Player Comments on A Dog's Life

You surprised me. I have to say, when I started this story I thought it would be a bit basic and short, but it was both longer and more interesting than I initially thought. Animals can be hard to write about unless you anthropomorphise them to some extent. If it's done badly, you end up with widely hated series like the WC World. Ugh. If you do it well, you get what this story showed hints of now and then. There was real emotion poured into this in parts, even if the plot was a little linear (then again, you're not going to have some incredibly intricate chronology of betrayals and twists in a story about a dog, so that's to be expected and it's fine!). I got the good ending, and while I won't spoil it, I have to say it really did make me feel. I won't say what I felt, as even that might spoil it, but well done.
What I most liked was how you captured that kind of innocent thought pattern that so suits the dog perspective. A few examples:
'The woman and boy came. You learned the both their names, Mom and Greg.'
'?Greg had decided to give her some gold. And that thus made her want to live with him.'
Onto the criticism. I thought that some of the writing was a little bland. There were mistakes every so often, not anywhere near as bad as the worst I've seen though, and the dialogue felt a little wooden and robotic. Maybe try to imagine what your character is like, then what they'd say to whatever they're replying to with their personality in mind. Oh, and remember to use a comma when finishing dialogue in a way that continues on the sentence (e.g: '"Look at me! I'm being developed as a character," screamed Tina with a sudden burst of break dancing.'). Reading it out loud helps too for this, as well as the general flow of everything. Watch out for 'your' and 'you're', but that's a fairly easy mistake. While it doesn't need scripting, I'd say maybe some of the options could do with being one click only (memories later on in the story or the choices to go to the creek etc. at the start, for example). Also, maybe add a sex you can pick; there were a few examples where the story was a little compromised:
'"We neutered (him/her) so that we could stop overpopulation." the woman said.' Some things are best left to the imagination too; I don't think the whole 'overpopulation' thing is necessary in speech.
All in all, a really nice story and I enjoyed it:)
5/8

This wasn't bad by any means but the story was too formulaic and the dog's perspective wasn't nuanced. You could have used the dog's point of view as a real tool in the writing, but you didn't. You needed to rely more on body language and less on verbal communication. The actual writing could use some work too. Also, I don't think you used the memories angle as well as Sethaniel did and I'd rather not see this writing type become a fad.

That being said, it was better than average and a great start! I'm excited to see what you make next.

I don't think you did a very accurate job of depicting the inner workings of a dog's brain, and I lament the fact that you switched between 1st and 3rd person narration a couple of times; but my most significant issue is with the fact that you include human dialogue, then say that the player character doesn't understand it. That messes with immersion. That said, it was totally acceptable for a first story, by virtue of the fact that the concept was good and the writing was well enough.

This was so awesome! I absolutely loved this the story was wild and honestly i think this would make a pretty good movie!

Good story but I found one typo (somewhere by the part where you rescue the family, but before you get adopted).

loved it

I’m going to cry

Not bad, I enjoyed how well it was written from an animals point of view. They way you wrote it without instigating the animal's opinion and just listing the facts. I think it could've gone with less 'You blank' starting the sentences, the repetition dragged the story down in my opinion. It got better with the second half, and I liked how you made memories in between parts of the story.

Good to kill time

It's really sad, but fun to play through.

Good, similar to the book.

If I can’t understand what the humans are saying, then don’t tell me

Love it love it love it love it very awesome you have to make another one

It seems exactly the same as the OG, Im not sure what u were trying to do, this seems more like an adaptation, it's not descriptive enough in certain places, and Tommy is a real prick lets beat him up.

I kind of liked it. I wouldn't really call this a fanfic though. It has enough potential and plot, and I haven't really found a connection to anything else while reading it. Maybe I'm just ignorant, but still a cute short story.

5/10 would recommend if short on time.

a bit on the boring side but still pretty good

(Contains spoilers)

That Tommy b*tch got what he deserved!

good job very fun

OMG!!! This story is awesome! The only problem I’ve seen is that it switches from third person to first person, but the story is AWESOME!!

Yes

heartwarming

This is so good. I love it.

