1. Become an engineering Genius
2. Get angry at the world for having dead parents.
3. Learn every martial art.
4. Travel to China and beat up prisoners.
5. Become a trained Ninja.
6. Get captured by an offensive Asian stereotype meant to represent the Vietkong.
7. Be forced to build the ultimate weapon.
8. Build a mechsuit that looks like a bat and throws sharp boomerangs out of its hands.
9. Ask for uranium to power the device
10. A spider in the cave gets cancer from my radioactive antics and won't stop biting me until I pay its medical bills.
11. Make a ring out of the uranium and swap it out for one of the ten magic rings that the offensive, flourescent yellow Vietkong guy has.
12. Use the ring to power the mechsuit.
13. Beat the hell out of everyone.
14. Return to America and realize that I can climb on walls because I have microscopic hairs on my palms and sploodge webs out of my wrists.
15. Vomit.
16. Build a better suit.
17. Build a super car.
18. Fight an insane chemical terrorist and alien warlord who flies around on a tiny airplane and throws grenades, and is also posing as a corrupt psychologist, who also happens to have an army of ninjas with magic rings and Liam Neeson.
19. Kill the villain by dodging the tiny plane and causing him to impale himself against the wall of a train which falls into a sewer and explodes.
20. Build a better suit.
21. Fight a makeup-wearing clown serial killer and expert bomber who wears a giant mechsuit with octopus arms and laser whips. He has an army of thugs and war robots of death, and is only defeatable with the help of a sassy black friend in a robot suit.
22. Kill him by hanging him upside down on the side of a building and causing his mechsuit to explode, neutralizing the exploding mini-star he created with a metal that doesn't exist.
23. Build a better suit with an alien enhancing it.
24. Fight a charming billionaire anti-philanthropist who is ambiguously Russian and an avid user of steroids, posing as the evil Fu Manchu that captured me earlier, who can turn himself into a giant sand monster of death. He also has an army of steroid-using terrorists, and regenerative mutants that turn red and blow up.
25. Reject the alien because it's evil and uses mind control to turn me into a douche.
26. The alien turns to the dark side and turns the charming billionaire anti-philanthropist into a horrifying oily monster.
27. Use rebars to vibrate the alien to death.
28. The Russian guy reveals that he has captured the fucking president and tied him to an oil well with a nuke attached to it. Then he beats me in hand-to-hand combat because he is also a ninja.
29. The Sassy black sidekick in a mech-suit shaped like a cat kills him using a motorcycle with shotguns on it.
30. The explodey guys and steroid terrorists come in and try to stop me from saving the president.
31. I destroy them using an army of ninja mech-suits that I had secretly been building before the movie started.
32. I save the president and then retire by getting my super-car to turn into a plane which I use to fly the nuke over the ocean before exploding it.
33. My sad butler goes on a vacation to italy and notices me having dinner with the sassy black sidekick.
34. Either I admit to the world that I am the Green Spatironman or I am asked to join a legion of superhuman adventurers to defend the earth from the tyranny of Norse Gods.
35. Life fulfilled.
