I've been posting my dreams in a certain Discord server for a year or so. I decided I had enough for a pretty big compilation. Sadly the ones I talked about in an anonymous IRC weren't really saved anywhere, so I don't get to copy and paste in most of the really freaky nightmare ones. I figure, between the lengthy political arguments in the Lounge, the totally-not-forum-games in the creative corner, and the admins trolling retards by editting their posts, the only thing that could bring us closer to 2015 is one of the stupid kids making an over long posts about how edgy and weird their dreams are. So here you go!
The Doorknob Dream.
When I was little, I was traumatized because I had a dream where doorknobs screamed earsplittingly loud, grew legs, and became tarantulas when I put my hand around them, so now there's this primal association I have of not being able to put my hands on any rounded doorknobs whenever I'm really paranoid.
Context for the next dream
At some point during the IRC we were talking about certain 'styles' of dream. I recounted dreaming about several made-up sports. One of them had to do with Hot Air Balloon Races where each one had their own fire hose. It was addictive trying to get the hang of this weird skill of managing your water and determining whether to use the hose as a turbo boost or to soak other balloons and cause them to sink and slow down. There was also a game I dreamed about that was sort of like... Area-control bouncy castle boxing? I remembered jumping around an arena with gloves on beating the shit out of people in like this inflatable brightly lit area imitating a farm. You had to protect your field with giant plastic corn baloons that would slowly grow in the area, while also running out to punch people and steal their inflatable corn.
A 'Dream I had recently' (circa March 2019)
I recently had a dream where there was this psychedelic underwater landscape of stripey badlands with all these underwater dome cities throughout.
And my gf and family and basically everyone I knew were like fish-people versions of themselves and it had blatantly lovecraftian undertones, but they were like, very cutesy fish people instead of dead-eyed rubber monsters so it was okay to join them. And basically they bit me so that I could join them swimming from city to city putting those windshield stickers on the roofs of each dome city that look like giant spiderweb cracks, and it caused mass hysteria because everyone thought the city was gonna get a hole in it/cave in.
Fun times, tbh. Almost as fun as the time I started punching people for inflatable corn and that was considered a sport.
A rehash of one of the IRC Nightmares
I don't get many fucked up nightmares anymore. Whenever scary shit happens in a dream it's mostly stuff that could've happened in real life, when super fucked up shit happens otherwise I usually just pass it off as entertainment. The last dream I had that legitimately upset me and wasn't about something that could happen IRL was when I dreamed about watching this unending livestream uploaded by a cult big on the idea of "ALL FLESH SHALL BECOME ONE" that was of some poor stripper with cerebral palsy and no arms and legs below the joints suspended uncomfortably on various poles and moaning whacking a table with the machete tied to one of her stumps.
Nevermind found another legit unfortunate dream
Had a mildly bothersome dream, and I don't trust my mind to sleep again even if I only managed to sleep for 2 hours
The stupidest part was that the whole part that really woke me up was happening under the pretense that it was fictional, it was part of a movie or show or something that a computer virus (it was a presentation video on things computer virusses did to people, just to make shit extra meta) would play on a loop while your shit malfunctioned or whatever.
Though it seemed to show the whole movie, or enough that I could understand the whole movie
Okay, you've bared with the stupid technical shit so now I can tell you all about how I watched a japanese dentist lady who was unhappy with her life eat all the teeth she pulled while no one was looking. She just had an obsession with doing it. Then she came home one day and had a minor existential crisis during a fallout with her husband and so she started having a Talking Heads Existential Crisis (E.G. "YOU ARE NOT MY HUSBAND! THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE!") and her face melted off Raiders of the Lost Ark style and showed off all its milky-eyed robot parts underneath
And then she would slap herself in a really disjointed manner until the front of her skull broke off, and this tightly packed mass of teeth started to fall out. The body horror was just window dressing. I've dreamed of more fucked up things and it was fun and pleasant. The fact she kept screaming the whole time was what made me uncomfortable.
A Vaguely CYS-related Dream.
I forgot to mention that I had a vaguely CYS-related dream last night. It had nothing to do with CYS itself, but people were there.
Somebody made a sourceport of an old DOS game. It wasn't OLD old, because it had enough graphics to make a source engine map, but. Allegedly, there was this entire adventure game, with a full on book-sized manual that looked like a 1970s DnD book It wasn't any good. But it was really open-ended so I kinda got stuck and went back to the castle for something, but a Team Deathmatch started, because why convert an ancient RPG to a first person source game if you're not gonna have Team Deathmatch?
A bunch of people from the discord joined, and we were basically fighting with Hexen magic-launchers that all had different effects. (Though there were some melee weapons, that all hit like trucks) I remember somebody was initially trolling people by using the "Catapult!" spell to launch people on his own team into the water*, but eventually we realized that was a more reliable way to get into the other team's base than taking the long way around under enemy fire.
*The map was essentially a castle with two "floors" on opposite ends within the walls, a moat going between them, and a moat going around the whole castle itself, with a few primitive 6-polygon buildings you could go in.
The dream ended as everybody was leaving and the only people left on the server were Corgi and I, we were arguing about something in the Game's lore. Some shit that had to do with the Goblin-monkeys of wizards who were non-consensually enslaved by the necromancers, and whether or not they should have been prosecuted for the crimes they committed against their will.
I don't remember many users other than Corgi, aside from recognizing names in the scoreboard, but I have trouble remembering text in my dreams sometimes. It's possible that a lot of them were just made-up names that my brain gave me "I recognize this!" vibes over for the fuck of it.
