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Tough Situation

2 months ago

This all started a few days ago.

My friend, I'll call him Carrot, called one of my friends a weeb, as a joke. He didn't mean it, but then my other friend, I'll call him Boop, got mad at him. Boop said that Carrot needed to stop making fun of him. The group chat then explained to Boop that it was a joke, and he wasn't actually a weeb, but then it started getting intense. Boop told us that he needed us to stop making fun of him. We were trying to calm everyone down, but Boop refused to. Soon, it just got to the point where we had to make a new group chat. 
On Messages, he sent us fake friend memes. Everyone was tired of the fight, so Carrot made a Zoom to show us what he was saying. Soon, Carrot decided to pull a prank where he made Boop think Carrot was streaming on Twitch. A few minutes later, Carrot confessed that it was a joke, and he wasn't actually streaming on Twitch. Boop got really mad.
A few moments (or an hour) later, we made a book and decided that we could add Boop, to give him a second chance. But Carrot made Boop swear that he wouldn't write rants or create fights. Boop swore, but then he started writing that we needed to die in a hole. Eventually, we had to kick him. Boop got really mad again. On a book he owned, he put everyone on view and said that we were gonna come crawling back to him. Cause earlier, he confessed he did all of this to make our group chat more entertaining (and also to get back at Carrot).
A few days later, after most of the group chat moved on, I saw a message from Boop that made me uncomfortable and scared. He said that he was really pissed at us for kicking him off the group chat. Then he said to me that in middle school, he was going to make my life a nightmare. 


I don't know what to do. My friends have been helping, but I'm still down in the dumps. This whole fight has taken a toll on my mental health.

Tough Situation

2 months ago

Awh, hunny. Sorry, but nope, that's not a tough situation at all. It's a very simple one. Boop is a cunt.

Tell him that you don't have a problem with him but that you want him to stop bothering you. Take screenshots of all the shitty things he says and show your parents. Then block him on everything. You don't need to put up with his crap.

If Boop keeps trying to contact you and your friends then keep taking screenshots and keep showing your parents. That is online harassment. If it doesn't stop then your parents need to contact the school and get them to contact his parents. Hopefully they'll take away his computer or at least tell him to stop being a little shit.

Also, keep in mind that this is a pandemic. Half of the time the school will probably be closed and you'll be taking online classes. If, however, the school is open, I highly doubt that he will be making your life a living hell. You, and all of your friends, know what a dick he is. Your friend group will spread the word and everybody will know what a whiny little bitch he is. Nobody will want to be friends with him any more.

A group of people bullying an individual can easily make their life hell. And individual bullying a group of people... Not so much. More than likely he'll make his own life hell since he won't have any friends and everyone will hate him. ^_^

Tough Situation

2 months ago
What Avety said. This situation is actually very easy to resolve, just stop paying any attention to Boop because that's exactly what he wants. Don't let your mental health be controlled by assholes.

Tough Situation

2 months ago

As said, Boop is definitely overreacting. But I can't help but feel bad for him. Nothing you listed is, of course, worthy of anything remotely close to what he did. It's a little bit of banter that went wrong.

However, it sounds like that shit's been building up in him, and that's just the straw that broke the camel's back. The whole "stop making fun of me" sounds a lot like this isn't the first time he's been "made fun of". Honestly I don't think he's a "cunt". He's just a dumb kid that doesn't know how to handle himself well.

Also I didn't really get the whole thing about "Twitch prank streaming". I don't know if that's relevant or what kind of a prank it is to stream.

Leaving his problems aside, you don't have to worry about anything. He does sound a bit like "that weird kid", and it's very unlikely he will be able to do ANYTHING, let alone "make your life a living hell". So don't worry about yourself.

Tough Situation

2 months ago

The others are completely right. In a week or two the whole matter won't seem like a big deal. But from your words I take it that is seems like a big deal to you now.

Perhaps try thinking about it as one of the stories of your life. You know, the usual stuff. You are the heroine and you are just as the point where you have reached the crisis. Now you make your choices and you will be changed a little bit as a result.

