In 3

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The description sets out the problem that the protagonist has to deal with and their role as an ambassador, which makes this conflict more relevant to them. I haven’t read the pieces of work it is inspired by, so if I miss any references, that’s why.

There’s a good first line that instantly sets up the stakes. It is very descriptive—immersion is created through abstract imagery. I wonder if the line about sending ripples out to infinity is a metaphor for the far-reaching consequences of the protagonist’s actions? My only nitpick is that I’m not very sure what’s going on at first, though the confusion fits the abstract nature of this scene and it adds to the suspense.

Soon, a bit more information is revealed about the protagonist’s work and how it has been monumental in helping humanity come so far. It offers a contrast to the way he’s viewed later on throughout the story: as a traitor to humans. The worldbuilding details, as shown when he’s briefed about how things have changed, is a good way of clueing the reader into the situation and context of this setting. It gives an idea of how far in the future the story is set.

The description of the sun, by contrast, uses concrete imagery, allowing readers to envision it. I like the simile of it being “like a vine smothering the life of a once mighty tree”. It’s fitting, as trees sustain life just like the sun, though this new virus is slowly killing it, alongside the lifeforms it sustains.

When speaking to the governor, even though most of their actual conversation is barely mentioned, this technique allows readers to focus on the most important part of the conversation: the time limit. Having this ticking clock in the background ramps up the stakes. Especially now that the governor thinks they have five days when in reality, they only have three, making them ill-prepared. Funnily enough, this is very similar to my situation with this review contest.

WRITING STYLE

Dialogue is used to sprinkle in worldbuilding elements, like the part about the merchants and their experiments on the sun. Due to this, pacing is done well and information is revealed naturally. For example, the protagonist notices the appearance of the man, to which the governor offers an explanation about the riots and rebellions. This makes the world feel more realistic and lived-in.

Dialogue is formatted correctly most of the time, aside from a few instances where the dialogue tag is capitalized, usually when it begins with the word 'You'. In these cases, the dialogue ends with a full stop. Unless ‘You’ is the protagonist’s name, this isn't correctly formatted.

The page ‘Peace talks’ has a part which randomly switches to past tense: “The giant contraption looked like an obelisk of sorts, with antennae and transmitters embedded haphazardly along its length”. But luckily it reverts back in two sentences. There’s another tense error later—“A bit of fumbling around assures you that you were still alive and healthy aside from a few scratches and an atrocious headache” (‘were’ should be ‘are’)—though I didn’t catch any others.

The writing style is extremely descriptive and vivid: “Shouts and clamor further down the hall told you that there are still a few moments, but the emitter is, too, on its last legs. The machine seems to sputter, its mighty hums fading in and out incessantly.” Vibrant language is evident through verb based sentences and specific details that lend nicely to the atmosphere. It appears that a lot of thought went into creating immersion.

Peng, you're really good at making completely different writing styles work well. The more descriptive style here contrasts the cleaner style in Emperor's Fireworks, but both fit really nicely in each story. Here, the descriptive style captures the protagonist’s fascination with space so well, and the focus placed on the planets enriches the narrative and plunges the reader into the well-developed, imaginative settings.

There is a recurring motif of darkness at the start, and in some of the endings too, where the protagonist becomes unconscious. This reflects the dying sun. Yet, others end with an explosion of light (but more on those later).

CHARACTERS & PLOT

Speaking with the governor reveals more about the stakes of this story: a failed experiment on the sun means there are only three days left before they all die out. The protagonist is an ambassador who has experience with a superior race, who they have to contact in the hopes of getting help. But soon, they face their first obstacle, foreshadowed nicely in the earlier conversation: rebels.

The peace talks seem to work, which makes sense since this fighting has only broken out because of the sun’s condition, so promising to fix it is in their best interest. The high stakes have gotten even higher, as they’re forced to rely on the help of the elusive Togens, but as an added obstacle, the rebels begin trying to break down the door, showing the battle with them isn’t over yet. The presence of an early death ending fits the high-stakes nature of this story.

Even the death ending has good effort put in. It describes the whole situation, from the pushback to the surrender, and the protagonist even believes he would be unharmed. Yet, he gets captured, and believing him to be a merchant, the rebels kill him. That's an accurate portrayal of a society divided by disastrous circumstances. People lash out at anyone they believe to be associated with the common enemy. For instance, during the recent anti-immigration riots in the UK, people committed hate crimes against all foreigners, despite there having only been one (alleged) foreigner who killed the three girls.