End had something nuts like 45 kills by the end because he was boating through the moat on a little wood-textured trapezoid of a canoe blowing up bridges and dragging people into the water. I guess I should have known it was a dream at that point. The weapons were supposed to emulate stuff from the original game, and there was no fucking way a game from that era could have handled exploding terrain. Or boats.
The Bunker Dream
My bunker dream was basically me and 4 other people I knew, we were mercernaries of some sort, running through the desert, trying to avoid "Witches". In this universe, witches were horrible scraggly, oily-furred black cat-people with wet claws and metal teeth. They didn't have eyes, except when they jumped at you, and then they had these bright yellow jumpscare eyes.
We found a bunker with 4 entrances, and we tried to set up defenses underground so we only had to defend from two directions. It's one of the dreams where I remember dying more than once. After a few deaths, though, it stopped being a nightmare about screeching cat-monsters with reality warping powers and it was just a bloody mess that was kinda fun.
Little Shop Vehicles.
Weird little shops are my second favorite kind of vehicle. I regularly think about little raft kiosks and balloon shops and things. It was what I spent the majority of my time doing with legos when I was little.
One of the designs that came to me in a dream fairly recently was, I was going floor by floor down a dungeon pathway, and a lady in a motherfucking drill machine pointed straight down would crash through the ceiling every level, root herself in with iron legs, and open a window to reveal on the inside was a rack of magic doohickeys.
And also she had a shelf full of items for sale
The Batman Dream
[Named here for posterity but cut out because it wasn't very cool or interesting at all.]
The one where Sent refers to a dream where he was on youtube watching a video essay as "Interesting"
I had another dream last night, I met somebody on discord, from a previous, more interesting dream where I was on youtube watching a video essay. It was about this sequel in the Tony Hawk Pro Skater franchise with a massive open world that, while you skated everywhere you went, it wasn't really about skating.
You went around the city of perpetual sunsets collecting quests, which all required you to do special tricks in certain places, but numerous supernatural things were happening in this town and by doing these tricks, you were completing rituals to appease the Underlurker, the Antlered One, and the Bloody-eyed children. Eventually you could manifest powers like astral projection and teleportation to escape the police who came after you for spraypainting tags and warnings in alleyways to ward off things that make the city more dangerous and creepy. The video was this long essay about how the tony hawk series got progressively worse overtime by just turning into a regular skater game.
Anyway, that wasn't THIS dream. I just met that guy on discord and he shared the ROM with me. Then I went to a Frank Sinatra concert. He sang "This Town", but instead of just the usual few verses, he went on and on with improvised rhyming insults because he really hated this town.
And he ran out of bad things to say about it, so the last verse was, "THIS towwwn, is a poo poo towwwn.
It's a PEE PEE TOOOOOOWN!
IT'S A BIG BROWN FROWN TOWWWN!"
And I woke up violently giggling* before I even got to play the game. Fuck you, Frank.
*It was that same jolt awake as when you're "falling" but it was because I was belly laughing at Frank.
The Theme Park
Also, I had another dream. It was about this theme park I went to that was like disney land but cool. They didn't own any properties I recognized or make any movies I knew, but it was a theme park of stuff they were allegedly associated with. Their whole around the world thing was a collection of not one but multiple castles that were across the street from each other firing cannons and arrows. Each one was from a different time period and culture.
I climbed the "Hungarian" tower using the climbing wall they had on the side to see what was in its walls, and people were doing a VR jousting game. You could buy your own Hussar Wings as a souveneir. Then I walked along the top wall and jumped from this castle to the Italian one, which had sort of a waterpark based on Venice and you could buy fancy renaissance clothes. Then I went to Germany which had a nice pretzel restaurant and you could get Full plate armor and fight other people but the line for that was understandably 5 hours long, so I jumped back onto the Italy castle and dove in the water, and sat in the river until it took me to the Chinese tower.
You could make your own customizable Jian there, so I did. And you could also take it on the "ride", too. What was this ride? Well, they put you in a room that was like a bouncy castle of a Chinese Throne Room, and on top of that, hooked you up with a bungie harness, and basically you would be like in a wire-fu kung fu sword movie flying around sword-fightin' fools for control of the throne in a king of the hill way. There weren't enough Chineaboos so I didn't have a lot of competition and eventually they just sent in stuntmen dressed as "traitorous eunuchs" to fight with me and the other 2 people.
So, it got me to wondering, how fucking good must these movies be if they could afford to build all this shit? So I went to their theatre, and, uh... Saw something.
It was a romcom. About a timid guy who was quiet and non-confrontational, but his girlfriend was madly in love with an imaginary version of him who screamed every word he said like filthy frank and ate popcorn like he was shoving it vaguely at his wildly flailung mouth. He would quote hitler and scream the N-word at his own farts. It was clear that he was imaginary, but he was just so loud that the guy could hear himself being cucked by, well, himself. She even made out with the imaginary invisible version in front of him.
So he's all sad and he goes to the bar to talk to his friends. And, y'know how these things go. Cue the whole "you need to be more assertive" thing and have like a little montage of him trying and failing because it's funny. They were really intent on him punching an old CRTV for some reason and he finally did it.
So he goes home, puts on boxing gloves, tears off his own shirt with his teeth and eats it (this gets his girlfriend wet as fuck) and then WRECKS their TV. But this leaves his girlfriend horrified, because, like, she's not attracted to violent people. She's attracted to violently autistic people.
I remember the crowd being like "awwwwe" and I fucking walking out of the theatre to go get another pretzel from germany but I woke up from laughing again. The world's best themepark owned by a multi-billion dollar entertainment company whose movies are just hour-long shitposts. Whoever their Walt disney is is living the dream.
