Was wanting some feedback on rather my hook is any count:
You are a small time boxer named Jay that has never lost a fight in your life,and your the only one that knows why. Or so you thought.
In this story you will take an adventure with Jay finding out just how far you can take your powers.
Could it be a mutation, a spider bite, maybe that your some kind of alien from space.
...or maybe its something a little more demonic
Yea, i found this whole skit to be pretty funny. Looks like something i would do
Ok thanks, i normally have the problem of having to go back over everything i write and add details or try to make sense of it. Ill try to work out what im wanting the story to be
Ok, thank you, ive never been good at getting people hyped so ill have to work on that quite a bit.
Ill try to make sure that the next version is some kind of exciting, and ill work on the punctuation; problems as well i suppose.if i must
Huh, who, what?
well, I'm sorry that I'm late. Traffic was terrible.
I don't think "or so you thought" is a complete sentence. There is also an "and" smashed against the comma (just a missing space).
Is the main character named Jay? Also, am I the main character? This description implies that "I" and "Jay" are two different people to me. If that is what you intended, that is fine. However, your description says that I am Jay.
Starting a sentence is an ellipse is strange (an ellipse is the three periods in a row). Usually that symbol replaces a period or comma, but you have it at the start of a paragraph. I would connect that to the previous sentence.
That is my quick take. This also reads like a story description or teaser rather than a hook. To me, a hook is something interesting or exciting that happens early in the story to draw the reader in. A hook makes the reader want to keep reading your story. A description gives them a general idea what it is about so they can decide to read it (or not).
Yea, im going to have to work on the way I write. I like to write the same way i think in my head, which is retarded i assume.
I also normally have to go back over everything i write about 10 times before it makes any since so ill have to make sure i make it clear your not personally jay.
Thank you for your feedback