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I was cleaning and found the reason why I was subjected to therapy in the fourth grade.

Idiots fear death. They fer killers that lurk in the shadows. But why? Life is but death with other mortaks to suffer with. Murders and kidnappers should be hailed as heros as they spare us a long life of pain and suffering. But they are cast to the side, hidden in cells like animals. Humankind is disgusting, believing in good and evil, when there is only power and those too weak to obtain it. The officials in the government are nought but fools who believe themselves smart and powerful. But they are not, they are mortal and death will claim them the same as all other mortals. So stop fearing death, you weak minded fools, and embrace the fate that will become of you.

Can you please just shut the fuck up?

You're very edgy and depressed, we get it, you can find a belt and stop being a waste of oxygen now.

Gueahhhh..

I love how when a retard is on the cusp of getting banned they always double down and make more threads 

and more accounts

If only he had been able to perceive the cryptic hint hidden in Malk's post.

Rare for someone not to improve in reading or writing past the fourth grade

So wise and profound for a fourth grader. It's such a shame your teacher/parents couldn't see the philosophical genius buried within your musings. A waste, truly.

You are truly a marvel

I already know this. Much like you, your attempts at flattery are pointless.

You did no such thing.

Totally did...mom switched to homeschool after

Your mom probably wished she had switched to sucking cock the night you were conceived after having put up with your retarded ass day in day out with homeschooling.

Well, she did say I ruined her life when I was born, like I asked to be. But homeschooling is someting she doesn't really do. I more so learn what I can, where I can. Believe it or not, I'm one of the smarter kids in my fam. Took three years to convince me cousins that vocabulary ended in a y and not an e.

had a stroke reading this

You ok?

Actually... I was just rushed to the hospital. Apparently I have Atherosclerosis from eating too much fried chicken and reading your posts. I'm about to go in for a Coronary Artery Bypass Graft surgery. It's a very dangerous process and a lot could go wrong. The cardiologist said that I might not make it through. Even if I do, I'm going to have to pay thousands of dollars in health care. I have nowhere near the money needed for it and I'm an orphan so I can't ask my family for help. If you could help, Captain, that'd be great. I just need your mom's credit card number and the three digits on the back.

Will you help me, Captain? You are, after all, a very cool person.

Oh my god, of course. Its: 5763 not totally stupid and the three digits....really nice try

I did research for that joke.

The least you could've done was play along. 

Now you're on my shit list too, buddy.

Actually I did. Those first numbers are really on my card

had a stroke reading this

Did it kill you?

Ford, nobody wants to know what you stroke yourself to.

finished my stroke reading this

HAHAHA!

Equal parts pretentious and retarded,
CaptainCool was doomed before he started.
He wanted us to read the things he wrote,
His writing stinks like Ford and Ogre sharted.

He's edgy and he tries to rock the boat
He's useless like a perforated coat
He talks a lot and never shuts his face
He'd be rebanned if left up to a vote

He's wasting air and wasting precious space
Though never quite as big a space as Ace
His thoughts are deep as puddles on the walk
He speaks without a thought, and without grace

We all wish CaptainCool would cease to talk
Though I admit, he is quite fun to mock

Useless like a... :sadpepe:

*Snap Snap Snap*

take a screenshot of your post and revisit it in 5 years

Why kidnappers? Surely they only spare you a long life of pain and suffering if they kill you after the kidnap. What if they keep you locked up in their basement for years? If anything that's prolonging the long life of pain and suffering.

I suppose I didn't consider that part then...

This looks like something that is at the top of r/im14andthisisdeep. Granted, he's 15, so it's not too far off.

In fact, I think I'll take a picture of this and post it to the reddit and see what they think about it. 

 

But anyway, I purposely went through my things and found something that was ACTUALLY written in the fourth grade. It was an essay I did in school about eating bugs. Luckily it's typed, so you won't have to see my atrocious handwriting during that time.

 

(My taste has changed since the 4th grade. I now think bugs are very cool. Though, eating them is another matter.)

 

This is what an actual 4th graders writing and thought process looks like. I was going to provide an in-depth analysis of my essay and your cringefest but I'm too lazy and tired so I will sleep and let you do that.

 

So... If I'm understanding this right... There were presumably other children in your class writing essays in favour of eating bugs?

I....I don't wanna think that, but my mind does

It's the fourth grade, I'm sure there were some. 

 

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. From what I remember, the 4th graders in my class ate boogers still so I would totally believe them to say yes to eating bugs

me and sherb have a sort of ritual we partake in that brings us closer together and we've both been out of 4th grade for many years now

Back in MY day, it was just a part of the curriculum.

At least they weren't raw worms.

Unfortunately, in fourth grade I probably would've written an essay on why you should eat bugs. 

Eat Bugs by Stargirl

Eating bugs is good for you. I know because I've seen The Lion King. Timon and Pumba say they taste like chicken and are slimy, yet satisfying. A great substitute when you're fresh out of zebra.

A mystery bug sandwich sometimes just hits the spot

Sounds like you eat it often, mate....

How did you even find this site and why are you still here?

Why? Ready to get rid of me?

*Eats mealworms*

This reminds me of my favourite Western ^_^

But then he became a chattering gibberish spewing undead, and I consider that sort of thing End's problem to clean up.

You know what? Fine! I'll shut up! But you'll miss mocking me mizal! That's why you always click on the thread! But, one day, you have an problem and you'll need a bigger problem to take care of it! I know it!

Worry less about whether we'll miss you when you're gone (we won't) and worry more about whether your parents will miss you (they won't either) 

These are no longer showing up for me.

briar's dropbox resync'd and deleted them automagically

There's a lot of times when Briar posts pics, they disappear or don't show up

I have shamelessly failed in my art theft :(