“Ever since those peddlers cut off our communications as a result of ‘an experiment’, we have no idea what they’re doing over at Mars. Be careful out there.” — This line of dialogue is a good technique to create suspense before the protagonist arrives on Mars.

Now, the protagonist is a bit of a blank slate in terms of personality. He has a role as an ambassador, and there's the way he's perceived negatively by most people—from the rebels to the military generals on Mars—though we don't really delve into how these things affect him. Yet, this works given the scope of the story: saving humanity in three days
While not developing the protagonist further may sacrifice some emotional impact and readers may not feel as connected to the stakes as they might if they knew why it matters to the protagonist (saving a loved one or feeling a sense of responsibility based on your position in life may be relatable themes), that's not to say the story needs any of these things. The scope is kept focused on the central conflict and the out of this world worldbuilding. (Double pun!)

‘“Traitorous filth,” you mutter, looking down at the man in his suit, stained brown from blood. Funny, patches of fresh red, too…’ — This is such a cool way to say 'you're dead' before the realization sinks in. Also, it's ironic that this time it's the protagonist who is calling someone else a traitor.

Wow, the ending about the alien scientist conducting an experiment on the protagonist somewhat hints at the type of tests the merchants conducted on the sun. He replaced the protagonist’s heart and says “Truly a product of your sun, now.” I wonder if that meant they were trying to harness its power for humans or their own race. But it's also a metaphor, where the sun can be considered the ‘heart’ of the solar system, because the same thing that happened with the sun occurs to the universe (being fundamentally changed because of experiments conducted on the core). There’s a reference to this in another path: "It reminds you of a dying heart - the mottled, blemished surface wavering weakly". Also the line about "countless alien veins bind the sun, pumping and pulsating greedily". This casts some of the other endings into perspective, like the hollowness the protagonist feels when the sun is taken away and the planets start drifting apart! I don't know why I get so excited about these cool little details haha.

Earth being covered in frost is a nice worldbuilding detail, as it shows why humanity has explored space, alongside showcasing the effect of the sun's almost-death. The scene about returning to Earth to witness the sun's explosion is written in a way that is so beautifully sad. The protagonist returns to Earth, filled with memories of a world long gone. He sees a family together. And there’s a child—that always invokes sympathy points due to their vulnerable, innocent nature and the way their death never feels deserved. It's worse because they think they have more time, maybe even days. They think the sun would explode ‘In 3’ days, but it's more like ‘In 3’ minutes.

"A symphony of sounds erupts in your ear - birds cawing and animals howling and humans weeping and the sound of water – the vast, endless expanse of snow melting and rushing into roaring rivers, thundering through the lands, pulverizing all that stood in its way and drowning out everything else." — I really, really like this sentence. It captures life on Earth so well with a cacophony of sounds, bringing to mind sights and sounds of nature. It also reminds me of how my science teachers used to talk about how global warming causes floods by melting polar ice caps so you get points for realism there.

On another path, contacting the Togens leads to a sort of deus ex machina, except that this is done well because humans were never intended to solve the problem in the first place. From the start, the plan had always been to contact them so they could deal with it. This doesn't minimize the role that the protagonist plays in helping humanity, given the obstacles he had to face when trying to reach Az.

And here's the heart reference again, where the sun leaves a void in the sky and the protagonist’s heart. There's something almost poetic about the planets falling out of orbit and drifting apart. Though it's the best thing that could happen in the moment, it's not a classic happy ending either, which I really like about it because it shows the far reaching consequences of science and experiment when these go too far, left unchecked.

Saturn, a seemingly abandoned station, is described well through the juxtaposition of how it was the most populous colony not too long ago. There are constant reminders of this everywhere the protagonist looks—he sees not just what Saturn looks like, but also how it should be. Even the introductory voice describes it as a bustling station. Then, there’s the foreshadowing: the objects hastily packed, the lack of humans.

The description of the cultists leans towards horror, but maybe that’s just the genre I’ve been reading quite a bit of recently. Their features being distorted by mutilation and twisted practices not only implies what they do, but also that they dare to do it to themselves, which makes it all the more darker. They made themselves that way by choice. And as for the orb, it shows what sort of strange traditions people would come up with in desperate times. It’s an attempt to regain a sense of hope in a hopeless world because you want to do something, anything, to react, to prevent your death, that even the most absurd act seems like a potential plan.

