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Welcome to the Feedback thread for the newly restarted writing exercises. ^^

PLEASE REMEMBER: Everyone is doing these exercises to practice their skills. This is intended to be a welcoming environment for writers of all experience levels. Also, some of us may want to use these exercises as a confidence booster / means of getting back into the groove of writing so we can move onto better things.

To that end, please don't be rude or negative. However, constructive criticism, wise insight, expert advice, and uplifting praise are highly encouraged. Thank you for your cooperation.

@Will11 , @TheNewIAP , @Ogre11 , @Kwism1127 , @ecoLyte , @FazzTheMan , @ISentinelPenguinI , @Ford , @betaband , @Claw2k11 , @SonicTurboTurtle , @DerpBacon , @Romulus , @Chris113022 , @galobtter , @Swiftstryker , @MadHattersDaughter , @At_Your_Throat , @LeoScales7 , @Tim36D , @Jibble , @NightBirdBlue , @3173v3 , @BenCrucifix   

Glad to be back. I'll try to update this thread with Monday critiques and praise once, you know, you guys actually finish the exercise, hehe.

@Kiel_Farren

I have a question, good sir:

I saw that Fazz wrote really long sentences/paragraphs for his entry, which reminded me, did you make a bonus for Monday? If not, is it because of the theme of "brevity"?

I did. And when I pasted that particular exercise into my post, I somehow missed that part of it. (Though, in fairness, I'd been awake for nearly twenty hours at the time...) I only realized that about 30 minutes ago, so it's a little late. I may include it as an extra for tomorrow. xD As for Fazz's entry, I have ... absolutely no idea why he did that. xD But it wouldn't be the first time someone only did part of the exercise and then said "f*ck it" to the rest of my instructions.

Huh? I wrote less than 3 sentences for each genre :P I tried to be as descriptive as possible with the limited amount of sentences I had, which is why mine was longer than others.

*reads post* That's arguably the best post so far. [sarcasm]Aside from mine, that is.[/sarcasm]

The entire point of the exercise was brevity, damn it. :P "Say more with less"? I was encouraging you guys to get across something compelling with a limited amount of words. You genuinely did not realize that? 

cri bcuz u nu enclud cris

imposibl 2 chuz bcuz there al gr8

bt wut if # guay ddnt liek dem

U did dis

Luk at him cri

n stil no fav

xacle

bt u stl dnt hav fav
cri intnsfis

Hoo, boy, am I late... sorry, I've had so much damn drama IRL and I was busily fixing up T.O.W. the minute I took it down. That and my insomnia is going into one of it's "God, FINE, you can sleep and junk" phases, so I've been sleeping in on my off days. I actually took an extra four hours yesterday and I still felt like a corpse when I dragged myself out of bed.

@Ogre11 - xD This would be my catch-phrase if I wasn't practically immune to alcohol. I can't say I blame him. It was entertaining to read.

@3173v3 - Wednesday was sweet. It sounded like the kind of diabetes inducing moment I'd have with my spouse that would make our immediate family members make gagging noises behind our backs. Thursday was short, cynical, but sound in terms of logic, I'd say. For being tired, I think you did well.

@Chris113022 - I know you're not on the tag list anymore, but you're getting your feedback, dammit. xD Also, yes. Yes, it was. But you got a chuckle out of me anyway.

@DerpBacon - Harsh, but true. No one ever accomplished anything by wallowing in the past. The phrasing got a tad awkward at the end, though. Maybe replace "use" with "excuse"?

@MadHattersDaughter - I read this and my response was basically "There it is! THAT's the kind of 'pre-mortum / pre-ass-kicking one-liner' catch-phrase I was secretly hoping at least one person would have." Thank you for satisfying the bloodthirsty side of me, humanity is safe again... for now. (xD But in seriousness, it was good! Glad you jumped in.)

@At_Your_Throat - I don't know what the hell to make of you sometimes, mah friend, but you are always entertaining no matter what else.

@Kiel_Farren - ... What the hell, man? Come on. Stop re-using the same character over and over again. What's wrong with you? X_x If you're that stuck on him and his story, why don't you just write a story about him already? Oh, you did? And it really sucks, because you wrote it over 11 years ago? ... Yeah, you should probably go re-do that. I'll bet that's giving you some sort of weird complex. Like, you probably talk to yourself and shit. You should get that checked out, really.

@31TeV - This ... is definitely _not_ what I was expecting and I'm always pleasantly surprised to see talent offered to a scenario I've just never seen before. I wish I knew these characters better, they seem pretty compelling.

@LeoScales7 - You have something of a gift for writing disturbing / dark stuff, do you realize that? I would love to read a really twisted horror story from you--mind you, I don't mean the kind of twisted that Endmaster writes (though, hey, if you can and wanna ... why the hell not?) but psychologically speaking. I think you'd pull it off well and I do have a weak spot for that sorta thing. In a nut shell: I like the tone of your writing. It's one of the reasons you got the points that you did.

@Will11 - xD Indeed, "nice" like an angry shark. Well done.

@JJJ-thebanisher  - I'd like to preface this with the fact that I am not saying this because you're an admin. (I don't hold back critique for anyone. :P Not you, not Alex, not Seth, not Berka, nooobody.) I am saying this completely objectively: I love this motto. Seriously. The scene you wrote was great, too, but for a week on brevity ... hell, you had me with that one sentence. I know you haven't published anything in a while. I know you're busy and it's more than justified, but ... reading this, well, it's also kind of shame.

@Jibble - Ahh, Jib, you ambitious lil' fox-boy, you. Where's the rest of my exercises, man? Your modern adventure sentence made me laugh, your education sentence was interesting ("shock" might've been more appropriate than horror, though) your school-based sentence is something everyone can identify with, your mystery/puzzle got me to chuckle at the idea of a tomb raider _giggling_, and I can't help wondering why Danny is still alive. xD The Shrek one had me face-palming.

