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Here's a story about a war

3 months ago
If you want the context for this war, feel free to go to this link. Here's the actual war:
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Modern Reform Act and The War of the Western Galaxy

Following the fall of the Vermon Federation, Yeros Kalama once again set his sights on the State of Delmosians for his next invasion. The State of Delmosians was a presidential republic where all citizens shared equal rights and could vote. The president, Unsalbakinastorium, was an advocate for right-wing politics, believing in a free market, while also still believing in a social safety net for citizens. He treated all citizens fairly and believed everyone should have an equal opportunity to make it big in Delmosa. Having evaded invasion for four years, Delmosa had been long prepared for an invasion of their territory and had been given time to brace their nation, manufacturing unknown thousands of war weapons for the specific use against Lavassia known as the Anti-Lavassia Joint Force. Kalama and his generals considered that the ALFJ might be powerful enough to put up a fight against Lavassia.

To test the size and strength of the ALFJ, Kalama sent 15 unmanned spacecraft into Delmosan space surrounding the star system Oklass. Immediately, sensors in the area detected the Lavassian presence, and Delmosan forces were ushered to the area in a matter of hours. Even more shocking was the size of the fleet that arrived- a 12,000-ship force suspected to only be a small fraction of what the ALFJ had in store. The unmanned spacecraft, as instructed, engaged in battle with the fleet, however, they were destroyed before they could gather enough data on the enemy ships' attack patterns.

From this experiment, Kalama learned that Delmosa wasn't just able to put up a fight- they could defeat Lavassia in war and end the Imperium. For fear that a war with Delmosa could topple his nation, Kalama drafted a new part of the Lavassian Divinity Plan- the Modern Reform Act. Passed on January 27th, 78806, the Modern Reform Act first began the institution of labor stations outside of the Pollox Gap, with hundreds of thousands of labor stations being founded within a few short months across the Carina-Sagittarius- Scutum-Centaurus, Norma, and Perseus Arms, as well as in the galactic center. Slaves from the Pollox Gap which were too heavily crowded within the area's labor stations were transported across the galaxy to new labor locations.

The institution of these new labor stations also called for the production of many more Loyalty Citizens, which were created out of the most rebellious and determined of the slaves. By December of 78806, Kalama deemed the labor stations to be adequate and began the deconstruction of unnecessary stations within the Pollox Gap. Initially, he decided to get rid of only some of the stations, however, he eventually settled to deconstruct all of them instead, concluding that "...the thought of the impure around the capitol is too risky to entertain".

The next part of the Modern Reform Plan called for the consolidation and organization of power within the Imperium, which was, until this point, highly disorganized and operating solely based on war. Named the Sypodie Act, this part created the Sypodie, a seven-caste system of organization for Lavassia to follow which gave complete and total command to the Commander, and distributed power between the six lower levels in increasingly lower increments before completely cutting off and giving no power to the Disgraceful, the Sypodie's lowest caste. A succession system was also created, which said that the power would be given to the commander's oldest child, so long as they were under the age of 400. If all children were older than 400, power would be inherited by the youngest. The Commander had the power to override this system, however.

The Modern Reform Plan also organized the military, which at the time was near unregulated and generals would often act on their own accord rather than by the commands of Kalama. As such, Kalama sorted all generals into three categories, the Vaisset, or beginner, generals, the Imon, or intermediate generals, and the Hexi, or experienced, generals. As well as that, Kalama would choose two to four generals- the Presa generals- for every war fought who would temporarily have total command and would be able to disobey the commands of Kalama's immediate family. However, they were still subordinates to the Commander and were to listen to what he demanded of them. Each general would be provided with the products of one labor station and, once they became Imon generals, could purchase other labor stations to take their ships from. The ships a general owned made up their fleet.

With the Modern Reform Plan complete, Kalama simply waited to reap the benefits of his Plan. And he did- by the end of 78807, the Lavassian economy and military were both thriving and Lavassia now had fleets with over seventy-thousand ships. Kalama deemed this to be a fitting time to declare war.

