too much more than that. Actually even got a death ending in that demo so that one might have more choice.

Anyway I’m intrigued enough to buy that one too when it comes out.

Plan B From Outer Space

Much like The Innsmouth Case, I probably haven’t come close to exploring all the paths in this one yet, but again much like that game, it’s captured my attention enough to have me trying to find all the different endings.

As you might be able to tell from the title, this one is scifi based, but instead of putting you into the role of some human going against aliens or something similar, it actually puts you into the role of a shape shifting alien instead. It definitely goes for the humorous tone right from the start, even more than the Innsmouth Case.

The basic premise is you’re an alien that crash lands on earth and you’re attempting to find a way off the planet. You land in some backwater town in Bavaria where they’re celebrating putting in their first cellular tower so their village finally joins the 21st century. You’ll generally be sneaking about taking the various forms of the locals (including animals) to better accomplish your goal.

The whole time you’re sneaking about, you’re always in contact with the helpful Automatic Ship System or the ASS for short. And yep, the story will tend to word that acronym in sentences multiple times exactly how you expect it would in a game like this.

While the main paths are similar in some respects (Like go to the Dam to re-power your ship or go try to use the new tower to contact a rescue ship) there is a slight difference based your very first choice. Picking that you just came back from a mission destroying an enemy base, puts you in the role of an “invader” while picking the choice that you just came back from a mission saving an endangered species gives you a more explorer/scientist mindset. There’s also an early choice where you get to pick one piece of equipment to take with you. Taking the blaster opens up different choices later on than taking say the scanner.

I actually only got killed once in the four endings I’ve found so far. And even in that one, I had the ship self destruct to take out the loathsome humans.

I think I like this one even more than the Innsmouth Case. Since this is the company’s second game, I’m looking forward to any new stuff they put out in the future.

A Better World

Just found this one and it's been a fun one to waste time with even if it really goes off rails with a lot of the scenarios. It's not quite an IF in the traditional sense, but it sure as hell has more choices and outcomes than the typical CoG faggotry.

It's a simple concept, you start off with a few key important events in history and you pick one of them to change and see what happens. Then you get more events and see how you can fuck up the timeline even more.

That's it. You can have things from the Aztecs fighting off the Euros and establishing a bloody empire over North and South America to preventing flight being invented so Al Qaida uses a mega underground drill to destroy the twin towers instead.

You can even get really bizarre scenarios like death rays being invented and used in WW1, Bill Gates owning 51% of humanity to discovering lost dinosaur civilizations underground.

You have a karma system, but generally it doesn't mean shit since its subjective anyway. One person's dystopia is another one's utopia right? In any case, it doesn't always make sense even within the vague guidelines of the game. Committing genocide can be balanced out a lot easier than you might think most of the time. You can actually get timelines where you exterminate humanity, so far I haven't seen a way to reverse these events once you get them. You can generally still change events before the extinction level event, but that's it. Of course you could fuck thing up even worse and get such an event even earlier which will change things, but that probably isn't what you had in mind. (So far the earliest I've found is the Black Plague. Spanish Flu is another and of course the ever popular WW3)

There are a few downsides to the game in its current form though, which is there are a few events that are buggy. I've found that the Vietnam War one in particular can cause some issues since as you change events, it's very possible to pick a changed event within that same year but the game still believing that the Vietnam War is still going on and gives you the same options. This can cause an error (Or temporal paradox in the game terms) which causes you to have to reset all your progress.

The other is, there are only so many outcomes that were written, so eventually you'll probably run out during your run which will result in getting "kicked out" and you get a final score screen and a chance to save your timeline and add your name. This is basically the "end game" status, but it's fairly abrupt whenever you stumble upon it.

The third one is the timelines can be really fucking inconsistent at times with what countries are doing okay and which ones are all fucked up. China comes up to mind where it can get nuked by 8 bombs wiping out all its culture save for Taiwan, and then goes on to own half the moon. (Which America buys them out anyway)

While it's certainly possible for a country in real life to bounce back from getting fucked up, sometimes in this game it really stretches believability. (And of course that's before the war with the dinosaurs)

Still despite those drawbacks, it's still fun to play. For me it reminds me of a combination of a card game called Chrononauts and the IF game Seedship. Hopefully it might get updated and expanded at some point.

So whether you want to hold back technology and make Magellan discover Antarctica instead or expand the slave trade to India and have the first man on the moon in the 1800s, there's still a wide variety of outcomes.

Anyway, here's a link to it

A Better World

I have recently been playing through Starbound again and stumbled across an arcade cabinet in a desolate abandoned space ship that to my shock contained a small and pretty short sample of IF.

Here is a screenshot of the start of the game within the game:

Here is more about the air hockey driven story in the game: clicky

Haha I saw Starbound and was so confused on how it was considered an IF.

I have not seen that in the game yet but it looks a bit like a visual novel just based off of it's graphics?

It is a visual novel with minimal graphics (just slide ins and minor facial changes as the only animation).  There are a few choices which apparently can lead to 2 different endings.  I've only had time to go through it once (I have almost 600 hours in on Starbound and this is the first time I have ever seen it), but apparently it has a couple variables behind the scene that flip based on choices made in trying to romance the only other character in the story.

I love that. I'll be on the lookout for it every time I explore from now on.

If it helps I found it at one of the purple swirl markers around a Frozen star.

Okie dokie 

Yeah, it's always a nice surprise when you get a IF style mini game pop up in another one. The old Space Rangers 2 game was a rare one where they shoved in as many genres as they could from space ship sim to real time strategy. Even some light RPG elements.

The big one though was all the text adventure bits they had in the game. Some of the missions you had on planets would pop up in CYOA form. It certainly made the game more enjoyable for me.

Some of these even had a few puzzley elements to them. You had stuff from picking the most fuel efficient path on some Mad Maxesque planet, to participating in a cooking contest and trying to figure out the ingredients, along with appealing to what the judges liked best.

Curious Expedition 2

Well I thought Mizal was going to do a review of this one, so I held off, but since she's failed to do so, I might as well post the review I posted elsewhere (With some more unfiltered wording here)

So this one isn't quite an "IF" but I'm including it here since fuck it, there's enough choice stuff and I already included a couple of other games that barely even have that.

CE2 is basically a Jules Verne/HG Wells island exploration style game (randomly generated) with turn based dice combat (and skill checks) and party management. You get a party of adventurers to explore a mysterious island and try to complete whatever mission you're trying to complete, be is discover some location, get some artifact or just take a survey of the island.

Level up your explorers so they can pass skill checks/fight better. It should be noted that you're all doing this more for the glory rather than the fortune. Your expeditions are mostly funded by the organization/university you're working for. You typically get a budget to buy common equipment before each expedition. Any loot you might get from the island is usually going towards "glory" which is sort of your currency to buy the better/fancy shit. Equipment in general is returned if you don't use it for that mission. Of course stuff like weapons or clothing/armor you found you usually can keep in your inventory. (Or even sell)

The downsides would probably be is you don’t really get a lot of backstory on your characters, they’re just people of various skills and professions. It’s not like where certain backgrounds can cause specific events. Though the characters can have certain traits that can cause issues. These can range from kleptomania to RACISM (and sexism!) It’s not really a major CYOA based game either though there’s lots to do like steal from temples, fight or trade with the natives, fight or tame wild life, stumble on ruins, dig up treasure, etc.

They also shoved romance into the game and sometimes various party members can randomly fall in love which I know is something the lesser IF communities are a fan of here for some strange reason. Just sort of gives a small bonus while the relationship is in play and sometimes flavor text stuff at time. And yes, in case anyone is wondering for inclusivity, the party members can be the BIG GAY with each other. (Once again proving you can be a racist, sexist turbo homo)

You can also have animal followers like dogs, donkeys or even dinosaurs if you manage to find an egg and hatch one. Usually the animal followers are better since they just carry loot and fight without all the loyalty/personality issues.

Of course there’s bad things that can happen just besides the usual dying in combat, like party members fighting with each other or even stealing and leaving if the loyalty gets low.

There’s also a sanity meter that you need to keep from going into zero while you’re exploring otherwise bad things will happen like in one case, my thief party member ATE the fucking priest party member and then later on turned into an abomination which I had to kill. (That was towards the end of the last campaign mission too, glad I managed to still pull off a win, because I was playing Ironman mode the whole time would have been pissed to have lost that close to the end)

I had the 3 DLC along with the base game so I had more stuff with the game like adding steampunk robot companions, highland style islands, another one added more magical islands complete with furry versions of those Jap raccoon dogs that have oversized ballsacks that they beat people up with. (Okay they don't actually do that in this game, but it would be hilarious if they did)

There is a campaign to play through, but you can definitely just play the non-campaign mode where you just continue to go through your adventures. I originally was going to buy the first Curious Expeditions game which had more of a retro pixel art style that I greatly prefer, however this one looked like it had more "to do" so I went with this one and got used to the Tin Tin art style this one had. (Not that I hate the art style, it actually works for this game)

There more stuff I haven't mentioned, but if all of what I did mention sounds fun and interesting to you, then you should definitely go ahead and get it.

Griftlands

In further liberal use of the term “IF” Griftlands qualifies for this thread so here we go with this review since I’ve finally played enough of it.

This one has been described as a mix of different genres, RPG, Rougelike, and one of my hated forms of play, deck building (Ugh).

However, when I watched some of the gameplay, I figured I’d give it a go. The art style sort of helped since it reminded me of the 1980s Heavy Metal cartoon, though with less nudity and drug use, but don’t let that deter you, it’s still a good game without those things.

Anyway, you get 3 different characters to play and each has their own story to go through. The story takes place on a generally corrupt planet with a bunch of factions vying for control. From the criminal organizations to the government to religious cults.

There’s a lesbian bounty hunter looking for revenge, then after playing with her a bit (Win or lose) you unlock an old war vet working as a spy, and finally you’ll unlock an alcoholic alien who got disowned by his family.

Those story plots are always the same, however there are choices you can make on who to side with/help/kill/etc which will branch into different paths. Also you’ll get random encounters and different people to potentially deal with in new playthroughs, so there’s definitely a lot of replayability.

Besides picking a few choices here and there, you’ll also be doing a lot of fighting, though not necessarily with your fists/guns, you also have negotiations for when the combat is all about talking your way out of having to use said fists/guns. Negotiations are generally never lethal, though failing one could lead to actual combat which definitely can be.

Regular combat isn’t always lethal either, in fact you get the option at times to not kill your enemies if you beat them. While it might seem like the logical thing to do is kill your enemies, it’s not always a good idea since that typically angers other people and you’ll potentially get negative statuses that can impede you later on.

Both styles have their own battle decks and you’ll acquire cards for them as you play the game, along with leveling up your skills and access to more money/items. This is where the game also really encourages replays, since you are most likely not going to win your first time playing, so bonuses you unlock carry over in the next play through.

(Yes, there is a “story mode” where you can just restart that day if you get killed in combat, but what sort of faggot would play such a mode?)

I won’t go too much into the whole deck building mechanics since I’ve never really gotten the hang of them and there are a lot of people here more into that genre that are better at it, but I did well enough with it that I beat the old vet’s storyline. Did the best with him for some reason since I didn't die once and managed to play from beginning to end (Story takes place over the course of a few days) Still haven't won with the lesbian or the alien yet, though the stories do overlap a little or at least the characters do since you're all generally in the same area so you'll bump into familar faces. In my vet's playthrough I actually bumped into the lesbian character on a random event and worked with her to take down a bounty.

Of course even beating a character’s storyline, you can always go back and make different choices to unlock other stuff. There’s even a challenge modes where you can just play around. I sort of wonder if there is some "last story" where if you beat all the character's stories it allows you to play with all three of them in a party.

Anyway, if all this sounds like fun or interesting to you, it’s worth playing if you haven’t already.

It's definitely worth getting. I need to go back and do another playthrough at some point.

Haven't seen any quite like this one unfortunately.

If you're looking for IFs that are just fun to play along with having a lot of choices/paths, the two I already mentioned in this thread The Innsmouth Case and Plan B From Outer Space are also worth playing.

