So I wanna follow-up with what I said previously, but just with the idea of practice. It seems you have a good desire write and improve, but, after reading some of your story, there is a clear need for refinement. This isn't bad thing; everyone needs refinement. My suggestion is start with something much smaller, and then work yourself up. Flash fiction is a great way to start off the basics of story creation/structure. It also helps enormously with how to write a story with good flow and transitions, and I think it goes without saying that it helps with practicing grammar, syntax, etc.
How exactly you go through the writing process can vary, but one of my favorite ways to practice basic story structure is working from a 6 word story to a 1000 word story. The idea is to include exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution in each version of the same story. Here is Ernest Hemingway's famous example of a six word story:
"Baby shoes, for sale, never worn."
If you go through the whole process, then you will turn that 6 word story into a
100 word story
300 word story
It's a good way to practice a lot of basics before you get into creating a 5+ rating storygame.