War Declaration on Delmosa and the Battke of Oklass On January 1st, 788808, the Lavassian Imperium officially declared war on the State of Delmosians. Kalama and his family unanimously selected Xia Vyros and Gekaro Marteus to act as the Presa generals of the war.

The following day, Gekaro Marteus and his fleet of 73,446 fleets entered the Delmosan system of Oklass, triggering the sensors in the area. Within three hours, a Delmosan fleet of 25,000 led by Usylavonvixibesora arrived to combat the Lavassian forces. Combat began as Besora realized his fleet was overpowered and called for backup. Lavassian forces destroyed over 9,000 ships before a fleet of 49,000 led by sibling generals Kiflatshinousvaxy and Kiflushinoustauty, more commonly known respectively as “Cyclone” and “Tornado” arrived. The two Delmosan fleets combined were a powerful force of about 65,000, and the more skilled Delmosans gained the upper hand in battle. For fear of being defeated, Marteus and Vyros decided to risk sending out a hyperbomb into battle, which upon detonation, destroyed over half of Cyclone, Tornado, and Besora’s fleets. However, it also did a great deal of damage to the Lavassian forces, and almost 10% of Vyros and Marteus’s fleets were destroyed.

Despite their losses, the Lavassian forces quickly regained the advantage and began ushering the Delmosans out of the system. On January 3rd, one of Vyros’s ships managed to capture Usylavonvixibesora and the Lavassians decided to hold him for ransom to Cyclone and Tornado. The two generals, who had at that point already been exhausted by the battle, agreed to surrender in exchange for the return of Besora.

The following day, Besora was returned, and the Delmosan forces surrendered. The Battle of Oklass was a decisive victory for the Lavassians and gave them the morale needed to continue the war.

Vasiro Joins Delmosa Lavassia continued their war on Delmosa with much fruition, and the more time that passed, the easier the war became for Lavassia. In many battles, Delmosa simply didn’t have enough ships to combat Lavassia and they saw the losses of entire fleets with almost 30,000 ships. One particular battle, at the star system Diclonius, resulted in an entire 50,000-ship fleet being destroyed. Delmosa was quickly losing its military, and by the end of 78808, a quarter of Delmosa’s pre-war territory had fallen to Lavassia.

However, this changed when the nation bordering Delmosa to the west, the Vasiro Empire, declared war on Lavassia on March 19th, 78809. Vasiro was a constitutional parliamentary empire, and the emporor, Vilna Digri, was a leftist political activist. As such, leftist ideals had a tight grip on the Vasiroan government, with government policies including social welfarism and socialist economics. Delmosa and Vasiro had a long history of hostility toward each other, partly due to their conflicting political values, including a nearly forty-year war from 1919 - 1957 in which they fought for ownership of the Pollox Gap (which is how Krybolotine gained ownership of the area). As such, the nations of the Milky Way were shocked at how the two had allied.

The alliance was rather uneasy, however, the combined forces of Vasiro and Delmosa were strong enough to completely upend Lavassia’s progress in a matter of weeks. Hybrid fleets between the nations could have ship counts into the 100,000s, something Lavassia simply could not manage. Lavassia saw defeat after defeat in battles across Delmosa, and eventually even saw defeats in its home territory, with Delmosan and Vasiroan forces beginning to close in on the nation’s capital. In four particular battles- those at the Mortimer, Ardos, Anodon, and Morbidia systems, Lavassia faced especially devastating damages.

Battle of Mortimer On April 3rd, 78809, A Vasiroan-Delmosan fleet of 90,014 ships led by Vasiroan general Cora Oliora and Delmosan generals Cyclone and Tornado met a fleet of 43,778 ships led by Vaisset general Omyne Clados at the A1V-type star Mortimer. The conflict began when a Satisa-Class in Clados’s fleet fired a ship-crushing missile at the side of a small Vasiroan ship, leading to its destruction and the deaths of all 12 operators onboard. Oliora responded with a ship-crushing beam from his flagship, the Hasti Igoda, which hit a large planet destroyer and destroyed it, killing the 30 Lavassians onboard. Then, the Vasiroan and Delmosan ships used their own versions of Lavassia’s mass grapplers to hurl large asteroids at the Lavassian forces, causing mayhem in Clados’s fleet. Despite attempts to combat the offense, there were simply too many for them to repel and almost 80% of Clados’s fleet saw significant damage. Clados called for his troops to retreat, making the Battle of Mortimer a decidedly Delmosan-Vasiroan victory.

