Mole

Well, I found all three endings...but I can't really say I preferred any one of them over the others. In many ways, each of the endings felt like a failure.

The concept of the 'moles' (I'm not sure if they were humanoid or some other type of creatures) was a really intriguing one, though it wasn't until I reached the third ending (when I kept resetting Connor) that I got more of an explanation as to what was going on...why the moss was so important, and what was with the worms inside the player character. I would have liked it if that explanation had been given towards the start of the storygame, as it would have raised the stakes of what the player character was doing even higher.

I felt like this storygame was a really small part of a whole world, and it was only offering me a small glimpse into a much larger whole. From the sounds of it, there were elves in the world...but the main focus, of course, was on the player character and their interrogation of Connor.

I liked the whole concept of the questioning and the ability to reset Connor to start over. However, it felt like only one of the questions really resulted in Connor clamming up and refusing to answer. I would have liked a bit more of an opportunity to ask further questions, especially since my knowledge of what was going on...and why Connor was considered a hero...was virtually non-existent. Even when persuading him to talk, I was left with more questions than answers. Although, oddly, I didn't really find it a surprise that Connor could be taken and no one be any the wiser. But then again, people in power can do a lot of things and get away with them.

There is a part of the storygame where the player character tells Connor that they pretended to break their earpiece, and I kind of wish that had been an option...either to pretend, or to actually break it. I think it could have been interesting if the two had been able to form some kind of common ground; if perhaps there was the choice not to continue with the interrogation, or to try and rebel. Basically, it would have been nice to have a bit more in the way of choice in this storygame. Of course, I got the strong impression that Connor maybe didn't understand what the player character was going through...especially since it took me reaching the third ending to realise exactly what the importance of the moss was.

All told, this was a really intriguing glimpse into a fantasy world that I'm really interested in learning more about. I hope there are other storygames, or even other pieces of writing, set in this same world, because I'm particularly interested in learning more about the 'moles' and seeing more of the player character...as well as learning more about Connor and being the hero of the people.

I definitely recommend giving this storygame a try if you're on the fence about it. It's intriguing and well-written, and I found it quite an enjoyable read.

I really enjoyed this game! It was a fun little puzzle with not much wrong to point out. The story was interesting and engaging from the start, and the world was built slowly through details along various lines of questioning. It was really fun and well-written… but it was really short as well. I gave it a 7 but really struggled… if it was longer I would have loved to give it an 8; however, it was so short I’m wondering if a 7 is too high… but I have to land somewhere. I will point out a few specific things below, but these will contain spoilers

The world was well thought out and had a lot of drama happening in it. There were clear politics and wars/conflicts between the groups. What I love is that we aren’t told any of that directly as exposition! We have to find everything out through experiences the main character has. It’s a very clever way to reveal a very intricate world and plot… yet the story was super short and the main characters role was very minor in the grand scheme of things. I’d love to learn more about the world, maybe from a sequel where you can interrogate someone else, but this “showing vs telling” was just a masterclass in how good writers can build an entire world without anything being boring.

The other thing I noticed right away was the good use of repetition on the first page! It’s rare to find it used correctly and normally my comments are about bad repetition, but everything being metal stated so repetitively made me chuckle and gave a very good description of how boring and dull the room was.

The only thing I would suggest as an improvement is to reduce the number of resets you get before the “Termination” ending. 7 tries is a lot and it made the game impossible to lose. If it was set to like… 3 times it might make the game harder to figure out and force people into that ending so they have to play again. 7 forced me to go back and just click it over and over to see what eventually happens. I started to doubt that there was a limit.

Other than that really good work! I loved the races, conflicts, and obvious story that is implied in the background of this one. If another game ever comes out in this world, I would love to explore it more!

This was an unusual story, I'd say. To an extent you're powerless, being compelled to interrogate Connor. But at the same time, you have ENOUGH power to choose to be cruel and manipulative, to fully give in to the horror of your own captors. Like a vampire, spreading the venom that was spread to you to another victim.

You're also held captive by your own addition—or rather, infection. There seems to be little difference between the two states in this story, however—which is an excellent choice by the author.

I got to the point in the story where you can accept payment and join or simply get paid and leave. Both endings showed that the Grey Dominion was cruel and pragmatic, but willing to give a little bit of a reward to its slaves/partners (they are one and the same). That is one of the more effective ways to manipulate people, of course. Like a slave owner feigning kindness to a slave, with both understanding the consequence for disobedience is AT BEST the lash.

So, the grim, helplessness/hopelessness of the world was very well done.


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Now, where this storygame fails to hit the mark is primarily in the fact that it hints at a very rich world that is never explored beyond the surface. The reader is given a tantalizing hint at a rebellion by an oppressed people, but all we ever truly get to explore is someone so hopelessly entwined in the bondage of that oppressor that they are no less a prisoner than the person they're compelled to interrogate. The setting demands much more.