The Onion Dream.
Had another dream. I was flying around this island town with like... It had this unfinished video game thing where the sky was black but the lighting was like daytime? Anyway when I was done exploring I started working at an onion-based food stand thing that could grow chrome metal human legs and walk and play music like an ice cream truck when there weren't customers around.
You could get:
A hot dog with a lot of cubed onions on it.
A hot dog with a lot of sauteed onions on it.
French onion soup. (As a meal or as a condiment)
A baked onion with lightly buttered insides.
A baked onion with the insides scooped out, served stuffed with roast beef and a little bit of scallions.
A bloomin' onion. (both the baked and bloomin' onion can be served in an ice cream cone)
An onion salad for the truly degenerate (actually what it said on the menu.) Which was several red, yellow, and purple onions minced up with scallions on top.
If someone ordered the Degenerate salad I don't think I ever actually made it for them. I would just yell "You FFFFFFFFUCKER!" and PELT THEM RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE with the biggest and hardest onion I could find. It would make this hilarious thud noise and in my dream that made me laugh so hard I couldn't stand up. One time a sweet old lady ordered the salad for degenerates and I threw the onion so hard she went "Agh!" fell backwards, rolled down the hill and died. That's when I woke up because I was involuntarily spasming too hard to sleep.
The School dream:
I had another weird dream but I'm scared I might have lost a lot of the fun details since it's been like 8 hours since I was asleep and I didn't write it down. The basic premise was that, like, somehow an "edutainment" game that wasn't educational at all had slipped through all filters and become part of the curriculum. It was a post-apocalyptic racing game with weird tracks full of loop-the-loops and skyways and things and pretty, psychedelic skyboxes with lots of big celestial objects. The protagonist was both the voice and likeness of Liam Neeson.
Even though it was a PS2 game, somehow and for some reason we were playing it in the computer lab. It was really gory and violent like Twisted Metal, except you customized what your car was from the ground up. You could either win parts by racing or leave the car and go into a junkyard to fight deformed monsters with a machete and loot cool things. Or you could just rob people.
The educational portion was that, the best guns in the game that you could put on the car used computer chips, which you actually had to code in order for them to target things, etc. And if you died, it was permadeath unless you could answer increasingly difficult math questions.
But that wasn't a problem if you git gud.
Eventually the teachers realized this and I guess somehow figured out how to play as bosses. Which is where things got weird because now you know they're in on it and this game isn't just in the school system because they just threw it in without paying attention. So there were several teacher-controlled Immortan Joe/Lord Humongous types bearing down on us and since most of my cool stuff got chainsawed off by car pirates, my passenger/shotgun guy and I were on the run.
I remember driving into just a regular modern un-apocalyptic city in the middle of the desert with pyramids and ruins and shit and causing a massive traffic jam so we could shoot someone with a more powerful car and steal it. That's about where we got the turrets that you have to code yourself and that's when it ended.
The Punch Detective:
Had another fun dream recently. A bunch of people I allegedly knew and I were staying in this hotel in chicago. It was a modern highrise building with glass walls on the outside, but there was old wood-paneling and wallpaper and things like a Thief 2 mansion. We were developing a video game but then it turned out we were also going to film a movie. About a kung fu detective because, I mean, what other concept could possibly be drilled that far into my subconscious?
I was taken to various locations that I felt like I remembered from other dreams in order to solve the mystery and punch the dudes. It was semi-steampunk but really more medieval than anything. I remember it being very reminiscent of thief 2, and the detective's outfit was like a 1650s cossack uniform.
He was hard-boiled and always had coffee at the place he was, but he never got to drink it because it would get dramatically interrupted in some way. Like when the murder victim turned out not to be dead and grabbed the detective's hand, screaming. This scared the crap out of him and made him punch the guy, who was then doubly freaking out because coffee was now in all his wounds. A lot of times every time, the murderer would also show up, out of nowhere, in order to duel the detective as soon as he figured out who it was.
A final scene would go thusly,
[At the police station]
Detective: I've reviewed the evidence. It must be Wilford Scrunion. [attempts to take a sip of coffee]
Wilford Scrunion: [bursts through the fucking 2nd story window and slaps the coffee out of Detectives's hand] NO IT ISN'T! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU FOR ACCUSING ME OF SUCH A THING!
Detective: How incriminating!
[5 minutes of beating the absolute shit out of each other and breaking all the furniture in the room]
To be honest the crime usually wasn't murder, but it was something they were willing to kill the detective in order to cover up. Crimes like smashing and then robbing all the gumball machines in a gumball store, or breaking into a house to leave the refrigerator door open.So the perps really got what was coming to them.
The last case was like, an animal noise/pest control investigation... Which is not usually in the perview of a crimes detective, but y'know, desperate times call for desperate measures.
It was recorded in the hotel room we were staying at, which was more like a really big living room and dining room with lofts that led up to individual bedrooms. The video game developers were extras.
They offered the detective coffee again, but the place was under investigation for a dirty animal problem, so he was awkwardly looking around trying not to drink it. And he sidled up to a garbage can to pour the coffee in, before realizing they had a sink. And this was a new bag so they just presumably had a garbage bag with coffee in it now, so in an effort to leave less evidence behind, he kept waiting until everyone's back was turned and tried to pour the garbage bag out into the sink.
