Edithe Zilonis

Okay, this kept me reading from the start to the end. I gained a lot of enjoyment out of this storygame. I felt like it was a little linear, but I certainly enjoyed learning about the Undertaker's work, and seeing her relationship with Edithe Zilonis. And I especially enjoyed the mystery surrounding what had happened to Edithe...although, if I'm honest, I felt that there was a lot more focus on the relationship between Edithe and the player character, rather than the whole mystery surrounding Edithe's death. But I actually didn't mind that, since I enjoyed the other aspects of this storygame so much.

I would have liked a bit more background about the player character and how they came to discover they had this ability. It did seem like their mother either had the same ability, or a similar one, as she recognised Edithe as an awakened dead, while it had been made clear that ordinary people couldn't see Edithe.

I really liked being able to learn about some of the different dead people the player character had spoken to prior to the events of the storygame. It was interesting to consider how other people see their family members or friends, compared to how the dead see themselves. Of course, that's no different when it comes to living characters, but it did feel like the dead were more honest and open with the player character than they would have been with loved ones in life.

I was a bit confused by the resolution of the mystery, as I didn't really recognise the person who'd killed Edithe, and he seemed to have no connection to any of the other characters in the plot. Having said that, it's possible that the other choce (the murderer's a father) could have revealed more about the killer's identity.

I did like the fact that Edithe's sharp, intelligent mind showed through in the final moments, but I didn't realise that ghosts could be seen by the living until right at the end, when Edithe's spirit can be seen as she and the Undertaker are together. The idea of a ghost being able to be possessed was a pretty intriguing one, and did make the storygame a little more creepy and intense in parts.

I also really loved the artwork in this storygame. The visuals were really helpful in picturing the characters; along with the writing itself, of course.

This was a really great and easy read, and I highly recommend it if you're looking for a sweet romance that just happens to involve one character being a ghost. Oh - and I definitely spotted the tie-ins to the wider world!

Edithe Zilonis is a very unique and fun game to play. MHD's games always leave me with a sense of wonder and delight, her games are just so fun and wholesome in a way, which is weird considering this game has a love affair between an undertaker and a corpse.

The premise of doing a romance between an undertaker and a corpse in their custody is certainly quite interesting. Doubtless, if this was in another author's hands, like Endmaster's, I have a feeling this story could have gone in a much darker direction, but MHD keeps it light and fun, avoiding exploring some of the more darker sub directions that this premise could have gone down.

Like Ninja said in his comment, this story feels remarkably like something Neil Gaiman would have written. For some reason, it almost feels like a children's tale, akin to Coraline.

The prose is a lot more simple and straightforward in this story, compared to some of MHD's other stories. I feel like the use of first person POV is also making the story feel a lot more personal.

I like the ambiguity of the narrator's gender. The way that the love interests could be either male or female, when the undertaker is telling the story of his/her's past relationships, was fun because it really feels like anyone can wear the shoes of the narrator. As a straight male, I am used to having much of fiction cater to my perspective, so I can understand that for members of more marginalized groups, having an open ended protagonist whose experiences are so human and relatable that anyone can feel themselves in the protagonist must feel really good.

I really like the way you wove in the undertaker's backstory. From the start, the undertaker feels like a mystical creature, akin to Oberon or the other gods in your stories. Since in stories like Soul Thief and Basement Rats, so many of the characters are fundamentally not human. They are very powerful beings with strange magics at their fingertips, but this character is simply human, but with a unique ability. I think by gradually unfolding the character's story, MHD does a great job in slowly humanizing the undertaker. I also liked the reveal that the undertaker's sister was the one to possess Edithe; We get a sense of the main character's guilt and feelings of being isolated/estranged from their family, by the nature of their work.

I like how the nature of being a magical undertaker sets the main character apart. Fearing death, because it is unknown, and not understanding it is a fundamental nature of humanity, so by being able to see the past the veil in a figurative sense, the undertaker sort of transcends that boundary. So there might be a little distance between them and the rest of humanity. But at the same time, they're down to earth nature and easy going personality sort of help bridge that gap. So I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of the undertaker's god like powers with their more conversational nature.

The theme of loneliness, while much more prevalent in Basement Rats, does peek its head in here. We get the sense that while the Undertaker has had previous relationships, none of them have made him/her feel the same way as Edithe does. There's a certain sense of natural chemistry, from the way that Edithe scares the undertaker, to the way they go back and forth with one another, that's not quite flirting but it feels quite pleasant nonetheless. Their relationship quickly becomes so much more than undertaker and client, and it was a treat to explore their interactions.

