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So my mother decides to tell me about some Christian school in Washington or Wisconsin or whatever. It was 4 am I wasn't paying attention. Apparently a shooter killed two people, injured seven others, then killed himself.

When she told me this, I literally shrugged and began pouring myself a cup of coffee, then sat down to watch The Twilight Zone on Amazon Prime Video. My mom tapped my arm (she's deaf) and when I look up, she's staring at me with disappointment on her face. 
 

"You don't care?" she says to me in sign language. (For reference, my mother and father are both deaf. Although in my father's case, was, as he passed back in 2018).

I set my coffee and phone down. I shrug. "It happens every week mom. A school. A church. A club or bar. Who the fuck cares?"

 

As a father whose daughter attends school, I should care.

As a Christian whose spiritual brothers and sisters attend church, who attended this school I can't even remember the state it's located in, I should care.

As a gun owner who's 2A rights are targeted because of atrocities like this, I should care.

But to be honest? I really don't care. It happens all the fucking time. And I feel like a bad person because I see pictures of dead kids on the news and don't feel anything. Not even interest.

Is something wrong with me, or do other people feel this way?

As a wise man once said which poetically also applies to this post.

Terrorist is a dime-store rip off and adaptation of an epically classic CYS game Love Sick.  Its attempt at being edgy just makes it lame and cringe.

 

Meh. I'll be that. It just bothers me that back in 2011, when the Sandy Hook shooting happened, I was genuinely upset and angry. Now? Nothing. It kinda makes me feel like there's some part of me that doesn't exist anymore, but should. Y'know?

As others have said, your post and actions are lame and cringe. Go apologize to your mother and treat her to dinner.

What does caring do? I remember a time when I used to care. A tragedy would be announced; since I cared, I would be sad when I heard about it. Then I'd hear about the next tragedy and be sad about that.

Eventually, I realized that caring about things that you have no power to change only gives you misery. I decided that it was usually best to focus on the things that I could change; little stuff that could make my immediate surroundings better. Now I do my best where I can and ignore any problems that are outside of my influence.

If that isn't an agreeable mindset to you, then the only other option I can think of is to get into politics and amass enough power that no problem is unsolvable to you.

Note: I live in a country where guns are prohibited, so I can't talk about the exact problem you are facing.

I despite politics and people. But I suppose you have a point. Instead of being sad about dead kids in another state, I could buy a bunch of cheap stuffed animals from a dollar store and give them to a Christmas charity drive for kids. 

Ok! Seems I have a way to do some good after all. Thank you!

I'm sure they will appreciate it. :]

Do that, but also bring it up again with your mother.

Maybe tell her that the school shooting, an objectively messed up thing, is messed up and that you were just caught off guard. I know it might seem weird to bring up the conversation again, but she's obviously feeling bad that you didn't engage with her emotionally, and especially since your father died, she might confide in you or lean on you emotionally.

I don't think it's too late to salvage the situation, just be more tactful next time. Oh, and apologize.

Thanks, I actually just logged in to say this. Or at least there's definitely something wrong with someone who can't even bother to apply a basic veneer of human decency when speaking face to face with other humans, especially their own mother.

r/AITAH already exists for exactly this kind of thing, but the CYS forum being open on a tab somewhere means we get treated every morning to Ben's unfiltered 2am thoughts.

Anyway, the killer was a 15 year old girl from what I heard, the kind that would hide in a bathroom to take edgy pictures of herself making white power signs.

Shit like this happening "all the time" seems exactly like a reason for concern to me though. Identifying a thing that is systemically wrong and rejecting it is a basic function of biology in a healthy organism. When that stops happening the infection has already won.

Or at least there's definitely something wrong with someone who can't even bother to apply a basic veneer of human decency when speaking face to face with other humans, especially their own mother.

Lying is bad, mkay.

You don't have to be deeply emotionally affected to acknowledge that a bad thing is bad, and "dead kids" are one of those universal things. And there are just certain kinds of internet-normalized, never okay to say while looking another human in the eye sentiments that I think most instinctively recognize.