But there was also a used banana peel in the bag which flopped out into the sink when he finished pouring out the coffee. So he frantically attempted to slouch over the banana peel when someone came by and pretended to wash his hands. But the water made the banana soggy and hard to pick up because it would fall apart. So he had to carefully scrape up parts of it to put back into the garbage can without anybody seeing
He didn't spend any time on the investigation at all. Eventually the giant mutant lizard thing just appeared out of the attic and started swingin'. He punched the crap out of it, then he tried to arrest it. But he couldn't put handcuffs on it because it retracted its limbs like a turtle. So he picked it up and threw it, out of the highrise window.
Then I woke up.
I wonder what this dream means.
Sent gets Trolled By his own Subconscious: A Poem
Had another dream
I was watching a Tim Allen movie in the basement of a friend's house, who I haven't visitted since I was little. I was there with a bunch of people I vaguely knew
Tim Allen was playing as multiple characters, or, at least, he would appear at points that didn't really make sense. The movie didn't really make sense but a plot was slowly starting to form. Not that anything from the previous scenes had affected it in such a way, but it was just starting to get more cogent, y'know?
Eventually got to the point where he was this general
In the army or something
He was like in charge of secret projects and shit
There was an exploding toaster like in Home Improvement and when the toaster exploded, a laugh track went off
Anyway so there's a lot of MIB shenanigans like that leading up to the important reveal
They had built a time machine
And they sent Tim Allen back in time to general in the various wars
But Tim Allen
that wily fella
He killed Hitler.
And slowly over time
Started turning into Hitler
I lost my shit sleep-laughing again so I woke up before the Hitler Clause could take full effect.
I've never had my own brain wait that long to get to the punchline of the worst joke I've ever thought of.
Just Last Night:
Had a wild dream
I was on this planet that was like a mix between the 1800s and the 70s. Like it wasn't garishly steampunk, it had sci fi technology that was normally sci fi, there was just a baroque and art nouveau style to everything and I was rennovating a tacky old disco so I could start a business there.
I forget what precisely the business was, I think it was criminal debt collection because I spent a lot of the beginning of the dream sneaking up on people in seedy areas and beating the shit out of them. But my brain was visibly running out of places to go with this story because people started moving into the brown building and renovating it themselves and I realized it was you guys trying to make the CYS Castle.
In order to earn money (and get the police off our tail) we decided to start solving crimes in the local area. Everyone was assigned to a different aspect of the case of The Mad Stabber. A non-existent Cys user that my brain made up had found the pattern of victims and predicted who the next one was going to be. And Ford and I were sent to meet with that person
There was some exposition along the way due to my investigation prior to this that it was an underground dispute about a certain Sci Fi Mineral whose name I forget. It could be processed into a liquid narcotic called Wine but it wasn't really wine. And it came in either red or black.
Anyway since this was a crime happening between wealthy eyes wide shut degenerates ford and I went to a huge park garden decorated in this elaborate weird 1800s-1970s vibe with greek revival statues and marble railings and fountains and pathways with swirly bricks, lots of trees and ivy on things. The path we took was next to a cliff overlooking a big dark lake, and people were fishing off of it and catching weird monstrous alien fish
And we eventually found the guy we were looking for drinking out of a fountain of like an ancient greek style marble guy choking out a chinese lion and it was spitting out a stream of this bright red solid-colored thick like pepto bismol "Wine". It was apparently good but I never tasted it myself
Ford thought it would be a Haha funny joke to get the police aware of our intentions as non-criminal good guys (and also get the next victim under some kind ofnwitness protection) if when I came up behind him to join the conversation he yelled "ARE YOU THE MAD STABBER!?" and punched me in the face and then threw me over the railing of the cliff into the lake
5 armored policemen show up like Oblivion Guards and I remembered going unconscious but laughing because Ford's voice cracked.
The last thing I remember was trying to play it cool when I woke up in police custody and they were like, "do you want to press charges?" And I was putting on a dramatic badass veneer like "Does he know anything about the case? His kmowledge might be too valuable."
But it was hard not to laugh because of Ford's voice crack.
I woke up snickering
This dream was too long to put in the middle of the original compilation. It probably would have been too derailing with its sheer wordgirth.
So, there was this gory 80's slasher movie that I was in. Not as an actor, just kind of experiencing it from the inside. It was based on one of those edgy "experimental" punk-style comic books written by a guy from a band, and then there was another movie made about that, which we later watched inside this movie.
Basically, the story was about a girl at an orphanage who was (understandably) bullied by all the other children for being ginger, among other things. They did all the Extreme Orphanage Bullying things like beat her up, lock her in closets, etc. etc. A lesbian child fell in love with her, and the redhead orphan liked the lesbian kind of because she wasn't trying to strangle her at every opportunity.
The movie spent some time on their antics together, and the lesbian girl being violently protective before out of the blue, the redhead girl was adopted. She didn't really want to go because she missed "her sister" and never got to say goodbye, so this manifested as her becoming all rebellious and punk-like (as these comics often do) sort of blaming her parents for losing her best/pretty much only friend, because she doesn't socialise well except in concerts, surrounded by people that she feels like understand her the same way the other girl did, but in a less gay way.
So eventually her parents' house burned down, with them in it. Police say it was arson, but, thing is, this was some suburban utopia or whatever. Nobody within a hundred miles of here would commit arson! The police try to console her because she's fucking devastated and the neighbors blame her even though she's clearly traumatized. And even though she's 17 at this point, she develops an irrational fear of going back to the orphanage. Or, at least, going to a new orphanage.
She runs off to her school after hours and breaks down crying- To her Drama/English teacher, who I forgot to mention was like, her other only friend. And he understands her worry but, as an adult, he's really hesitant to drive her to the old place, like she asked, because it's far away in a creepy new england coastal city, entire states away.
