The Cabin in the Forest

Like MHD said, "The formatting is unfortunate". And the complexity of the words is that of a 5th grader. There was no real saving grace about this piece. Even the idea was a bit cliche even up to the title. I like your bravery in throwing yourself, a newbie on the website, into this I wouldn't recommend this story to anyone. Overall I rated it a 2/10. I'll save the 1's for when it's shit! The only things i would recommend is better formatting, better punctuation and complexity of the words.

The author is an unknown so I was pretty curious about this one.

First page is a pretty strong start, but the need for paragraph breaks is already apparent. Then the second page is just another big text block with dialogue mixed in and that's it, it's over. And the text walls just get bigger from there.

Please unpublish this for a bit and fix the formatting along with some more general proofreading (the attic page loops btw) because it is really doing you a disservice right now. I can see there's a lot of aspects readers could give advice on, but it is very difficult to critique a story on its own terms when the very arrangement of the text discourages the act of reading. Take a look at how other games are formatted, you want an empty line between paragraphs, and anytime dialogue starts or the speaker changes, that's a new paragraph too.

I felt like giving you a 2 for the text walls and other things people have already said, but I was nice and gave you a 3 for the plot and branching.

One thing that others haven't said is once it seemed like the story was properly starting (with the dad's big reveal), the pages got shorter and the story ended very fast. Maybe the contest deadline was the real murderer.

This needs more work:
- The link on 'Exploring the Attic' is connected to the same page, so after entering the attic there is no escape (literally)
- General lack of paragraph breaks, especially when different characters talk
- The near-constant repetition of 'I' to start sentences
Though this story has potential, you need to put more work into formatting.
I didn't spot any spelling issues. Just improve the story itself and the structuring!!!

pleasepleasepleaseplease break those paragraphs up imsorryimsorryimsorryimsorry

It wasn’t all that good. Here’s a few tips:

• You use giant text walls in your writing. Try splitting up your paragraphs to make this more readable.
• Show, don’t tell. Having actions to show your characters’ feelings or thoughts.
• All your characters are bland. Try making them have unique personalities and decisions that form them as a person. The father being a murder is not a personality trait.
• Don’t split your story game into parts if there’s no more than 100 pages. If your story game isn’t finished, don’t publish until you finish.

Overall, needs work. 2/8. Gave it a point because there’s choices.