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*Blurb about me copying brair/kiel/quiller/tacocat*

This thread is for you to check up on my progress on any of my games, namly hermaphobia, the working title for my contest entry. If I fail to complete pages, feel free to yell at me. Any criticism (constructive) or advice is welcome. This was made on google docs for ios, so I'm sorry if spelling is not 100%, there is no spell check on that app.

And because you guys are so special, below is a preview of hermaphobia .

Anyways, thank you for reading this thread, it really means a lot to me that you guys bother to read my stories. Thank you so much.

 

The hall was dim, only lit by a single ligtbulb behind you. Infront of you, a shambling figure took slow methodical steps towards you, as if each step was a challenging act for him. As the fihure slowly comes forward, you see they cuts and bruises that cover it's half torn off face. One eye has been clawed out, only a bloody hole remains. The other is fixed on you, never wavering a milimeter. A piece of skin hangs off it's jaw. Your hand grips the steel of the fire extinguisher tighter as you take a brave step forward.
A window to your right shows a city on fire, the metal buildings are hardly visable under the thick layer of smoke that covers it. There are no cars, just stagger hordes of the undead swarming the streets. There are so many of them, men, women, children. They're walking aimlessly, through the abandoned streets that are usually full of life. Never did you expect to see this, it seems like something straight out of a horror movie. The creature in front of you takes another step. And another. Now you can hear it's breath, a low rasp that is as steady as it's walk. A white and blue pattern repeats all the way down the tiled floor, never ceasing to end until the emergency exit marked only by a small red light. 
The zombie takes another step.
The smell of rotting flesh is masked by disinfectant, a slightly sweet smell. As the bloodied monster takes another step towards you, you pull the fire extinguisher up, holding it like an ax. You start the swinging motion, bringing the improvised weapon upon the side of it's head, a loud crack signifying the breaking of it's skull. The second hit brought it down for good and it collasped onto the floor. The body doesn't move, a good sign. You make a sprint towards the exit, you hope this will be the last time you see this hellish school. Light temporarily blinds you as you push open the door...

and you wake up.

Hermaphobia: 1/?

Burst: 11/?

The Light: 16/?

 

xD We're all doing it because it works. Also, there are hundreds of online spell-checkers you could run in through, including the editor here. In any case, it looks interesting, good luck and keep goin'.

Good luck!

Thanks, you too.

Good luck with yours, too.

Thanks.

If this preview is anything to go by, we're in for something really good coming up. The preview looks really good.It looks like it could use some editing and polish, but I like the imagery and the way you set the mood is really good. I get the feeling I'm going to enjoy it finished.

Thanks, I hope I finish it, I'm not the fastest writer. I'm going to edit the first page quite a bit, you know what they say about first impressions.

Good idea. I may need to use that advice, even. Also, meant to say this in the first post but good luck with your entry.

Updated and Edited first page.

 

The hall was dim, only lit by a single ligtbulb behind you. Infront of you, a shambling figure took slow methodical steps towards you, as if each step was a challenging act for him. As the figure slowly inches forward, you see they cuts and bruises that cover it's half torn off face. One eye has been clawed out, only a bloody hole remains. The other is fixed on you, never wavering a milimeter. A piece of rotted skin hangs off it's jaw, threatening to fall off at any moment. Your hand grips the steel of the fire extinguisher tightly as you take a brave step forward.
A window to your right shows a city on fire, the metal buildings are hardly visable under the thick layer of smoke. There are no cars or people on the streets, just swarming hordes of the undead. There are so many of them, men, women, children. They walk aimlessly, seemingly oblivious to the destruction around them. Never did you expect to see this, it seems like something straight out of a horror movie. The creature in front of you takes another step. And another. Now you can hear it's breath, a low rasp that is as steady as ia clock. A white and blue pattern repeats all the way down the tiled floor, never ceasing to end until the emergency exit marked only by a small red light. 
The zombie takes another step.
The smell of rotting flesh is masked by disinfectant, a scent that you always thought was slightly sweet. As the bloodied monster takes another step towards you, you pull the fire extinguisher up, holding it in one hand like an ax. You start the swinging motion, bringing the improvised weapon upon the side of it's head, a loud crack signifying the breaking of it's skull. The second hit brought it down for good and it collasped onto the floor. The body doesn't move, a good sign. You make a sprint towards the exit, hoping this will be the last time you see this hellish school. Light blinds you as you push open the door...

 

Not bad at all! The preview really immerses the player into the world. I'm hoping this story turns out to be just as excellent as the preview above.

Thanks, but this is supposed to be a dream. Sorry.

Still a pretty solid sequence and still has everything I liked from the first preview. There's still a few spelling errors. If you want I could do a bit of editing for this small sequence or put it through an offsite spellchecker if you need.

what the heck is "hermaphobia" supposed to mean?  Fear of sculptures?

Change it so instead of undead creatures, all of the sculptures have come to life due to a computer malfunction some far years into the future. Than it'd be running away from statues instead of zombies AND Seth's interpretation of Hermaphobia would fit as well!

But the zombie part was only a dream, so it might not necessarily be what the main story is about.

I suck at plot summaries, but there is a disease that paralizes people.

Have you written anything for today?

No... but I have almost no homework so I should be able to write 3-5 pages.

Have fun. 

You too.

Writing marathon time.