Battle of Ardos On April 29th, 78809, A solely Vasiroan fleet of 78,993 led by Gatlantis Kartiza crossed paths with a Lavassian fleet of 54,998 led by Xia Vyros at the F7II-type star Ardos. Vyros stealthily used a smaller version of a Great-Light Class Light Reflector to destroy part of Kartiza’s flagship, the Geas. As the battle continued, Vyros used her experience as a general to outwit Kartiza and gained the upper hand in the battle, however Kartiza eventually used Vyros’s own tactics against her. He sent stealthy ships back and around Vyros’s fleet to fire from behind and planted bombs in the battle zone as nods to tactics used by Vyros in the battles of Nineveh and Oklass. Vyros eventually realized what he was doing, but by then it was too late, and her fleet had been diminished to just 20,000, so she retreated, making the Battle of Ardos a Vasiroan victory.

Battle of Anodon On May 7th, 78809, A Delmosan-Vasiroan fleet of 67,998 led by Vasiroan general Kudoba Yenelis and Delmosan general Verkarimondilivara encountered a Lavassian fleet of 66,873 led by Gekaro Marteus at the M8V-type star Anodon. Marteus believed that due to the very small gap between them and the fact that his fleet had more potent ships than Yanelis or Ivara’s fleet, that the battle would be a much-needed Lavassian victory. As such, he began an assault on the joint fleet immediately, firing a ship crushing beam on Yenelis’s flagship, the Miza Armora. The beam, however, was deflected and sent right back to Marteus’s ship, where it went directly into the cannon and caused a large explosion. Marteus escaped with severe injuries but his ship had to be decommissioned due to the power of the blast. The lesser ships, without proper command, began attacking in a guerilla style, however, because they had no plan of attack, they were easy to neutralize and were almost all destroyed. Marteus’s fleet was diminished to only 30,000, and had to retreat, making the battle of Anodon a Vasiroan-Delmosan victory.

Battle of Mirbodia The most destructive of Lavassia’s four losses was at the G8III-type star Mirbodia on May 20th, 78809. A Vasiroan fleet of 79,887 led once more by Gatlantis Kartiza met a Lavassian fleet jointly controlled by Gekaro Marteus and Xia Vyros with 51,008 ships. Vyros and Marteus, despite their experience as generals, knew they stood no chance against Gatlantis Kartiza’s fleet. They decided to gamble anyway and go into battle, which gave them the results they expected. Vyros used her light reflectors to burn some ships, and Marteus used synchronized attack patterns to try and get to the Geas, but all of their efforts were in vain. Kartiza used brute force to diminish the joint forces of Vyros and Marteus to that of a measly 10,000, and he decided to just leave about 15,000 ships in the area and go to capture more systems. Despite all of Vyros and Marteus’s efforts, Kartiza had only lost 1,000 ships, whereas they had lost almost 40 times that amount.

Traitor Mirage Plan The Battle of Mirbodia finally made Kalama realize that he could no longer get by in this war by fighting the Vasiroans and Delmosans with brute force. He had to make a plan of attack. He called a meeting between him, Marteus, and Vyros to discuss what they should do.

Vyros brought up during the meeting that she had gotten a transmission meant for a Vasiroan ship during the Battle of Gyschia (a star in Delmosa) that suggested that the two who ran the fleet had hostility towards each other. Marteus corroborated her story, stating that during the battle of Anodon, Ivara and Yenelis had shown hostility towards each other that they had been trying to hide from him. Kalama took this into account and thanked Marteus and Vyros for their time before leaving.