*SPOILERS*

I'm not really sure how I feel about this one. The overall story was decent and actually enjoyable, but the small details from grammar to character were off-putting enough to distract me from the story.

First, I'll go over the formatting and English issues I saw.

The first thing I noticed after the first few pages was that there *seemed* to be a lot of choices. I was excited that the story was going to have a lot of branching and many different endings based on what you chose, but then I remembered this is a 2/8 and found out most of the choices don't matter. That was a little disappointing.

I noticed a lot of grammatical errors as well. The most noticeable things are that the narration switches constantly from past to present tense then back and that the narration switches from 2nd to 1st person a lot. The second person narration is actually pretty good for the most part, but then the 1st person disrupts the immersion completely. You also use a lot of commas where they shouldn't be. When there's a compound predicate in a sentence (ex: You walked to the store and bought bread.) you often use commas before the conjunction. A comma should not be used in this instance. You also misuse ellipses a couple times that I noticed, using them at the end of complete pages instead of to omit text or show that the narrator is trailing off. The sentence structure could also have used some work. It's often choppy to read because of the same sentence structure over and over.

As for formatting, you often had very short pages with only one link on them. These pages could easily have been added onto other pages to make it seem much less linear. You also had a few times when the use of variables would have been very nice. The pages where you have a list of memories to relive really could have used variables.

Now for the story content itself.

Like I said earlier, I enjoyed the plot of this story. It seemed pretty well thought out, it was just the small details within it that put me off. At the beginning, you suddenly know what humans are even though you were never really given what they're called or what they do. This inconsistency is a common theme throughout the story, so I won't comment on it too much other than that you need to make sure everything makes sense. Speaking of making sense, several of the things that happen don't make any sense at all. The house that's on fire is unlocked, but I'll let that slide. What I will *not* let slide is that you, a puppy, dragged an adult woman out of the house by yourself even though you wouldn't have known she was in any danger and you had no real reason to understand the situation or to drag her out. You also bite Tommy twice (then literally kill him) and don't get put down or taken to the pound for that, which is strange.

Now for characters. I would have liked to see more development with the mother and the other pups so that the protagonist would have a little more emotional attachment to them, but it's ok as it is. Mom doesn't show up much at all except for meaningless interactions after her initial scene. Greg and Tina's romance is a nice subplot that I would have liked to see developed more thoroughly, though this is a dog's story, not theirs. My biggest gripe was with the character of Tommy. It's strange because sometimes he and Greg seem like best friends, but sometimes like they're mortal enemies. Tommy is characterized as a kid who's just a little misguided for most of the book, then he suddenly is a psychopath that kills dogs and girls who don't love him. That could have been built up so much better. Signs could have been dropped here and there showing his tendencies and possibility of erratic behavior. The interactions between characters are sometimes weird as well, specifically the dialogue.

For my final thoughts, this was alright for a first storygame, but it could have been a lot better. The small details within the plot and the writing just needed some ironing out and a lot of proofreading.

Wow this was so well thought out, and really had a dogs perspective! Loved it.

I love this Spoiler alert: at first i was kinda sad that the dog got taken away from the mother but then i was happy that he got adopted and even happier when he protected his owner. I had kinda mixed feelings about the dog killing Tommy but in the end I was glad he did. I am glad that he had a happy ending for me.

It was a pretty good story, well written I guess. But, there were a lot of spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes. It seemed like it was not proofread. But the story was pretty good, so I give it a 3.

It was gut

This story was very sweet and enjoyable. It could have used life experience points- the more you explore the world, the richer your experience was, but only a minor improvement.

I loved it!

it wasn't that good

Loved the story. Well done! I enjoyed the neat tussle between the dog and Greg/Tina. Its one that I want to play over and over. I felt for the puppy.

The end made me cry. I LOVED IT

Great though a bittersweet ending

You are an excellent writer! The loss of the dog’s family, Tina and Greg falling in love, and Tommy plotting to kill Tina, this is drama gold??????

I liked this story, it was good, but really sad. btw, I hate tommy, but I got the good ending.

Such a sad story!

I liked it.