I dunno if you've ever played the "Sorcery!" series, but I'd recommend that one as well if you want more of an epic adventure though its in 4 parts. Suranna was supposed to post a review of that one, not sure what happened to it though.

Alright, downloaded some IFs and they were all free. Currently working my way through them all, but I might as well write up a review for the one I finished already.

Interactive Horror Stories

This one actually gives you 7 different IFs. Of course these are a bit of a mixed bag. A couple of them only really have 2 different endings while a few others have 3 or even 4. All of them can be played and replayed pretty quickly. Hell you can play ALL of them within a shorter period of time than it would to play some of the longer stories on here.

The Doll, After the Funeral, Crystal Skull 1 & 2, Evil Beneath the Ground, Madness in Infinite Loop, and Ouija are the IFs.

A lot of them have you playing as some mother, father, husband, etc that’s lost a child or spouse.

Oddly despite the looping nature of the game, Madness in Infinite Loop was probably the best of the bunch. By all rights I should have hated that one the most, but I was intrigued enough by the Ground Hog Day premise to keep trying different choices until I resolved the mystery.

I’d say the other ones that are alright are Evil Beneath the Ground and Crystal Skull 2. Probably liked these two more due to the protagonists not being the “parent dealing with loss” theme that the rest seemed to be all into.

Ouija I didn’t care for at all since it had an odd bit where you had to keep the finger on the cursor to act as if you were moving that Ouija thing on the board. Sort of slowed things down.

The rest are meh.

However, it’s free so if you don’t mind dealing with a few ads and you’re into horror based stuff, it’s worth a play through to pass the time.

It looks like this collection was supposed to be the first of a potential series, but there doesn't look like there are any signs of it being continued any time soon, which is sort of a shame since I wouldn't mind reading through another horror anthology IF series like this one.

The other 2 free ones I downloaded

Past Mistakes

So going into this one based on the title and the vaguely scifi looking pics, I figured this one was going to be time travel related and I was right. Though they don’t do the whole looping until you get the “proper” ending thing like I half expected it to. There’s multiple endings, or at least 3 that I found. Despite it being free there weren’t any ads.

It’s not very long and really only a couple choices matter. It’s not a bad story, but more certainly could have been done with it.

You’re a detective working for the one world government though you’re secretly part of a resistance movement. You also got a female coworker that’s all into you, but she’s a filthy ginger so its just one step up from being gay.

Anyway you find some container from the past that contains blueprints to making a machine that couldn’t be made in that time, but could be made in the future (Where you are) Turns out the one who sent it is the brother of the dictator for life that nuked the world and set up the current one world government. Obviously he didn’t agree with his brother’s ideology so he buried this as a back up plan.

From there you take the container to the resistance and go back in time (with or without help) to stop the dictator. Now I figured it might take the multiple choice approach of WHEN you’d try to do this. After all I remember a CYOA where you did this with Hitler and it was done pretty well.

This one didn’t bother with all that. Just teleporting back to when that fucker was born and grabbing him straight out of his mom’s vertical smile.

So I suppose the major highlight is you MASH A BABY in order to change the past. You don’t even try to say given him to a different family or something. Just straight to the baby mashing.

Okay, you don’t actually mash a baby, but you do just brutally twist its head until you break its little neck. It’s okay though since it was going to grow up to be worse than Hitler. (You still die and go to hell though since that’s where baby mashers go)

Another ending involves someone else shooting the baby and then shooting himself (And going to hell). This is probably considered the best ending since you change the timeline and wind up with the ginger. Though in another ending she betrays you to the one world government because gingers are souless fickle demons.

Anyway I just spoiled the whole thing because even though its free, I probably just made it more entertaining and saved you time. You’re welcome.

Moving on…

Treacherous Trail

This one is a CYOA mixed with light RPG/rouge-like elements. The game generates a “story” and a party of adventurers for you and then you pick one of three paths (A Haunted Forest, some plains, and a desert) and you’re off.

Along the path you run through a series of encounters that can range from choices to combat. The combat is sort of easy. I played through a few times and never had a total party kill. In fact you might even recruit new folks along the way. Sort of interesting that you can gain members like trolls and vampires (flirty female one of course) in your team, though it may be alignment based since the hawt vampire chick only joined due to my party being of evil alignment. Oddly you can also start with animal party members like pigs and chickens.

Also I got saddled with evil alignment only due to defending against some bandits trying to kill me and then picking the choice to not show any mercy when given the option to spare them. What the fuck? Oh well, there didn’t seem to be any downside since some peasants were so scared of my reputation they gave me money later.

After you travel so many miles on one path you complete it and pick one of the other ones until all three have been traveled, then you win.

You get a score based on how well you did (Party members alive, gold, etc) And the game keeps track of your best party and a few other stats. You can then start a new game and do it all over again and hope you do better.

And that’s about it really. There isn’t much in the way of story and the choices are pretty simple. The events are slightly random, but after a few times of playing, there are definitely a lot of events that always happen on a path. I’d say maybe a couple play-throughs and you’re ready to move on. Again, its free though so you didn’t spend any money on it (There’s ads though), if you want to mess around with it.

Yep, these 3 recent ones were all meh at best, but they can't all be interesting or winners. You get what you don't pay for, just like coins' mom.

Well I didn’t want to end on that miserable trio of IFs, so here’s one on an IF I’ve actually had for awhile and hadn’t mentioned before.

Life in Adventure

Now here’s another free one with a bit more higher quality. No ad banners covering half the screen or even a lot intrusive ones that play every 2 seconds. It works more on that “in app purchase gems” thing, but you don’t have to pay for shit if you don’t want to. (I’ll get into that a bit more later)

The game has pixel artwork to accompany the text and there are stats to keep track of so it’s another one that has light RPG/Roguelike elements since the events are randomized and you probably will get a few different ones in repeat play throughs. There’s inventory as well.

Okay so the basic premise is “Being an adventurer.” That’s literally it. You just go through a series of events until you eventually reach the end of it.

Now there actually is a “main quest” though it doesn’t come right out and tell you. You sort of just stumble on it in a couple events. In fact it is entirely possible to avoid the main quest, though there’s even consequences for that choice too.

Speaking of choices, there’s definitely enough here. Some of them are going to be based on your stats and give you a percentage of success depending on the stat being tested, so even if you suck at something, there still might be a chance to succeed (and vice versa) Fighting tends to be a big dice roll. Obviously the better your stats, the more likely you’re going to beat stronger enemies. There’s always that chance you could roll a natural 20 and win though. (Or natural 1 and lose)

The game does keep track of your reputation as well, so do evil things and suffer the consequences (Or reap the benefits)

The events are varied enough that you’ll probably at least go through a couple play throughs without getting a whole bunch you did already. Even if you do, you could always try a different choice. Playing as another character with different stat strengths adds to the replay value as well. Lot of different endings since the game accounts for what you did on some of the major event quests, not just the main one. (And yes, you might even get a waifu)

Which brings me to the replay value.

Besides the randomization, the game’s design encourages you to play A LOT so you can eventually unlock more shit, especially if you’re a miser like me.

Every monster you encounter, every item you acquire, every ending you unlock, etc gives you a gem. These gems can then be used to unlock new events and even new backgrounds which will change up the main quest line. (Not the just becoming an adventurer storyline) The amount of gems to unlock new events and backgrounds is on the steep side. I’ve actually only unlocked 3 new major event quest lines and there’s still more than a few left. I haven’t even touched the different backgrounds yet as those take even more gems. This also isn't even counting the stat bonuses/perks you can buy with gems, but I'm not interested in those so much as I am in more story stuff.

While there’s definitely a lot of monsters/items to encounter to get gems, eventually you’ll get to the point where you’ve gone through a lot of the common events and gems are going to be harder to come by, so that’s either deliberately seeking out shit you haven’t done yet to get gems OR “paying to win”

Yep, you can always just pay real money to buy a shitload of gems to unlock more stuff. These price rates vary depending on how many gems you buy of course. There is a middle ground where you can watch an ad for a whopping 2 gems (The events and backgrounds cost like 50 and 100 lol) however, you can do this as much as you want, so you could inch your way up with ads and still not pay shit.

Depends on where your priorities lie I suppose. There's also a general unlock payment which allows you to customize your character and gives you a free resurrection. (Otherwise you just play with the random character you get dealt and ironman mode it) Gets rid of the ads that occasionally show up as well (Not the ones that can get you free gems though).

In any case, I’d say this one is worth fucking around with for awhile and then when you get to that point where you’re having a harder time getting gems for free, take a break from it and maybe pick it up again later (When you’ve forgotten some of the events). The game was updated with a new event available as recent as this March so it’s still getting attention by the developers.

King of Chicago

This is another one that’s edging the “IF” category, but is probably closer than others on this list. Thought about putting this in the Ye Olde Video Games thread, but I figured I might as well put it here.

King of Chicago takes place in that whole 1930s gangster era. Obviously by the title the place is Chicago.

The closest I could say the gameplay is to is a VN. Hell, might in be an early example of one, since the original version of the game was pure conversation based and didn’t have any arcade like sequences.

Generally your character get a selection of a few choices in conversations which then lead to what happens next. Sometime this might be more conversation, sometimes it leads to an arcade sequence, sometimes it even gets you outright killed.

So you play as Pinky Callahan and Al Capone has just gone to jail, so it’s time for a new mob boss to rise to power.

However, you’re not even the boss of the Northside Gang yet, so you have to plan on taking out the “Old Man” before you can take on Santucci (Southside Gang) who is the main enemy you’ll be going up against.

There’s a cast of characters that show up in the game, sometimes more than others. The main ones you’ll probably see the most are Ben, Bull and Peepers who are all members of the Northside gang.

As I’ve mentioned the first order of business is taking out the Old Man. This can be done a few ways. You can set things up to just outright shoot him or even bomb him. Bombing something is an arcade sequence which I never could get the hang of and typically if you fail it, you get killed in the process.

Shooting him leads to a minor sequence of you pulling out a gun and aiming it before he does that to you. This is another arcade sequence that pops up after conversations from time to time. Sometimes suddenly, so you need to pay attention and be quick. (Or again, you’ll get killed)

The third way is to convince him to just retire.

Failing to get rid of the old man in a timely manner (Keep putting it off for example) eventually leads events leading to confrontation anyway and probably not in your favor. You might even get a sequence where you get thrown into the river wearing cement shoes.

In any case, however you get rid of the Old Man, the game opens up a bit more. You then get a desk where you can click on various things. One of these is a picture of your girlfriend, another is a ledger where you’re hiring more men and doling out how much money various people get. And finally you even got a small map of territory where you can plot your next take overs. Again, these are arcade sequences usually in the form of a shoot out with gangsters running around on screen while you attempt to shoot them like you’re playing Duck Hunt or another one of those type of games. (You can do bombings if you want though)

The shoot outs are easier than the bombing, though if you get shot too many times, it’s a game over. Also occasionally a woman’s shadow will pop up in a window and if you accidentally shoot her, it’s another game over. Though not an immediate one. You get some conversations leading to your arrest and then eventual execution. You even get the option of choosing your last words before you get a sequence of getting zapped in the chair.

The ledger really doesn’t do too much, though you might want to just make sure you’re paying everyone enough since if you don’t you’ll eventually get Ben complaining that everyone is pissed that you’re stuffing yourself while everyone else goes hungry. Not correcting this won’t end well.

Of course it wouldn’t be a gangster game if Pinky didn’t have a girlfriend. In this case, it’s Lola who is the one on the picture. If you click on the pic, you’ll get a scene with those two talking to each other where you’ll get some choices. Interestingly, you can go an entire game without ever interacting with her directly.

In-between doing all that, you’ll get more conversation sequences with choices of what to say, some of which are just flavor and don’t actually impact anything, while others lead to other potential action sequences. There’s also other characters that pop up like Pinky’s mom, some kid that wants to be a gangster, the mayor, Pinky’s childhood friend that became a cop, etc.