@BenCrucifix - Seems like a fun guy. :) The scene was well-written. I look forward to your upcoming game.  

@ecoLyte - Ahh, a dhampyre. Barring Stephanie Meyers, I've always been fond of that particular night creature--(if my first and second games did not make that clear enough.) There's a lot of ways to interpret them. I really like this guy. He reminds me a little of Fang and Nikki--which, if you've never read T.O.W., just take it as a compliment, they're two of my favorite characters in the whole thing and they're determined to protect humanity in spite of their personal disadvantages. 

@Romulus - ... Oh, God, it's like my desk came to life and started bitching. xD I would totally deserve it, too. I wish I could say "eww, dude, that's nasty" without being a hypocrit, but while I've cleaned up my space time and time again, I keep going back to my old habits.

@Ogre11 - xD Made me chuckle. Nicely done.

@31TeV - You MONSTER! XD But seriously, I enjoyed reading that. I liked the shift in tone from the drabble to the review.

@LeoScales7 - I was actually seriously hoping someone would do this. It was definitely amusing--and yes, I love my speakers, too. ;)

@At_Your_Throat - Well written. I liked the way you described the object and its response.

@Ford - xD You killed you physics book? You and TeV, writing about your brazen murders in my exercises ... and yes, I was amused by your entry--even though you totally disregarded the word count, hehe.

@BenCrucifix - That's the most sympathy I have felt or will ever feel again for a crisp packet.

@Will11 - I have absolutely done that before. I don't have a clue where that story would go, either, but it sounds like it could be quite interesting.

@Claw2k11 - Good God, man, did you not see the "100 word" count bit? And I'm confused by the question marks. That said, this was well written and ... made me a bit sad, really. I've had to abandon an old laptop buddy before. Old, clunky, heavy, but I did love that piece of junk while I had it... *sigh* playing to my sense of nostalgia is just not fair. :P

@Tim36D - YES! Another one! xD I got another "this is a sexual thing" entry with a totally innocent object! I knew you people wouldn't let me down, hehe. Yes, this was fun to read, even though it was too long for the points... thank you.

@3173v3 - Despite this not being quite what I was asking for, I liked it a lot. You said you put a lot of thought into this, correct? It shows. Good job.

I feel obliged to say that I every so slightly exaggerated my story... Please don't judge me.

Lol. It's fine. But yeah, I leave cups, paperwork, empty soda containers, pill bottles... there's a bandaid box, and some paper plates and... >_> yeah, I should clean up again.

Eh, that was what happened to my laptop, it's charger broke and it was too costly to replace it so that actually happened(more or less). And I had that laptop for 8-9 years, I was 9 years old when I first got it. Man, nostalgia hit me right in the face...

?

Yeah, I could tell. It came across really well. *pat*

xD No, I prefer complaints in PM form, but if you're sincere about that first bit--or if you aren't, but someone else would be--I'm asking for one, I'm allowing two if you cannot fit a good idea into one. :P I'm just going to assume the rest is you screwing around. xD Now go write so I have something to review, lol. 
 

xD I figured, buuuut just in case...

My pleasure.

I'm going to be picking out one favourite first sentence by each person and the reason why (in one sentence :P). Please DO NOT reply to this post; I will be editing it for any more additional entries to this exercise.

@betaband
Fantasy - Cynical, self-depracating, funny and intriguing at the same time.

@Ogre11
Sci-Fi - It makes me wonder what the oxygen tank is for and whether or not somebody might die from this, making me want to read on.

@Romulus
Modern Adventure - What attack and by who - great suspense.

@Chris113022
Mystery - True to its genre, raises questions immediately: who is the murder; why did Charles succeed where others failed; why has this case been solved so early in the story?

@3173v3
Sci-Fi - Three moons already sounds interesting, but I want to know who "he" is and what he's so shocked about.

@TheNewIAP
Mystery - Using logic and reason would only impede this feedback, so I'm just gonna say "cool first sentence, bro!"

@LeoScales7
Horror - The juxtaposition of a child POV with talk of murder coupled with a seemingly contradictory "kill Mommy again" makes this very chilling indeed.

@Mayana
School-Based - Danny being so distracted by the friend is a clever way to show how important this deadline/meeting is to Danny.

@FazzTheMan
School-Based - Sometimes taking what appears to be mundane and turning into something very grave and serious works great, and this is one of those times.

@BenCrucifix
Mystery - At first glance this might appear to be just another victim, but what if something about this victim is actually different and definitely proves a serial killer was responsible...?

@ecoLyte
Fantasy - Teases the reader with information whilst also leaving them hanging, all whilst keeping the flow of information from the story to the reader natural through the use of dialogue.

@Ford
Fantasy - The scariest and most mysterious things are those that even the mighty fear.

@Tim36D
Fantasy - This sarcastic character is already starting to be likeable with only one line!

@NightBirdBlue
Fantasy - The concept of a deaf werewolf, along with the fact that it's made by someone, is so unexpected that I want to know more.

@Malkalack
Sci-Fi - Not only does a murderous gigantic goat sounds so outlandish, but it'd be interesting to see how serious or humourous this story might be.

@Swiftstryker
Mystery - Piqued my interest with a murder mystery that was interesting from the get-go.

@betaband
I'd like to see the rest of your sentences when you're finished. (Also, from this context, you meant 'waist'--I hope.) What you have so far is very good.

@Ogre11
xD Smart ass. School-based is the one that got me, personally. I'm wondering what type of school this is.

@Romulus
Might wanna change that "s" to a "d" on flames, but I liked your fantasy sentence. Maybe because I'm a sucker for elementalists. I'm pleased to see an Edutainment entry, I didn't think anyone would do it, haha.