One minor issue is that Connor told me about his daughter, and then after I reset him, after the protagonist said that Connor spoke of his daughter, the protagonist's internal monologue said that the protagonist was lying through his teeth. That seemed to me to be somewhat contradictory. Although maybe I misread it.
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Overall, my impression is that this story carries an interesting kind of depression: the sick, hopeless kind. I imagine some sociopathic serial killers get that feeling, where just beyond their awareness hovers a kind of disgust at themselves as they hack up the body. I feel the protagonist carried something like that as he willingly tormented Connor. Some hovering empathy hiding behind the selfish need to get moss and avoid horrific punishment himself.

Bottomline, if you enjoy feeling guilt and disgust, or if you enjoy being manipulative, selfish and cruel, this storygame is for you.

Addiction can sponge up all of the color and feeling in your life - that is, until you get your next fix. We see this in Mole, a short story where our protagonist, a cave-dwelling mole (creature), takes on the role of interrogator for a mole (informant) in exchange for more of that sweet, sweet moss. Even with its limit of 4,000 words, it does an impressive job of roping me into its world.

Before the interrogation, the mole is given an earpiece where a commanding voice can speak to him. This voice explains the procedure for the interrogation, including the resetting process. While the voice warns the mole that resetting Conor too many times can outright kill him, they seem happy enough to see Conor dead all the same. The whole "reset" mechanic in general is a very Milgram-esque addition to the story that gives the protagonist some agency to be either more cruel and dominating, or just more selectively strategic with the power he has.

** CHARACTERS **
I liked the character design of the mole protagonist - his pale skin due to him dwelling underground, the worms "acting up" when he's off the sticks, the black marks on his arm that he must fend off with more moss, a byproduct of his addiction. From the way the prisoner Conor Groves speaks to him, it can be inferred that the taste for moss is a common denominator between many members of the mole species.

Through the reset process, we can see our character conflict with his ideals a bit. He feels hesitant about the machine and if it should even exist on principle, but seeing as it gives him a dominant edge and has him essentially beating the defiant Conor into submission, he can't help but relish the power he has in that moment. Considering he has little power to curb his dependency on moss, he might as well get his kick for control somewhere else.

Conor serves his purpose well, being a well-done character in his own right and a perfect vessel for presenting information in this story. Conor takes a stand against the Dominion by training the Maw to escape, which saves the lives of many prisoners on the chopping block and lionizes him among them. The more we speak to Conor, the more we understand his motives, from the implications of keeping the Maw under the Dominion's control to the more personal requests he has for the mole relating to keeping his family out of harm's way.

** WRITING **
Progression through the story is dependent on correctly-timed dialogue decisions, as the focal point is the interrogation itself. As you move through the interrogation, more dialogue options unlock which can grant the protagonist more of the information he needs and the reader more information about the world in general.

The worldbuilding is done through the dialogue; there are no extensive lore-dumping paragraphs to catch you up to speed about the world or any of its factions. It's refreshing to hear these bits and pieces come through offhanded comments about elves or bitter but valid rants against the Dominion rather than in a glorified history lesson. The author puts in a great amount of effort to give the reader details without turning it into a wall of informative text.

When you finally squeeze the information out of Conor, you can let yourself choose the resolution for the mole's moral conflict - does he embrace the power of the machine and stick with the Grey Dominion as an interrogator, or does he just take his sticks and leave the torture for the next moss-brain?

Or you can just, you know, fry Conor. That's also an option on the table if you're feeling extra sadistic.

Content aside, there are *maybe* one or two very minor formatting/spacing issues in the story. In terms of general SPAG, though, there aren't any noteworthy problems to point out.

** RATING **
Mole does the most with its word limit and packs this little story full of clever worldbuilding. Even in this bite-sized excerpt of this universe, I still have an idea of what the stakes are beyond the interrogation room. This was definitely a fun read and I would certainly read a longer, non-contest version of this in the future!

7/8.

Disclaimer: I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. Sherbet likely knows more about writing than me. And to those of you who haven’t read the story, beware of spoilers.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Right away, I see that it’s exactly 4000 words. That reminds me of my last essay for university. But onto the story, I like the repetition of gray to show the monotony of the place. The lack of stimulation is a good setup for the addiction, and I like how the description becomes more vivid when it concerns smoking the moss, from its taste, to its appearance, and the effect it has on the protagonist. There’s a nice call to action: the protagonist’s stock of drugs need to be replenished and the only way it can be done is through a high stakes mission. Also, I knew this was Sherb's story as soon as I saw the first em-dash.