So you win by taking out Santucci and this can be accomplished two ways that I know of. One is the direct way of taking over all the territory in action sequences and then finally shooting him in a showdown.

The second way involves Lola. If you actually focus on her sequences and things are good between you both, you’ll eventually get the option of having her set up Santucci and you pop in to take him out without bothering with all the territory stuff.

Apparently there is a third way to win the game, but I never did discover it. Maybe it’s getting Santucci thrown in jail by bribing the mayor with enough money or something.

Much like taking out the Old Man though, taking out Santucci is on a timer. If you stall too long (Like going through a lot of conversation scenes and never going for the last territory or failing to take it over a few times) you will eventually get confronted by Ben who says the gang has lost faith in you as a leader and it won’t end well for you. I don’t think there’s an option to retire like the Old Man did either, you either get shot by Ben or you kill Ben and then Peepers kills you. I believe you can get arrested as well.

And that’s about it. It plays fairly quickly so I definitely played through it multiple times.

Now this game is from 1986, so I doubt anyone here will be playing it anytime soon though I did hear there was an emulated version available on apps. This version is the Amiga one which is definitely the best looking of the bunch (And the one I had). The original ye olde 80s Macintosh one looks like a horror show since they used digital claymation for the characters, but this is the one that had the pure conversation choice before they added more arcade sequences for the other computer versions.

You can probably watch a youtube video of it if you’re not interested in hunting down ancient games to play. There’s probably a couple versions that explore most of the options available of it.

Well with EndMaster reviewing the book and digital version of the Sorcery! series and the fleeting promise of a reentry ticket to the Realm of the Gods, I guess it's finally time for me to get off my lazy, degenerate, insubordinate Mormon arse and submit my review of the game version. 

That's right! It's time for a SurMaster (EndAnna?) double feature with

Steve Jackson's Sorcery!

Now I'll be reviewing the game version of it, while End has reviewed the original book and the digital version. The game version's a little different. It's got some minigames and bonus visuals throughout it, and the UI is pretty good. But overall it's stayed very faithful the book, and I'd consider it an excellent adaptation. 

Now the game itself is split into four different parts, just like the books. I bought it originally on steam, where parts 1 & 2 are combined and 3 & 4 you have to pay separately. You are given a code to save your progress across the games. And if anyone wants to continue where I last left off in the middle of the City of Khare, my code is HESIDY. 

The game is also on the Xbox, Nintendo Switch, and Playstation, as well as the app store. It's 30 dollars max for the entire game.

Now the game starts out with you picking your gender. Of course, you can only pick male or female (ridiculous, where is my nonbinary representation??). As far as I know, the only difference between the two gameplay-wise is your little avatar and being referred to as a 'she' or 'he'. But most of the time you are simply referred to as the 'Analander'. 

Now if I can finally remember my steam password, I'll start my revew of part 1.

Don't combine your names like that.

i'm a gay retard who is never hitting puberty because my nuts got crushed when i put them up my dad's ass 

This is the digital version you're going on about and I haven't really reviewed that version, I only mentioned some differences

Should be cheaper on the app store last time I saw. On Playstation it's half off a lot.

Part 1:

The Shamutanti Hills

The game starts out with you obtaining the Crown of Kings, which is an all powerful magical artifact that grants wisdom and can control minds. It's also the main point of the game. You are to obtain the Crown of Kings from the Archmage of Mampang, who stole it when the next guy was about to be crowned King. The Analander (You) are on a quest to retrieve it. 

Anyway the whole you already having the Crown was just a dream and you wake up in your bed in Analand and the adventure finally starts.

It's a little hard to see in the picture, but in the top left corner you can see that you have 20 STAMINA, 0 GOLD, and 0 RATIONS. In the book you pray to the Goddess Libra, but in the game you have a SPIRIT GUIDE (top right) which changes depending on your choices. It is currently the Panther. But more on that later.

You roll out of bed and head to the Outpost Settlement. At the gates of Analand, you are greeted by the Seargent of the SightMaster Warriors, and given your first choice. You can be friendly, or hostile. 

The Illustrations are taken from the book and have a clearer read to them. I also enjoy how the UI makes it look like torn pages from a book. A CYOA adventure book, perhaps.

Whether you’re an asshole or not to the man, he’ll give you an option of taking 24 GOLD. You can choose to be nice and not take it, screwing yourself over, or you can just take it and receive no bad consequences. Next he tells you to retrieve your SPELLBOOK, buy some RATIONS and spar with him one last time.

One of the best things about this game is the SPELLBOOK and the possible uses of SPELLs. In the game there are many choices you have to make. Most of these also give you the option to cast a SPELL. You cast spells by combining 3 letters. Usually there are more than one spell options you have. Some of the more handy spells are HOT or ZAP, which subsequently cast a fireball and lighting. You can use these at the beginning of duels to give yourself an edge or just blow something up. There are also defensive spells like FOF or WAL, which create barriers in front of you. Some spells need an item to be able to perform it, and some items are a one-time use like sand, which is used to create the quicksand spell MUD. Of course, you always have the option of going without the spellbook and dueling your way through the entire thing but the Spellbook gives you a lot more choices so you should at least use it for your first playthrough.

I retrieve my spellbook from the Chief Mage and pesker him about the various spells so now my SPIRIT GUIDE has changed to the Jackel. Next I head over to the traders to buy some rations. It’s 2 gold per ration and it stays roughly that for the rest of the game. You also have the option to try and haggle with him and when he says he can’t afford to go any lower because he has to feed his family you can buy nothing and tell him, “That his children will starve and he will burn tomorrow.” Any I buy 6 rations for 10 coins and move on to spar with the Sightmaster.

Dueling in this game is also very unique. Your stamina acts as your healthbar. You and your opponent both set your power in your attack by dragging your character left. The further you drag your protagonist, the more power is put into your swing. Whoever has the higher number (higher attack power) causes damage to the other person. But once you make a powerful attack, you lose that much in attack power for your next swing. You also have to option to defend, which means you’ll lose one stamina point whether your opponent does a powerful attack or not. Defending also restores your attack power for your next turn. You lose whatever stamina you lost in the battle after it’s over. You are always given the option of retrying the fight and hopefully losing less stamina.

                  There is usually an indication of what your enemy’s next move will be in the text.

After defeating him, you are given the option to fight the SightMaster again, but I’ve done this before so I’m moving on. I head to the gates to finish the tutorial.

The gates are locked, and the SightMaster recommends the DOP spell, which is used to unlock locks. But I feel like being an evil bastard this time around, so I use HOT on the door and tell the SightMaster to leave before I fireball him too. My spirit guide has changed again to the Wolf.

Now that I’m outside the gates I immediately get nuked because the air is STINKY and now my stamina is cut in half because of it. I head straight upwards this time and cut through the long grass. In the middle I encounter a serpent but make quick pickin’s of it and take the gold that was in it’s stomach. I trek my way through the rest of the long grass and head to a nearby bonfire to rest. But when I get there, the air feels heavy and I grow weak. It’s now that the game finally prompts me use the SPIRIT GUIDE.

At certain times you are able to pray to the Spirit Guide for healing. It’s able to cure disease and heal your stamina. I pray to my Spirit Guide, the Wolf, and it fills my stamina and gives me two more possible points. Now I am able to search the huts around the bonfire in peace. There are the options of the red hut, the green hut, and the brown hut.

I choose the red hut and pick the left box to search, and some swirly elf guy tries to curse me or something but I cast MAG (protect from magic) and he shrieks and leaves me alone. I open up the right box and are greeting with coins and a key, but a scorpion is protecting them. I grab the key before the scorpion gets to me and leave the coins alone.

After I head back out of the hut and cast SUS (sense danger) to find that the brown hut is out to kill me and the green hut is safe enough. I head into the green hut and listen to the pretty music and fall asleep after all that effort not to. I’m currently at 7 stamina because casting spells uses it up.

Well anyway, now I’m apparently captured by ELVES and they want me to entertain them somehow.

I guess I’ll indulge them and cast SIX (create clones) on their leader. They’re amused and let me be on my way. I hope that key wasn’t needed for anything there.

I leave the village(?) and head to a nearby bridge. At this point I’ve missed about a good chunk of the other side of the map. Unfortunately you’re not able to head back travel so I continue on forward.

At the bridge there’s a man asking for a toll but I push him aside and when he falls in the water I laugh in his face and move on. Hope that doesn’t lead to any bad repercussions. Anyway as I move through the trees the ELVES return and are now throwing acorns at me. I cast ZAP (create lightning) at them and move on. I’m now at 3/12 STAMINA so it’s a good thing I’ve just reached the city of Kristatanti.

I head the the Ale-house and start talking to a young man sitting at the bar. Apparently the man is a freaking loony so I ignore him and talk to the old man instead. I just flat out tell him I’m an Analander on a quest for the Crown of Kings and he gives me little to no information so that was a waste of time. The barkeep wants me to pay for my drink but I refuse and start a BAR FIGHT! I win with one stamina left (I started the fight with 3) and leave the Ale-house.

I skip sleeping at the inn because that costs COIN and choose the sleep in the wilderness instead. I eat a ration from my bag and gain back 7 stamina. But while I’m sleeping a scorpion sneaks into my coin bag and I’m told that the next time I go to buy food I’ll get stung. Good thing I’ve still got 5 rations left.

I wake in the morning and take the path upwards, skipping out on the witch in the woods and her weird chair monster. On the path I meet a blind beggar asking for 1 one COIN and I have 17 so of course I tell him I have none and move on my merry way. Then some guy pulling an ox-cart offers to give me a ride and who am I to deny the kindness of strangers? We get a talkin’ then I steal his cart and get thrown off, losing 4 stamina.

I have now reached the ruins of Lia-Ki. Apparently, there’s nothing in the ruins so I carry on and reach two separate caves. Through the power of foresight and being in the discord I know that the left cave is home to an ogre so I sneak in, grab some ogre teeth and head out. I head to the right cave and enter into a fight with a giant.

 I cast BIG (grow in size) and through the power of the rewind button I beat him with 1 stamina left. Then I loot his body for 8 coin and eat some stale bread in the back of the cave.

I head to the city of Dhumpus, talk to the people, learn that Kristanti is going to be attacked by goblins , try to convince to help but ultimately fail and leave the discussion. I head to a merchant and buy a skullcap because I know it’s used for a spell and then also buy a new sword for a total of 10 gold. I ask around for work and the merchant brings me to a guy that needs a cesspit dug. But I am a slut for money so I cast BIG (grow in size) and get it done in no time. The man pays me 3 gold, gives me a meal, and allows me to rest in his bed for the night. My stamina is now 7/17. Not bad.

In the morning I leave Dhumpus and head left to the Jaikar Mines (Abandoned). I try to head into the mines but upon entry I receive my first death. I try again this time, casting fireball. There’s a creature in there, and it’s coming right at me. I hurl my fireball and run away. The game won’t allow me to fight whatever is in there, and all other choices lead to death.

So I leave the mines -3 STAMINA and head to a nearby hut.

A troll seems to be guarding the area for some reason. I sneak him past him into the hut and search his things. I found 3 gold but got a little too greedy and now the toll is back, and ready for a fight. I cast DUM (causes clumsiness) and manage to beat him despite having 1 stamina. The troll had nothing of worth so I guess I just wasted stamina and murdered a probably nice creature. I continue on.

I head upwards and finally encounter the famed Minimite, Jann. The game makes out poor Jann as an annoying little critter but really the most he’ll do is tug on our earlobes and maybe prevent us from casting spells a couple of times. But immediately we’re so hostile to him. Poor guy.

The thing is with the Minimite, nobody actually tells us he nulls magic. You have to figure that out for yourself. And if you don’t know, no one really tells you, some will even just smile knowingly at you, leaving you to wonder what’s up.

Anyway I skip the city of BIrritanti (dodged a bullet) and head to the nearby waterfall. There’s some ruffian that’s charging money to see it, but silly Jann’s with me so I just haggle the price down to 2 gold then bathe in the waterfall, bringing my STAMINA to 16/16. I try to spend the night at an Inn in Birritanti, but the pesky girl guarding it wants 5 gold pieces just for me to sleep there, so I leave and insult her on the way out.