The mystery was probably the weakest element of Edithe Zilonis. To be honest, I had much more fun basking in this cute and quaint world, and just enjoying the atmosphere than really wondering who did what. I just really liked seeing the story as it unfolded, but there was not much of a sense of, "Who stole Edithe's purse? Who killed her?". Plus, with mystery stories, there's an element of going out and figuring out who did the crime that was absent from this narrative. So as a mystery story, it doesn't work as well, but as a story-story, it works wonders!

I really enjoyed the prose. It was really easy to read through and I was absorbed right from the start. At no point, did I get bored. I also really enjoyed the cool concept.

Branching-wise, this story is essentially linear. It has a real choice and false choice, with the false choice linking to the real choice. I loved the climax where you push Edithe's father in front of the carriage, or she herself gets revenge on her dad. There was a real sense of karmic justice to it, of her father meeting the same end that she did.

Despite the lack of branching for most of the story, there were 2 distinct endings, and of the 2 endings, I enjoyed the one where your cousin brings you back and you get to spend the rest of your time with Edithe. I would have liked to know more about this cousin, but it was a very cute ending. I also did like the ending where you return to Earth to become an undertaker forever, but it was somewhat bittersweet.

Obviously, I loved the art. I loved the little depictions of Edithe, the undertaker sign, Leola Viles, Damon Elsworth, Tessy Pire, Alford Salano. The illustrations made it feel like a children's book, and it lent a sense of atmosphere to the Victorian-era setting.

Speaking of the setting, it was cool. I liked the Victorian-era setting, but there were some inconsistent elements. For instance, the characters wore corsets and long dresses, rode in carriages, but there were also freezers and electricity. I think this kind of picking-and-choosing world building works for this story, because it's not really set on our world, so it's certainly possible that both things can coexist across different timelines. At the same time, it was a little weird, but I guess it works. I'm not too hung up on this kind of thing though, so maybe readers who are more particular about it will have a problem with it.

Overall: 7/8. Very cool concept, and intriguing romance, and overall just a wonderful and cute story to read through. It didn't wow me like Polaris did, but regardless, it was a cool read.

This was an extremely enjoyable game, and possible one of my favourite premises for a game on the site. I knew I was going to love it as soon as I read the synopsis. I love ghost stories and I love murder mysteries, so to see the two combined so well was a real treat!

There isn’t an awful lot negative I can think to say about this game. I suppose one thing that stood out to me is that the fact that, with half of the choices you made, the game then forced you to make the other choice… Which kind of made it feel more like a short story than a game. That said, that’s not really a bad thing. It was a really interesting story, and it grabbed my attention enough that I kept going back to see the brief parts of the story I’d missed out on.

There was only one major, major problem I had with this game, and it gave me a real fucking headache. Towards the end, there’s a whole bunch of sections where none of the speech uses quotation marks, ie;

Bob said, hi Andy, how’s it going?

I replied, great thanks, and you?

Bob said, fine and dandy!

This is just… Wrong. They’re having a conversation. I mean, it’s fine not to use quotations if you’re just giving a brief summary of what they’re saying like, “Bob thanked me,” or “Bob told me about a three hour wanking session he’d had the other night,” but in these instances, what they were saying was actual word for word dialogue. There should be speech marks, damn it!

Only other complaint I can think to make is that the maturity level feels a little low for me. You call this a PG? The game has bloody necrophilia in it… Kind of… Sort of… Not really… Either way, all the murder and shit should at least make it a PG 13.

Other than that… It was brilliant! The illustrations were gorgeous and I really think they added to the game a lot. The plain line art style matched the tone of the game perfectly. I really liked the main character, and thought it was interesting that he preferred the company of the dead to that of the living. I found him really complex and relatable.

Also, weird as it might be, by far my favourite part of the story was the brief part at the beginning where you get to learn a little about one of the Undertaker’s previous clients, and also the part at the end when you learn about the brief time they spent with the Undertaker before moving on. I restarted the game four times so that I could learn everything about all four of them. I just found it really touching, reading about the different ways in which these four completely different people had to come to terms with their death. Kind of makes me want to write a POV story with a ghost as the protagonist.

