Jack the Bean Counter

One of the most amusing and entertaining story games I've read on this site.

Story (8/8)

Short summary:

If one sees and reads the name "Jack" alongside the word "bean", the tale "Jack and the Beanstalk" immediately pops on their mind.

The protagonist is indeed named Jack, but don't confuse with with Jack the Peasant. He holds a much higher social status and job position, that of the Royal Bean Counter. But with a distinguished position comes high responsibility and consequently heavy punishment, if you show incompetence.

As player-readers, we are following the Bean Counter's perilous investigation on finding the missing bean, lest he faces his Majesty's wrath. Based on the choices made, Jack either finds the bean by fulfilling the witch's request, executing an innocent goose, who also happens to be the Majesty's beloved pet, and accuse another peasant to be the culprit or even accuse the pet of being the culprit.

Thoughts:

The sarcasm used throughout the story was top-notch. Making fun of the classic tropes used by fairy tales featuring princesses through a character with more common sense than most, like the protagonist, makes the reader think: "That's exactly what I thought!". As stated before, I loved the sarcasm sprinkled from the start to the end of the game.

No noticeable grammar errors, great hook and interesting plot. What more could a reader ask for? Well, they could ask for longer endings, since most of them feel rushed or too short, though one in particular was hilarious. The one with the Serb joke, on the "Consult the Witch" route.

As it is now, it feels more like a bare-bones first draft than a final one. Surprisingly, there is quite a bit of world-building, as we see glimpses of it on most routes, and more on the route where the protagonist meets Jack the Peasant.

The writing style could easily become my favourite. The descriptions, dialogues and overall vibe it manages to create is awesome.
Characters (8/8)

The characters are, naturally the ones who make and drive the story forward. You can find them plenty here: original side characters, classic one which you can find on almost every fairytale and last but not least, the characters appearing on "Jack and the Beanstalk"

The writer has managed to make the characters feel way more realistic than one would expect from a fairy tale, through the dialogues. One of them who I couldn't stand was Vira the bitchy princess.

Replayability (8/8)
It's a branching story with two routes and several sub-routes which lead to vastly different endings, so yeah, replayability is a strong point of this game.

Endings (6/8)
While there are several endings, some of them feel rushed or incomplete.

Overall: A good story, an entertaining read. Highly recommend.

Characters:
There’s a variety of characters, and both Madge and Jack B. Nimble Rumbledour are characterized well. The witch has some personality too, though it seems that all old ladies have the exact same personality in this story.
6/8


SPAG:
A strong start, but errors started to crop up more and more as the story progressed.
6/8

Branching:
There were many different endings, but none of the paths were particularly long. Points for consistency in every branch, with one exception (listed below).
5/8

Plot:
The whole tale was interesting, no matter which path was chosen. The plot was unique in every branch and entertaining throughout, but very, VERY rushed at the end.
5/8

Bonuses:
>You’d be lucky to even get a half assed contest entry.
Adding bonus points for just this line in general.
+0.25

>That all goes just like you imagine, unless your brain is so Serbian that you can’t.
And this line as well.
+0.25

Total: exactly 6/8

**other comments**
I love how this story takes itself so seriously and yet is so ridiculous. Fantastic, and hilarious.

>Sauerkraut and liverwurst on rye bread, your favorite!
Disgusting. Ew. No.

Why the Arby’s hate?

>He does sorely miss the bean as well however, and just like you do hates not having an even, soothing 100,000 anymore.
In the “have the king handle the matter” ending.
This sentence is a little awkward- I think splitting it into two sentences would improve it.

Is the prince fucking the goose?
Ah, he is not. That’s a relief.

Every ending feels rushed at the end, giving just a paragraph explaining how everything plays out. I definitely would’ve liked to be able to make some choices in the giant encounter, or not pay the witch back.

The “ignore her” option is incredibly short. It’s just an instant death link.

> “And if you should happen upon my oldest sister, she is the most pitiful and poverty stricken of us all, and the most in need of kindness from a strange.”
On the “give her a sandwich” page. Last word should probably be “stranger”

I didn’t get the skeletons and animal bones reference. I think it’s the only one I’m blanking on.

The “Head for Shelter” ending doesn’t really seem like it’s an END. It doesn’t say anything about the bean.

Inconsistency in the ending where you get more beans and the one with the goose pardon. In one, the king is glad to have more beans, and in the other, he’s displeased at the nice, round number of 100,000 being messed up.

I've loved fairy tales ever since I was a kid, so I liked this a lot.I did enjoy Mizal's snarky take on these types of stories, especially with all the meta elements-- although I'm not sure what she and the writers for "The Simpsons" have against Arby's. There were some sentences in the text that are basically comma splices, but those can easily be corrected. I do need to point out that a sentence on page one has an odd grammatical structure: "Standing on the edge of your chair on tippy toes to plant a kiss on her cheek for good luck (she bends down so you can reach) she then helps you to the floor and you whisk your way out the door in search of the missing magic bean." That seems to have a little bit of confusion in the middle as to who the subject of the sentence is. Some other sentences here seems to be missing words, like this one: "Further on you another sign of life however, a humble cottage with smoke rising from the chimney, and a cowshed in the back." Or this sentence just needs to replace the word "and" with "an": "Part of you wants to dive towards him in slow motion while yelling Noooooooo! in and unaccountably deep voice". Overall, I love the breezy tone of this story-game and wish it were longer. Plus, it's great the protagonist is a gnome. Much appreciate, Mizal!

wonderful. I'm a sci-fi chap myself, but I thought I'd see what Mizal can do. Well-worked out choices, simple and charming storyline.
I spotted a couple of typos here and there, starting with the 99,000 beans.

I liked this story :) The humour in it was very fun (smart sarcasm is always good) and entertaining, the plot interesting, exploring the different endings was good, I found the characters interesting and overall this was an enjoyable little story to read.

That was a delightful little tale. I got the bean back plus a couple extra.

A good story that only upsets me with one thing: the length. It was a nice tale and I understand it was a competitive time table so I understand. Not happy about it… but I understand. A nice story? Totally. Read it? If you don’t, you’ll be missing out.

Very entertaining.

I really enjoyed this story, it was fun and quick and easy to read, but the characters were well developed and the story was well written.

Admittedly I was a bit jealous that the main character gets to "start off every morning with porridge and a pint of ale". Perhaps not jealous so much at the porridge, but getting to start off each day with a pint sounds wonderful.

Anyway, nice work Mizal (capital M) as always. Great story.

Finally, some good writing. This is so fun and classically, cynical fairytale. It’s a shame it’s so short!

I may not have BEAN but at least I have shroom.

I love this story and it is hilarious