These are weak insults compared to what some of ya'll say.

It’s like Jann joined us and all of the sudden we want to be a jerk. Not that some of my earlier actions were morally right. The game’s a lot more amusing with Jann by our side though, so he can stick around.

I rest and eat for the night and earn back 18/18 stamina. I head out of the town and have an option of clambering through a field of black flowers or taking a path through the forest. Jann tells you go through the black flowers, but he’s an idiot so I take the path through the forest. If you had taken the other path, you would’ve been poisoned by the flowers and both you and Jann would have died.

You make your way through the forest and Jann starts to get really upset. Apparently, someone is following us. You finally meet with the assassin Flanker and are forced into a fight. This fight is unavoidable, so ready your sword. And with silly Jann with us, using a spell at the beginning is a no-go.

Luckily, I had full stamina and a higher hit box, so defeating him was pretty easy. I chose to spare him, because SOMEONE might not be looking forward to a silly romance with him, but I certainly am. Plus I know he only has a measly 3 GOLD on him. So I bind his wounds and leave him.

Up next is a house, and an old woman calls to me. Jann says to be wary of her but I can’t trust him. I would, however, be wary of this face.

The old woman invites us in and we make conversation. Eventually we’re forced to take a sip of the tea she gave us or switch our cup with hers when she’s distracted. Well I know what happens when you switch the cup, so I’m just gonna sip the tea she originally gave me. Plus, I don’t have the spellbook page anyway.

She drinks her cup and convulses over, and I go to help her. She asks about the spellbook page and I answer honestly and get away with no harm done. Jann informs me after that she was one of the most powerful sorceresses in the Shamutanti Hills. But she was just a kind old woman to me.

I venture forward to the village of Torripani. I stay the night outside, but am captured by 5 Svinn and taken to their home. I have a moment while they’re away and I choose to get some sleep and my Stamina is finally back to 20/20. Good thing too, because the Svinn Cheiftan wants me to go into the mines and fetch his daughter. I didn’t really have a choice in the matter, so I guess I’m now down in a mineshaft with a little guy who nulls all my magic. Better get to searchin’.

I take a wrong turn somewhere and am now stuck in a pit full of vipers.

I pray to my SPIRIT GUIDE, the Cougar and magically steps are formed on an adjacent wall and I’m able to quickly clamber out. I climb back to the beginning of the mineshaft, and take a right this time. I keep taking rights, until finally I find the Svinn girl. Unfortunately, I also find a big ole MANTICORE.

It’s a tough fight, but with a little observation you can see that one of it’s wings was singed and that bring’s it’s health down by 4. I defeat the manticore, and head back with the Svinn girl. They want her to go up first, so you just gotta wait it out till they are finished weeping tears of joy and finally remember you. I head back to their village for celebration, 10 gold COINS, maxing out my STAMINA, and a key to the City of Khare. And of course, I insult them of the way out.

I bid a fond farewell to Jann, and ready myself to enter the Cityport of Khare.

As you can see from my route, I only explored the left side of the map. In order to find everything, it takes more than one playthrough.

The Champ of TV Wrestling

Alright this is a “re-upload” mainly because this thread is a better place for this review than the grimdark graphic novel thread which I’ll probably be adding to again at some point.

Whatcha gonna do brother when vampamania runs wild on you?

Some brief history as usual. 

I’ve probably mentioned this before, but I never did own a lot of the “pure” CYOA style books as I always preferred stuff with stats and dice rolling. Yes, very ironic given that my own writing is “pure” text, but that’s just one of life’s little cosmic jokes I suppose. 

This is literally the only “Which Way” book I ever had from that particular CYOA series. Pretty sure it was my mom or grandmother that bought it for me since I was getting into watching wrestling back in the 80s. Or the “Golden Era” when there was a big boom in pro-wrestling what with Hulkamania and shit becoming more popular. (Though I never cared much for Hogan)

Going purely by memory on this one since I don’t actually own the book anymore, however I played this one quite a bit when I got it. And I got a good memory so I remember the best bits to at least create an entertaining set of text. Going to also be making more than a few wrestler references (and the 80s in general) so if you don’t know, well you got the internet at your finger tips.

So the premise is you’re some snot nosed punk that’s a big wrestling fan and you watch it all the time. Then some guy called Carl Colossus won the world wrestling championship and he’s a huge asshole. He’s everything a champion shouldn’t be and you’re angrier than Chris Benoit about it. (Okay maybe not quite THAT angry)

But instead of just bitching about it to other nerds at school, you decide to become a wrestler yourself to win the championship!

Lol wut?

Now, it doesn’t exactly say how old you are, but you do get to see “yourself” in some of the book’s illustrations and you’re a white guy (naturally) that MIGHT be in his early 20s. Though it seems like you could even be a teenager given how young you look. You’re not even a big dude, your “build” is about X-Pac size when he was the 1-2-3 Kid!

Never mind the fact that you just decide to become a pro-wrestler with no damn training whatsoever and just show up at the next match being held in your town saying you’re there to wrestle. Yep, that’s just how this world works.

And because this world works exactly that way, you even get the choice of who to wrestle for your first match. You either get to wrestle the 500 pound Awesome Al or the smaller (but scarier) Vampire Vic.

Like most CYOA books, picking one of these choices leads you into a vastly different branch. Since Vic is on the cover of the book, we’ll start with that branch first.

So when you get in the ring with Vic you start having second thoughts because you thought his vampire gimmick was just for show on TV, but now you’re not so sure since he’s snarling and gnashing his fangs at you. This guy is way more hardcore than Gangrel ever was.

This is a good time to point out that in this world, wrestling doesn’t seem to be scripted and it’s definitely not fake. You will get the shit kicked out of you because that makes this book more fun.

So the match with vampire vic has a couple choices with what moves to do. In fact it’s probably one of the longer matches in the whole book (More on that later). However one choice stands out above all of them. Vic has got you in some sort of submission hold and you can either try to reverse it through plain old wrestling skill or distract him by saying “Blood” in his ear.

Why you’d even think this would work is retarded, but if you do pick this choice, arguably you get the best death ending.

Ol’ Vic immediately asks you “Where?” and you tell him at the concession stand and he replies, “No there isn’t but there will be soon.” and he immediately carries you out of the ring and to the concession stand in the lobby (Which is oddly empty). He slams you on the counter saying how hungry he is and now he’s going to have a quick bite.

And right there he murders the shit out of you by biting your neck. What’s even cooler about this ending is it’s accompanied with a picture of Vic about to kill you on the concession counter! Apparently not only is wrestling very real in this world, but so are vampires. 

But assuming you beat Vic (You end up throwing him out of ring and into the audience because apparently despite your slight build, you’ve got freakish strength) you move on to something else and here’s one of the weird quirks of the book in general.

Your whole goal of becoming a wrestler was to beat Carl the Colossus, well the book tends to get away from that goal quite a bit with you getting into different professions altogether. Granted some of these are somewhat wrestling related, but it’s like your character has ADD and forgets all about beating Carl. The book was more focused on all the entertainment elements that were going on in wrestling at the time.

So the Vamp Vic path…well I don’t remember exactly all of how it went down, but I do remember after you beat him you get the chance to either become a wrestling announcer at ring side or host a wrestling talk show. Presumably this was a take on Piper’s Pit hosted by Rowdy Roddy Piper at the time, except your show is a lot lamer because you’re no where near as cool as Roddy Piper.

Sort of completely forgot what happens with the talk show path though I know it can just end with you being successful at it and the story ending there. I think you can become a movie star as well (Like Roddy Piper was trying to do at this time with They Live) when you meet “Sylvester Saloon” (And there’s the 80s action hero reference in the book to cross off)

The other path of becoming an announcer is more wrestling focused. You start calling a tag team match between four hulking brutes. One of them is in trouble and he’s so disoriented that he tries to tag YOU at ringside rather than his partner. You get the choice of tagging in or not. Tagging in has you suddenly returning to wrestling right then and there and you have a couple more choices with what moves to do to win the match. Picking the wrong one results in one of the other few death endings since the opposing tag team are wearing animal masks and it says something about it being feeding time at the zoo. You get an illustration of just two huge guys with their backs to the reader presumably turning your character into mush.

If you avoid that, you win the tag team belts, it’s not the world championship belt, but it’s something. And not bad for not even being officially in the match, but then they just let you in the door to become a wrestler anyway.

If you refuse to tag in however, you start getting booed loudly by the audience and they start throwing shit at you. It gets to the point you say whoever throws the next thing, you’ll wrestle them in the ring. Then someone does and it turns out to be none other than Carl the Colossus. He looks a little like the old wrestler Big John Studd rather than Hogan, which makes sense since John was definitely a heel rather than babyface.

Well this is your big chance where you can fight him. Of course picking the wrong choices can lead to him kicking your ass. I do believe that even if you win this fight, you don’t actually win the championship, since it wasn’t an official match. Guess that shit only works for scrub titles like tag team.

Oddly the fight can even lead to outside the building resulting in Carl falling down a manhole while he’s chasing you. Again, no title for you, but maybe it’s now vacant since Carl might have very well broke his neck in the fall.

And that’s it for the “Vamp Vic” path. I didn’t even pick that one on my first play through, I actually picked to fight Awesome Al so let’s see what that one holds.

This path as I remember is a bit shorter. First step is getting past Al though who is fucking massive. They actually show the big guy kneeling into your back with all his weight while you’re face down on the mat. This big ass motherfucker would be breaking your back and there would be NO way you’d be winning against this guy unless wrestling was scripted, but since it isn’t in this world, you manage to turn the match around through the power of fictional writing instead.

(This book is sort of a case where the illustrations of your character break the immersion a bit due to how scrawny you look against these big fucking brutes you’re always fighting. I get that they wanted to make the average reader to identify more with the character by making him a young nerdy looking white guy, but come on.)

So you turn the tables on Al and now you’re beating him. Al then whispers in your ear that he’s actually an undercover police officer and he needs to win the match to stop some criminal in the audience or something. And if you picked that choice because you believed him (Rather than say for funzies) you’d be pretty damn retarded. Picking this choice of course results in Al turning out to be a liar (Big shock) and kicking your ass.

Not listening to his obvious lies results in you pinning him instead, which is a hilarious pic since you’re laying on top of the dude shoving your elbow into his shoulder and you’re still so small compared to him that you’re probably only covering his torso. He could easily fucking kick out of it.

Having won your first match, you celebrate your victory feeling pretty pleased with yourself. In the meantime, the intermission to the show arrives (Already? You were the first match!) and some musician going by the name Trendy Wendy arrives to sing a song.

And this reference is definitely one of the most 80s of them all since this is direct one about Cyndi Lauper being involved in pro wrestling. Regardless of what you think of her or her music, she actually was pretty influential at the time of bringing wrestling (Especially WWE/WWF) into more mainstream attention. She was showing up at things like Wrestlemania and had popular wrestlers in her music videos. MTV was also involved (which actually played music at the time) and this lead to the whole “Rock n Wrestling Connection” which then resulted in a Saturday Morning cartoon, along with some horrible songs sung by wrestlers (This last one unfortunately wouldn’t be the last time this would happen). 

In any case, you do get to see an illustration of Trendy Wendy who is a little more toned down than Cyndi was really. She doesn’t have the new wave multicolored hair for one thing. She’s also wearing a slightly oversized hat that looks a bit more like what Boy George wore in the 80s. Guess they were going for a mix of famous singers at the time.

So Wendy is performing “Wrestlers Just Wanna Have Fun” (Real original) as you’re standing by and then all of a sudden Awesome Al arrives because he’s still pissed that a pencil necked geek like yourself managed to beat him. Well, you manage to take Wendy’s guitar and smash Al in the head with it. (Cool illustration of this too, while Wendy looks on in shock) While you’ve successfully caved in Al’s skull, now Wendy is annoyed that you’ve ruined her guitar and asks how the hell is she supposed to perform now.