Where the protagonist joins the cultist, this branch ends with an explosion of light. It contrasts the motif of darkness. Though the protagonist dies, his effort is not in vain, as he manages to ask Az for help.

The last path I read was the one about Jupiter. I did not expect to see a royal monarchy in a sci-fi story, which was interesting given how different it was from the other societies. This one was governed by rules and regulations and laws. Here, they have hope in the form of lies; they think they’ll survive just because the station would face away from the sun. But this propaganda keeps the citizens organized and orderly, as they adhere to the societal norms. The king is rather childish in his dialogue. Therefore, trying to fight against him doesn’t work, but it’s a cautionary tale about political leaders and the effect of misguided hope.

A number of comments mentioned the vast variety of endings, which is definitely true. There’s even a creative path about humans being placed into computers. There’s the classic utilitarianism vs deontology debate. But who gets to choose who lives and who dies? I like the connection to the earlier theme of disillusionment and disorder, which comes from knowledge of the severity of the situation and not wanting to die. Essentially, the protagonist kills those lives to save more. But is he any different from the rebels, who though viewed as selfish, were doing what they thought would likely aid their survival? And same with the cultists---though their customs are strange, again, it's for their survival (or so they believe). But on the other hand, there's the choice to just live as a computer. This is not unlike the people in Jupiter who have been told to believe in a lie, sacrificing long term stability for short term happiness. What I like about these endings is that it is open: readers don't know whether their sacrifice was made for a better purpose or in vain, nor whether he’s happy living in a computer.

At its core, I believe this story is about humanity and society. This is seen in the path about Venus and leaving behind a legacy to preserve some element of humanity. And yes, in the face of peril, humanity is selfish and disorderly when forced to confront harsh truths, but it can also be peaceful and functioning when believing in a beautiful lie. There are also other themes which echo through the story, such as nostalgia for the Earth of the past before it was destroyed or the much too prevalent threat of science being unintentionally weaponized. Overall, this is a well-written, thematic storygame about saving the world in 3 days.

Not sure why it took me so long to play this. The Remembrance of Earth’s Past trilogy is one of my favorites, if not my #1 favorite series of all time, and I’ve had this game saved in my definitely-need-to-read pile since, like, February. I haven’t read Wandering Earth yet, so I’ll have to check that out!

Anyway, since I did finally play it, on to the review. Spoilers ahead, and apologies if the formatting is weird:

Characterization: 7/8.

Overall, I liked our protagonist. You do get the feeling that they are somewhat “other” and spent a significant amount of time away from the other humans, particularly when we see the planets spinning off into the void of space. There’s a sense of introspection and thoughtfulness we don’t really see with any of the other characters, except maybe the scientist on Neptune or the men on Venus.

Some of the minor side characters weren’t crazy interesting, but I guess that happens when you’ve been designated a grunt, and you’re working with multiple players and planets in this kind of format. I did enjoy the weird relationship we see between the King and his uncle, and Selden was cool. What a nudge, lol.

I had mixed feelings about Az. I know he’s an alien, but I thought it was weird that he didn’t help them in the Saturn ending. Unless it was too late for them if they had contracted that disease anyway.

Setting: 8/8.



I think you did a great job with giving each planet a different feeling, and they all felt unique. Some notes on the individual planets:


Mercury - If I had read this section towards the end vs the beginning, I don’t think I would have been as charitable in my opinion. Granted, I don’t really like very military-esque science fiction in general, so there was probably nothing actually wrong with it.

Venus - This was the last planet I visited in my playthroughs, which somehow feels fitting. It felt like such a human thing to do.

Earth – Earth got me real good. You captured the desperation of living in a shitty winter wasteland well. Like, I know dad was out here hitting us with a shovel so they could cannibalize us, but... can you blame him? Just out there trying to survive and keep his wife and kid safe. It also felt like a very human thing to do to ultimately welcome this stranger in and sit together in their last moments.

Jupiter – Reading about the King, I really was thinking, oh wow... we did go to Jupiter to get more stupider... or maybe just fill ourselves with false hope. The vibe of Jupiter was a weird medieval cyber sort of cool though, with the neon and chrome everywhere. You 100% sold me on this being a place where everybody wants to believe that everything is okay, from the King (willfully or otherwise) to his subjects, and certain people in his court are pulling strings to make sure these cogs of ignorance are turning smoothly. But when the alternative is mass panic in the face of your planet being swallowed by the sun, it’s a hard decision to make.

