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Rant Thread

3 months ago

Just like the title states, this is a rant thread. Feel free to rant about anything you want to, whether it’s a minor problem or something that’s been bugging you for years. Derails and humorous posts are fine too. Just keep in mind that some people might write about serious topics when you’re commenting on other posts. 

Rant Thread

3 months ago

Here’s mine:

Although I probably have it way better than lots of people out there, my life can get rather overwhelming at times. Therefore, I’m typing these words here, trying to make sense of it all.

Social Anxiety

If I have ever come across as rude or aloof, I truly apologise. I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m not the most socially adept (I prefer writing fictional conversations than holding actual ones). I’ve only recently come to realize the scope of this problem.

From the scarcity of posts I make on the forums despite reading most threads, to my minimal review history (I’m constantly worried I misinterpret another author’s carefully crafted work), social anxiety affects me more than I want to admit. After all, I doubt most of you spend a dozen minutes just analysing if a certain message sounds ‘professional yet not overly so’ before hitting the send button. 

While I intended to start this thread earlier today, I fell into an overthinking trap, then couldn’t post when another message was recently posted since I didn’t want to bury it. Thinking back, that was a really dumb thing to do. Most people will just click ‘The Lounge’ anyway.

Even though CYS is the greatest, coolest community I’ve ever been a part of, I feel a bit intimidated when interacting with everyone here. You’re all brilliant in so many different ways and I can’t help but feel inferior. Accidentally saying the wrong thing at the wrong time is kind of a recurring worry always at the back of my mind.

High Functioning Anxiety

I often joke that this is the best form of anxiety I can get, especially since it drives me to accomplish lots of things in life. For instance, I spend a majority of my school years chasing high grades, academic achievements, taking part in extracurricular activities to boost my CV in the future, and so on. It may be the anxiety or just the way I was conditioned, but a few days ago, I became pretty mad at myself over getting an 85% since it would ruin the above 90% average I’m aiming for. At that moment, I realized something was utterly wrong with me.

Today, I got a 24/30. I truly hate myself; it was an open book test, and despite that, I have the audacity to fail this badly? To add insult to injury, some people got full marks. Guess I can say goodbye to getting the subject award for this course (and to think I actually thought my 100% average would last a lot longer). I had a conversation with the teacher about a previous test which I also didn’t do too well on. While I did manage to convince her and get 2 extra marks, probably due to persuasion and debate skills, it still falls way below my usual standard. Usually, I’ll write this in a document that will never see the light of day. But maybe putting this here would show me that dwelling on these little failures makes me seem more stupid than getting such a low mark does.

None of what I’m writing here is to brag, by any means. I hope it doesn’t come across as such. By forcing myself to be good at everything, I don’t know what I enjoy anymore. By burying myself under piles of work each day, I lack the conversational skills needed to actively form many close friendships. And by prioritizing productivity, I sacrifice joy as a result.

Being the eldest in my family, and someone who’s praised mainly for her intelligence, I feel the need to mask my flaws so as to not burden anyone. I ought to be a role model to my siblings. Generations of high-achievers coalesce within my bloodline, so why can’t I just be perfect?

I’m just going to leave this here. Even sending this message seems like an extreme act of bravery; an impulsive and hasty decision. I don’t want to be overdramatic but I’m worried that this is going to affect the way I’m viewed in CYS haha.

Please, someone, post something to take the focus off me.

Rant Thread

3 months ago
Well it was already obvious you were an overachiever. But as far as feeling anxious or intimidated or whatever, you're at the point in productivity and status where you can comfortably relish saying the wrong things at any time you want, secure in the knowledge that most posters are beneath you and can't do shit about it.

It could also be that bullying some noobs will help you build confidence. (I recommend Lux and Reader if so...and all their recent postings will also make you feel much less worried about your own.)

Rant Thread

3 months ago

Thanks, Mizal. That’s really reassuring to know. 

