Love or Magic

Despite the other comments, I actually expected this to be longer. I really did. I actually, being a typical (dreamy, lonely) teenage girl, really looked forward to reading it when I read the description, but it was very short. The first two pictures set a sweet, dreamy, magical feeling (like the title suggests), and I found it very endearing.

However, grammar, character, setting, plot--basically the story in general--need major working-on. The idea of the story can actually attract quite a few readers (again, mostly teenage girls), which is very good, but the story is a letdown.

It's not the best "first story" I've read, but just improve and you'll find much more pleasant results!

... Listen, I won't be harsh since this is your first try. The pictures were nice and the story was... cute? But it's shallow, flat. It lacked detail and -sorely- lacked depth to the characters, the world, the goal, so on. Sure, the idea of "pick your magical monster" and "jump into their world to save it" is actually a _great_ idea. I think it has lots of potential. If you had -expanded- on that idea here? It would've been good. Also, you could use a writing mentor or a beta reader to help you with spelling and fleshing things out since it's too short, and again, needs detail. On that note...if you can't find anyone, I've been a beta for my friends for years and I've mentored a couple people, so you can message me if need be.

Well,there were some spelling mistakes,butttttt......it was good,buuttttttttt too short. <3

please build on going with torch

Much promise, needs editing and needs to be take more the 45 seconds to complete, but I have to admit, spelling errors and all, I was hooked, wish it was longer.

I'm generally not a big fan of 'this is my first time, please don't be harsh' descriptions, because I feel that if you want to publish something you can be proud of, you should put the effort in to become familiar with the editor and put a lot of effort into writing. However, you clearly put some effort in, though watch out for some spelling and grammar issues. There were a couple even on the first page, which detracts from the whole story immediately. With a little more effort and slightly more build up and realistic dialogue, you might make a good story. I did like the different colours for different people speaking. 2/8

awsome game

i kind of wish it were longer so that i could experience all the adventures. Overall, though, it was a really good start that you can build off of! :)

May i be honest?

This is poorly written, the story is horribly boring, and it has NO depth. If this was a demo, I would understand the shortness, But since it's a FULL storygame? It's far too short and i think this should be taken off the site.

THIS IS PAINFUL FOR ME TO PLAY