So she runs away, to the big city, with money she stole from the family relief fund since she doesn't at all know any other relatives and, as she said, desperately doesn't want to be at another orphanage, where she meets an Ex-Vietnam Taxi Driver who claims "He'll go anywhere, for the right money". So she shoves the brick of money in his hands and he decides to take her on a road trip.
It follows like a roadtrip movie, with various encounters on their "adventure", and they basically become friends, and almost get robbed, but Taxi Vet lights a fucking molotov and starts screaming, so the guys run off. Their various instances of self defense and minor crimes are eccentric enough to catch the local news. Which allows the teacher (who had become a bit of a hard boiled detective trying to find her after she ran away) to follow a sort of paper trail
And he meets them again just at the end, in a diner, and he's kind of mad because the girl didn't tell him, blablah reunion reunion, happy tears. they sort of highlight a conflict between War Vet Guy and Drama Club Teacher because both of them care for the girl at this point and have been really dadly figures
Anyway, the fun part.
They get to the orphanage- And she reveals, it's not to send herself back to the orphanage, it's to find the ""friend"" she was separated from all those years ago. (yeah, she thought they were just friends) But time does not stand still.
Not only is the place sort of decayed and not in business anymore, it's going to be torn down. And so they enter the most haunted-house-ass orphanage, finding out that yes, it is literally haunted, by the ghost of a very 80s-lesbian lesbian woman who's glad to see redhead again but is super possessive of her. All the toxic elements of their relationship sort of come to light, and the guys are pursued by poltergeist-like activity.
It turns out one of the bigger kids that used to beat the shit out of small child redhead is grown up, and he lives inside a big suit of makeshift armor wielding gardening equipment from the gardens that they had all the orphans taking care of. And Vietnam Guy helps Teacher escape by sort of Home Alone-ing the grand staircase and staying behind with one of the lawnmower-blade "boomerangs" that the "knight" threw at them.
So it turns out, Lesbian Ghost Woman is the result of her getting too old to be at the orphanage, so they basically kicked her out and she was homeless, killed herself, and went back to haunt the orphanage she was in which made it living hell for the children and staff, who would beat the shit out of her for being friends with redhead.
Anyway the point I'm making is that instead of winning by Saving Redhead from a ritual meant to turn HER into a ghost and Vietnam Vet heroically sacrificing himself after Killing Knight Monster, Hairless Basement Retard With A Gun, and a few other of Gay Ghost's Goons. I dreamed that I was the English Teacher in "part two" enacting a non-90s remake of the movie, and we watched the old movie while we were hiding in the orphanage and decided we should leave. Also they made Gay Ghost in the new movie fat for 'progressive' reasons and we knew this even though we were really in the story and not actually actors
That's when I woke up.
The Doggo Dream (inb4 Sent Predicted Coronavirus in 2019)
I was watching TV waiting to go to sleep, and unfortunately it was one of those Old Man Channels where they play those ads with the really fucked up music where "You may be entitled to compensation" and I'm like "oh no I've been hearing this music for 5 minutes I always get really fucked up dreams after this but maybe if I stick around to see if John Wayne makes it out okay I'll have good dreams instead". Only I swear I dozed off after the movie ended and this thing started up again like "oh fuck this is a bad idea, I shouldn't be sleeping," but there I went.
(For reference, the music:)
I was walking around in a dark city, it had really blocky sad "futuristic" architecture like Total Recall. I had a cobbled-together sci fi pistol and a sharp stick, and I was dressed in some busted up hobo clothes I probably salvaged off something. Even though the sky was pitch black, the outside was all bathed in this freaky foggy blue light, like how in a vampire movie everything is clearly visible even though it's supposed to be a new moon out. The street lights were also bright blue.
I knew that eventually the light would go out, and then the street lights would turn red, and I'd have to go inside again and hide, because that's when the Things came out. Also, the road, the outside walls, everything, was a forest of long iron spikes with one or two people all impaled on them. This was due to some kind of epidemic I was only vaguely aware of.
I went down an alleyway looking for some fuel to pour into these gas ports that were on the alleyway sides of every building, kinda like the ones in a custom L4D map. The fuel would keep the Blue Light going for a few more hours and allow me to look for stuff longer, since I didn't know how long I already slept in.
It was in a cannister being held onto by this other scavenger who'd gone completely mad and was just rambling things that only made sense in the dream. I knew that this was very useful information because he was going on and on about the minutia of how the Things worked, so I sat and listened to his schizophrenic TED Talk for a bit so I'd be able to survive better if I ever had to go outside during the Red Lights. But whenever I reached for the gas, he'd scream at me. And I know that the creatures rearrange themselves in the shadows so they can attack wherever they last heard noise. And I knew I couldn't bring him with me if he was gonna be loud like that, so I took the aforementioned spike I was carrying and killed him.
I walked further down the alley and found this little corrugated steel tower that was like a sort of apartment building built into one of the fire escapes, and so I went up this like very tight space where it was a little marketplace surrounded by one room apartments for survivors (though, the place was mostly empty since people kept going insane and getting eaten by Things.)
Somewhere in the Marketplace there was a farmer whose farm was in the big building itself, and there was a gated-off hole where you could tell he was using the blue light to grow blue corn. Anyway he was selling the aforementioned corn, and water, and eggs, and there was a place where he was also selling some caged animals. Most of them were roosters with pretty colors, but he was also selling
A giant fuzzy maremma sheepdog
He was apparently for sale because, while he bred guard dogs, this dog had been born with the sense and he didn't have time to deal with "wanderers" who could only smell lost treasures. A dog who keeps trying to go outside would only get eaten by Things under a farmer's care. I of course bought the dog by giving the farmer all my spent lasergun batteries.