'As a father and as a gun owner, I should be filled with emotion at the thought of either of my babies being taken away' might be another one.

"Unless you didn't care when he died either."

Ehh I wouldn't say I didn't care. But we kinda had a shitty relationship, so I was more upset about how my mom completely shut down and was relying on me for all the day-to-day things.

Also, isn't applying a "basic veneer" of emotion when you feel none something psychopaths do?

Uh... I understood why. I stated that I was upset about it, not that I begrudged her for it. And you're the one who brought him up, anyways.

Bro stop digging yourself into a deeper hole and just talk to your mom about it, just apologize to her for being dismissive and say that you understand where's she's coming from, and next time just fake a little empathy, like "yeah that shooting was awful". I think the other posters can understand with you being numb to the shooting, but they just feel that it's better to express sympathy even if you don't fully mean it, because that's just what you do when a family member shares distressing news, or wants to talk about current events that made them upset. Also, like Darius said, it wouldn't hurt to invite your mom out to dinner, because she's probably feeling a little hurt.

Also I really like your idea of donating toys to a Christmas charity children's toy drive, that's really genuine and shows you are a pretty caring person, it's just that you're emotionless on the surface, but deep down you care. Not that many people would do that, so it's really sweet.

No that isn't what psychopaths do.  

Realizing that other people in different situations than you are in may be hurting or in pain and demonstrating that you understand that even if you don't feel the same way is what people who are not total selfish dumbasses do.

Actually psychopaths do what you describe yourself as: a lack of empathy and a diminished capacity for human feeling

Your reaction reminds me of that one South Park episode where Randy didn't give a shit about Stan almost dying in a school shooting. I don't think your reaction is that uncommon. Most people can relate or at least understand your feelings of being desensitized to it to a degree, but it should still illicit empathy for the kids and the families. But again, for some your feelings are at least somewhat more common than some might like to think. It's hard to empathise when it feels so distant from you and your reality.

Your mom sounds really lovely, bless her heart. Next time it might be better to explain to her how your feelings are a bit more nuanced than just "not giving a shit" And that in reality youre desensitized from the gore of it but still feel for the kids who lost their lives and for the grieving families. That will probably clear up any miss understandings and validate both your view and your mom's feelings.

Obviously if that's not the case and you really just don't care. You can just leave the discussion there. Although it probably won't land well for your mom if you really think that, understandably.

My first guess would be a lot.

As for caring about this or not, well I can't say as I do, but then I'm probably not the best role model. Lol

However if it turned out that one of you lot got shot then I'd probably care. Of course how much exactly would depend on which one of you it was, but the fee fees would still be there to some degree!

We would certainly care if you got shot, though we hope it doesn't happen. I hope no one here has to go through that.

But yeah, Ben, take this as an opportunity for you to connect with your mother. I think you have conveyed that you feel bad for being desensitized by the regular cycle of violence. Let her know that you do care, even if it can be overshadowed by numbness.

Tbh, you should probably talk to a therapist instead of asking a CYOA community. I think its sad to see that the world we live in does desensitize people to violence and the horrors of war. I remember when I was in the Army we would watch wild fucked up LiveLeak vids of Taliban executions and stuff because we were edgy cool dudes getting paid to play army and shoot at people.

All that being said, realizing you should care is acknowledging you can empathize/ sympathize with those people. You even listed reasons WHY you should care and WHY you should have an opinion on the shooting.

In my experience, my apathetic behavior is from depression (the big sad), but I can say this because I actually saw a therapist, got diagnosed and went through treatment (spoiler alert: there is no magic cure). I learned alot about emotions, how they manifest, how to identify them and logically express myself and not bottle them up. By understanding yourself, you can see patterns in your behavior and most of these "numb/apathetic" tendencies are from an underlying cause.

So no, there is nothing wrong with you. I'm sure there are hundreds of people that feel the same. Hell, I even feel that way most of the time. I think you just need to talk to a professional to guide you through what your feeling. 

TLDR; seek professional help and stop being a needy edge lord on a writer's forum. Take your mom to dinner. Fag.