@Chris113022
I appreciate you keeping your word count to a sane amount while trying to pack in a lot of detail into two sentences. School-based made me smile because, sick as I am, the idea of a teacher trying to kill a student by tossing a ruler at their face is kind of hilarious.

@3173v3
I look forward to seeing the rest of your sentences. My favorite among these were fantasy because... honestly, I just like how you worded the first part of it.

@TheNewIAP
Hard to pick a favorite with yours, they were all quite intriguing in their own way. I'd read any of them.

@LeoScales7
"Kill mommy again"? ... I actually found that a bit chilling. I also liked your fantasy sentence. Won't lie, wish I knew more about the characters involved, which is--of course--the point.

@Mayana
I can't award you points if you're not added, but great effort. :D

@FazzTheMan
xD I didn't think I would need to tell people not to create huge, drawn out sentences when I stated that the focus of this was being brief and 'less is more.' If I thought so, I would've added a word limit per sentence, lol. It was hard to get through your sentences because of how long they all were. You're a good writer, Fazz, you really are ... buuut I asked everyone to be compelling with those limits in place for a reason. I want people to understand the value of making the audience want more, rather than throwing a bunch of details at us all at once. It's good detail, sure, it's just not what I asked for. Also, you're missing a category.

@BenCrucifix
All very good. I look forward to seeing more from you.

@ecoLyte
Love and dating was my favorite here, and as I rarely say that about anything from that category, good job.

@Ford
Tie between fantasy and modern. I'd read them both.

@Tim36D
Fantasy made me smile. I agree with TeV, I sense a good character here.

@31TeV
Fantasy, Sci-fi, and Fan-fiction all made me curious. Great work.

@NightBlueBird - Mina sounds like a bitch, I'm just as confused as James is, I wish I knew more about the plane between space and hyperspace, and that sounds like an interesting mystery... over all, good work.

@Malkalack - There's the writing brilliance that I know exists inside that crazed, rodent mind. Love your Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Modern, and Horror, but what actually has me curious is your Fan-fic. What is that from?

@Swiftstryker - ... Damn, Swift. I read over that fantasy one just thinking "how the hell have you not published a story yet?" The Sci-Fi one was disturbing and funny. The fanfiction one was even creepier. xD More so then your horror. Though I appreciate the minimalist approach on your horror sentence, lol.

@Kiel_Farren Crushing yet again for the first time in a long time, heart-breaks, studying, Adderol.  The usual young-adult stuff :P

I get'cha... still, can't wait to see one from you.

Now that I'm done with my awful sentences. 

I'll list some of my favorites of everyone's.
 

Betaband: Sitting by the riverbank coughing up blood was not your proudest moment.
I'm curious. I want to know why.

Ogre11: The dial on the main oxygen tank clicked at it reached zero.
I'm curious to what is about to happen. I feel like this one feels more unique than some of your others.

Romulus: Flames dances around his fingertips as Damian approached the ebon throne.
This one makes me curious what the ebon throne is and who Damian is.

Chris: As John, a measly peasant turned hero, ascended up the tower he could hear the roars of the dragon grow ever louder. But with his sword, he knew that he could triumph over the beast.

I can't help to wonder if John is actually just being over confident. Measly seems to be a very good word choice for that type of feeling. It contrasts with the second sentence quite well.

3173v3:: As his face was shined upon by the bright colors of the third moon, he uttered a cry of disbelief.

TheNewIAP: The tingling sensation, stretching from her scalp to the base of her spine, was his loving, yet vile, caress.

I'm intrigued. You have a bunch of sentences that really grab me. However this one makes me wonder about so many things. It makes my own spine tingle.

Leoscales7: You awaken with a slight headache, twinge in your gut and the cursed seal slightly larger on your hand. She couldn’t possibly have possessed you, right?

I'm wondering about the cursed seal, the 'she', and the possible possession.

Mayana: Danil was awoken in the middle of the night by the smell of blood and sound of growling in his little house. He thought: "What monster did you send me this time, Alexanderus?"

I'm curious about why Danil expects a monster to be sent by Alexanderus, who is Alexanderus, and what is this monster.

Fazz: Fantasy

I'm curious about how the Demon Lord was released and whether the main character is going to continue to fight or give up, if he manages to get away.

BenCrucifix: A girls screams of terror filled the night as dragons flew overhead, but they quickly turned into laughs of wonder when they pirouetted and began an elaborate mating display in the sky above her.

ecoLyte:You looked at the mirror once more, despite knowing that you didn't need to see her to feel that she was right behind you, watching.

Ford:"Honey are you alright?" I asked, rolling over in bed, to which she replied "I heard the scream too."

Tim: "Rule one to becoming an apprentice wizard: Don't point your wand at me."

Tev: Millenia ago humanity looked to the galaxies, but now it looks for Earth.

Since we're picking favorites, here's mine...

@betaband
I can't help but wonder how your Sci-Fi might develop.  It has real possibilities.

@Ogre11
Your School-based left me longing for more, I'd really like to know what's going to happen.

@Romulus
What's happening in Ashcroft!?  That Horror setup grabbed me...

@Chris113022
Who is this Elliot? And what had he done leading up to this to rile his teacher that much?

@3173v3
I like the suspense of your Modern Adventure.  Where will it lead?

@LeoScales7
I can see that you know how to set up a Horror story.  I would definitely read this one.

@Mayana
It looks like Ron is in a real pickle in your Horror setup.  What will he do?

@FazzTheMan
TL;DR
Just kidding. I want to know what drives the predator in your Horror.

@BenCrucifix
Is the serial killer in your Mystery smart enough to cover his tracks? Or is he just starting out? I need more.

@ecoLyte
I've got goose bumps from that Horror.  Made me want to look behind me.

@Ford
I'm curious as to what could have shaken the hero in your Fantasy?  

