I Love You, My Sweet Kate

Outside of originality issues (*cough* Snow *cough*), I found the technicalities of the story almost perfect. The singularity I found was in an earlier page where all the dialogue was in one paragraph.

It was sweet. I mean, regarding the type of story it was, it was cute. (But because I'm ignoring originality issues,) There could've been more characterization and branching. This story was linear and reminded me of a 2D DNA strand - at certain points, the two backbones reconverged.

In this story, you have a section for childhood and teenhood and then the ending section. In each section, there were "mini-stories" that you could read to gain insight on the characters. It wasn't enough—not enough characterization, as the characters were bound to fall in love and break apart (which isn't wrong, it's just predictable).

The way you introduced Kate was direct, boring, and not very insightful. I always dislike it when a writer so blatantly described what the person looks like all at once with such simple words, especially in love/romance stories because shouldn't personality (usually) be the thing the lover mentions first?

I think you could've tinkered around a bit with how the protagonist felt throughout the story. How did he feel whenever she kissed him? How did he react to that? And think about the ending—why? Why did he react this way? What made Kate so special to him other than being a loving childhood friend?

I don't see how the relationship could've developed in such a way. I'm sure it's possible, but it just doesn't seem right. Why did the boy never make a move on the girl first? Why is it always her kissing him? And besides, think about the emotional aspects of their developing relationship instead of just the end game.

The grammar/spelling was great, and the story was cute. It was very similar to Snow (and other similarly style games), and you could've made it more unique. The characters/plot wasn't developed enough.

It's not bad but it does follow an established genre. If you had to work harder to win the girl's love and then soon after you come together she dies that would add more depth, showing the aftermath of the loss or even if the reader was somehow responsible for his lover's death ("damn, shouldn't have had that third bottle of vodka before taking her flying in the family helicopter...") would all make this story take on a life of it's own. As it is at the moment it's a respectable effort but needs more to really stand out.

Unlike the others, I think I will try not to compare this to Snow. I will look at this and comment on this like a story made by itself.

For a first, the story was actually good. It was captivating and the grammar and spelling was overall Ok. My biggest problem would be the fact that there are so many stories like this already. Two people fall in love, one dies. That's more often than not the summary of most love stories nowadays. But, you obviously have potential and so keep on writing. Just try to find an original idea next time.

Personally it was a "meh" for me but I stilled liked it

that was sad but I liked it

Warrior Cat obsessed teen writes a 2/8 length Snow clone in 2015: about what you'd expect.

I did not like the linearity of the story. I would have enjoyed a romance with a happy or bittersweet ending. I know some people enjoy sad romance endings but that’s just not me.

The narrative and the memories sections were great but I would have liked more description and more character development. Character development is big when working with a romance plot since there aren’t a lot of ways to drive the plot forward which is the relationship.

Overall my general recommendation would be to add more branching paths and character development to your main characters so that your story is brought more to life and has depth to it. That would make it more interesting.

Oh my....that was very sad it seems nowadays all the girls die why cant the boys die I mean cmon?

This was so sweet!

A way poorer Snow with worse scripting, 2/8