Eventually, given this information, Kalama drafted the Traitor Mirage Plan. The plan entailed the creation of millions of small devices that would be hoisted across all interplanetary communication lines (which were how information traveled- they weren’t physical, but they could still be interfered with) between Delmosa and Vasiro. They would also be implanted into all of the hybrid Delmosan-Vasiroan fleets so that Lavassia could control what transmissions were sent between any Vasiro and Delmosa-controlled areas. He also attached one to every communication line going into and coming out of both capitals. They created simulated voices for millions of Vasiroans and Delmosans as well as a software called the Traitor Mirage Engine (TME). He also ordered the labor stations to make ships as fast as possible so he could replenish his generals’ fleets. He then waited for a few months to let the labor stations work. During this time, the Vasiroan and Delmosan fleets began to secretly grow weary of each other, unbeknownst to Kalama, and tension was building between the two nations.

On August 3rd, 78809, Kalama put forth the Traitor Mirage Plan into motion, and all the devices on the interplanetary communication lines switched on. They began using the TME to filter out anything that seemed to be a friendly message (after waiting for some conversations to end) and sent two messages- one to each capitol. The Delmosan one stated “The Vasiroan troops have grown tired of you. We’ve had a long history of hostility. We Vasiroans tried to make things right and even joined you in war. But you’ve been incessantly uncooperative and have relied on us. We’re not the protectors of you Gagras [a slur against Delmosans]. Your constant refusal to participate with us and adamant disobedience has gone too far. As of August 3rd, 78809, we, the Interplanetary Empire of Vasiro, declare war on the State of Delmosians.”

The Vasiroan message stated, “We’ve grown tired of your constant complaints. Your incessant corrections. Vasiro’s attempts at controlling everything have given virtually zero freedom to us Delmosans to practice our superior war strategies. There’s absolutely no reason as to why this is. We’ve tried to work together and put aside our past differences, but you seem to have so little trust in us that you can’t bear to let us practice our strategies. We can’t work with a nation like yours'. Your constant mistrust and refusal to let us participate our own way in battle has gone too far. As of August 3rd, 78809, we, the State of Delmosians, declare war on the Interplanetary Empire of Vasiro.”

The TME filtered all of the messages between the nations to be in accordance with these statements. Any message stating that Vasiro declared war that was being sent to Vasiro would be filtered to say Delmosa declared, any message pertaining to the reasons was also filtered to be more accurate to Lavassia’s fabrications. Immediately, the two sides hesitantly began fighting and paid less attention to Lavassia.

A week after the plan began, both sides had losen plenty of forces and completely abandoned their Lavassian fronts, so Kalama deemed it a fitting time to send in his replenished forces. He now had some fleets of 100,000 ships, which included both Gekaro Marteus and Xia Vyros. Vyros began into Delmosa from the south and Marteus invaded Vasiro from the Kalama Province. Both sides suddenly began juggling their war against each other and the Lavassian war, and neither side had begun to get suspicious of Lavassian intervention.

Xia Vyros’s fleet of 110,756 easily plowed through and retook the rest of the Kalama Province and, with minimal losses, continued into Vasiroan territory. Marteus’s invasion was somewhat more difficult, but he still managed to retake Lavassia’s territory from Delmosa (with some other generals’ help) and continue to invade Delmosa.

The rest of August was spent by the generals making significant progress and Vasiro gaining the upper hand in the Vasiroan-Delmosan war. By early September, however, nearly 70% of all of Delmosa’s pre-war territory had fallen to either Lavassia or Vasiro. Vasiro fared a little better, but still around 50% of their territory had fallen to Lavassia. On September 7th, however, an asteroid struck a TME device tying Vasiro’s homeworld, Vasirota, to a Gayan planet called Uliva. Due to the transmissions being unfiltered, they both discovered that the war was a Lavassian plan all along. Vasirota quickly took down the TME on the line stretching from Vasirota to Delmosa and warned them that the war was a Lavassian plan, and that their messages had been being filtered by small devices.

Vasiro and Delmosa quickly set their sights on Lavassia once again, and Vasiro returned Delmosa’s territory, but by then it was too late. Of Vasiro and Delmosa’s total areas, about 70% had fallen to Lavassia. The invasion continued with a little more difficulty, but all in all, Lavassia’s plan had worked in securing their victory. By December 5th, 78809, All Vasiroan and Delmosan systems save for their capitals had been captured by Lavassian forces. Kalama decided to take the two star systems out individually.