@Tim36D
I'd like to see where you're going with your Fantasy.  It looks promising.

@31TeV
What the heck, let's see where your Love & Dating takes you.

@NightBirdBlue
Your Mystery setup paints a picture of intrigue.

@Malkalack
I've always wanted to jettison someone into space.  Your Modern Adventure struck a chord with me.

@Swiftstryker
That's quite a dark Fantasy you've started there, how will it end?

...and thanks, Kiel, for giving me something to do. ;)

Like Ford, I'm too fucking lazy to tag everyone and then compliment/criticize them. Personally, I think everyone did a very good job. [joke]But I hope that all of you know that I am the clear winner.[/joke]

Y'all sure can write!

@31TeV

Thanks.

@Kiel_Farren

Soz yo :(

@NightBirdBlue

The Fantasy sentence was actually inspired from this old free game called Dwarf Fortress I play every now and then. In it, you control a small expedition party of dwarves with the task of establishing a fortress for the kingdom. There's all sorts of dangers such as famine, thirst, monsters, the environment itself, floods, accidents, goblin sieges, etc. You control pretty much every detail an aspect of the fortress, right down to the last dwarf, and as such it probably has the steepest learning curve of any video game really, and if you aren't experienced your settlement will probably die fairly quickly. Anyway there are such monsters known as "megabeasts" which are some of the hardest monsters to kill -- once the settlement reaches a certain level, a megabeast will grow interested in it, and sometimes attack. For players inexperienced with megabeasts, this is pretty much the end of your game, since the megabeast will not stop at massacring all your dwarves in a gruesome fashion and destroying everything, and I imagine what took place here was just that: the settlement grew drunk with its own power, and the Demon Lord came to pay a visit. And leveled the fortress in doing so. 

Now, as for the hammersdwarf, I'd imagine he would never stop running from such a terror. And the Demon Lord would simply kill him too.

Also if you're wondering why I didn't mark this FF, it's cos besides a few references nothing really points to DF, also because I didn't want to write a DF story, I wanted to write something inspired from it. And something that could also totally happen in-game.

@TheNewIAP

It's the smoking of cigarettes. The protagonist hunts and kills smokers. I tried to put in several clues here and there that reference cigars (example, "smoke" "drag" etc) so soz if that wasn't clear... :P

Since I didn't get to say this publicly before... I thought Fazz's sentences were awesome, but of the same token, they read as awkward due to their length. There's a rhythm to these things, and pauses are absolutely necessary. While I know you are all capable of good stuff, the idea is to practice and polish. It was great, it just didn't fit that exercise. They could've totally been awesome paragraphs for Tuesday.  

@Swiftstryker wins.

stfu that's BS

The sci-fi one was my favorite.

I dunno, I liked the Horror one a lot.

Am a bit late, but here's my favourites from the first exercise: 

@betaband : I like the sci-fi one, very descriptive. 

@Ogre11 : I like your sci-fi sentence, very suspenseful. 

@Chris113022 : I like your modern adventure one, I'm curious how your story would continue from here. 

@3173v3 : I like your fantasy sentence, really sets mood. 

@TheNewIAP: I really like your fantasy one, especially the reference to earlier events and the foreshadowing to the rest of the story. 

@LeoScales7 : I like your horror sentence, especially difference between the innocent girl/boy approach and the horror setting. 

@Mayana : I like your school-based sentence, I'd like to read the rest of the story. Though I would recommend using the spell checker next time to make your stories easier to read. 

@FazzTheMan : I like your school-based story, especially the twist halfway through. 

@BenCrucifix : I like your mystery sentence, very suspenseful. 

@ecoLyte : I like the setting of your mystery sentence. 

@Ford : I like your love & dating sentence, I'm curious how you would continue the story from here. 

@Tim36D : I like your fantasy sentence, it made me grin. 

@31TeV : I like your sci-fi sentence, makes we want to know more about the universe of your story. 

@NightBirdBlue : I like your modern adventure sentence, is it wrong that I kinda like Mina? 

@Malkalack : I like your modern adventure setting, I'd like to see how you'd write modern space adventure.

@Swiftstryker : Do I even know how your fanfic continues? But I did like your mystery sentence. 

@Romulus

I believe you do.  ^-^

Did I just type that out loud? 

Dammit, I meant to write *want to know :P

First of all, great job to everyone. You all had great sentences.

Secondly, I love how everyone enjoyed my fantasy sentence, but honestly, I didn't think it was all that good.

All your sentences are good, but I think your fantasy one stands out because of the humour and lifelikeness of the character. If you look at most of the sentences people have done in general they're mostly pretty serious, which isn't a bad thing, but a funny line done well catches the reader's attention.

The exercise is up, finally, sorry. There is a note on the tag list in explanation, and I'll probably give you guys til Sunday to finish out this week just because it's probably my fault if any of you are late, lol.

Spinal injury? Are you alright?

I assume it's just something I screwed up with a combination of physical labor, repetitive actions, and stereotypical "computer nerd" posture. One of the nerves in my spine is getting pinched to the point where it's partially cutting off sensation in my hands, but it's not constant. So, either something's out of place or the tissue's swelling. I probably just need therapy / steroid shots (in my spine... ugh...) but I need to get it checked. I'm not having breathing issues or anything, though. 

Sounds neat. *cough* I mean, that's awful!

Needles in my spine? Sure. Neat. xD

Well, one can easily turn that into a violent and bloody encounter with knives instead of needles and implement that bloody encounter into a gory horror story... Like I did for a death scene in a horror storygame I may or may not be working on.

To be honest, I think that health is a wee bit more important than these writing exercises. Hope you get well soon!

Bah, I'll be fine. It's just a temporary issue that makes things like computer usage harder.

Wow! As expected, these sentences are very impressive; some of my favorites were:

@betaband

Fantasy: A great hook to a fantasy story. Definitely makes me crave for more!