Anyway, to sum up… Absolutely loved it! ^_^

This is a fantastic spin on the traditional murder mystery with magical and mystical elements woven into the narration in a manner so splendid that I never thought to question them at any point in the story. Because of the way the narration is presented, the protagonist speaking with the dead felt frighteningly natural; I never felt the need to have this strange ability explained to me. Which brings me to my next point, exposition. When dealing with fantastical abilities and events, over-explaining them often makes them lose a certain mysterious charm which in turn causes them to be tedious and boring. This is not the case here. Just enough information about the mystical and occult elements in the story is given to make me wonder and theorize about them thus making them interesting to me, and yet they are not laid bare in front of me so that I might lose interest on account of the mystery being explained to me as if I were a preschooler.
The characters I found to be endearing and quite likeable, particularly the undertaker. The dedication and love he showed for his work, as well as the involvement and receptiveness he continually shows to his charges are quite enjoyable as a reader. Edithe comes out as a strong and determined young woman with a golden heart and a gentle soul, which is always good and welcome. The undertaker’s sister’s brief appearances are also worthy of note, and I personally quite liked the vengeful spirit/regretful estranged sibling character that she represents.
This may not be a traditional CYOA, and as far as I could tell it has only two endings (though I may be wrong), with the various decisions you make along the way mainly dictating what information you received and how. This may sound like a complaint, but it most certainly isn’t. This kind of narration perhaps benefits much more out of having a more or less structured path. The author was clearly trying to tell a specific, concise tale and adding multiple paths and endings in an effort to make it more in line with the norm here would have likely caused the story and its intricacies to suffer as a result.
I did feel that the story ended rather abruptly, with the realization about the murderer’s state of being, the confrontation with him and the actual ending all happening in quick succession. Personally, I would have liked to learn more about the murderer and his motives. Was he Edithe’s father? Why did he kill Edithe and the sister?
In any event, this is a very good story with excellent illustrations that really do a wonderful job of setting the tone for the entire story and conveying both the physical appearance and personality of the characters they describe. All in all, this is a fun and interesting story that everyone should take the time to read from start to finish. Several times, if possible.

Edithe Zilonis is overall a well-done story, and I would happily read another from the same author.

I quite liked the narration style and the occasional pages talking about the past or some other event. It gave the story the feel that it was actually written by the main character and narrator as a memoir of sorts. It also gave it a somewhat different feel from anything I can remember reading on here, which was quite nice.
I felt that there was a right amount of explanation to the fantasy elements to the story to leave me unconfused without bogging down the narration. I would have liked to maybe see a bit more about the whole murder and the motivations for it and such though, considering the category this was in.
There were not any mechanical errors that stood out to me—definitely nothing that broke the flow of the story.
Although not necessary, the illustrations were a nice touch as well.

However, it would have been really nice to have more real choices, I thought. The vast majority of choices had no real effect on the story, and while some like that could have added to the before mentioned memoir feeling, it is too much for every choice to be that way. Most of the choices seemed to only determine whether the reader would get an extra page to read. The format is reminiscent of the CoG style of games in that way.
If you are into that format, then that is fine, and you faggot who reads reviews before stories will like this. However, I am not, and branching means a lot to me.

I recommend this interesting and unique story, but with the warning that it is better considered as a sort of interactive novella than as a CYOA.

Dude, what the hell. I didn't understand A THING about this ending. I mean, who was the killer? Was it just a freaking loop? He really kissed a dead girl, yuk

A wonderful and unexpected journey.

This story had a unique style and some well-written characters. The premise, of an undertaker who can speak to the dead, is very interesting.

However [SPOILERS AHEAD] the story doesn't feel like it concludes properly. We can learn WHAT happened, but not really WHY. Certain lines of enquiry are not really fleshed out fully, and it feels a bit... lacking. There are also some english language errors that make it a little hard to follow at times. Overall it's an intriguing story but it's very clear that it's just an add-on to a core concept that's played out in other stories, and is not great as a stand-alone.

I would have rated this higher if the choices mattered more but besides that this story was perfect in my opinion.

I really liked this story. It’s lacking in a few elements that are usually found in CYOA games, but makes up for it with delightful bonus aspects.


Good:

1. As with Basement Rats, the prose was memorably very good. Everything, from the names and relationships between the characters to dialogue, was polished and charming

2. A strong and unique premise

3. The illustrations, of course

4. I also liked the callfront to Basement Rats

5. If the entire story was meant to be a part of the book that the narrator was writing and Alyda would later publish, then that was a brilliant stroke. If not, then it was still a very pleasant coincidence


Bad:

1. The linear nature of the story made most reader choices have almost no impact on the story


Nitpicks:

1. A few missing words and typos

2. The main mystery of Edithe’s murder and murderer could have been developed further


Did anyone else notice that you were *this* close to making out with your sister?