Answer this question and win pointless points!
Which 80s arcade game doesn’t exist?
A. Game where one of the bosses is a black mammy stereotype who has a fart attack
B. Game where a gay leather boy will actually hump you as an attack
C. Game where you can play as a pedophile
D. Game where you play as a rapist
C. At least not in the 80's
My guess is d.
I'm gonna guess A. I don't know why, I just have a hunch.
Only because nobody else has guessed it yet: B
Gonna guess B.
Okay, I guess time’s up for this.
The answer is C.
However, a lot of you guessed C, so some more of you need to be weeded out.
Which of the following is true?
A. The game where you can play as pedophile exists, but it was made in the late 70s and it only was in adult book stores.
B. The game where you can play as pedophile exists, but it was made in the 90s and you could also play as an old man who called himself a faggot.
C. The game where you can play as a pedophile exists, but it was made in the 90s and you could also play as young woman who makes references to how good she is at blowjobs.
D. The game doesn’t exist at all. End just made all this shit up for lols.
Remember to lock your answers folks!
But you weren't even in the first round and are ineligible to win.
Going to figure you're just guessing for the shits and giggles since you already lost the first round.
Anyway, the rest I called on better hurry up for this bonus round.
locked and cocked
Alright time is up and Psych forfeits the round!
Anyway, weeded out enough so we don't have a "Everyone is a winner situation"
Correct answer was B.
Corgi and Darius won some pointless points.
I'll hand those out and we can get to what games I was exactly talking about in a moment.
Arcade game history!
Game where one of the bosses is a black mammy stereotype who has a fart attack
This was in an arcade game called DJ Boy back in 1989. Even for most Japanese games this is one of the weirder ones. You're some sort of skinny roller skating faggot going around beating up other faggot roller skating gang members.
Now the black mammy farting boss (1st level) is just the most "offensive", thing in the game, but there's also some big gay stripper dude boss in a speedo and a few enemies which just outright femboys throwing rocks at you from a train.
And yep, I actually did play this one in the arcades. Damn thing was just so bizarre at the time, had to see what the ending was. It's an okay beat 'em up style game.
There's some censorship with this game when it came over in the states. They toned down the "racism" by changing the black mammy's skin color and even her fart attack. They also tried to tone down the gayness with the speedo dude. But I must have played an original Jap version that made it over here or at least not completely changed over since those two were still in the game in all their "glory."
The whole damn game is a fagfest anyway. Arguably the most masculine thing in the game is the farting black mammy.
Game where a gay leather boy will actually hump you as an attack
There are actually two arcade games with these guys. However, the one I was thinking of was Crime Fighters from 1989. (The other was its sequel)
Now this was another one with a censored version and non-censored version. The first one I ever played was the censored version in an arcade which didn't have the gay leather boy enemies. (It also had some other changes too) This was the version meant for the states.
However I later on played a version in the local ghetto convenience store which had the uncensored version. I couldn't believe this was actually in the game, especially since I had played a version that didn't have it before.
We all had a good laugh making AIDS jokes, as was the style at the time.
The game itself was a cool beat 'em up. Had all sorts of enemy bosses semi-modeled after slashers at the time (Jason, Freddy, Leatherface, etc)
Game where you play as a rapist
Now Corgi told me he figured I was talking about Custer's Revenge. Meaning he won for the wrong reasons, which is about right for Corgi.
I specifically said ARCADE games. Nothing on the consoles (That would make this too easy) So the game had to be at least at some point an arcade machine.
And yes, there was a game back in 1983 where you played as a rapist. It was called Lover Boy. Lol.
Now this one I actually did not play in arcades, in fact this is the game where you only found it in adult book stores (And I was actually young at some point so I wasn't going in those). I discovered it decades later when looking up old arcade games.
The concept is similar to Pac Man except you're a naked dude trying to catch women who are running from you saying "Help!" If you catch one, it actually goes into a mini-game close up of you fucking the girl and trying to bring her to orgasm before you do. If successful, a heart appears and you eliminate the girl as a target since she fell in love with you. If not, you have to catch her again.
There's also a cop trying to catch you the whole time too. (No, he doesn't rape you, you just lose a life)
Now if all this isn't lol enough for you, apparently this game also went through some sort of form of "censorship" too. Your character is naked except for a hat which looks a bit like a pimp hat. (You're still wearing it when fucking) Well that's a hold over from what it implied that your character was a pimp rather than just a regular old rapist. And since you're a pimp, well you had to be black too.
So the censorship? They made the character white later on, because god forbid their rape game get accused of being racist!
Despite the concept and obvious Pac Man copying, this one was probably one of the more complex games due to the rape mini-game. Hell, it probably is the first example long before all those flash games that probably thought they were being edgy and ground breaking at the time.
Okay on to the last one:
Game where you can play as a pedophile
This was of course originally a bit of a trick question since it existed, but it came out in 1994 not the 80s. It was called Gunbird.
Now I vaguely remember playing this one once and it wasn't very memorable to me since I was never big into the vertical shooters. I think I played the robot character and died fairly quickly. I was also playing single player without anyone else.
Well decades later, found out some interesting shit about this one.
One character is a square jawed hero type and another one is like a 9 year old witch girl. If you play co-op with those two specifically, the cut scenes in between levels get creepy since he starts flirting with her. You don't learn about him really being a pedo unless you play with those two.
Amusingly, if you beat the game with them both, the last boss who is god or something grants them a wish. The witch girl wishes she was older so they can be together. At which point she grows up, he loses interest immediately and leaves saying he doesn't like older women. (And her chasing him)
And yep, there's an old gay dude character that you can pick and he calls himself a faggot a few times in cut scenes.
Ah Japan, despite being a land of degeneracy, you at least give zero fucks about political correctness.