Dissolution of Vasiro and Delmosa On December 8th, 78809, Kalama assembled a fleet of Xia Vyros, Gelato Marteus, and his ships, numbering about 334,897 ships. They then flew to the Vasina System, which housed Vasiro’s capitol. Gatlantis Kartiza, Kudoba Yenelis, and Cora Oliora had combined their fleets, but because they had been so depleted by the Delmosan War, even combined, their combined fleet measured only 54,898. Upon seeing the size of the Lavassian fleet, they quickly surrendered, knowing they had no chance, and hesitantly gave Lavassia access to the system.

The fleet arrived at Vasirota within minutes and discovered that the planet had been evacuated. Kalama and his troops searched the system for hours, but still found no clue as to where the Vasiroans had gone. Interrogations of the three generals brought no results, and the locations of the Vasiroans remained unknown. Kalama, enraged, tortured and killed General Oliora in front of Yenelis and Kartiza, but they still didn’t say anything. As such, Kalama tortured and killed Yenelis as well, this time even more gruesomely, which scared Kartiza into telling Kalama the location of the Vasiroan evacuees. Apparently, the evacuees had gone to a space station in the Vasini Oort Cloud which was disguised so it could not be seen by Lavassians searching for it.

With this new information, the Lavassian forces began searching the Vasini Oort Cloud for the space station, and on December 10th, they found it. Kalama then sent a broadcast to the station stating that they would destroy the space station in five hours, and any citizens who did not surrender themselves to the Lavassian forces would be killed. Immediately, waves of Vasiroans left the space station hoping to flee but all were captured by Lavassia and sent to Salboria. Less evacuees were leaving by the second and third hours, but by the fourth hour, citizens began leaving by the millions, all being captured by Lavassia. By the beginning of the fifth hour, billions of Vasiroan had queued up to evacuate the station. By the four and a half hour mark, almost 95% of the station had left, with the rest showing no intention of evacuating. Within the final thirty minutes, the number increased to 96%, and Lavassia fired a beam from a Kalama-Class Destruction Article at the center of the space station, promptly destroying the rest.

With that, all citizens of the Empire of Vasiro had either evacuated into another nation, been enslaved by Lavassia, or died. On December 11th, 78809, the Empire of Vasiro was officially dissolved and transformed into the Marteus Province of Lavassia, with parts in the east becoming part of the Kalama province. Gekaro Marteus stepped up as provincial commander and, like Ante Carosa, stepped down as general, but only after Delmosa was dissolved.

On December 12th, Kalama, Marteus, and Vyros’s joint fleet entered the Delara System, Delmosa’s capitol, and encountered a fleet of 34,787 jointly led by Cyclone, Tornado, Besora, Ivara, and several other prominent Delmosan generals. They, unlike Vasiro’s protectors, actually attacked the Lavassian fleet, and the Lavassians responded by decimating almost the entire fleet, killing Tornado, Besora, Ivara, and all of the lesser generals before abducting Cyclone in case they needed a subject for interrogation.

They arrived at Delmosa, which was in the process of evacuating into a similar concealed space station to the one at Vasina. However, they were too late- Kalama surrounded both Demosa and the space station with forces and stated that he’d fire on both of them in five hours, stating that anyone who refused to surrender themselves to Lavassia would be killed. Much like at Vasiro, people began attempting to get away, but were captured by Lavassians. Afterwards, people began leaving in waves to reach the Lavassian forces, and a general lull in evacuees was present from the second to third hours. By the fourth hour, people began leaving by the millions and by the time the five hours were up, 98% of the population had reached a Lavassian ship.

Because now all Delmosan had been evacuated, enslaved, or killed, the State of Delmosians was officially dissolved on December 13th, 78809. It was transformed into parts of the Uniia and Kalama provinces of Lavassia, and no new provincial commanders stepped up because both provinces already had (Yeros Kalama and Ibadyo Uniia).

Vilna Digri, Gatlantis Kartiza, Unsalbakinastorium, and Kiflatshinousvaxy (Cyclone) were all taken into Lavassian custody and the four were all made unto Loyalty Citizens on the same day. They were each assigned to preside over a Specialized Species Labor Station of their own species and began the persecution of their own people.