@Ogre11

?School-based: Good tension build up and just enough information to keep it going.

@Romulus

Mystery: Great use of descriptive adjectives to paint a grim picture.

@Chris113022

Fantasy: Classic fantasy setting of man vs dragon that's well written. Good job.

@3173v3

Horror: Not particularly as scary as the others, yet you manage to rope me into the story. Very interesting!

@TheNewIAP

Mystery: Good hook to pull readers in. Just enough detail yet leaving the reader wanting more.

@LeoScales

Mystery: Yet another good example of brevity. Good work!

@Mayana

Fantasy: Intriguing; the flow could use a bit more work but other than that, great sentence!

@FazzTheMan

Fantasy: Instantly reminded me about Dwarf Fortress! Great details, though the assignment was aiming for brevity. You're a very talented writer!

Didn't get a chance to provide feedback for everyone, but I've read through them all and they're all great! Keep up the quality and maybe we'll be seeing some new featured storygames in the near future!

@derpbacon A bit cliche, but could make an excellent story if done right. However, the dialog seemed a bit forced. 

@chris113022 Alright, not bad. I could see this being a good overly gory graphic novel that involves a cameo of Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

@romulus As usual, great work. That paragraph game me chills.

@at_your_throat Great Idea, great execution.

Sorry I couldn't get to all of you, I'll try and continue this later.

A question: what exactly do you mean with a 'book end feel' for today's exercise? 

A "book end" beginning and ending to a story means that they kind of match, you know?

For example. One of my stories starts with the character saying his name, his age, his profession, where he lives, and then he starts talking about his life. The main ending has him repeating his name, saying his age on that final day (many years later), what he does now and where... and how he feels.

I said "book end feel" because I want to you address the beginning so it feels like a resolution of where you all started.

@Kiel_Farren

Can we combine the bonus and final paragraph? It seems a little weird to me to do two separate paragraphs with a similar ending...

You mean the bonus from today with the paragraph from today? That's what I meant for you guys to do. The bonus will occasionally be me adding "conditions" to get more points and make the exercise a little more challenging for your muse.

Ah, that makes more sense.

Or, instead of reading my lame explanation, just read this: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BookEnds

Well played @chris113022

I won't be able to do today's writing exercise because my keyboard is broken due to an unfortunate accident involving it and a glass of Coca-Cola. I could just use the on-screen keyboard, but it'd be hard as balls to type out so many words (Hell, this took me five minutes to type).

Speech recognition. Eh... if you have a mic.

Should be a new challenge :P "Write" a story using only the voice recognition on your phone. Oh, and you can't delete anything either :) Just keep powering on.

Lol. I kind of like that idea, not going to lie.

"What's upon a time..."

We're off to a good start.

Haha. xD
 

Well, this week's about brevity so writing in your current situation could be a blessing as well as a curse.

Got me a new keyboard, so all is good.

@DerpBacon - I am kind of amused that you picked someone else's sentence for Tuesday. Technically, it's totally within the rules because of how I worded it. Actually, I am sorely tempted to make a writing exercise out of this loophole, but... not this week. You certainly owned it, though. I'd read this story, for sure--though I wouldn't have minded if you cranked up the "badass" setting on your rebel hero just a bit.  

@Chris113022 - Really? I look forward to reading it, then. Glad if the exercises inspired you at all. "Today must be a Thursday... I hate Thursdays." I really did LOL at this. I'm a little sad that you're not making this one.

@Romulus - A modern adventure mystery exploring Aztec ruins? I'd be down for that. (I do have a thing for ancient history...) I really like your first paragraph and I'd definitely read the rest if given the opportunity.

@At_Your_Throat - Poor, poor James. I've seen excruciating transformations before, some good, some not so good. This was a good one.

@31TeV - Well done. I'm not as big on the sci-fi genre as some of the readers here, but when it's done well, it's awesome. This looks like an interesting ride to be on. (Read your Monday bonus work. I chuckled a bit at your second sentence, more so at your last one.)

@Swiftstryker - You really do think of the most delightfully creepy characters for these exercises... an 11 year old obsessed with having genetically "perfect" children... and yes, I liked it, lol. Good work.

@FazzTheMan - Thank you, I appreciate the well-wishing and as soon as I can fully confirm the extent of my injury, I'll get on that. Also, OH MY GOD. That's not a summary, that's a fcking novel! xD Would you really make a story with a summary this huge? *Coherent thought just kind of dissolves into laughter looking at it* ... alright, now that that's out of my system, I'll read through. I like the nod to Malkalack. The events are very interesting, no doubt, but we only needed broad strokes of events for summaries and that's a hell of a lot of detail. I liked your first paragraph.

@Leoscales7 - (Your monday bonus: Your first was my favorite, your fourth amused me, and your fifth sounds like it'd be a good story premise.) Damn creepy. Great job.

@betaband - ... Wow. I really do find that sad. I'm generally dismissive of stories that involve human x AI scenarios, but ... on rare occasion, with the proper writing and scenario, I can be persuaded to care. And yeah, that'd probably do it. I don't know whether or not I should encourage you to write this. Done right, it'd be up there with Snow in terms of sad love stories on this site. >_>' But then I'd be obligated to read it, and ... my feels, man...  (To be honest, I think I'd prefer it written from the POV of the robot but given the choices of the girl. But that's me.)

@Tim36D - I like the premise and I'd definitely read it. Always a bit sad to think about a library getting burned down, even a fictional one...

@ecoLyte - I love your summary and I like the idea of a private detective hunting down a werewolf.

@Ogre11 - Interesting mystery ... I can't help but wonder, sabotage? Terrorists? An alien life-form bumbling around in your ship? An accident or a mal-function? An angry AI?