I love it! At the end, it touched my heart and I fell in love with the story. Great job!

why.... why did the dog have to be euthanized its so sad... plz, at leasf change that part so he dies happy and naturally... please...

it was very sad at the ending i was not expecting it

I cried at the end. And, (I was playing music) "The Scientist" by Coldplay came on. Perfect song for a sad part. Also, it's great for a first story!

all the feels! we had to put our dog down about a month ago he was 12 1/2 years old. This story made me happy and then sad. I miss my old dog. This is a good story, very linear though and it had some grammar issues.

i cried at the end. Why did they kill me? I dont understand. Did i get to old? Can dogs have cancer? Someone needled me. Why? Im trying to think if i got poisonus of the ring. Yeah,maybe its the ring...?

A lovely story of friendship, from a dogs point of view. Very sad at the end but still a great story

On the go upstairs portion it says "yowake" fyi.

It was so sad but sweet at the same time. Best game ever. ????

i loved it! but tommy i wonder what made him crazy, idk but anyway loved it

It was fun but there wasn't that much adventure except for the 'tommy' part. (Was he on drugs)

I really enjoyed this game! However, I found the ending quite upsetting, but that's not to say that it wasn't amazing! Keep on making amazing adventures!

Connection. I didn`t rate 8/8, but I was enlightened. :) Good job well done.

Cool story :)

The part where the dog can't find his family and the end is sad, but overall it's pretty great!

omg that was an AMAZING STORY

That was really cool, but also sad. I literally almost cried when I got my ending!

Amazing writing - channel it into something more varied.

It was really cool! I got the happy ending, too. Hooray!

This game was very entertaining. Definitely worth the play.

idk how to comment on this, it was, um, ok?

Beautiful. I love the ending where you live a happy life. Did what's-his-face poison you?

it was a ok length but I did not like the happy ending.

Umm... why would the boy drag you into his bedroom and let you die? Other than that the game was fun.

Is Tommy an underaged acaholic? I belive so. A dog's nose never lies.

WA! The end was sad, and a dog committed murder. LOL! I really liked this story.

It was a bit odd at some points, at the end I was generally unaffected, but then I actually got to the ending and I cried. \(;-;)/ Why you do this?

i really liked that story, but the two main endings were a bit sad, and i don't know why the author made it so that we didn't get to see the mother dog much. what happened to them anyways? Did they live happy lives?

It was sad but the dog had a good life but without his family. I'm so sorry for the dog.

Soo he attacked and killed a person but never got put down? That's realistic..

I loved it. This was quite a cute story, and the happy ending was, well... quite sad. But, it's better than starving to death in Tommy's room. Anyway. I reccomend this story to anyone looking for a cute read, that isn't about zombies, swordplay, or warrior cats. 7/8

That was pretty nice good plot though I kinda pityed Tommy

Because he actually died

Pretty fun story. Could use more options of things to do.

Very sad ending. Hurt my heart :/

Yeah... "Good ending" I'm gonna go cry now. 6/8

i love it

It was great!! I loved it a lot.
But I thought Tommy was really creepy...
8/8

It was good but it was a gamebook. It was Extremely linear.

Thanks for the story! But I kept getting worried that the dog would be put down for attacking a human (even a psychopath like Tommy).

A wonderful emotional story, however, the linear storyline did bore me ever so slightly. If a sequel were to be made, maybe try something a little less linear, with the same perspective. Didn't deduct from the wonderful storyline, however. I loved it. 6/8.

Wasn't bad, although could be longer…

...It's sweet, it's just...these things don't usually move me to tears or anything. It's easily one of the best animal POV games on the site.

This almost made me cry, im not a wimp but i have a soft spot for these kind of things, there are only two things that had made me cry and that is this and gran torino. This was a fantastic story, please dont make your cat story this sad...

Really cool story. This was the best one that was about an animal I've read on this website. Good job!

The most emotional story I have ever read.

I like this story. I had the happy ending once, and one of the main endings where tommy dragged me into the house.

It was a great story... But in the end it was so sad> :(

Not a happy ending as claimed but good story

Great job! But there were a few typo's, and sometime you used "I" instead of "you". Otherwise, good job!