I went outside, and the blue light was already starting to flicker and you could see shadows moving around the tops of the building. The makeshift tenement locked their doors behind us. I poured as much fuel as I could into one of the buildings, but it was only putting a bandaid on a bullet hole, because it turns out the can was only half full. I had 30 minutes to find a building, tops.
Luckily this was the city, so there were plenty of buildings, but I couldn't find any that were unlocked. I could bust the door down, but the thing is that being inside isn't what helps you, it's that the Things could not open doors. The dog started sniffing the ground, though, and pretty much pulled me by the end of the leash towards Lost Treasure. And I mean, I figure whatever it is might help us survive the night since most of the doors were locked.
We went down a long twisty alleyway and down some stairs, where a door had been broken down. It was another tenement built hastily between two buildings, which was smoky and smelled like drugs. It looked like it had been a "massage parlor" before The Things broke in and tore everyone up. It was a very sketchy place, but the bouncers at least had partially spent laser guns I could use, and the leader had jewelry scattered through his giblets that I could use to trade with other tenements. But the dog kept sniffing, like this wasn't what he was looking for. He started scratching at a padlocked trapdoor to the basement.
I urged the good boy away from the door so I could shoot the padlock, since he wasn't smelling for the key to it, and I knew we didn't have time to look for it. It opened up to a small basement that was dimly lit, but all of a sudden lit way the fuck up as lasers started being fired, and I ducked out of the way and tackled the dog to safety.
The guy inside had also gone insane and was guarding the door with a small rapidfire turret thing behind a tipped-over table. This whorehouse had been slaughtered weeks ago and the guy was starving to death and deliriously paranoid. I didn't have the ammo to survive a battle of attrition, so I tried to calm him down, and eventually he told me to throw my weapons down and come in with my hands down, which I did. He wouldn't let the dog in, because he was big and probably "scary", so I had to tie him up outside.
The guy was apparently the slave of the massage parlor owner, because he had a very powerful set of skills in this world. He could replicate the key of any lock. In fact, the whole basement was pretty much a dingy workshop. He had a set of skeleton keys that would open any door at a few set addresses, but because the guy never let him out and he was killed weeks ago by Things, he had to survive for weeks by just drinking ambiguous workshop oil. Hence the madness, probably.
I could hear the humming of the Blue Light on its last legs starting to quit out, and I didn't have time to fast-talk my way out of this, so I just waited until he walked as far away from the gun as possible and tackled him, trying to bang his head on the floor and pound on his chest the way that a chimp kills somebody, since I knew I didn't actually know any proper john wick ways to kill somebody, and I didn't want to risk being too slow to get to the guns first.
I went and grabbed the keys, then started to walk out, but it turns out that I had only caused him to go briefly unconscious because he started screaming "I WAS RIGHT!" and staggering toward the gun turret, so I hit him with my metal stick to knock him on his ass and ran up the stairs, leaving him for the Things. I had only just picked up my stuff and I didn't want to waste more time killing him, since I had what I needed, and I had to urge the doggo through this mazelike forest of impaled bodies as the blue light got more and more flickery. The Things were already starting to scream from the "ceiling". I think this city must have been underground.
He was basically gonna die soon anyway. He could've chased after us, but I guess he liked his chances better shooting at the Things. I guess if he had a shitload of ammo he could've just about survived it. Only light-based weapons hurt the Things.
The dog was scared and hesitant to move, especially as the Things got louder, so every once in a while I had to just try and push him forward or kneel down and pet him until he would walk again. We were halfway across the street when we heard a loud echoing "THUNK!" and then, everything was black. There was a chorus of screams and whatnot like when you alert the horde in Left for Dead.
Suddenly everything was bathed in bright, garish, red Snuff Film lights, and you could hear the Things scricthing and scraping their bony appendages down the walls, falling onto the roofs of buildings, raining onto the streets. Luckily we were in a forest of the impaled, so those that did fall near us were killed. Even though only light-based weapons could harm The Things, I dunno. I guess environmental hazards don't count as weapons? Either way, we were both drenched in blood and the dog was paralyzed and whimpering
I had to try and pick him up, but he was very frightened and very slippery since we were covered in Thing guts. One of them landed behind us mostly unscathed, and that got him to at least turn and see what it was, which was a few inches forward. I shot at the Thing until it stopped moving, and I guess the terrible screech was very loud to a dog, because he ran off into the forest.
I technically could have went off and unlocked a door for myself, but I knew I had to go looking for him or else the dog would meet a terrible end! Who can survive an apocalypse like this when they're SAD!?
I could hear those scratchy, squealing monsters closing in around us and sliding between the metal spikes. The ground was slick with blood so I had to constantly gamble between running faster and slipping, or going at just the right speed but being too slow to save the dog.
He hadn't gotten too far before being frozen again, barking at something he could hear but I couldn't see. I ducked under him and tried to pick him up with my shoulder, not easily done because I'm a small wimp even in my dreams and he was a maremma sheepdog. I was slipping around and nearly dropping him every other step, because of the blood all over the place... And The Things were getting closer and closer...
I had to keep dragging him forward, and even shot at a few of the creatures who jumped out at us, but that was only a very short-term solution. Eventually I ran out of laser charge, and I could either drop the dog and try to change the batteries or just go as far as I could with the dog. Of course there's only one choice in that scenario. I put the gun back in my coat and hoisted him as high as I could with two hands, which wasn't much higher, and strode to the nearest door.