Of course this whole episode might be the start of your career as a serial killer, but in real life things are usually much less dramatic. The real choice here is whether to be tough or weak, and if you can be tough now, you will find it much easier to be tough in the real, much more severe crisis that await you in the future

Most people don't get what it means to be tough in such situations. Tough means to be confident. Julius Cesar wrote about this, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca. The core of the matter is that Boop has no power over you. What could he do? Call you names? That doesn't hurt. Steal your favorite pen? So what? Buy a new one. Spread lies about you? You think he could do that? A guy who blows up at simple puns and doesn't get it when he gets trolled. No, the people who know would see through it immediately and you don't need to care much about the others. It seems you have your friends and you understand each other, and if anything Boop brings you closer together.

Other people only have as much power over you as you are willing to give them, because the only real power they have is to affect you psychologically. One of the superpowers that come with being an intelligent educated person is the ability to switch this off and take this power away from the bullies.

Next time Boop posts something nasty. I want you to smile. I mean, actually smile, for like 2 minutes. Do it, even if you don't feel like it. Use a watch to time it. It's a trick for convincing your body of what your mind knows already: This guy is ridiculous. Laugh about him. If it helps, imagine him sitting in front of a computer in his underwear, angrily hacking away at a keyboard, spewing petty insults and empty threats. It's all water off a duck's back anyway. He's like those kids who make their 5th alt to rant at mizal after they got banned. Who is affected by this now? Not you, is it? No, you are smiling, laughing even. It's that pitiful creature Boop who's suffering.

It's actually good to have an opportunity to practice this. As I said, you will come out changed, but stronger. Letting such small matters just drip of your Kevlar skin prepares you for tougher things to come.

A few years back I was in the US, so for me a foreign country, different continent. I had a new job and didn't really know anybody. My family was in Europe and my father had died the year before. Within a few weeks I got weird symptoms. I didn't think much about it at all, but after a week I had real trouble moving my fingers and I couldn't see clearly anymore. I ended up in hospital and they did all kinds of tests. By the end of the first week I had accumulated $40k in medical expenses and I got a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. As a man that means your mind and your body declines until you die because can't breathe anymore.

Honestly, it was pretty shit, but I found I could be happy about one thing happy about one thing: As an intelligent and educated person you can see these things rationally. Not quite water off a ducks back, but there is no need to panic either. I think, the panic, the fear, the desperation is what really sting. It's what does real damage to you, the horrors you create for yourself. I found I had the ability to turn those things off. This really is a superpower. It made things so much better: I was in bed, people were bringing me food, and it wasn't even boring. I thought a lot about my life, but I was pretty happy with how it had gone till that point. There was the prospect to die sooner than I would have liked, but in a sense I thought it would make a good tragic story,people would remember, and being dead doesn't actually hurt as far as I know. So I just accepted the possibility.

In the end all this mess got resolved. The diagnosis turned out to be wrong. The symptoms were due to two very minor things that conspired in an unusual way. Both were easily fixed. Two weeks later I was back at work and the insurance paid everything.

By now this episode is in the rearview mirror. It has become one more story to tell, one thing that still helps me seeing things in a much more relaxed way. Nowadays if somebody tells me they are going to create some trouble for me at work, I just smile. You can do the same.

The thing is, when you are 90 and sit in some care home, you will be happy about every story to tell. Without crises there wouldn't be stories. Who would want to live a boring life.

It seems I am living up to my reputation for long posts again, but there is one more important thing: I said, in this situation you have the choice to be tough or weak. If you find find you cannot be tough, do what mizal said. But your Endmaster grin on and banish Boop from your life. If you chose to be tough however, remember that tough is not the same as hard.

Think about it this way, Boop is obviously already a troubled unhappy person, who has just alienated his friends and is deeply confused by life. Also he lacks your (newfound) ability to insulate his emotions from these matters. This whole issue affects them already way more than it does you. So if you wanted you actually have the power to make this so much worse for him. He obviously cares deeply about what you say or else he wouldn't be so aggressive. You could quite easily make his life hell.

Don't actually do it. It's what weak people would do. Most nastiness is weak people compensating their own insecurities. Tough people don't need to go there. Your toughness affords you the luxury of being kind. You don't need to squash what can't sting you. Boop sounds really troubled and confused, so perhaps all he needs is someone to tell him that it's going to be ok. Or, maybe there is some other mess going on in his life. Maybe somebody needs to show him how he can be tough himself.

Also: This is water.

Tough Situation

2 months ago
Long version here: This is water.