This is way too much like this book I read when I was younger can't even give this 3 stars.

What? I'm not crying! I'm just sweating through my eyes!

Wow it was such an emotional sweet story, almost had me crying at the end, great idea to write this

I loved the story. Details were a bit messy, but everything else was great. I could really picture this being the basis of a Don Bluth film for some reason.

You die. It's sad.

It was stupid. All the endings were lame, and a little too much details in gross areas and not enough in the important areas. Nt ever going to read this again

so touching! i absolutely love this story! Keep up the good work!

I absolutly loved this game!
It was very sweet and I can very rarely find Animal CYOAs,so that was nice.Although,I did notice some perspective errors,mainly one memory a narrarator describing,another I was describing.Small spelling errors here and there,But still Really good!!

It didnt seem like a happy ending.....but 8/8 anyway!

Well done! I loved it! Maybe you could have added more options and a little more detail after what happens to Tommy. Overall, wonderful!

the story was good but the lack of options made it seem more like a book not a game. (this is my sisters comment, not mine. I liked it a lot!)

This game had several mistakes... But I loved it anyway, really well done.

Really sweet story which perfectly captures a dogs point of view! There were a couple of perspective and spelling errors but they didn't get in the way of the story much. Please write more!

I loved it. Just plain loved it. My ending made me want to cry it was so strong.

yaaaaay happy ending tommy deserved it completely

A very interesting and thought-provoking narrative. Not many games on here are so filled with emotion. There were a few grammatical and perspective errors but I really like the simple flow of thoughts from the dog's point of view. Definitely one to play again.

That was beautiful, and made me cry... I love it!!

so why did greg get sad when you fall down next to the fire?

Really good, but too sad for me!! i suppose he had a good life but it would of been better perhaps if he died of old age??

Why must I be put to sleep?

Haha really liked my first ending I got to (spoilers) live a happy life with gregs family up until the end

This story is so good and sad I had to punch a wall to gain my manliness back

Also, the story would have been much better if you could find your family again, instead of dying by a bear, dying from Tommy, and getting put down.

How was getting put down the HAPPY ending?! Why couldn't have he died of old-age?

pretty good

defiantly a cool story to read. Just a few issues stuck out to me. You really didn't fully explain the growing part of Greg's life, (I got the bad ending with Tommy killing me) Though you went from him meeting tina briefly, to i guess them dating or just becoming friends, and then right to tommy quickly, and sometimes you changed tenses, (Dont worry i do the same here and there) just wanna point it out! Good job

Great story, although I would like to see some more descriptive and detailed memories...

Btw, there's also a last-minute error you made in the end of the happier ending. You changed your perspective a bit suddenly, which confused me for a bit. I THINK there are some other perspective problems, but it shouldn't damage your story too much.

I hope to see greater things from you.

Wow everyone, thanks for reading my story, for one thing. And yeah, i kind of get the problems, and the happy ending is happy because you lived a full life! It's happier than the other two endings, anyway. XD Thanks, these comments are positive and eye-opening ones!

Wait...I got the "good" ending, and...Died? Doesn't sound very good to me...

Then again, when I was ...Poisoned? I guess I would've felt cheated if it said THAT was the good ending.

If you listened to me, I'm trying to say that there really shouldn't be ANY "good" endings, because you die. Unless dying is fun?

:) Nicely done. Although Xt1000305 is right about knowing what a car/jewelry/etc. was.

Love this game! It was really sweet and it really captured the idea of looking at the world from a dog's point of view. Only had a couple of small problems with it. I don't really get why a labrador would be living in the woods. Even in countries that have lots of wild dogs, they tend to live in the city, so I guess it would have made more sense if the dog was part wolf or fox, to explain why he was born in a forest. Also, you'd think the police or something would get involved if a dog killed somebody. Even if it was only to defend his owners, they'd still probably think the dog was dangerous and put it down. Still, these things didn't really bother me that much and I still thought it was an awesome game. ^_^

I just thought this was adorable - I made it to the happy ending :D

A rather nice game, even though some parts didn't make sense, ie. how i knew what a car was and stuff. The writing was not bad, and the length of the game was just nice.