Only on CYS will bullying noobs be a recommended way to build confidence. Just another reason why it’s so awesome here. It’s a pity I have no idea how to bully them haha. (But Lux and Reader seem so nice that I don’t feel like bullying them at all…)

Rant Thread

3 months ago
I highly recommend bullying noobs. And using other people's posts to feel better about your own. Lol I wouldn't know how to bully myself, so I wouldn't say it's a pity. I don't think anything could beat my manchild of an uncle constantly calling me a crybaby when I was kid. For what it's worth, you are brave for opening up about your anxiety. I wish I could post something like that without worrying about whether it would be used against me or not. It's nice here though, I feel like my self-esteem has gotten a little better since I joined; even though Mizal is probably disappointed in me right now...

Rant Thread

3 months ago

Alright, I'll see what I can do to the next noob that comes along. I might try to draft a generic insult or something. Now, I'm starting to worry that people will hold the anxiety against me, although I suppose the whole point of recovering from anxiety is to not care about what other people think. Oh, your self esteem is getting better now, I'd hate to ruin it (and here, I'm pretending that I'm capable of such a feat).

[insert a scathing insult here]

That's probably enough 'bullying' for today.

Edit: My first bullying attempt can be seen in the new storygame that might get deleted soon!

Rant Thread

3 months ago
Please don't adopt my trust issues... [insert an offended, butthurt reply here] I think my self-esteem has been completely ruined. :P

Rant Thread

3 months ago
All right, so here you go Mystic, I'm going to cure you:

Because I can say with 100% confidence that if someone doesn't like you, it's because there's something wrong with them. You shouldn't be going around worrying about what random people may think about random little things you say or do, because if they're that petty (and obsessive enough that they're even paying that much attention in the first place) the only feelings you should have regarding them are pity and disgust.

And I know what I said earlier, but you shouldn't REALLY be bullying noobs just to build confidence, gosh, wow. You should be doing it just because it's fun, they deserved it, and they literally can't stop you. Kek.

Rant Thread

3 months ago

That actually makes me feel a lot better. You're right, Mizal, it doesn't make sense for me to worry about random people and their thoughts. Now I guess I just have to improve my self esteem to remain unfazed by others...

Also, the twist at the end of the second paragraph was totally unexpected haha. For a moment, I thought you were actually against bullying noobs, then I read that last part. If it's been fun to read the noobs' reactions when they get bullied, I guess being the one to trigger that would be even more entertaining. Another thing to add to my CYS bucket list!

Rant Thread

3 months ago
My trick for this is to imagine people as drivers. Experience has told me that 99.9% of people on the road are either fast idiots or slow idiots. And without a couple thousand pounds of steel around them, they're simply slower idiots. Who cares what they think.

Rant Thread

3 months ago

That's a great analogy, I'll be sure to keep that in mind next time I start worrying about what people think!

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3 months ago

Bullying noobs is easy. All you have to do is politely correct them for something they did wrong and they'll go on an extremely long and angry tirade about how you're a terrible person and everybody hates them for no reason. ^_^

Rant Thread

3 months ago

Next time a noob comes by, I'm going to try this. It'll surely be funny to watch!

Rant Thread

3 months ago

I can relate a lot to what you're going through Mystic_Warrior, I've been suffering from severe anxiety since I was around 13 and it got progressively worse throughout high school and afterwards; until I finally caved and got some help. I now take medication that takes the edge off, but I know I will always have to live with this damaged psyche. 

I hide it pretty well, no one outside of my close family (and now, you kind internet folk) knows that I cannot interact with other people without my adrenaline starting to pump, while I enter a downward spiral of second guessing every move I make. I bottle up all of my self hatred, depression, anxiety and push it down as far as I can; mostly because I view it as a weakness and a shame. I know it's not healthy, but I've made it this far and I'm really stubborn like that.

Right now even, I am thinking about whether or not it's a good idea to write this, since I never have before now; but I figure it could end up being cathartic so I'll keep going.

The only time I'm ever really comfortable is when I am alone and distracted by something I enjoy, (god, I sound like I'm on the spectrum) whether that be reading, drinking, video games or whatever else stimulates my monkey brain. I found this site about a year or so ago, if I made an account, I forgot it; but even then, I thought that this was a cool place of people, that I could maybe get along with and isn't overrun by children or a deluge of works that are poor in grammar and effort.