You suggest humming the music and lacking any other options, Wendy goes along with it and now you’re singing with her. This results in the audience going wild (Because they’re idiots) and now Wendy wants to record a whole album with you. 

As is typical of your character having ADD, you agree and you record the album which even you think sucks, but fortunately for you the masses are still idiots who’ll buy whatever is marketed right and popular, the album is not only a hit, but it goes platinum. Now Wendy wants you to go on tour with her.

(I should point out, this is probably one of the few paths where it sort of implies a large passage of time passing. The other ones all always seem to imply all this shit is happening in either one day or a week at most)

While being a singing wrestler that’s obviously now fucking a famous pop musician is great and all, but you suddenly remember why you got into all this in the first place and that’s to defeat Carl the Colossus. Wendy isn’t exactly happy about this, especially since if you win the title, then you’ll be even less available to tour as you’ll have to defend it. However, you agree to the compromise that if you lose the match, then you’ll go on tour and continue simping for her.

You finally return to the ring to challenge Carl after not doing shit for months. No other matches since Al, but hey just come back and challenge the champ because that’s how you roll. You didn’t get to be a wrestler in the first place by going through normal procedures.

So you’re back stage and wandering the halls, and stumble on Carl and Wendy speaking to each other in one of the rooms! You can’t make out what they’re saying but it’s got you wondering. Now at this point, you can either confront them both now or just head to the ring thinking Wendy is just setting up your match seeing that she’s your manager and all.

If you confront them, Wendy claims that she is indeed just setting up your match, however Carl outright just says that Wendy is setting you up to lose. When she protests, Carl takes a pitcher of water and pours it on her head. This results in a fight between you and Carl which regardless of whether you win or not based on your choices, it wasn’t official, so you don’t technically win shit.

The real question is though, was Carl telling the truth about Wendy? Well you learn that if you don’t confront them and just head to the ring for your match.

When showtime arrives, Wendy is in your corner telling you to listen to EVERYTHING she says. Yeah, already suspicious.

You and Carl square off and he starts kicking your ass. At some point Wendy starts shouting what move you should do next. If you listen to her advice, Carl will counter it and you’ll lose the match. Afterwards, Wendy will just shrug and say “Sorry, I thought it would work, but at least you’ll get to do the tour now.” then she does a little smirk like the backstabbing bitch she really is.

And then it ends with you realizing that Wendy set you up to lose and you’ll NEVER get to become the champ now. Guess no re-matches in this world.

Sort of an interesting twist that they made Wendy your buddy at first and then she betrays you, though maybe she’s going to make up for it with more blowjobs during the tour. She damn well better after costing you the title.

However, if you’re sigma about it all, then you’ll manage to beat Carl on your own and win the world championship title, finally achieving your nerd dreams.

Fin

And that’s the book more or less from what I can remember of it. It’s not very long so I didn’t leave out much and covered the main bits. I’ve seen a few other reviews of this one saying it was the worst one of the series, though I can’t really compare since I never played any of the others. I liked this one well enough that I played through it multiple times and still remember most of it despite not owning the book anymore and several decades passing.

Certainly not worth the fifty bucks I’m seeing it go for on Ebay or Amazon though and as usual I imagine I’ve made the book sound better than it actually is anyway so I've saved you time and money

Reigns & Reigns: Her Majesty

Just going to briefly go over these two together since I didn’t want to just add an old IF book review to the thread.

These two choice based games have been out awhile, but I’ve only just recently gotten around to playing the Her Majesty sequel. I’ll go over the original first though.

Reigns is a pretty simple game where you play as medieval king and makes choices based on whatever person happens to be speaking with you at the time such as your doctor, general, priest, etc. You either swipe left or right like you were on one of those degenerate dating apps and typically get a result. (See, all you really need is two major choices) This usually means your stat bars at the top go up or down. These are religion, popularity with the people, military and money. 

Obviously if the bar goes all the way down on one of them, your reign as king will come to an end usually in the manner fitting to what you failed at. So if you lost all your money, then it mentions that the nobles and merchants took over and you got exiled. If your popularity went all the way down, then the peasants mobbed up and killed you. However what makes this more difficult is if the bars go all the way up this will also result in death. So if your military bar went all the way up for example, then your military got too powerful and overthrows you in a coup.

You then start with a new king who takes over, this cycle will repeat with each king’s death.

As you play, you’ll unlock more events based on what you do, so you’ll want to change it up for each king to get access to new stuff. You can also unlock ongoing events such as crusades, colonies, silk road, etc. Crusade for example will continually make your population go down and your money continue to go up, both of which you’ll really need to keep an eye on so you don’t get a game over. You can also get statuses that might lock certain bars effectively making you invulnerable to negative (or positive) changes to the bar. For example if you unlock a lover, then the population gets so intrigued by your romance the bar is locked, however the church takes a dim view so that bar is always going down. There’s also statuses that can pull you out of potential predicaments like if you built a major granary, you’ll usually get a chance to save yourself with one more choice to make your population go back up and not result in a game over.

These statuses can also be more personal, such as eating a blue mushroom as a choice and it having an odd effect on how you see the advisors speaking with you for awhile. Statuses can also be lost. Usually this will always happen when a king dies, though sometimes they still stick around (Like the granary) but they can also be stopped during a current reign through some advisor choices, such as one begging you to stop crusading and then you agree to do so.

I’ve played it quite a bit and probably still haven’t unlocked all the “goals” in the game. (You actually have sort of a checklist of things to do during a reign) You also might start finding things repeating as you’re busily trying to maneuver through stuff in order to find new things, but everything usually goes by so quick, it’s not an excessively big deal. You can easily just play it briefly while you’re waiting for something in real life so it’s fine in that regard. 

As for Reigns: Her majesty, as I said I’ve only just gotten into this one and I can tell they expanded on the concept a bit. This one even has items you can acquire and can use on certain people as you play. This one seems to be set a little bit further in the “future” (Renaissance era rather than medieval) and has you as a queen-consort rather than a ruling queen, though I’m guessing there’s probably a way to get rid of the king and rule alone through certain choices. 

Anyway both are fun and pretty quick to play choice based games for those with little attention span, so they’re perfect for most of you lot!

I think there’s a Game of Thrones and even a space version of these games too. Haven’t played those, but I imagine they have a similar base to the original, but with their own differences. Not really interested in the GoT one, but the space one seems like it might be an interesting twist on the game.

What's the win condition, if any?

Dunno. Even playing Reigns as much as I have, I'm not sure if it's endless or if there's a time limit. (Currently only up to the 1600s)

I'm guessing maybe achieving everything on the "to do" list might end the game, but since I haven't done that either, the game is still going.

There are a few bits involving a being trapped in crystal and the devil masquerading as a dog who will periodically ask certain questions, along with times where you can explore a dungeon, but not sure if these lead to furthering the overall storyline ending, or its just more stuff to do.

It seems like Reigns: Her Majesty might have a clearer goal in mind of becoming a sole ruling queen, but again I only just started playing it and haven't managed to achieve that yet.

So apparently in Reigns the game does have a time limit of sorts. Looks like after you get past the year 2000, the Devil leaves and the next time you die, you get the option to quit body hopping to another king and it'll say the king is gone and the game will end. I didn't manage to accomplish the game's goal of breaking the curse (However you do that) so I'm guessing that's a losing ending. 

Nocked!

I played this IF over a few weeks and finally beat it, so might as well do a review just in time for Thanksgiving.

This game is about you playing as Robin Hood and the whole traditional bit of going up against the Sheriff of Nottingham (and Prince John to a lesser extent). What’s a little less traditional is the addition of the fantasy creatures and supernatural stuff.

So starts out with the sheriff being an asshole and murdering the shit out of your family and you go running off in the forest and vow revenge. Of course you really can’t do this all alone so you need allies. The first part of the game is mainly revolving around choices recruiting the familiar folks like Little John, Will Scarlet, etc. Maid Marian of course is in this as well and she’s got all sorts of Celtic witchy powers which you can encourage more of if you start aligning more with Fae help.

And for the few Cogites that MIGHT be brave enough to lurk on here, there’s some minor romance shit with Marian if you pursue it. I think Little John is an option too based on what I read on game review comments. You also can play as a female Robin Hood since “Robin” is an androgynous name and all.

So yeah, you can be gay if you want. (And they say it’s not a choice)

Besides the usual IF choice stuff, there is also a lot of resource management that opens up later on in the game. Not just how many men you have or gold you have, but how much influence, how much magical power, your reputation, etc. There’s quite a bit to keep track of and while it’s not difficult to keep track of, there’s some issues with it.

The influence bit is probably the more complex one since there’s four different factions you can gain influence in, the peasants, the nobles, the church and the fae. Amusingly I found it the hardest to raise influence around the peasants than the other factions, but then I probably wasn’t min-maxing effectively.

And I imagine if you want the really good endings, you’ll definitely have to be min-maxing. (Hence multiple playthroughs) I sort of leaned more towards allying with the Fae believing I was going to get dragons and shit for the final showdown, but more on that later.

After the initial gathering of heroes which deals more with straight up choice rather than resource management, the game sort of divides itself between the HQ battle plan phase and a story section with the standard IF choice phase.

The HQ battle plan phase mostly consists of you  spending gold/power on influence, building your base, and exploring the sections of your base, including the forest. There’s choices here too, they just tend to be directly resource management ones. (Like do you focus on spending gold on forest defenses or uncovering more magic power) The more story oriented stuff in this section come in the form of missions which can be unlocked as you gain more influence with factions. So get enough influence with the Fae and you’ll get the opportunity to do a mission for them which can result in a smaller story section to accomplish and based on the choices, you’ll get good or bad results.

Each time you’re at your HQ, you also get a chance to rob some caravans, though who you’re robbing can vary based on again your choices of what you do. Attack a noble caravan and you’ll get a shitload of gold, but you’ll ruin your reputation with the nobility obviously and potentially eliminate extra help from certain characters. You usually get a choice of what/who you want to rob from. For example I managed to somehow rob a wandering giant of his golden eggs and didn’t anger anyone (Not even the Fae, since I guess even they think giants are assholes)

After you’re done doing all the base upgrade, forest exploration, follower talks, robbing caravans, doing missions, you’ll move on to a major story progression point such as sneaking into the castle, attending the archery contest under disguise, etc. These bits usually have multiple ways to accomplish the task and who you’ll have to help you.

The major issue with the resource management part that I mentioned earlier is the game seems to arbitrarily fuck up some of your progress to the point of where it feels like you haven’t made much at all. Like I had 25 in magic power at one point, but then the sheriff did something which decreased to 4 on top of decreasing my forest defenses to a negative number AND increasing my bounty to a point where I was actually losing reputation. I never did build my rep back up either. I think I had negative 90 or something by the end of the game. (So a little less than real life)

Eventually after about a year passes in the game, the final battle will occur and based on who you got as allies, how popular are, how much power you have, etc, this will determine if you win, who survives, etc.

Now, just to give an idea of what happened in my play through I managed to win, but I pretty much left England in fucking ruins lol.

I was primarily trying to ally with the Fae since I wanted dragons and shit for the final battle, but I didn’t really get much of that. I can sort of imagine I didn’t because I spread my influence a little too evenly between the factions, when as usual it’s probably best to pick one or two of them and run with it. So I wound up without too much help, and the sheriff had some sort of anti-magic shit and fantasy creatures of his own to combat mine. He also had a viking raider company helping him.

Marian actually got killed in the battle, but I managed to have just enough power to bring her back to life and then I killed the sheriff by consistently picking all the choices that had me fighting dirty.

Oh and I had outright assassinated Prince John earlier in the game while having to rescue Marian, so by that point the sheriff had just taken complete control of the land.

So by the end of the game, the peasants had no king or ruler and the land was in fucking anarchy. The church was corrupt and was still conscripting folks into the crusades. The nobles basically just became bickering warlords over their plots of land, and the Fae launched a shadow war against the humans because hey this was the best time to fuck their shit up while they were disorganized!