Effects Unlike with the Gravedan and Vermoan wars, Lavassia saw heavy losses during the War of the Western Galaxy. About 102.9 billion people died in the war and 72 million were reported missing and never found, which was the highest death toll of any of Lavassia’s wars until that point and almost as high as the death tolls for all of Lavassia’s wars before that combined. Most of these deaths were, expectedly, Vasiroan and Delmosan, but Lavassia still saw 45.9 billion deaths of their own. About 44.7 billion had occurred before the beginning of the Traitor Mirage Plan on August 3rd, 78809. The deadliest battle of the war for Lavassia was the Battle of Mirbodia, which resulted in 497.76 million Lavassian fatalities.

Of the remaining 57 billion deaths in the war, 25.6 billion were Vasiroan deaths and 31.4 billion were Delmosan deaths. Of the Vasiroan deaths, almost all occurred before the beginning of the Traitor Mirage Plan and Vasiroan-Delmosan Phantom War, with only 496 million occurring before it. The deadliest battle of the war for Vasiro was the Battle of Colovi, in which Lavassia utilized a wormhole to capture Vasiroan ships and send them flying into Colovi’s only planet. The battle killed 787.5 million Vasiroans.

Of the 31.4 Delmosan deaths, they largely took place after the Traitor Mirage plan, but 5.3 billion people still died before because of Lavassia’s initial progress. The Vasiroan-Delmosan Phantom War killed 23.7 billion Delmosans, far higher than the Vasiroan casualties. The single deadliest battle of the war for Delmosa was the Battle of Delara, which resulted in the deaths of 567.8 million, but a deadlier battle occurred between Delmosa and Vasiro at the star system Gasvana, which killed 569.3 million Delmosans.

All in all, Lavassia had finally achieved their goal of capturing Delmosa. The War of The Western Galaxy proved catastrophic for Mexxios, a nation to the north of Vasiro and Delmosa, who had received a huge portion of their power from the two nations because they didn’t want to disrupt the natural features of the planets they inhabited. As such, Mexxios was sent into a financial crisis, resulting in transportation across the nation nearly shutting down entirely. For Lavassia, the war was a massive success, giving them a huge amount of new territory and slave labor to explot for resources. Morale in Lavassia was also very high because of how successfully Lavassia bounced back from its near loss and propagandists began describing Lavassia as “invincible”.

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There are probably more than a few typos, but please ignore those. I'm looking for constructive criticism. What do you guys think?

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago
k

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago

Please learn to use the enter key. It is the one below the "backspace" key (the one you use to delete stuff, like you probably should have done with this entire story) and above the right shift*.

*Not applicable to every keyboard. Just keep mashing stuff until you get a new line.

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago

Very helpful advice ?? will make sure to follow because I obviously didn't know about this and cys was cooperating while I tried to post this

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago

Your numbers don’t add up. You say that a Large Planet Destroyer ship has a crew of 30 people (which seems extremely low). During the Battle of Mirbodia, you say that Lavassia lost 40,000 ships. Assuming each has a crew of 30 people, which is very generous since the Large Planet Destroyer sounds like one of the largest ships in the fleet, then Lavassia lost 1.2 million men. Yet you claim at the end that Lavassia lost 497 million men during the Battle of Mirbodia.

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago

Retard.

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago
Because you bolded that one line of text you signaled to the site that you wanted to use html now, so it ignored your spacing because it was looking for line break tags and didn't find them. The forum is a little quirky that way.

If you go to Brad's profile and install his site extension, there are options you can set from your own profile to fix this.

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago
Since all the spaces were there, I pasted a bunch of line breaks so there's a chance someone can read it, now.

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago
That was very nice of you.

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago

Not really a story, more like a massive info dump. I know some people are interested in that stuff, but at least for me, I can not care less about this. I mean, there's no real reason to care. Instead, use characters and fluidly tell the story through them, so that readers can actually have some personal investment in it, y'know? 

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago
> The following day, Gekaro Marteus and his fleet of 73,446 fleets entered the Delmosan system of Oklass, triggering the sensors in the area.