NARRATIVE STYLE

This storygame consists mostly of dialogue, which makes sense as it is centered around an interrogation, but it has some good description too. First, let’s talk about the dialogue. It delivers information without any relying on exposition or infodumps to keep readers in the loop. For instance, readers are given enough context clues to figure out that Conor is dangerous to the Dominion but somewhat of a hero to the prisoners, even though the protagonist obviously knows more about him than the reader does. Similarly, worldbuilding is done subtly in this way. There are references to elves, tribespeople, and the Dominion, all of which are never outrightly explained but interwoven into the story, making the world feel lived-in.

There’s some strong description too, mostly of the torture Conor endures. This creates a sense of pity for him, given that he winces when he breathes and is covered in his own dried blood. It also serves to reinforce the bloodthirsty, barbaric nature of the Dominion. This is especially true when it comes to the differing descriptions each time the protagonist chooses to reset him. And it was interesting how withdrawal is described as black lines beneath the protagonist’s skin; the more he smoked, the more he needed to ward it off.

PLOT & CHARACTERS

I liked how the protagonist is both a mole and a mole (sorry, I had to make the pun). He had a clear mission: to interrogate a criminal and get moss. The voice on the other side seems to want the criminal to be killed, even though that would mean they lose vital information; foreshadowing, perhaps?

Either way, it’s clear from the first question that things aren’t as they seem. Already the protagonist has heard a different version of the story of Conor and the Maw. Conor, too, was a prisoner and a mole (the betrayer kind, not the animal—yeah, this review could get confusing fast). He tells the protagonist not to trust the Dominion. The hero aspect of Conor's character is revealed when the protagonist learns that he found out how to survive the monster and then taught it to escape.

The protagonist, despite being morally grey, is sometimes conflicted due to his moral compass. For instance, he wonders if anyone should have the tech to reset someone’s mind. And while he is ultimately driven by his addiction, he knows that the longer he’s without the drug, the more likely he is to return to ‘depths that a past version of you wouldn't be proud of’.

The story also delves into the wider stakes for the world which are at play, like the problematic possibility of the Dominion being able to control the Maw. Conor has a strong hatred for the Dominion, mostly because they don’t see the prisoners as people, which is alluded to by the person who seems to want him to get reset. He cares about the other prisoners, but most of all, he wants his daughter to be safe.

Speaking of his daughter, at first, I wasn’t sure why he had to be reset before a question could be asked about her, but it shows how strategic the protagonist can be. There’s also the immoral aspect of lying which the mole isn't fully proud of, yet another part of him enjoys the temporary feeling of power.

ENDINGS

Grey Dominion Ending: This is the corruption arc. Feeling powerful after what he did to Conor, and giving in to his addiction, the protagonist works with the enemy and helps them with crimes. I would have liked to see the wider impact of this, especially with all the build-up of how bad this would be for the other prisoners and Conor’s reaction to being asked the question about why he hates the dominion so much. But still, I suppose on this path he has accepted the darkness within and so that sort of information wouldn’t matter as much as satisfying his addiction.

Paid Ending: Here, the protagonist decides that enough is enough, and makes the moral choice. I like the line, ‘you just finished your first dance with a terrible darkness inside your damaged soul, and if you were to submerge yourself entirely, you're not sure that you'd be able to find your way out of that darkness’. Both this and the previous ending are realistically in character given his conflict. Yet, the outcome of this has also been foreshadowed—the dominion views their prisoners as disposable, so they reset the protagonist and the whole reformation arc is forgotten (along with the information he learnt). This made me wonder if there’s a good ending.

Terminated Ending: Seven times. That’s how many times Conor had to be reset in order for him to die. This ending reveals more about the lore of the cave-dwellers’ addiction, which is rooted in their biology. His powerlessness to this infection makes his reaction to having a taste of power more realistic. Ngl, I wanted to see if there was a secret ending like with Siren. I even checked to see what would happen if I got the Grey Dominion ending, reset, the Paid ending, reset, and then the Terminated ending since that’s the only way to save the world. Perhaps this time, the termination isn’t due to a mistake or corruption by power, but out of sacrificial heroism. Though it does make sense that there are no happy endings when one is born as a slave to addiction.

TL;DR

This was a strong dialogue-driven story. The main character was characterised well and the scope was contained while establishing a clear personal goal. While it would have been nice to see the wider world consequences play more of a role in the story, given the word count limitations and morally gray protagonist, it was strategic to focus on personal stakes.

This story, I know, was intended to be short, but the world desperately leaves me wanting more. This is the only game from the Thunderdome that I thought incorporated both puzzle and story really well. If Sherbet ever wanted to make more in this world, I'd love to read it. Alright, onto the review.