Anyway, I do agree with you on the high functioning anxiety part, although I think you get way more use out of it than I do. Just the other day I wanted to skip out on a class I was taking because I dove head first into project with no experience and didn't get it perfect on the first try. Pretty fuckin' stupid, am I right? Not to humble brag or anything, *wink wink* but I'm now the furthest ahead in the class; but guess what? It doesn't make me feel any better and I still get hyper focused on not screwing anything up I work on.

I actively shoot myself in the foot more times than I'd care to admit, I don't even like to blame it on the anxiety because I hate to think about how much of a hold it has over me.

But enough about my dumbass.

Now, I know I'm just some rando that you've never spoken to before; however, I figured if I was in your shoes, it would be nice to know someone else out there can understand at least a fraction of what I've got to live with.

I also decided to take this opportunity to have a decent post in a thread that wasn't filled with a newbie getting swanton bombed off the top rope a bunch of times.

Good luck with whatever you've got going on.   :)

Rant Thread

3 months ago

That sounds like a lot. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. I’m glad you managed to get help and medication, although it’s a pity that there doesn’t seem to be a miracle cure out there.

Zweihanderr, I agree with what you said; overthinking is horrible. Interacting with people can be so stressful at times. For instance, I script all these conversations in my head to prepare for the best and worst case scenarios that can possibly occur. Even for text messages, I have a place to draft them all and I’ll usually give them several re-reads before sending it out to the world. (Just like I’m drafting this one now).

Oh, and don’t get me started on self-hatred (although this is a rant thread, so that’ll probably be justified). My brain will tell me that in order to be enough, I need to do this whole inexhaustible list of things or else I do not deserve to rest. Even after I do those things, there will be a lot more things to do. The reason failure’s so damaging to me is because I use my achievements as a measure of self-worth. Guess that’s another unhealthy habit I ought to eliminate.

I actually wrote the rant last week and talked myself out of posting it because my midterms turned out better than expected. Then today, those horrible test scores returned, so I added that segment and posted it all. 

In a way, I view work and productivity as my distraction. It’s worked pretty well except for the few instances of burnout and chronic stress. Of course, this only delays the inevitable of dealing with the problem, and instead perpetuates the issue even further.

CYS is a great place. It’s one of the first communities that I’ve been a part of for more than a year or two, even if I’m more of an lurker than much of a contributor. Hope you decide to stay :)

Regarding high functioning anxiety, I rapidly switch between feeling accomplished and despising everything I do. I also have a tendency to work on projects during some of my classes since I’m currently studying online. Even when I do well and accomplish things, once the feelings of triumph subsides, I begin worrying about whether I’ll be able to match the same standard of work that I previously put out.

Anyway, this turned out way longer than I thought it would. You were right - it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who is plagued by these issues. Thanks for your response!

Hope everything gets better for you. :)

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3 months ago

Lmao

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3 months ago

Lol

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3 months ago

Lolz

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3 months ago

As much as I am tempted to drop another shining turdpost into the great toilet that is the Lounge, I'll refrain.

Social anxiety is probably something that everyone who uses an obscure internet writing site struggles with. I certainly did, as can be seen by my earliest posting history.

However, there are ways to get over. Number one: be yourself! Well, no, sorta. You should definitely be yourself, because people will reciprocate your energy, and you'll eventually find the job, friends, etcetera that YOU want. However, you probably can't be yourself at first, in a new situation or with new people. Instead, you want to create a good first impression. Usually, this is where the anxiety comes in. You wonder, "is this a smart thing to say? Will I sound pretentious, or obnoxious? Do I look good? Are those pervasive put stains back?" 

 

There's a simple solution to this form of anxiety though. Just fake it til you make it. Confidence seems like a mystical, whimsical thing to some people, and while it comes naturally to others, you can create it for yourself. How? Just BE confident. Take care of yourself, and act like it. If your self-confidence goes up, your other-person-interaction-confidence will go up, in part because they'll see you as confident before you even utter a word.

And when you fail, just remember that people are fundamentally retarded. Half the people at my school (and probably anywhere else), are at best Skyrim NPCs, and they literally don't matter (as a bonus, ignoring these people will boost your confidence). Keep on improving yourself, and the rest will come naturally and happily.