I didn't have time to check the address of this place, or the addresses on the keys. I just knew that if none of these keys worked, we were fucked. The first key didn't work. Out of the back of my head I could see their blindingly bright red searchlight eyes moving through the spikes right behind us. The second key didn't work, bony fingers and spiny tails were starting to make their way through. The third key didn't work either. The doggo turned and started barking as the Things appeared in their full hideous glory in the clearing around us.
The 5th and final key I had worked, but the Things were already starting to snap and claw at the dog, This got him to run, and he was clawing at the door like a cat by the time I could turn it and get it to open. They were literally right behind us, and I tried to run so fast that I fell down. A Thing grabbed my boot, but I kept kicking it until it eventually pulled my boot off, (the dog helped pull me out by biting my sleeve)
That same Thing managed to get in the door, which I shut behind it before any more could get in, but I suppose since the big white dog was more visible in the dark, it charged right for it! I was frantically trying to reload my light gun with things pounding on the door behind me... When I woke up. Fuck that Lawyer Music, man.
The one with the Things would be pretty cool. There are 'rules' to decode and the setting is intense. Plus, a dog to save, one of the most important elements of any post-apocalyptic challenge.
Can any psychically inclined people please analyze what these mean?
That's been perplexing me for a long time.
Can't argue with that.
I'm afraid you've gone mad. Positively bonkers, even!
pretty sure it means you want to fuck your mom dog
Usually I eat an entire ham, it zonks me right out. But that couldn't possibly have anything to do with it, right?
@hetero_malk and/or the one you said you wanted to post here a week ago
You got it.
Not a lot to do in quarantine, so I got a couple buddy's together and went camping out in the back field (I live on a farm). It was me, my girlfriend, and two of my friends. Don't worry, we stayed socially distant the entire time and took separate vehicles.
I had the idea to do some mushrooms, and that was a popular idea so we all ended up doing mushrooms except for my girlfriend, who is generally pretty straight edge and wasn't super into the idea of hallucinating. I ended up taking five grams. My buddy had the genius idea of grinding them up and soaking them in lemon juice, apparently because it makes them easier to digest and the sourness masks the shitty taste. I didn't realize at the time that this makes the trip way more intense, and also means that it hits you way harder.
It started off relatively pleasant. There was some cool stuff happening with the clouds and the stars. I ended up taking them around 8:30, if memory serves. I stay like that for maybe a half hour. Then shit starts to get much darker. I become increasingly anxious and nauseous. The campfire and the smoke started to become a bit sinister. My drug-addled mind made the connection between the smoke of the campfire and the smoke of Hell, and so I couldn't stop thinking about eternal damnation, even as I continued to come up.
I don't really remember what happens next. My next memory is me throwing up. My girlfriend sort of half dragged me into the tent because I said I needed some sleep. My two friends had fucked off at this point. Neither of them had taken as much as I had, so they were just sort of staring at the sky.
I think "I need sleep" was code for "make this stop", but there was no stopping this. I wasn't going to sleep for hours. I began to realize what a monumentally stupid situation I had trapped myself in. My girlfriend left the tent and doused the fire, and the smell of the smoke freaked me the fuck out even more. She left the flap open, so I got a pretty clear gander at the night sky. At this point, the stars looked to me like scary Hebrew letters. I started to worry that I had invited some kind of biblical judgement on myself. My tattoo was also seemingly slithering around on my arm, which made me concerned that something was wrong with my blood.
At around 9:30, the visuals became way more intense. I also forgot that I had taken mushrooms. The visuals were so strong that I was completely unaware of my surroundings. It looked kind of like the most intense film grain ever. Like everything took on the quality of a shitty VHS tape or something. Also, I couldn't fucking understand what my girlfriend was trying to say to me. I think she was trying to soothe me because she could see how freaked out I was, but it all kind of sounded like someone speaking from underwater.
At this point, the fear and anxiety are at their highest. I thought the universe had ended, and all that was left was fuzzy shapes, and I was going to be trapped in this fugue state forever. Eventually, I sort of became aware of my own body again. I noticed that I was resting on my broken finger and it hurt, and I also noticed that I really had to piss. These two realizations made me realize that I was not, in fact, trapped in the VHS dimension, I was laying in a sleeping bag. This happened around midnight, I think.
I talked with my girlfriend for a bit, left to take a piss, and had some actually pleasant visuals staring at the sky now that the Hebrew letters were gone and I didn't think I had supernatural blood poisoning.
I took too many shrooms and had a terrible time
what an incredible imagination
truly a wonderous mind
Cracked open the dream journal (iPhone notes app) from a couple years back and pulled out a highlight.
I was staying at this reclusive monastery filled with Catholic monks in brown robes. I think I had some kind of disease, because I was in a cell on my own and people kept talking about my recovery. I knew through dream logic the guy in charge was a Friar. One day, man in trench coat shows up with big wooden spear and a gold cross necklace. Immediately recognize him as Kanye West. I go to get his autograph, but he shushes me and says he's "serious incognito" and trying to "sniff out a vampire".
Speaking of dream, this wasn't really a dream, but more of a shocking experience.
I decided to experiment this; if I was thinking something at the moment, will it be converted into a dream? So, I thought of a roadrunner and a bunny rapping. When I was imagining this, my vision started to turn gray. I didn't know what it was, so I immediately opened my eyes. I was shuddering and my back and head felt kind of numb. I thought I was dying at first, but now that I think of it, that wasn't very reasonable. I was probably getting ready for the dream to occur.
Whatever it was, it was horrific but interesting and I'm never doing that again.