Saturn: I love Saturn. It was hands down my favorite planet to explore. I could write 500 words on Saturn alone. All hail the orb!!

Neptune – Neptune read as one of the most sci-fi-y planets to me, with the tech. You did a lot with a very tiny setting. Less was much, much more in this case.



Plot & Conflict: 7/8

I liked that we got right to the point on page one. The timelines for some branches seemed a little weird, like I wasn’t sure why things were happening so fast or so slowly, but overall there were enough pages that we got information, without feeling dragged out, which was a plus in this case since you kept everything to three days. The conflicts felt very believable. I bought into the rebel conflict. I bought into the weird possession plague. I bought into the rebel fighting... and it goes on.

Branching: 8/8.

For a story game with just over 16,000 words, getting 15 playthroughs was fun! :^) You did a good job with the pacing of each branch and individual page.

Grammar, Punctuation, & Spelling: 6/8.


I did notice a few issues, but there was nothing that pulled me out of the narrative too badly. I realize this was written for a contest and some pages are going to be more polished than others, but moving forward I would pay attention to comma placement. I’m also guilty of weird comma usage though, so join the club, right? One thing I noticed was that I think you meant to write “without” in this sentence on the Lie to Gain Access page – “The war council of Mars has decided that we weren’t going to be snuffed out with[out ] any resistance, and has called for a secret assault on the merchants’ fiendish forces.”



Payoff: 6/8.


The Venus and Earth endings phenomenally hit on that primal urge to have some sort of connection, be it in the moment or in the future. Emotionally satisfying, even if it hurt in the process.



Neptune endings were kind of cliff-hanger-y and didn’t wrap up very conclusively to me, especially when we sacrifice the souls in the computers. I also wasn’t so sure about the doctor's office ending happening more than once? I think it would have been more impactful if it had just been for the ending where we go on the space assault.



Originality & Style: 7/8.


Like I said, I haven’t read Wandering Earth yet, but I feel the RoEP influence. There’s some great imagery throughout the game, including that STRONG opening with the creature in the water and the sun being wrapped up in those nasty diseased tendrils. You have a good sense of atmosphere and pacing. The only thing I would criticize are the fight scenes, which felt slow and kind of bogged down with prose while also not... really telling us a lot.

Overall rating is 7/8. Would absolutely (and well, already did) recommend this to everybody. I’m giving this story a commendation from my heart.

Rated this a little higher than I would have in order to counteract Ford's trolly 1/8. But it's still a FUN game that deserves more attention than it's been getting.

It's a really good use of the prompt, the time that's counting down is kept as the focus as you're hopping from place to place. The villains and even the benevolent Togen being kept pretty mysterious works in the story's favor; this is one of those sci fi stories where the how and why is not the point, but rather the human drama in this high pressure situation.

I know you said you had to rush for the deadline, and I obviously wouldn't mind seeing it expanded to include more colonies, but there's a decent amount of branching here already, and some pretty pronounced variety in the places you end up in.

Sentences in a few places were a bit odd, nothing I can really put my finger on so nothing too major, just a few places where the wording or structure was slightly awkward or unclear. A later editing pass when not in such a hurry might improve that. There is still a lot of cool and imaginative imagery here though, and a lot more things done right than wrong.

An ending I found really underlines that it was the right choice to avoid any hard science. The image of these planets just spinning off their separate lonely way into space is such a bittersweet one regardless of the realism. The Earth ending was really something as well.

Imaginative story. No cheap tricks on the choices given - I managed a fairly OK ending just by choosing wisely. Interested to know if there's a way to save the sun though!

I simply wish there was a bit more to the story but I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed this - some good branches to follow and I got a good sense of place and urgency. I would have liked to read more as it felt like there was more to understand and explore in the world - I'd definitely read another story set in the same world to find out more about the different colonies. Thanks for writing

Fun and lively read with a variety of end points. interesting problem to try to solve. I think I found the best ending and even that was not all that hopeful. I hope that there is a more hopeful one out there that I haven't found yet, but I plan to try.

Few grammar or punctuation issues jumped out at me other than the rare odd word choice or missing article. A few of the endings were quite a surprise, and descriptions are handled well.

This was a great read. I will enjoy going through different paths when I come back to it. The story was very well written, but the plot lost me a bit with the ending I read. Maybe I missed something.

Pretty dang good.