Damn those are a lot of fleets.

All jokes aside, yeah, this reads drier than a wikipedia page on glassblowing techniques of 600 AD. As it stands like this, it's nothing more than huge numbers clashing together resulting in some numbers being lost and one set of numbers winning. And no matter how often you namedrop Kalema, I can't see him as anything more than a randomly generated general in Europa Universalis IV. Or a name you pulled out of an online name generator to be less specific (you may be a different autistic phenotype).

Because this isn't a story, this is an infodump. For a story you need relatability in either interesting characters or kickass action scenes. The trick is to provide those and getting them readers invested before hitting them with the infodumps. Let's take another big sci-fi IP with scope inflation: Warhammer 40k. People didn't get into warhammer because of the huge numbers, they got into it because the numbers were actually unique and interesting characters and cultures and the overall vibe is badass and there's space titties too.

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago

Alright, so I've been reading through the responses to this thread. Thank you to everybody who replied.

Something common I saw was people saying it was a dry info dump. One user mentioned Wikipedia. This story is made this way to mirror a Wikipedia article.

Also, Lavassia's large planet destroyers are not their most staffed ships- those are the large star destroyers, which can have tens of thousands of operators on board because they require much more management.

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago

I will, however, up the staff total on large planet destroyer to a more realistic 400 or so.

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago

Even if every ship had a crew of 10,000 men, Lavassia's casualties in the Battle of Mirbodia would still only add up to 400 million, less than the 497 million you claim. I assume not every ship in the fleet is a large star destroyer. Honestly, your crew numbers are way too low, and your casualty figures are way too high. A modern carrier has a crew of 5,000 men, so it's not realistic at all for a "large planet destroyer" to have a crew of merely 400. Nor is it at all realistic for hundreds of millions of men to die in every battle. At that point, it feels like you're just trying to impress your readers with big numbers.

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago
Bro you should read this crazy story:

STEP 1
It's important to cook the meat a day ahead, so that you can discard any fat that has risen to the top, and so that the pastry doesn't slump in the face of a too-warm filling, so up to 48 hours ahead -make the pastry. Whizz the flour and a pinch of fine sea salt together for a few seconds in a food processor, then add the butter and whizz until the mixture looks like coarse breadcrumbs. Whisk together the egg yolk and 3 tbsp water and whizz with the pastry until it collects in a ball. Wrap in cling film and leave it to rest in the fridge for at least one hour.

STEP 2
Cut button-mushroom-sized lobes of kidney from the white central core (discarding). Cut the beef into bite-sized cubes and cut the mushrooms into chunks.

STEP 3
Heat 1 tbsp of the oil in a large, heavy frying pan over a medium-high heat. Throw in the kidney and fry until lightly coloured. Tip into a colander to drain.

STEP 4
Wipe out the frying pan and return it to a low-medium heat, adding 25g/1oz of the butter and 1 tbsp oil. Tip in the onion and fry for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally, until soft and slightly golden. Transfer to a large casserole, using a slotted spoon.

STEP 5
Preheat the oven to 160C/gas 3/fan 140C. Tip the 85g/3oz flour into a large plastic bag, and season it generously. Throw in the beef and shake until lightly floured.Return the frying pan to a mediumhigh heat, adding a little more oil and butter if needed. Shake off any excess flour (reserving it) then fry the beef in batches until golden-brown. As each batch is done, transfer it to the casserole.

STEP 6
Adding more oil and butter to the frying pan if necessary, fry the mushrooms for about 2 minutes until starting to wilt, then add them to the casserole with the drained kidneys, hot water, bouillon powder and bay leaf, plus the excess flour in the bag if you like a thick gravy. Stir well, cover and cook in the oven for 75-90 minutes until the meat is tender and the sauce is thick. Cool thoroughly, then put in the fridge (preferably overnight) so any fat will solidify – it can then be skimmed off and discarded.