@NightBlueBird - The premise offers some great game mechanic possibilities. It's a great concept. The paragraph, though... if you imagine this as the first paragraph of your story, it feels like you're missing a sentence at the very beginning to establish the situation before you go on to describe it. 

@Kiel_Farren
I thought it'd only be fair to give you feedback on your exercise when you're giving it to all of mine and everyone else's exercises.

Ryu's reason (or lack of) for what he does is interesting because as authors, we sometimes get too caught up in trying to give every little action a motivation. Sometimes people just do, and they don't really know why. I thought the interaction between the two characters was done well, giving us natural sounding yet insightful dialogue.

Thanks. Truth is, that's just sorta me rubbing off on my oldest RP persona. When I've gone out of my way for someone, I've had similar conversations. "Thanks, but why the hell are you doing this?" "I dunno. I feel like it, I guess. Does it really matter why?" Not saying Dante's wrong, granted. Ryu has his reasons just as I presumably always had a reason of some kind, he just doesn't particularly care what they are.

@Kiel_Farren

Thank you so much for the compliment. This means so much to me!!!?

Lol, happy to encourage you. Keep up the good work.

I seem to have been overlooked... I'll go back to my corner now... :)

@Will11  -_- Nope. If you'll recall, you posted everything under "Wednesday" and that was the feedback for what was posted under Tuesday. I am giving my feedback in chronological order. I've been busy, just hold on.
 

Ah I getcha. no worries :) I hope your back feels better 

Lol... well, thank you, but it's not my back that's messed up. It's my spine in the lowest part of my neck. C8 is the part that's screwed up and it controls my hands, which are periodically losing partial sensation / experiencing pain. (At least, I think it's C8 because it doesn't feel like it's T1, but they are neighbors after all...)

90% of the time it's me venting against politics anyway.  So if you wanna write some really messed up things, include politics in practice and crank the insanity meter up XD

I'd love to see you on election day, then.

Well, I plan to do this every week for the next 8 or 9 weeks at least (unless something happens to me or a whole bunch of your throw in the towel) and it'll be Monday-Friday. I've had issues with tags sometimes, too, but they usually work for me. I dunno.

Still no response about my pending MRI ... might be busy calling around about that when I wake up.

@3173v3 - I know this is hard for you under the circumstances of unfortunate time zone clashes, so, great job making such a real effort to keep up. I think your third bonus sentence was my favorite, though the fifth intrigues me. Your story managed to confuse me, even with the summary and paragraph, so I'm pretty curious right now. It seems interesting.

@DerpBacon - Your ending paragraph ... feels a bit awkward in terms of tenses for me. Plus, you mentioned the Black Hounds taking the Shadow to the king and then them not being there to save the king, and I'm not really sure how he managed to get the upper hand there as it doesn't seem well explained. Though I can appreciate a good "bait and switch" ending on it being hopeless and then him winning, it needs to feel justified. Also, I have no idea how the king knows him, or who Jonathan is, so the reveal has no impact at all. =\ It's kinda like "The masked avenger was Bob!" "... Oh my Go--wait, who the hell is Bob?" "Some guy." "Oh. Good for Bob, I guess?" Your last line was good, but it felt like a great pay off to a set up that I either missed or didn't really understand. I'm not sure what emotion you're trying to make the audience feel with it.

@BenCrucifix - I liked your first bonus sentence best. Your others weren't bad, they just didn't pack as much punch. With your summary, I'm wondering if you mentioned the amount of time between murders as part of a theoretical plot point. (If not, it totes should be.) I liked your ending paragraph. That last sentence was lovely.

@Will11 - Post late, get late feedback. That said, don't sweat it, a lot of people are doing that. The first four Monday sentences were all good, but that fifth one... xD dammit, I loved it. The mental image is hilarious. My jaw fell open IRL at your Tuesday entry summary. That would definitely be a lot different from anything else I've read here. Or, anywhere, frankly, because ... I mean, Nazi Germany is enough to cover, and most people focus on the Jewish community (with good reason) but no one really ... talks about how gay men and women were also rounded up right along side them. =\ I can't help thinking about V for Vendetta because it's the only thing I've seen that ever came close to addressing it. I kind of want to read this as a real story, and yet I don't, because ... well, it sounds pretty damn sad and ... you do your research well, I know you do. I also know what Nazi Germany did, and reading about it once was nauseating. In the context of applying names and faces to the victims, and the concept of a romance... =| ... I don't know. I'd probably end up thinking about some very good friends of mine and it'd get even darker in my head. *reads your ending paragraph* Damn it, I just got chills. >_> Stop that. Leave my feels alone, man. <_<'  (Also, good God, they made him lay face up? Urgh.)

@Kwism1127 - I only have your Monday work so far, buuut... I like your first sentence quite a bit, the second one, too. The third was wonderfully gory, wish I knew what was going on. Your sci-fi sentence is also good, but I'm not sure why the fifth has the detectives "stumped" exactly. If you meant "contact" literally, THEN yes, that would be confusing as hell, but not knowing who she's been talking to lately isn't that much of a brain-breaker for modern day sleuths. (I'm also not sure why there's no way to identify her. Dental record? Fingerprints?)

@Chris11302 - It was 4am or so for me. Sometimes I just don't sleep, man. Also, that ending was beautiful. Just ... beautiful. Thank you.

@Swiftstryker - Nice cracks you put in the forth wall, there. (Careful, we have a budget for those things.) That said, while I enjoyed reading, I was confused. Said "no" to what? I dunno how she got that ... not yet 1 millimeter scar, lol, though I do have a theory.

@Romulus - I liked it. Your ending had a nice sense of finality and a return to normalcy after a harrowing adventure filled with tragedy.

@Ogre - Noooo...! ;_; Poor me. Nice sense of hopelessness here, though. A lot of us believe we can fight whatever we get into 'til the bitter end, but sometimes there's just nothing left to be done.