Some of the major characters like Little John and Friar Tuck didn’t have very good endings either. Hell, even though Marian and Robin ended up alright, they didn’t stay together though they “Always had Sherwood”

Well anyway, it was still a fun play through. Again my only gripe is the way the game excessively destroys some of your progress, but maybe I just didn’t plan things out well enough. Probably if I went through it again I might get some better outcomes. I will say though I don’t believe this is a game where you can get a happy ending for everyone. The resources needed to help people for the final act are pretty high so even if you had played well, you probably still wouldn’t have enough for every major character on your team.

Hey, your decisions have consequences and all that.

I was actually surprised I won at all considering how much my defenses and all the rest kept getting fucked up. Like I said, I probably wasn't focusing enough on one or two factions and spread my attention too thin.

The whole title is "Nocked! True Tales of Robin Hood" but "True Tales" bit is more like a sub-title.

Here's the official site.

https://www.nockedthegame.com/

And after reading some of the features listed, there's apparently 9 romance options. Of course I didn't know that since I was too busy trying to raise an army to fight the sheriff. (The more important shit)

Still, that's definitely a feature would actually make it something the CoGites would be all into, but for some reason they're all still into waiting around for half finished shit published by a shit company.

You just can't teach some people.

Overboard!

Alright, this will be a quick one.

This is an Inkle IF done in a similar choice style of their 80 Days IF. Except this one is VERY short in scope. (Like 8 hours rather than 80s days)

Takes place aboard a cruise ship where you play as a English actress that just killed her rich husband by shoving him overboard. Well you two were sort of rich anyway, bad investments were dwindling the bank account (Hence the whole murder thing).

Of course despite doing this at night, there were people that saw you, so you have to figure out who did, what to do to them and to divert the attention from yourself as the murderess you are. You only have a limited amount of time to do this before you reach the dock in America.

So main characters are you (of course) a rich old lady that drinks, some young female writer, an old army colonel, a gambler, the steward, and the captain of the ship. You need to talk to these folks, get them on your side, find out what they know or don’t know, or potentially do away with them as well. You also have to acquire some items to try to help you in your efforts to prove your “innocence” as well.

Basically its the reverse of a murder mystery and there’s choices to be made before the final showdown since just before you reach the dock, there inevitably will be an investigation of your husband’s disappearance so you better provide reasonable doubt by then.

There’s multiple endings depending on what you did. Obviously if you fucked up, you go to jail. You can get away with murder which isn’t completely hard to do, however since in my second run I convinced everyone he committed suicide, I didn’t get the insurance money.

Haven’t tried all the possibilities yet, so I’m sure there’s a way to get away with the murder and get rich, there always is. I did notice there were a few times where YOU could jump overboard as well. So I guess there's a suicide ending too.

The game was fairly cheap when I got it, and its worth playing through a few times which doesn’t take up too much time per play through.

Bahnsen Knights

And we finally come to the third and last game in the pixel pulp trilogy. 

Forgot what that was already? Well scroll up, I already did a review of the first two Mothmen 1969 and Varney Lake.

Anyway, this one takes place in 1986 so it’s latest date timeline wise of the trilogy. Basic premise is you play as Boulder, a fat bearded dude who is working undercover to expose the Bahnsen Knights cult.

Now before I get into it a bit, there’s already some major event that’s occurred which has presumably changed how things work in the US. Some sort of freak storms his at some point during the early 80s and fucked up things enough that some new government organizations have cropped up. Specially “The Agency” which is the one you’re working for. It’s also implied that there’s been some restructuring of the government in general.

As for the freak storms, well they’re still occurring and this means really powerful tornados popping up to trash areas suddenly. The guy who is the head of the BKs, Toni claims to be a new messiah that can exorcise the tornados (Or the roads rather). This is done with some odd “ritual” of driving cars towards the storm head on in a cross formation while avoiding debris on the road (You get a mini game later to do this!) 

But yeah there’s a lot of weird shit going on. It’s not really a post apocalyptic setting, it’s not even really dystopian. What the setting sort of feels like is the first Mad Max where things haven’t completely gone to shit, but order is starting to break down and the government is desperately trying to clamp down on the civilization that is left.

This one probably has a few more mini-games than the last two, even more than Mothmen. (Yeah even another solitaire card game, though this one was better) It definitely has more choices than Varney Lake. Probably as many or even a few more than Mothmen I think. Its still more of a VN than a proper CYOA, but you get more death choices in this one and I do think there’s an alternate ending. (More on that later.) Overall this one is the longest of the three and has a more solid story, but I think that’s mainly due to the fact that you only play as Boulder. There’s no switching to other characters this time, so you get more invested in the dude you’re playing as.

One thing you’re supposed to be doing is gathering evidence for the Agency so they can shut down the BKs. There’s a few points in the game where you can do this. I’m pretty sure in my play through I didn’t gather enough evidence though since I saw an achievement saying something about “Here comes the calvary!” which involves the Agency coming in and helping you out in the last section of the game. (And I didn’t get it) I’m not sure if you get an alternate ending with it or if you still have the same final showdown with Toni.

So this one does tie in to the past games, but only very loosely. There’s a few tidbits here and there, but the main way it ties in is with the appearance of Lou who was the writer character that appeared in the last two games. His tie in doesn’t seem too forced mainly because its long been established that he is a paranormal investigator along with being a writer and in this one he’s run afoul of the BK cult, particularly the head of it Toni. Though it doesn’t quite go into specifics of what Lou and Toni’s history are, but the game has a few things like that where you think you might learn more about something and you never do. (Just like in real life!) 

Presumably from the point of view of Boulder you’re more concerned with just getting out of all this alive and back to your family anyway. It’s an ongoing concern for him.

Beat the game and you get a couple of after credit story additions wrapping up things. 

There is no future game demo on this one. There are demos of the last two games though. I think they got a complete pixel pulp package set now you can buy with all three games, so if you haven’t bought any of them and this series has intrigued you a bit, you might as well get the trilogy set. Not sure if  there are any plans on making any more of them, but given how much effort they put into this last one, I could actually see a more fully fleshed out game in this same style (and world) and I’d be interested enough to buy it.

80 Days

Well always like to keep the Lounge "lively" so here's a review of an older IF, though I'm sure some here have probably played it already.

So 80 Days is another Inkle game based on the book Around the World in 80 Days. Basing an IF game off of an already established book is always a bit challenging since you have to make it entertaining while still adhering to the source. Make it too similar to the source and you’ll get complaints about it feeling too confined. Make it too different than the source and you get complaints about it not being anything like the book.

80 Days is one of the few that managed to maintain that balance and be a fun game. Though the choice to go the completely steampunk direction is sort of a no brainer given the time period and the fact that the original was a Jules Verne work in the first place. You play as Passepartout the French manservant of Phineas Fogg who is the English dude going on this journey because he's a bored rich Englishman making stupid bets and that's the sort of shit they do.

The writing and branching are well done. While there’s places where it has fake choices that don't really matter too much which choice you pick, most of the time there is at least a bit of a consequence for it even if it’s a minor change in your character’s hidden stats or something similar. Besides all that, there are enough events and locations to explore that it’s hardly noticeable unless you're playing it constantly like an addict.

The resource management portion of the game is implemented very well too. Not just determining what might be directly useful on your trip at any given time, but also a bit of a trader mini-game since some items aren’t really useful directly but you can sell them for a large profit at certain locations which is somewhat important as you’ll definitely need a good supply of money on this journey.

Plenty of variety of events, ongoing story subplots, ways to travel and secrets to uncover so replay value is high. It’s worth derailing from the original goal just to uncover new things. And yes if you're one of those faggots that finds this sort of thing ultra important, the Frenchie can find romance during the journey. In fact one of the alternate endings is running off with some chick and just leaving Fogg altogether. There's probably some gay options too, but I mean that's sort of a given that you're playing as a frog.

If I had any major complaints about the game it would be the lack of danger or rather the lack of genuine danger since the game does a good enough job of making you feel like you’re in danger a lot of times. But it’s almost impossible to actually DIE in this game. Fogg has a heart meter which can go up or down, but other than one place that I know of, it doesn’t really effect much. It’s sort of a “fake stat” which is a bit disappointing really. There are many instances where I think the adventure of the game could have been better with some risk involved.

It’s not a deal breaker, but I’ll always appreciate a game more that has genuine risk involved. In fact, this one could have done the deaths very well given the one main example of it occurring and the writing in general.

Like I said, some of you have probably played it already, but if you haven't, it's definitely worth it.

Grotto

This is a weird one as far as CYOA style games go which is good to see someone doing something a little different with the genre.

The basic premise is that you’re a soothsayer that lives in a cave and looks at the stars to interpret their meanings for a village of furries. Yeah everyone you speak to in the game is usually some form of mammal or avian. There are a few that aren’t, and it’s sort of telling that the reptilian or amphibian ones have less benevolent personalities. (And the few insectoid ones are even more ruthless)

The whole game literally takes place in your cave and there’s a raised rock where you can look at the stars due to a hole in the high up roof of your cave, draw lines on them and discover new signs like “Crab”, “Ivy”, “Mountain”, “Mammoth” etc. These signs will go on your nearby wall so you can pick them later. There’s actually nothing stopping you from fucking about with the stars right from the start to unlock all of the signs. I sort of did that early in the game when I realized I could which let me just focus on the choice aspect.

So what happens is various furries come to your cave asking for advice and you pick a sign as your answer. Now each sign already comes with a meaning, however at the start of the game it’s pointed out that the problem with something as vague as astrology is the fact that you’re interpreting your own meaning to shit you just made up. This also means that the villagers aren’t necessarily going to interpret your meaning to the sign the same way.

Someone asks what should the village focus on, and you pick “crab” to mean protection, but the villager interprets it as meaning to focus on fishing. Some of the questions/interpretations are easier and more straight forward of course.

A typical “turn” is you wake up, you go meet up with at least two furries and give them each a symbol interpretation for their questions and then you go back to sleep in your humble tent. Should be noted that it’s always day break when it’s time to go back to sleep since there’s no stars and just bright light coming from the hole in the roof.

(Literal bugman behavior, so maybe you’re one of the insectoid folks.)

So obviously there’s a storyline going on, multiple ones in fact. Shouldn’t be too surprising that as is fitting of a bunch of primitive tribal furries that they got a weird culture go on.

The villagers start out with an old kindly chieftain, but things start on a downward spiral from there. Given that I just told you that he’s old, it’s not too far in the game that he eventually dies. In fact you will actually get his BONES to cast in section of the cave. This will allow you to speak with him and he’ll give his own advice on whatever situation you’re experiencing at the moment. So it’s an additional helper in the symbol picking process.

You’ll actually get a couple other things later too, like a simple guitar to play which will summon a red spirit thing that will also give advice and a pipe you can smoke so you can talk to dead villagers who will have their own opinion on things. You’re free of course to never use any of these things.

I’d actually be spoiling quite bit if I went into greater detail of the storyline, but let’s just say, you’ll have to deal with internal strife with the village AND an external threat to them as well. Hell, there's even some parts where the star symbols will change and you have to assign your own meaning to them. I'm certain that some of these events always happen, though since I haven’t autistically played through every choice, but based on certain acheivements/trophies acquired I’m pretty sure this is the case. Of course CYOAs are always going to be limited to some degree. Still though, your advice can start or cause more fighting or even death of certain villagers so you might have different folks around even if some events play out the same.

I'm not sure if you actually can ever die in the game, though there were a few times where I thought for sure I was going to wake up and find someone angry standing over me ready to kill me. Funny thing is there were a couple times where I thought the game was going to be over and then something new happened. Again, going by the achievements, I believe one of these things always happens and you’re given a choice of what to do. Like I said though, maybe you don’t get it if you really fucked up your earlier choice (Or did really well with them)

And on top of all this business with the furry drama, the damn mountain itself is speaking to you from time to time. So maybe you’re just fucking loco and you’re just tripping balls due to a bad batch of mushrooms.

Anyway I’m going to say even if you aren’t going to autistically go through every choice just to see minor differences, the whole concept of the game is cool and definitely worth a play through. I know I definitely enjoyed the game from start to finish and really liked the ending I got.

