Edithe Zilonis

This was an extremely enjoyable game, and possible one of my favourite premises for a game on the site. I knew I was going to love it as soon as I read the synopsis. I love ghost stories and I love murder mysteries, so to see the two combined so well was a real treat!

There isn’t an awful lot negative I can think to say about this game. I suppose one thing that stood out to me is that the fact that, with half of the choices you made, the game then forced you to make the other choice… Which kind of made it feel more like a short story than a game. That said, that’s not really a bad thing. It was a really interesting story, and it grabbed my attention enough that I kept going back to see the brief parts of the story I’d missed out on.

There was only one major, major problem I had with this game, and it gave me a real fucking headache. Towards the end, there’s a whole bunch of sections where none of the speech uses quotation marks, ie;

Bob said, hi Andy, how’s it going?

I replied, great thanks, and you?

Bob said, fine and dandy!

This is just… Wrong. They’re having a conversation. I mean, it’s fine not to use quotations if you’re just giving a brief summary of what they’re saying like, “Bob thanked me,” or “Bob told me about a three hour wanking session he’d had the other night,” but in these instances, what they were saying was actual word for word dialogue. There should be speech marks, damn it!

Only other complaint I can think to make is that the maturity level feels a little low for me. You call this a PG? The game has bloody necrophilia in it… Kind of… Sort of… Not really… Either way, all the murder and shit should at least make it a PG 13.

Other than that… It was brilliant! The illustrations were gorgeous and I really think they added to the game a lot. The plain line art style matched the tone of the game perfectly. I really liked the main character, and thought it was interesting that he preferred the company of the dead to that of the living. I found him really complex and relatable.

Also, weird as it might be, by far my favourite part of the story was the brief part at the beginning where you get to learn a little about one of the Undertaker’s previous clients, and also the part at the end when you learn about the brief time they spent with the Undertaker before moving on. I restarted the game four times so that I could learn everything about all four of them. I just found it really touching, reading about the different ways in which these four completely different people had to come to terms with their death. Kind of makes me want to write a POV story with a ghost as the protagonist.

Anyway, to sum up… Absolutely loved it! ^_^

This is a fantastic spin on the traditional murder mystery with magical and mystical elements woven into the narration in a manner so splendid that I never thought to question them at any point in the story. Because of the way the narration is presented, the protagonist speaking with the dead felt frighteningly natural; I never felt the need to have this strange ability explained to me. Which brings me to my next point, exposition. When dealing with fantastical abilities and events, over-explaining them often makes them lose a certain mysterious charm which in turn causes them to be tedious and boring. This is not the case here. Just enough information about the mystical and occult elements in the story is given to make me wonder and theorize about them thus making them interesting to me, and yet they are not laid bare in front of me so that I might lose interest on account of the mystery being explained to me as if I were a preschooler.
The characters I found to be endearing and quite likeable, particularly the undertaker. The dedication and love he showed for his work, as well as the involvement and receptiveness he continually shows to his charges are quite enjoyable as a reader. Edithe comes out as a strong and determined young woman with a golden heart and a gentle soul, which is always good and welcome. The undertaker’s sister’s brief appearances are also worthy of note, and I personally quite liked the vengeful spirit/regretful estranged sibling character that she represents.
This may not be a traditional CYOA, and as far as I could tell it has only two endings (though I may be wrong), with the various decisions you make along the way mainly dictating what information you received and how. This may sound like a complaint, but it most certainly isn’t. This kind of narration perhaps benefits much more out of having a more or less structured path. The author was clearly trying to tell a specific, concise tale and adding multiple paths and endings in an effort to make it more in line with the norm here would have likely caused the story and its intricacies to suffer as a result.
I did feel that the story ended rather abruptly, with the realization about the murderer’s state of being, the confrontation with him and the actual ending all happening in quick succession. Personally, I would have liked to learn more about the murderer and his motives. Was he Edithe’s father? Why did he kill Edithe and the sister?
In any event, this is a very good story with excellent illustrations that really do a wonderful job of setting the tone for the entire story and conveying both the physical appearance and personality of the characters they describe. All in all, this is a fun and interesting story that everyone should take the time to read from start to finish. Several times, if possible.

Edithe Zilonis is overall a well-done story, and I would happily read another from the same author.

I quite liked the narration style and the occasional pages talking about the past or some other event. It gave the story the feel that it was actually written by the main character and narrator as a memoir of sorts. It also gave it a somewhat different feel from anything I can remember reading on here, which was quite nice.
I felt that there was a right amount of explanation to the fantasy elements to the story to leave me unconfused without bogging down the narration. I would have liked to maybe see a bit more about the whole murder and the motivations for it and such though, considering the category this was in.
There were not any mechanical errors that stood out to me—definitely nothing that broke the flow of the story.
Although not necessary, the illustrations were a nice touch as well.

However, it would have been really nice to have more real choices, I thought. The vast majority of choices had no real effect on the story, and while some like that could have added to the before mentioned memoir feeling, it is too much for every choice to be that way. Most of the choices seemed to only determine whether the reader would get an extra page to read. The format is reminiscent of the CoG style of games in that way.
If you are into that format, then that is fine, and you faggot who reads reviews before stories will like this. However, I am not, and branching means a lot to me.

I recommend this interesting and unique story, but with the warning that it is better considered as a sort of interactive novella than as a CYOA.

This story had a unique style and some well-written characters. The premise, of an undertaker who can speak to the dead, is very interesting.

However [SPOILERS AHEAD] the story doesn't feel like it concludes properly. We can learn WHAT happened, but not really WHY. Certain lines of enquiry are not really fleshed out fully, and it feels a bit... lacking. There are also some english language errors that make it a little hard to follow at times. Overall it's an intriguing story but it's very clear that it's just an add-on to a core concept that's played out in other stories, and is not great as a stand-alone.

I would have rated this higher if the choices mattered more but besides that this story was perfect in my opinion.

I really liked this story. It’s lacking in a few elements that are usually found in CYOA games, but makes up for it with delightful bonus aspects.


Good:

1. As with Basement Rats, the prose was memorably very good. Everything, from the names and relationships between the characters to dialogue, was polished and charming

2. A strong and unique premise

3. The illustrations, of course

4. I also liked the callfront to Basement Rats

5. If the entire story was meant to be a part of the book that the narrator was writing and Alyda would later publish, then that was a brilliant stroke. If not, then it was still a very pleasant coincidence


Bad:

1. The linear nature of the story made most reader choices have almost no impact on the story


Nitpicks:

1. A few missing words and typos

2. The main mystery of Edithe’s murder and murderer could have been developed further


Did anyone else notice that you were *this* close to making out with your sister?

Wow. You have a strong voice and I like the flow of your words. The art was a wonderful compliment to the work and the structure of the story. That structure was refreshing - at times a biography or memory, at others a coldly objective report. All woven through the supernatural. Really nice piece.

What a great introduction to this site! :) It was short, yet it introduced the basic mechanics of how a Storygame works. :D

A few notes though, I found that some parts ended too quick, if that made any sense. I felt like it was a little underwhelming (or maybe I didn't choose the right options?).

Overall, this Storygame was a delight to read!

Haven't read a more cheerful yet melancholic story in some time. The subtle humour ingrained with the lessons of life are just right, not too preachy. The different micro paths surely add to the replayability. I'd come back to this over and over. Great job!

What a brilliant story. The five stories I have read thus far surpass even my memories of the historical stories on the site. Well written, engaging, introspective, demonstrates a complex relationship between two characters, there is change and growth. The tone is one of wonder and foreboding and excitement all wrapped up in a tight package. The excellent art and style was placed sparingly and perfectly. 8/8