@ecoLyte - This is as close to the edge of my seat as I have been over a written fight scene in quite a while. Bravo.

@31TeV - Your last sentence made me smile, and I can't totally explain why. I liked it, though, and yes, I'd say you succeeded in your bonus effort.

@Leoscales7 - Another chilling entry, though I am a bit confused and I wish I wasn't--though, then again, that's the point isn't it? Alas, human nature and our need to know.

@betaband - A short, sweet, tragic ending for our astronaut girl. :( (Also, comparisons / markers are greatly appreciated when an entry is dependent on a previous entry. Please and thank you.)

@Tim36D - "As you do, however, you feel every burning inch." Urgh. Thank you for that mental image. It was well written. Also, I see what you did there...

It's not about looking good :)

Just do your thing!

We're here for practice and for fun, so don't sweat that kind of thing. I think you did well. Though, don't let me stop you from getting sleep. xD It is kind of important to your health, you know.

Please post any week two comments, critiques, exc, here. Thank you.
 

Would you get the bonus if one of your scenes was from a third-person perspective?
EDIT: Do both scenes need to contain all six tropes? If it's written from a different perspective it might be difficult to do that, but I guess that's meant to be part of the challenge.

Sorry, meant to address this earlier. To the first question, um... I will have challenges relating to switching the POV from types like first, second, and third--in fact, there's one planned for the end of this week--but that's not really what I was getting at here.

Yeah ... I know I'm being kinda tough on you guys, but you're all doing very well. Next week will be gentler though, promise.

It took all of my willpower to not get sucked into tvtropes. Every trope page had some interesting sounding links..

xD I may or may not be considering that part of the challenge.

Damnit.

I haven't been able to post and now I'm behind.

@BenCrucifix
Nicely subverted/inverted with those three tropes. Your scene managed to be funny at the same time. You kep it a sensible length, too. Nice one.

@Will11 - I... liked your scene, but I'm ... pretty confused by it. There's no helicopter or superhero involved. =\ Nor is there a mention of a character using blindfolded vision. How do your tropes relate to your scene?

@Ogre11 - I laughed. A lot. You pulled it off quite well. Great work.

@BenCrucifix - Oh my God, was that funny... damn, just a few paragraphs in and I LOL'd. This is better than I hoped for. I knew something good could definitely be made out of the ones I found, but... wow. xD That was just ... perfect. The second scene was a great topper, too.

@galobtter - Another entry with nukes! Fun! xD You know it's a great story when even the hero is like "meh, it's just a country, we can blow it up..." Well done. That poor bastard in the second scene, though. xD (One thing - blindfolded vision is a voluntary disability, not an inherent one.)

@LeoScales7 - Well, DAMN. Senjuro is ... very unlucky, isn't he? I cringed with sympathy. Good work. (That said, blindfolded vision is supposed to be voluntary--but since he agreed to come train with this crazy old bastard, I guess it counts as voluntary enough.)

@31TeV - "No, but it looked cool" <-- loved that line. It was a well put together scene. I'm impressed. I also loved how you ended the second scene and how it compares to the ending of the first. Great job.

@3173v3 - Gotta post the tropes you're using, man, but it was an enjoyable read.

@Tim36D - I'm honestly shocked at how many of you attempted this and succeeded. I liked Fallen as a character concept, seems pretty cool and still fits the "Superhero" bill. I enjoyed reading your scene. Good work.

@Will11 - "Snark" is a combination word, composed of "snide" and "remark." Another example of a character who uses it is "deadpan snarker." They make disdainful and critical commentary that is usually very funny, but with a completely straight face. A fun contrast to see in comparison to the nauseatingly cheerful Stepford Smiler. Good work.

@Ogre11 - xD The ending made me smile. Good job.  

@MadHattersDaughter - That was interesting. And amusing. Nice work. :)

@LeoScales7 - I'm not totally sure your bonus works because I do see "slap-slap-kiss," but not quite "kiss-kiss-slap" ... that said, it's tempted to accept it anyway because of just how likeable the scenes are. The hammy tirade was great, as was Christopher's calm, gentle, cool-headed response to it all. (o.0 Congrats on the ability to be creepy in one exercise and touching in the next.)

@31TeV - ... I was reading with a straight face until your heroine knocked the princess out cold and called in convenient. xD Lol. How much I've wanted to do that to characters I've rescued in video games ... (<_< and a few people IRL, but eh) and I thought the last paragraph made for a chilling threat. Well done.

@BenCrucifix - That was oddly adorable for a scene where an innocent squirrel was crushed to death. ^^

FINALLY, I caught up with you people. xD Yes!

@Ogre11 - Good on you for pushing past the mental block. xD The results were amusing. I did not expect this week to be as funny as it has been.

@BenCrucifix - “Just… Get out. I’ll deal with you later.” <-- I can practically hear the tone here. The conversation was great. :D

@LeoScales7 - And we take nose dive from funny back down into the horror genre. The poetic lines of your villain and the general description was delightfully creepy, as was the whole scene, really. Wonderful.

@31TeV - o.o ... Okay, now THAT was scary. Holy crap. What? Just ... what? Even reading the tropes leading into it, just ... what? Daaamn. Poor guy.

@Kiel_Farren Re: the Friday exercise, is that literally just write one scene in third person? I'm guessing that's what you meant because you said you're going easy on us, but I just want to be sure.

Yep. I considered making the bonus for the last day a lot nastier (and worth more points) buuut ... it's Friday. :3

The reason I said that is because that is what people normally mean by it. If I meant something else by it, I would have said so. I didn't want to mislead anyone new to the concept that drabbles are _always_ 100 words, but if you needed clarification, you should have asked then. I will make a note of the fact that you would prefer clearer instructions and I apologize that you were confused, but the majority of the entries I received were within the word count.