Alright two quick ones by the same company called No More Robots. Again not quite “true IF” but there’s still enough choice based shit to be in this thread.

Nowhere Prophet

This is primarily a strategic deck builder with some choices along the way. And yes, I fucking hate deck builders, but I’m also a sucker for the post apocalyptic genre and I liked the premise of the game. It’s actually an older game (Pre-COVID!), but I held out on buying it for awhile.

So the premise is you’re a prophet leading a group of misfits through the wasteland to some destination. The map is randomized and you can start out with different cards if you’ve unlocked new prophets and convoys. Along the way, you get into fights, can pick up new cards (people or items) and pick choices based on events or which paths to go down.

It’s not as character/story driven as Griftlands which is my main comparison due to it also being a deck builder, but I’d say I got just about as much enjoyment from it. It’s probably more difficult than that one since I at least managed to beat one of the character’s stories in Griftlands and I haven’t even beaten Nowhere Prophet once.

If you’re into deck builders with choices I’d say its definitely worth playing and there’s enough randomness for lots of replayability.

Yes, Your Grace

I actually just got this game after wanting to play it for a long time. Only just recently came out on a platform I actually can play it on. This one actually came out during COVID so probably considered old in terms of video games nowadays.

Anyway, despite what Mizal thought this one was about when I explained it to her awhile back, this isn’t anything like Reigns or any of those other “Swipe left/right and balance four stats”  type games. This one has pixel art and your king moves about in his castle.

Premise of this one is you’re a ruler of a small kingdom and you have the usual problems that a kingdom has like repairing the castle, opening new buildings in town, helping peasants find their lost children and such.

There’s only a few stats to keep track of like gold, food, and army strength and unlike in something like Reigns, it’s only bad if you run out of these things. In fact you don’t even start out with a proper army at all, you have to acquire one somehow because the storyline has it set up that an invading army of barbarians is coming to take your oldest daughter since apparently you promised to marry her off to their chieftain for some damn reason that isn’t explained. Or at least not yet, since I didn’t get that far.

You actually got three daughters (And obviously a wife) so you have to deal with them as well as your generals, merchants, peasants, etc.

So basically the game is choice based with a few stats and some little pixel folks to look at as you play. Again I haven’t gotten that far in the game yet, but it’s been fun wht I have played.

My plan was to marry my oldest daughter off to a prince around her age so I could get her dad’s large army to fight the barbarians. The other king was sort of an asshole, but apparently his wife was dying so that might have been why. He also wanted to have a look around my library for a cure since his own kingdom is probably more militaristic and doesn’t have dumb things like books.

Everything was going alright and the wedding was coming up and then…I ran out of gold and my game ended saying that thieves rioted and took everything not nailed down collapsing my kingdom. The End. (And unlike Reigns, there is no new ruler to continue the game)

I’ll have to try again. This time I won’t borrow money from the bank which I had a feeling was going to be a bad idea and I got lulled into a false sense of safety not realizing the loan repayment was exceeding my income by a lot. (This is why I typically never borrow money in games, let alone in real life)

Anyway, it's a fun game and I recommend it. There’s supposed to be another one coming out at some point so going to try to win this one first.

ROADWARDEN

Roadwarden is a text-based interactive fiction RPG that I've been playing a lot for the past couple of days, and it's been a very enjoyable experience. The game revolves around you, the player, carrying out your duties as the new Roadwarden, patrolling around an unnamed and mysterious peninsula full of interesting characters, dangerous creatures, and unique settlements, trying to make the place better for everyone... well, usually. Another goal of yours is to secure deals for the merchant guild that's hired you, earning the trust of the settlements, which is easier said than done. You can very well leave relations worse than they were when you arrived.

The game is relatively open world, you can travel almost anywhere and do whatever you'd like at any given time, though some areas are locked behind big quests and objectives. Almost every part of the map has at least one thing for you to do, and almost every NPC will have at least one quest, on top of settlements having multiple of them for you to play around with. The exploration aspect is fun and rewarding, the early game being much more of a fight for survival than anything (maybe that was just because I made the wrong turn at every crossroads for the first two hours and didn't find any of the inns or settlements), and once you open up the peninsula you can comfortably focus on quests.

Depending on the settings you choose at the beginning, the game may or may not have a time limit, before you have to leave the peninsula. You can turn the time limit off if you'd like a more relaxed and completionist experience, and as far as I'm aware there are no drawbacks to doing so, but generally, you're going to have 40 days in order to accomplish your goal(s). If you're traveling around the map a lot, you can probably expect to get maybe 2-4 small things done per day, though there are some activities that will take an entire day. Time management does make the game more difficult, and you may have to end up choosing between your different available quests near the end. I cut it pretty close, but I personally didn't struggle to accomplish everything I set out to do when playing with the time limit, but that's because I've mastered time management from participating in CYS contests. Personally, I suggest keeping the time limit on, at least for an initial playthrough.

While the game is almost entirely text-based, there are some nice pixel-art visuals to go along with it. Each location has an appearance, some having multiple, which is always nice. There is no art of the characters or the enemies (aside from like a single spider on the eastern path), but at the same time, there doesn't really need to be. The mood and atmosphere set by the locations themselves, in tandem with the always fantastic and sometimes terrifying text descriptions, is more than enough to paint a vivid picture in your head. There's also some good music to go along with all the different kinds of encounters, my personal favorite one being the homey, tavern-like tune that you'll be hearing for the majority of a playthrough.

Something I really appreciated about Roadwarden was how open it is to different playstyles, doing so majorly with two methods- class, and personality. You get to select a class at the beginning of the game, becoming a warrior, a mage, or a scholar. Each one has its perks and downsides, as well as unique ways of solving different problems, encouraging multiple different playthroughs. For example, your character will be a stupid dumb-dumb who can't read words if you don't pick scholar, but with more combat proficiency. I first played as a warrior since I figured it would be the easiest one, and then later on when I played as a scholar, I found that I was treated differently by certain NPCs and it was very, very nice to not have to beg on my hands and knees to a smart NPC every time I wanted to read something (even if I did have to quicksave-scum in combat more often).

The other major way you can shape your character is through the way they can interact with other people. Sometimes, usually when introducing yourself to others, you will be given five different dialogue options, allowing you to come across in different ways. You can be friendly, humorous, monotonous, threatening, or meek. Obviously, different choices and actions will affect how people view you, which is both great- because it's cool to not have to be nice and helpful to all of these people by default, especially the annoying ones- and kind of problematic at times. It can be pretty annoying to get temporarily or even permanently locked out of something because an NPC who you've exhausted all dialogue with doesn't trust you enough to let you go on a fetch quest, and you have no idea why. The relationship system in general is the one thing I'd say I have something of a gripe with in Roadwarden, really, I'd appreciate a more obvious representation of what the different NPCs think of me, because it's a lot of relationships to uphold if you're trying to get one of the best endings, and you can tick the wrong people off without ever realizing it. I personally screwed up a whole run at some point by betraying some druids without knowing, and I was only made aware that it had happened when I went to start an extremely important interaction, only for the game to inform me that I was locked out of doing so, since the druids were unwilling to help me because of the unspecified betrayal, despite my doing everything I could to get on their good side.

All in all, Roadwarden has some of the coolest worldbuilding and atmosphere that I've seen, alongside making every run feel truly unique (though rediscovering the map and stuff can be a bit of a slog if you're on your second run or later). Even though I've gone through the game multiple times now to play around with the different classes, I'm certain there are still things I haven't seen, which is exciting.

My initial run of this game turned out to be around 12ish hours, and overall I put in about 35 between multiple different playthroughs. Needless to say, I do highly recommend it, the $11 it is on Steam is worth it- even better if you can scoop it up at 50% off when it goes on sale. I did my best to keep this review about as spoiler-free as I could, since it's a special game, especially if you're a fan of interactive fiction in general.

King’s Dilemma Chronicles

This is the digital version of the boardgame. If anyone has paid attention to some of the boardgame threads around here, I’ve mentioned that version a few times. Who knows, might actually get around to setting it up for play around here.

Knowing how the mechanics of the boardgame work, the video game plays out a little different since it’s designed as a solo affair in mind. The changes I think work for the most part other than maybe the usual Ai sometimes being retarded problems.

So much like the video game Reigns that I reviewed earlier in this very thread, there’s going to be multiple kings since they’re either dying or abdicating due to instability in the kingdom. (Caused by you no doubt) Presumably your own noble house is just being run by whoever is head of it at the time, so multiple generations going on as well. While the general premise is the same, this game is a little more complex

So at the start of the game, you pick one of several noble houses to play as while you try to influence the king on certain decisions. Situations pop up and then you and the rest of the AI high council either vote “Aye” or “Nay” on something. Voting for the popular option costs you nothing.

If a vote isn’t going the way you want, you’ve got two choices to sway it to your liking. You can either bribe one of the council members or just power override with enough influence. You’re going to get a certain amount of money and influence with each king reign and if you run out, that’s it. You don’t get anymore until the next king.

The results of these events will then have an effect on the kingdom in various ways. Allow slavery and money goes up, but morale goes down. Build new weapons for the army and money goes down but military goes up, etc.Similar to a game like Reigns, but a single stat going all the way up or down won’t result in a change of power necessarily, since there’s another stat that does that and it’s a case of “gaming the system” where you just don’t want to make too many changes that go in one direction too close together. So for example you might want to break up moving the money stat

Or maybe you do since it depends on what your own house’s goals are because you’ll get those too. Each house has its own specific agendas based on certain storylines and events. These are actually missable if you don’t pay attention. The other agendas can change from reign to reign based on what you pick. One reign you might pick being a moderate and try to keep all the stats in the middle. Another you might pick extremist and try to get all the stats to the very top or very bottom. Etc.

Why you want to accomplish these goals is so that you gain more power, influence for the next king reign. You also are trying to gain loyalist/rebel points too which have more of an affect on the long game.

The long game hints at the beginning of something bad coming which could destroy the kingdom entirely. As such, you might want to get ready for that or again maybe you don’t. The loyalist/rebel points allow you to build projects which will take time (Possibly several king reigns). These range from digging tunnels under the capital, inventing gunpowder (Or onyx power), building those wall slits so you can pour boiling oil, etc.

And you will often need both loyalist and rebel points to build a lot of these projects so you really can’t just focus on one.

Now the strength of the “stability” vs “discord” will change based on what choices you make during the storyline events. While there are enough “one off” events that just change the kingdom’s stats, many of the events are connected to a particular story branch that affect the long game. Make choices that encourage kingdom stability (Or what you think will at least) and that’s going to go up. Do the opposite and more discord is going happen. Eventually when you get through all the storyline choices, you’ll head into the end game.

The end game is basically going to be an all out civil war where you’re going to choose which side you’re on and go from there. This is where all those kingdom/castle improvements are going to come more directly into play. Did you have your wisemen study those metal eating bugs? If so, you’ll know how to deal with a weaponized version of them that the enemy is using.

After its all said and done, you’ll either be on the right side of history and win the war or you’ll be a big loser and they can play the Rains of Castamere in memory of your destroyed house.

All in all, it’s actually a pretty good set up and gives you a bit of a long term goal to work for.

But what about the storyline branches themselves before you get to the end game? Well those are cool too though with how the multiple king reigns system works, some of them might not make logical sense as far as time frame is concerned.

So one thing that’s neat about the game is you’ve often got multiple story decisions to make at the same time. And granted some branches will get closed off, overall the main plots are going to continue which as I said, might work out a little funny if you “game the system” and you’ll probably do that more than a few times as a natural reaction of trying to achieve your goals.

For example you’ve got a storyline open about finding a witch, dealing with an emerging nation of barbarians and handling a plague. You’re also playing as a moderate meaning you’re trying to keep the kingdom stats centered as much as possible. Which also means you’re really trying to keep the kingdom from suffering any instability causing the king to abdicate. So if you’re doing it right, the king’s reign is probably going to last quite awhile before he randomly dies as you can jump around picking what events you want to deal with based on what kingdom stats they may or may not influence.