Was I transporting into the dream?
That's what Frank does. He ruins things.
Had a dream last night. Already posted it on the Discord, might as well post it here. TW: RAEP
So in my dream, I'm walking down a fairly busy street at night near where I live. I think I'm going to a restaurant or something. I take a wrong turn, and end up in this alley. I'm immediately mugged by this dude dressed like the most stereotypical 1930s bank robber ever; ski mask, black and white striped sweatshirt, .38 special, the whole nine yards. Immediately, he says "give me all your money".
Now, irl, I would comply. I'm not a confrontational man, nor am I particularly brave. But Dream Malk is a ballsy mothnerfucker, and I smack the gun out of his hand. At this point I'm angry. I overpower the robber and... not to get into too graphic detail, I brutally assrape this man in a back alley in vengeance for the attempted mugging.
People walked by and were vaguely concerned that I was raping this dude but I would just say "it's fine" and wave them on and they would invariaby leave. I don't remember anything else to the dream, so I assume that's it.
Here are some more dreams I posted on discord that I straight up forgot the first time around.
Bikes and Burglary
I was in some sort of competition for membership in like, a modern day Thieves' Guild. We were all given a bicycle and a backpack full of burglary equipment, and had to basically go through a suburban-to-metropolitan area where everyone just so happened to be asleep in order to steal shit.
When you put a valuable thing in your bag, it would disappear, but give you points equivalent to its monetary value, you could spend the points on weapons and armor. But there was a special thing I discovered where, if you stole a bike... Your bike would become a tandem bicycle. And you could spend your points on having people join you (though they couldn't get off of the bike to help you in any way)
So I ran around using different tools to break different bike locks until I had a long flexible Bike Serpent covered in fully armored knights with lances, all pedalling loudly through the streets.
It became a lot more high-speed at that point and I'd try to head plebs off with my warhammer while the other knights poked people off of their bikes with lances. Eventually I heard that some of these plebs were hiding where the bike knights couldn't reach because they were playing the long game, and trying to fully case joints to rob before making off with more shit than anybody else could make in that amount of time
Suddenly there were enormous snaking bike trains flying off the roofs of banks and shit, and they knocked the back of my bike over, which twisted and caused us all to come down like dominoes. Since the bike was "destroyed" my guys were allowed to actually get up and fight, which resulted in me duelling the other guy.
But I just had a hammer and he had a sword that kept screwing me over on the whole wacky medieval fighting tricks front, so I couldn't actually get good hits on him. I ended up doing a football tackle to shove him over a bridge, and then stole his bike. I desperately rode to a big rich house and tried to get more points so I could recoup the massive loss of my bike train getting screwed and all of my guys dying in the battle.
Only, the door was locked.
I reached into my backpack to get some lockpicks. But, the thing is, I really don't really know how to pick locks. I know how to break bike locks but any motherfucker can do that with the right tools. The whole reason I joined this contest was becausr I figured I could take lockpicking lessons at the secret thieves guild base when I won. So I randomly flailed the hooky thing around, it didn't work, so I swore oddly loud for somebody who was attempting to break into a house without getting spotted
I eventually realized I was in an 80 pound suit of metal and decided maybe it was best to walk around back and throw myself through a glass door. Turns out, the guy who owned the house was the one non-thief man in the entire house who wasn't asleep. But like, he casually spun his chair around like a movie villain, pointing an old-timey flintlock pistol and smoking a pipe.
He said "Ah, yes, it's you. I've been eagerly awaiting your arrival. I believe we have some business to discuss."
You know, in the smuggest most mustache-twirling of british accents
And I was like, "oh, fuck, how does this guy know who I am? What does he want? How am I supposed to steal stuff if he shoots me!?"
And he started this monologue like, "you're probably wondering who I am, well-"
He started to point his gun away so I punched him in the face. I don't know what happened after that because I had one of those fullbody jumps from I guess attempting to punch the man carrying over into real life. Stupid paralysis not working.
I guess I missed out on an important business opportunity by hitting him, but I really had my heart set on joining The Thieves' Guild because, I mean, if the joining process is this cool...
Sent becomes the Master Chief
I was patrolling the walls of this gigantic neo-gothic-ass castle that was all made out of marble and had checkerboard floors and gargoyles and statues of naked people. The walls were all covered in so many bas reliefs you could climb on them, which was easy for me because I was running around like a Halo Guy. I could jump well over my height and run super fast. And I was carrying this halberd that was also a gun
Then Alien Terrorists started parachuting in and attacking, so the telepathic monk dudes that were trying to protect this place called in on the comms system and I had to fight with them
There was a john-woo gunfight in the courtyard I was in and I jumped off the wall and stabbed the big one in order to stop the dudes who were already in the big church part, and there was another gunfight where we shot all the chairs and the columns with our brilliant slow-motion exploding bullets where every round was a tracer
Then I was teleported to an airplane because there was another emergency, the alien terrorists were sending all their children across this bridge that was on the way to somewhere important.
Rather than do the reasonable thing and cut the ropes so they all fell in the river, I let them all go across one by one, sussed out the ones that had weapons and shot them, and then forced all the rest of them to go to school. This was such a success I then retired to this comically small island which was just a tiki bar.
I remember there being some sort of drama in the churchcastle leading up to this, but the details are super foggy. There was like worldbuilding of people who lived in a small fancy town that was inside the walls, and one of the dudes who was like, a professional marble-carver who lived there trying to help restore some older parts of the city, who was having relationship troubles with his weeaboo elf wife who was cheating on him with pillowcases. I don't remember how I came to meet them but they stick out in my mind.