The Good:
Most of the story, if I'm being honest. The world building, characterization, and of course, the actual writing of the story. I love the way Sherbet portrays addiction, not as something all-consuming but as a necessity, like someone receiving food. It really speaks as a testament to Sherbet's story that he can make anything realistic and dystopian at the same time.

The Meh:
While the scripting and variables were good, it left something to be desired. I think more could have been done using it, maybe cutting down some of the lengthier parts or giving different responses after resetting.

The Bad:
Obviously, the length. Although I know it cannot be helped. As I previously mentioned, more from this world would be AMAZING. Please write a sequel, or a prequel, or a side-quel. I'm begging you, Sherbet!

Personal Notes:
Easily one of my favorite short games on the site. Great job, Sherbet! This is a fantastic story for the time allotted. 7/8
(P.S. Obviously not a transferred comment, I just wanted to actually review the Thunderdome entries once the competition was truly over.)

When I saw the title I was hoping for a cozy story about the adventures of a small burrowing mammal. This was not that story. However, it's a well-executed dystopian tale. And I honestly think it works that there's no "good" ending... sometimes the protagonist isn't a hero.

...I still want to play a storygame about a literal mole, though

This is so good! It's the second story I've read.

The plot was a bit confusing to me at the beginning, but I started to grasp it in the end.

The interrogation with Connor is so disturbing. Every time I had to click "Reset him" I felt like a bad person; I felt so bad for Connor. And when he got scared when his daughter was mentioned made genuinely sad. This game is great if you want to feel like a disgusting person.

The operator/person at the other end was also very disturbing. Their starting pleasure with Connor was so uncomfortable.

This is such a good story!

I liked this story: the writing was strong and atmospheric, the situation original and interesting and I didn’t spot a single SPAG error. The interesting world and situation is slowly revealed through the story and the mechanics of the interrogation were cleverly worked out. With my addiction to smoking and harsh interrogation methods I felt oddly Soviet but, ultimately, I’m just in it for the free smokes so I went with the Paid ending over the Grey Dominion one. This story felt fantastically dystopian in an Orwellian sort of way but interesting and while a lot of good plot was fitted into 4,000 words I think this has the potential for a great deal of expansion and the protagonist could face the kind of difficulties and mental self-conflicts that Winston faced in Nineteen Eighty-Four. This story is full of excellent writing by an expert wordsmith and is an interesting read throughout 😊 7/8

Story Length: Initially, the simplicity of the entire story taking place in a single room might seem like it would be a story that would have to take liberties with world-building and character development. But this story surprised me by being another piece of proof that you don't need to have a momentous word count to make a good "Choose your own adventure" game, let alone story.

World-building: Probably, the strongest aspect of this game is its worldbuilding. The world of this universe is told through the eyes of a what is presumably a cave dwelling creature in service to an overarching empire. Most of the world-building is shown through the dialogue and manages to showcase itself as an excellent blend of both showing AND telling. Too many authors emphasize the need to show rather then tell, however there is something to be said about being able to combine the two. Since this entire story takes place in a single room, a lot of the world is built by their PURPOSE with being there. Them by themselves being in a small room, doesn’t showcase much. But when the context of the dialogue explains WHY, it makes the everything that is “shown” make sense. It also certainly helps that the descriptions are well put. Honestly, theres not much I can really say against the story without telling you to deliberately go against the 4000 word count. For what it is, it’s a great story!

Details: The actual descriptions of the places and your characters feelings are rather detailed. From the first page you are introduced to your character, your surroundings, and you’re character’s addiction to his “moss sticks.” The descriptions of the taste of the drug as your character smokes it, are honestly well put. The only part where I see descriptions slightly lack are when its ALREADY described a character and it forgoes describing them further as much. As such it makes certain characters like the guards seem particularly one note when the only other character, aside from yourself, is quite fleshed out.
Gameplay: Perhaps I’ve been playing too many “games” whereas the games streamline you into a singular ending or death. But I found this game to “feel” more like an actually choose your own adventure game then most other games I play here. If you weren’t given so many chances to restart and you added more dialogue options that would expand the world. This might be even be a challenging puzzle game. It almost makes me want to play a full fledged “interrogating” story game where you have a “limited” amount of time to get the truth out of a character.

Overall: As a story, I’d say you’ve definitely accomplished making an interesting and entertaining story with the word count. I’d even say, had you had more words, I would like to see a full fledge game where you go along interrogating different characters to some overarching plot. Your initial descriptions are more then adequate and I find them very interesting for the most part. I’ve noticed you have a slight slack in description quality when describing something that has been already introduced, even if said person had changed in emotion or is doing a new action. Certainly an entertaining and “easy to pick up” story though.
I give it a "7/8" when accounting that it was made with a limited word count in mind.