STEP 7
In the morning - return the pastry to cool room temperature, then roll it out thinly on a wellfloured surface. Invert a 28-30x23cm, 6.5cm deep pie dish on to the pastry. Mentally add an extra 1cm all round, then use the dish as a guide to cut out the pastry lid. From the remnants, cut out enough 6cm-wide strips of pastry to go round the dish – they should cover the flat rim and about halfway down the insides.

STEP 8
Lightly butter the rim of the dish and line it with the strip(s) of pastry, sealing any joins with a little dab of water. Butter the shoulders of a pie raiser or an upturned egg cup and stand it in the middle. Spoon in the meat mixture to come level with the top of the dish. Don’t overfill: reserve any excess gravy to serve hot with the pie.

STEP 9
Brush the pastry rim with a little water, then drape the pastry lid over it, pinching the edges to seal. Cover with cling film and keep in the fridge if not baking immediately.

STEP 10
Finally, an hour before serving - preheat the oven to 200C/gas 6/fan 180C. Make four slashes in the lid of the pie, then brush with the egg wash. Bake for 35-45 minutes until the pastry is golden brown, turning the heat down 10-20° after about 20 minutes. Remove the pie from the oven and leave it to rest for around 10 minutes before cutting into it.

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago
+1

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago
Is whizzing the same as whisking, because in my vernacular, you just told me to pee in the mixture until it looks like breadcrumbs.

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago
Enterpride is Dutch, pee is a common seasoning there. The extra water keeps the salt from being too spicy.

Here's a story about a war

3 months ago
And you'll enjoy it

Here's a story about a war

2 months ago

didn't read most of it but it seems sort of like a handy sheet for worldbuilding while writing. Although its not really a story. Its as others have said just blocks of numbers with results.

Something in the realm of 50 billion deaths seems freaking massive. What would the implications of this be on the populace? Is anyone with more numerous or fresher forces waiting to take advantage of this? There seems like there would be a lot of ramifications for these two planets. Although Im sure for some those big numbers are more mind numbing and shrug worthy at such a large degree.

Is Mexxios another planet? Or are these all states on the same planet fighting a weird large scale battle in their own little atmosphere. I missed those details. Because if Mexxios is its own planet it seems weird to have such a catastrophic effect on transportation when these others would have their own infrastructure....and still even if it was a city state or state of its own...other states would still have their own transportations in place. You mention nation so I am wondering if these are all separate states in ONE nation set under some wide galactic scale stuff?

I am wondering how Lavassia being seen as invincible despite such heavy losses would affect them in the grand scheme of things, like how other nations/planets more prone to believing the hype would rather more pragmatic leaders who might see them as being weakened.

Also is THIS an outline for a story or is it a backdrop for another story to take place either during or after these events where the consequences would be made clear?

Here's a story about a war

2 months ago
Not trying to be mean but I was bored immediately. The first paragraph is introducing all these fantasy names and then tells me the story is all about tired modern political stuff instead of any of the infinitely cool possibilities of sci fi.

I just skimmed most of the rest and I'm not going to apologize for that, I don't think it's possible for any human to stay focused while reading a bunch of numbers attached to gibberish words you haven't taken the time to assign any meaning to.

Then I saw three link and realized that this isn't even meant to be a real story, just a chunk carved out of the rest of your worldbuilding lore. But even as worldbuilding it could've been organized better in a way that was more readable.

I'm sure you could turn the things you list as happening here into a whole novel that would be cool and interesting, but the reason people are being critical is that you presented it as a story. But "stories" have characters first of all and the setting is also supposed to be a part of that, not just more worldbuilding facts shoved in a link.

Here's a story about a war

2 months ago

Yeah, to be fair I shouldn't have presented it as a story anyways, and especially not on this website. My main audience is mainly a select few people who enjoy these sorts of Wikipedia-esque hypothetical nation articles on that website. I actually do regret making this post here. There have been some helpful comments, but overall it's not worth the profound disapproval. 

Here's a story about a war

2 months ago

So what's this other website and how come you just didn't post it there?

Here's a story about a war

2 months ago

I did post it there. That's where the article was originally from.

Here's a story about a war

2 months ago

A select few? Does this select few travel around via buses that have chaperones on them?

Here's a story about a war

2 months ago

tb;dr

(too boring; didnt read)