This all sounds good, but take into consideration of the logical time frame of these things. The whole time you’ve been jumping back and forth between dealing with the barbarian kingdom and hunting a witch, AND opened up a new plotline where you send folks on an expedition to a new land, you’ve barely done anything about the plague and you’ve gone through 7 kings already. (And not all of them are dying young so that’s at least a sizable amount of decades)

Was the plague just waiting around and not spreading until you finally got around to picking a choice from that branch again? There’s just some events that sound like you really would be needing to take care of immediately in real life, but of course this being an incredible simulation, you can illogically just sort of not deal with the shit until you’re ready.

Granted shit like this happens all the time in RPGs (Oh sure there’s a demon invasion, but go rescue kittens from trees, it’s really not that serious), but I suppose due to the even more storyline driven focus and the implication that potentially centuries are passing here makes it more amusing.

As for the major storyline plots and such, they’re all pretty written well. A few of them definitely get into the grimdark category. It’s definitely a more low fantasy Game of Thrones style world rather than high fantasy Lord of the Rings.

I’d say you could probably do a multiple playthroughs since there is a lot here. Even if you were only going to bother with one playthrough, I'd say it's still worth it thanks to all the content there is the first time around and you might even be inspired to play at least one (or two) more times.

Wow, I really let this thread go on a bit too long without an addition. Currently have a scifi IF called “Trap for Winners” and the “Untold” series to go through and haven’t gotten to them at all.

So I’ll go over an IF I played a long time ago and still remember most of it. (Or at least all the important bits)

Outsider!

So first things first, this is a completely FREE game you can play on the http://www.ffproject.com/ website. There’s a shitload of free games on there they all mainly use the old Fighting Fantasy book format. Don’t know what that is? Well go read my Fighting Fantasy review thread in the Reading Corner.

Anyway, going to spoil the hell out of this story so if weren’t intending on playing through it anyway or don’t care about being spoiled, well read on. (Probably still going to forget a few things anyway)

Outsider has you in the role of a super assassin because your mother was burned as a witch and you never knew who your dad was, so there’s a lot of tragic childhood going on here. Because of this, you grew up murdering the shit out of people for a living.

Still, you temporarily stopped being an angsty asshole for awhile when you met your girlfriend Eddora. She was an assassin too and she was a HAWT dark elf. Needless to say, getting magical dark elf vagina on the regular put you in a much better mood. (Now you were just a regular asshole)

However, all good things come to an end, and one day Eddora leaves a note by the bed apologizing and saying she has to go “find herself.” (Women, go an’ figure ‘em!)

And now you’re back to being an angsty asshole. Worse perhaps, since now you’re also moping about Eddora. You’re also thinking a lot about who your dad might really be since you’ve been going through your dead mom’s journals and narrowed it down to 3 guys. A necromancer, a count, and a crusader of all people. (Your mom didn’t discriminate)

The story starts with you coming back from a hiatus, so you’re supposed be getting back into the whole murder for hire thing. You’ll also be attempting to track down the men who might be your father as well.

Gamewise it uses the typical Skill, Stamina and Luck scores, in addition to a Psychic score. As fitting for a super assassin, your stats sort of start out already maxed out, still plenty of ways to die in normal combat though. Besides regular combat, you’ve got a little magic about you as well hence the psychic score.

So that’s the set up and from there you get hired for your first missions. You actually can get a premature ending pretty quickly if you turn down two jobs in a row in the beginning. It mentions how you lost your taste for murder and you don’t ever get offered another job again. You become an NPC and get a normal job. You also marry some other NPC and you get to live the rest of your life like a schnook.

However, if you get back into the whole killing thing, you’ll soon get a job where you have to assassinate some necromancer. And this would be the first man you can investigate as being your dad.

Infiltrating the necro’s lair actually has some references to other sword and sorcery stories. Namely Conan (You find books on the shelf that are basically about him) and Elric. Or more specifically Elric’s sword Stormbringer. This intelligent evil sword is hanging on a rack and wants you to use it. It increases your skill stat quite a bit, but there’s a cost and I don’t just mean your other stats. Anyone that’s familiar with the Elric stories should know that sword is cursed and will bring doom to whoever uses it.

I never picked it up, but there is a fun way it screws you royally later towards the end. That’s actually a bit of a theme in this game. Like any FF style book, it’s “gauntlet” in that you are always going forward with maybe a few deviations for a premature end. However, a few of the earlier choices will affect the “final ending”.

Anyway, how you deal with the necromancer also affects getting the “true ending”. In fact, this is the case for ALL your potential dads. If you actually kill any of them, you won’t learn the proper info on who your real dad is.

In any case, it’s not the necromancer. After speaking with him a bit and learning a few things you figure out he can’t possibly be your father. Still, he’s more than willing to see you as his son/apprentice. Taking him up on this offer will lead to a pretty good ending where you become a master of undead and conquer shit with him.

Yeah, sounds like a win to me, but we’ll move on.

So you do a few more missions and there’s other events going on in the city. A few encounters that were of the odder type were meeting some weird prostitute that could poison you instantly with a touch. It’s sort of implied she’s not even of your world, possibly even an alien. She’s described as very “gray” looking and oversized eyes and she’s obviously lost on this world trying to get back to her own. Another weird encounter is in a graveyard where you meet some freak that’s embedding metal into his body. When you fight him he’s called a “Metal Fetishist” and I know this had to be a reference to the old Japanese cult movie “Tetsuo The Iron Man”

Both of them are odd scifi additions to an otherwise fantasy based game, but whatever.

So eventually you’ll get a contract for the count and same deal here. You can either kill him or get more info. Turns out he’s not your dad either, however the count himself is REALLY convinced that you are his son. The count doesn’t have any children of his own and he really wants an heir so badly that he’s more than willing to just let you move into the castle. Again, you can get a premature ending with you becoming a minor ruler of sorts or head back to your home city and mope some more.

While moping, you there’s more shit going on in the city and whispers of changes and such. Nothing major yet though, but it’s starting to look like assassins are becoming a rarer breed or at least there aren’t as many around anymore. It’s mainly you and a few other badasses. One of those is your rival or at least the guy that’s always getting compared as being the one that’s as skilled as you are.

So next big contract and surprise surprise it’s the crusader. Same thing, kill him or speak with him about your mom. He’s not your dad either, however he sees that you’re a trouble soul and all that so he offers to teach you the light side of magic and hopes to change your ways. You study under him a bit and you get the choice of turning your life around. Doing this results in you also becoming a crusader for good and another premature ending.

Of course you can as usual go back home and wallow in self pity because you can’t find your dad. Lol.

So at this point you’re starting to get targeted and even your contact who usually is giving you your contracts betrays you. (And you have to kill him) You also start getting messages from your rival who is also going on about how your time is coming to an end. (Not just you either, he means for all assassins) For awhile you start playing it a bit safe and do nothing but stay in the tavern you have a room at and get a bit fat and out of shape. Lol.

Eventually you snap out of it (Or else you get killed) and take care of your rival and lo and behold Eddora comes back into your life!

So you got a few mixed feelings about her, and she sort of explains herself that she needed to see the world and experience life beyond just being an assassin and she had to do that without you.

But she’s back now and you get the option of forgiving her or telling her to fuck off. Telling her to fuck off leads to a bad ending. Basically you just continue your assassin life without thinking much more about it, but as I said, major changes are coming and the general public doesn’t really want super assassins just hanging out in the city anymore. Eventually you and few hardened elite are all that’s left when you all finally get hunted down and killed.

Forgiving her however leads to uncovering a bit more of what’s going on with the changes in the city. Eddora helps you out on this front. Seems like everyone from the nobles to the thieves guild are trying to eliminate the assassins guild, but two in particular are another dark elf noble and a vampire noble. They got some plot to actually have a proper standing army/militia/whatever to keep law and order as opposed to folk paying cutthroats to run around and resolve their problems.

It’s been awhile since I played, so I’m sure there’s more to it that I’m forgetting but I do remember finding it odd that assassins were being “phased out”. Like seriously? There’s NEVER going to be a time in the “new age” where someone isn’t going to need someone offed secretly and sneakily?

In any case, the dark elf noble and the vamp capture you and your girl, and after you escape you have a big showdown with them both. You end up fighting the vamp and in an amusing (or not amusing) addition to the combat, if you ever roll snake eyes, you have to turn to a special event where the vampire ends up biting your crotch causing you to shout “I AM NO LONGER A MAN!” in a high pitched voice. The vamp then spits out what he bit off.

It’s not clear if he bites your dick off or your balls off, or possibly everything, but either way the combat continues until one of you is dead. (Assuming the damage from the bite didn’t kill you)

So if you win, you’ll get a premature ending if you didn’t get all the info from your potential fathers. Basically it has you riding away from the city with Eddora and you feeling a sense of unfinished business remarking of how you never learned who your real father was. The ending then goes several decades into the future with a tour guide at some location saying “This alleyway was the place where two notorious assassins were finally brought down, but they say at midnight you can still hear them laughing.” (Something like that anyway, it's the first major ending I got when playing it)

If you did get all the info though, you’ll get the chance to get the “true ending” or at least one of them.

Basically you go back over your mom’s diaries and figure out how to bring her back from the dead so you can just ask her directly. Your mom as it turns out is a mean old bitch who wasn’t some misunderstood witch, she definitely was evil.

She does a lot of taunting you, and eventually she admits who your real father is. He was the village idiot. When questioned why she fucked some retard, she said just because she was bored and liked the whole debasedness of it.

So now you got the image of some retard with a goofy looking face fucking your mom (No, seriously you actually get these images since your mom invades your mind with them). If you weren’t angsty before, you sure as hell are now.

However, I sort of thought this was a bit overblown. I mean you obviously “beat the genetic odds” since you aren’t retarded and it wasn’t like you were the one fucking a retard. Your mom’s “flex” doesn’t really seem all that impressive even as far as taunting you goes, after all you already knew she was fucking a bunch of guys.

In any case, you have to fight her burnt corpse. This also has the risk of Eddora dying in the fight which will affect the ending you get.

Okay, so you kill your bitch of a mom. NOW on to the endings.

So if you were unlucky enough to get Eddora killed during the battle, you basically fall to grief. I forget if you kill yourself or just eventually let someone kill you, but the result is the same. A variation involves if you allowed the Count to live. You get someone delivering a message saying the Count just died of natural causes and that you inherited a castle and land. This results in you taking over, but you remain miserable, ordering paintings to be drawn up of Eddora in all your rooms and you’re just one of those melancholy rulers until your die shortly thereafter unable to go on.

The worst ending however is if Eddora lives, but you previously got your dick bitten off. Oddly the dick variable only gets considered if you also let the Count live so you inherit his castle. What ends up happening is you and Eddora take over the castle and rule, but due to being unable to “perform” in the normal way, you start engaging in a lot of other degeneracy. Worse, you also start dabbling in black magic to try to “fix” yourself. In short you got Slaneesh style demon orgies going on every night and eventually even Eddora can’t put up with it anymore and kills you.

Probably the next worst is if you picked up Stormbringer WAY back when you were messing about in the necro lair. The sword ends up killing you with a laugh saying “I was always more evil than you.” (Which is a direct line it says to Elric in the book) Talk about your long troll.

The good ending is if Eddora and you survive (dick intact) but you ended up killing the Count anyway after learning the info. You don’t get the inheritance, but you ride off with her.

Of course the best ending is the same as the last one, but you didn’t kill the Count so you get the inheritance. You rule and have a whole mess o’ half breed babies with Eddora.

And that’s it. Pretty much more or less explained the major bits in order anyway.

There was a sequel, but it’s a lot shorter (Way shorter) and I thought it sucked compared to this one. I think it’s more like just a story set in the same world and written by the same author, since there aren’t any of the same characters.

This one though of course I liked a lot.

Not just a rando, but a retarded one.

Which I suppose is indeed idiocy any way you look at it. Could be the savant kind though.

Yeah looks like they even added a lot more games since the last time I looked at it which was years ago.