Also, while I am absolutely open to suggestions for week themes, exercises, and the restrictions thereof, I already decided the rules for this one. I considered giving you guys a maximum word count of 200 and I specifically decided not to on the grounds that some of you struggle with brevity, and if I'm going to challenge you, pushing you out of your comfort zone is important.  

No. I am not going to award more points after they've already been tallied. 

I commend you on your effort. As I said, I'm proud of all of you, it's been a pleasure to read all of these wonderful posts ... but to be frank ... as much as I liked your entry, it wouldn't have qualified for the bonus anyway. I asked you for a review, not two journal entries proceeding what was presumably a tragic ending. Also, I did ask that complaints or questions be in PM form.

Got'cha. (Sorry, I probably couldn't read tone today to save my life, I'm running on very little sleep and I've been stressed AF.)

That said, with 3J's suggested point system, I should be able to reward everyone's efforts, which is something I was hoping for (but honestly didn't think we could do...) See the announcement below if you dunno what I mean.

=\ I would, if life would let me. Once I move to our neighboring state, though, things will calm down and I'll be able to re-shuffle my priorities.

Glad you're happy. :D

Thanks! That was the aim, would have been slightly worrying if it had been meant to be serious :P

Couldn't resist the Futurama reference, but I really do have good news. 3J has decided to be exceptionally generous in regards to point awards, so ... he's willing to award CYS points to anyone who's completed at least one exercise to my satisfaction--but it will be at my discretion so I need to also decide how generous I'm going to be. He's also suggested awarding points based on things like effort. Again, I'll take that under consideration.

I have no doubt, however, that the reason he's willing to go to this trouble because of the great effort you've all already put forth, so I'll say it again: ^^ I'm proud of you guys.

yep! The awesome participation is really great to see!

Same! Exercises came in during a busy test month for me, but they've been super fun to do. Haven't been able to post as much as I would like, but these exercises have really inspired me to keep going with my project.

That's awesome to hear, eco! ^^ Both that you're having fun and that it's been inspirational. :D Two of my biggest goals here. The two projects I've seen mentioned on your page sound great, so if you're referring to either of them (or any other story), I'll definitely be looking forward to reading it in the future. :D

I get'cha. You are more than totally excused, man, considering one of the things keeping you busy. Which reminds me...

Yeah. Third place. Woo.

Good job, everyone. You all did amazing. I liked Chris' post the most.

Gonna be honest, way too many tropes on Monday to put into a cohesive, sensible scene.  I'll try to catch up, but it's a lot to chew :L

Sorry Swift, but again, I do mean to challenge you all. Several of you aren't newbies and all of you have shown a considerable amount of talent, so I only push because I believe you're capable... that said, this isn't boot camp. If you don't wanna do an exercise, I ain't twistin' your arm. As many or as few as you like is fine, but a lot of good can come from overcoming something you don't think you can manage. It's a great feeling.

Lol, yes, Ford. That means you, too.

Here's the week three feedback area!

(Might as well post it now, just saw Will's entry, and ... I can already tell this is going to get interesting.)

So if I include a trope, am I supposed to do it in the back story itself?

Yes.

Kids today. :P

@leoscales7

5,000 words per minute is 11 pages. That's literally a world record.

Really like your second character though.

@betaband

That is just how amazing Dr. Mason is...

But yes, I like Jessica as well. If she were real, we'd be friends ;)

@Spacecats - Did you get any of my PM replies?

No, sorry I just checked my profile and apparently I didn't have the "Receive Private PMs" box checked.

... You might wanna re-check, because I still can't PM you. I did rule out the possibility of it being a problem with my ability to send them though, and yeah, it'll let me PM anybody else.

Haha thanks, I enjoyed your writing too though it seemed a bit longer and more thorough than mine, I definitely wouldn't want to be trapped in that lift! :) It reminds me a bit of Bukowski where the people don't just need help, they need psychologists and bacteriologists as well :D 

Welcome back!

(This is also partially just a test for tags, so don't hate me.)

(I hate you)

I'm kinda busy with uni stuff the next days/week(s), So I probably won't be doing a lot of exercises in the foreseeable future... :(

Understood. I realize it's the holidays now, so this might have been bad timing in general ...

Well, if the exercises die out again, I guess I can try reviving them in the future, lol.

Damn Kiel, posting at 12 A.M over here. Love the dedication :P

I look forward to reading what y'all post. It makes me feel productive, too.

I'm probably not going to be able to complete that many of the writing exercises for a while. Five of my modules have coursework due in over the next four weeks, and because I've left it all until the last minute (as I often seem to find myself doing for some reason)  I'm swamped under with all the work I have to do.

I'll try to take part where I can, but it wont be as frequent :(

Sorry, I know this is incredibly late and a tad superfluous, but it's here nonetheless.

Week five.
 

Week Six.

Week Seven.

Week Eight.

So that's how you guys envision me...

'Guys'? I was the only one who listed how I see you, and I am neither multiple people nor a guy. XD

And Ford, unless "BD" is referring to someone else.

BD? *double checks thread* Oh. I had originally mistaken that for 'BZ'.

@Ford I am rather curious as to how he knew about the half fro...

Touché.

Week Nine.

Meh, I didn't want to forget later on. We're almost there anyway.

Friday.

I can only hope, Kiel, that you will find the same historical significance in the bed intruder incident that I do.

Edit: I guess I exceeded the 100 word limit a little bit. Crap.

Week 8 points updated! Congratulations on 100 points, Tim. You'll get your trophy tonight. Wow 15% of your points are from this writing restart!

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1oFAUo6tAOdf1FUrd3_siPu8Pvv_6-j-4BUwx1VEp3I0/edit#gid=0

It's kind of sad, actually.

In case people hadn't noticed yet, there is a new feedback thread for Seth's writing exercises. :)