Jojo's bizarre adventure: Gen Z

Love JoJo, but this was really bad. It could be significantly better with some more story and less dialogue. Context for those unfamiliar with the anime is needed. AND please please please create some paragraph breaks, my eyes hurt while reading it.

Did you even read the comments on the last one?

I want to MUDA MUDA MUDA! this friggin' story.

Christ on a cracker, this game is written by a schizophrenic person in their 40s or 50s. Has to be. Way too weird to be written by a kid, and way too obsessive over details for anyone but an unemployed adult living off gov't bennies.

That being said, there's a tiny nugget of real story buried in this poorly formatted mess. Too bad it's likely to ever get dug out of the mud.

Mistakes make you better when you learn from them; something you obviously didn't bother to do before publishing this steaming pile of garbage. If you want to write garbage fanfic, please do so on FanFiction or Wattpad where it can be properly appreciated.

It's not that hard to listen to and use advice when it's given to you. As far as advice goes, when your parents tell you your writing is really good, take it with a grain of salt.

“Hey,” Someone said.
Olaf turned to see who had spoken.
“My name is Wes,” the person said.
“Wassup Wes,” Olaf said, cautiously.

(...)

I believe you can first and foremost work on breaking up your paragraphs. Yeah, let's start with that!

Pros:

You spelled most of the words correctly, and you also spelled an insane amount of words. If you put some of (a lot) of that energy into polishing and fleshing out your product, you could genuinely have one or multiple featured stories. I recommend writing maybe a second or third draft next time, at least until you've built those writing muscles in a noticeable way. You have the ability to write a lot of words, now you can focus on writing words *about* things.

Cons:

After clicking the play button, I didn't read a story, I just skimmed a terribly formatted script. There was no atmosphere to this at all. Nothing was described, barely any scenes were established. The entire action to this alleged plot felt horribly summarized. In addition to the fact that the text itself was placed in a hideous way, this was all so prosaic and boringly written that I could barely get myself through the first half of the first page before my eyes started drifting and I had to settle for getting the loose gist of each page. This story literally reduced me to a second grade reading level for the duration of my time with it, and if my tests come back and it turns out that I'm now positive for Type 2 Retardation, you'll be the one hearing from my lawyers. I really disliked this game. And whatever "MUDA MUDA MUDA" is, (I don't know what JJBA is but it sounds like it takes place in Brooklyn) I would MUDA this game if it were presented to me in physical form.

I can't believe you wasted 30,000 words on this. By new storygame standards, that's a biblical epic. I don't know why I still read fanfiction because time and time again it seems to have proven that -even though it seems to be a good sign in any OTHER category- effort and wordcount don't actually mean much in the way of entertainment, or even physical readability. But I had my misguided faith once and I might have it again. For now, I ask only this: Just imagine how interesting, venerable even, this game might have been if you actually wrote a story and didn't just cheat by writing one long silly conversation only briefly interrupted by snippets of shit happening.

I think you should take a closer look at the critique you got on your last storygame before trying again.

You haven’t learnt a single thing, and thus, I do not even have it in me to tell you what exactly I disliked about this story-game.

For me, this is just bad.