Tough Situation

2 months ago
If there is anything I've learned in all my eleven years, it's that people like that are not worth your time. It's going to be okay. I can't say I've experienced anyone trying to ruin my life, but I do know that it's all talk. I seriously doubt that he has that power. Though if you want to talk to anyone, you can always text me. And just ignore him, don't give him any reaction, he's going to give up sooner or later. Stay strong, you can do it!

Tough Situation

2 months ago

Oh, wait! One more thing I forgot to mention. Boop said he wasn't going to make my middle school life horrible if we apologized to him.

Tough Situation

2 months ago
Uhh... Well you can apologize to him if you like, but did you actually do anything?

Tough Situation

2 months ago
Personally, I wouldn't worry about Boop's revenge.

You can tell he's a child from the statements that he said and actions he promised. Don't talk to him, try to avoid him(and other assholes alike), and go on with your life normally ;)

Tough Situation

2 months ago
Boop's Revenge. This shall be the title of a new story I will write... one day...

Tough Situation

2 months ago

New Update: Boop's still going at it. 

After I told him he should stop and move on, he went berserk. He said that he haven't taken accountability for the fight, then he talked about how drama is needed to get people thinking, then asked how he could move on when it involved him, then he told us to stop joking about him, and that Carrot wanted to get him kicked out of the group on purpose (Carrot didn't).

What should I say?

Tough Situation

2 months ago
Boop is an attention whore. Don't give attention whores attention.

Tough Situation

2 months ago
You know my opinion

Tough Situation

2 months ago

But your Endmaster grin on and banish Boop from your life

I'll try. :]

Tough Situation

2 months ago
I said that was one option

Tough Situation

2 months ago

Ohh! Are you talking about the being tough section?

Tough Situation

2 months ago
Thats the other option

Tough Situation

2 months ago

Block Boop, he's an asshole. I've had run-ins with people like this, and the best way to deal with them is to not interact with them whatsoever. If he so desperately wants to get kicked out of the group chat and made a laughingstock, let him.

Tough Situation

2 months ago

Block Boop

Everyone in the groupchat has, yet he's found loopholes. He has another way of communicating, which is through emails and a Google Classroom. 

Tough Situation

2 months ago

Wow he's a dedicated asshole. Does he use personal or school email (assuming because of your age)?

Tough Situation

2 months ago

School email.

Tough Situation

2 months ago

That's great for you, because if he's being especially mean, you can't block him, but you can very easily show teachers or school staff, because they have access to your email. Just hope that your teachers and school counselors aren't assholes as well.

Tough Situation

2 months ago

In my land, Boop would be tied up and thrown into a barrel full of gasoline, and given a simple choice; stop acting like an idiot or try to catch the lit match with his mouth before it hits the gasoline.

Tough Situation

2 months ago
Don't think that would be an improvement over the current situation.

Tough Situation

2 months ago

Tell Boop that if he's trying to get back into the group then he is going about it the wrong way. His logic seems to be, "Oh, they are making fun of me. I will be an absolute dick. Oh, now they've banned me from the group. I will be even more of a dick. Oh, now they've all blocked me on everything. what shall I do? ... I know! I will be even more of a dick! Then they will want to be friends with me again." It's weird because his goal seems to be to worm his way back into the friend group by basically saying, "Be friends with me or I will bully and harass you and go out of my way to make your life a living hell!" Which, surprise, surprise, is not the best way to make friends.

But yeah, if he's using a school email to do all this then definitely let the teachers know. ^_^

Tough Situation

2 months ago

It's weird because his goal seems to be to worm his way back into the friend group by basically saying, "Be friends with me or I will bully and harass you and go out of my way to make your life a living hell!" Which, surprise, surprise, is not the best way to make friends.

Exactly!

Tough Situation

2 months ago
I mean, if you just want to be really, super nice, I guess you could point out to him that his dramatics are not helping his situation and he's just pushing all of his friends further away, but it's unlikely that he'll actually listen to you since he's apparently an idiot, so probably best to just ignore him. ^_^

Tough Situation

2 months ago

Boop is definitely overreacting. With time, he'll realize that. For now, just block him. Trust me, this all will blow over within a few months and you won't ever have to worry about it again.

Tough Situation

2 months ago

Personally, I'm wondering what he thinks this will accomplish... "All of you should die in a hole, and I'm putting you all of View Only, and sending you fake friend memes, and I'll only be friends with all of you again if you say sorry!" AM I the only one who thinks this makes ZERO SENSE?!