This post is getting unreasonably long, but I'd also like to point out that CYS is kind of an indicator of this. First, you build a positive first impression with reviews/ratings, which are an objective measurement of you having at least some aspirations. Then, you begin your interactions carefully, trying to get on everyone's good side. Eventually, you've got some allies, a hefty sum of points, and you can slowly start leaking that wonderful weapons-grade autism that we know you've been hiding all along. Sure, it'll drive away some, but the people that DO matter won't care they'll accept you for who you are. Sure, a drive-by noob might flip out, but we can always laugh at them, bully them, and then ban them.

So good job posting this, and don't worry about anything else you do on here. We know that you're a badass writer, so just keep at it, and feel free to post whatever you want, weird or normal. Start channeling your big dick energy into real life interactions. You can do it.

Rant Thread

3 months ago

Thank you for all your advice. Oh, and don't worry about your posting history; I still cringe when I remember mine. In just one post, I managed to admit that I knew nothing about sarcasm, strongly imply that I'm socially awkward, and proceed to answer a question that pretty much everyone except the noob knew the answer to. And... I think I replied to the wrong post too lol. (Please don't search it up.)

Ok, I'm going to fake confidence from now on. After pretending everything's alright even when things aren't going good, I hope this wouldn't be too hard. I'm also going to work on improving self confidence too. As for the 'people are retarded' claim, I have to say, laughing at how often noobs fail to understand simple instructions on a reading and writing site does make me feel a little better about myself. 

I wonder if I'm at the stage where I can afford to make a few careless posts without dire consequences. Hopefully that's the case. Most of the worst case scenarios I think of are pretty unreasonable, anyway. And I guess I should try to interact with people more often too in a way to normalize social encounters until it becomes simple. 

This thread has certainly turned out to be really motivating.

Rant Thread

3 months ago

Social Anxiety is bad and sucky. Best advice I can think to give is to try to judge yourself by the same standards that you'd judge others. For example, if a friend came to you and told you they'd gotten a low score on a test, would you pat them on the back and tell them not to beat themselves up about it, or would you tell them that they're worthless and stupid and "Why you no doctor yet? Talk to me when you doctor!"

Try to think of it as like, self bullying. Would you talk to someone else the way you think about yourself? No? Then it probably means you're being a massive dick... To yourself... Stop being a massive dick. Nobody likes a massive dick... Except Coins mom.

(Note, this advice does not apply to EndMaster, or he'll just respond to all of his life's greatest crises with "Lol, fag.")

Rant Thread

3 months ago

Hahaha, thanks Avery! That's true, I usually tell my friends not to worry about their low scores yet I constantly remind myself of mine. Hmm, I claim to not know how to bully, yet I've been bullying myself for a long time.

Thank you, this really helped with putting things into perspective. I never really thought of it this way. It also reminds us all how EndMaster is exempt from the rules lol.

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3 months ago
Oh, and I forbid Swift to use this thread, as he is already quarantined in his own with all his political autism.

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3 months ago
Anxiety is for cucks.

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3 months ago

silence, 2018 account 

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3 months ago
Anxiety is for cucks.

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3 months ago

You're literally Ford 

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3 months ago

...Why did I google the definition of that word?

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3 months ago
It's very multifaceted.

In this context it's like the mid tier option between calling someone a beta and a fag. Packs more of a punch than the former, censored in less places on the internet than the latter.

I assume from your post you got educated on the sad and pathetic fetish, and not the dictionary definition you can find in medieval literature and GoT. A little bit of trivia I always liked is that the word was originally a reference to the cuckoo bird, which likes to slip its eggs in other birds' nests to trick them into raising its fatass offspring.

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3 months ago

Cucks are for anxiety!

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3 months ago
Best fix for anxiety like that is realising people are just too busy with their own shit to care about you trying to prove yourself. So do whatever you like for yourself and write whatever you want.

But know I'll always be watching.

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3 months ago

That's true, I once watched a video where someone smuggled a snake onto a train to prove that people don't pay attention or something. As for that last line, if I didn't know this site any better, I'd think you were a stalker lol. 

Rant Thread

3 months ago
If your lizard brain doesn't go haywire when there's a snake present within a hundred meters, you deserve to get bit, the dumb fucks. Also what last part

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3 months ago

I don't know why I keep laughing at this.