Hues of Infection

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain some spoilers, so I implore you to read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The description displays a few lines of dialogue. While there is no indication of who is saying what, or what the acronyms/ sci-fi terms stand for, it conveys a sense of urgency and tension. All their trust is put in one Remroid to resolve a situation involving an incognito facility. The control of information raises questions to pique the readers’ interest in the story.

The first page sheds some more light on the situation, providing details of the protagonist's mission. Stakes are outlined clearly: lives may be lost, including the protagonist's, and he's to save as many uninfected as he can.

As for the writing style, it's exactly what I'd imagine a robot's to be like. The prose focuses on observations about the world—just enough to convey what is going on, without any feelings or metaphorical/ abstract descriptions. It's straight to the point and borderline informational (I like that it never veers into infodumping). For instance: “You stop at two white sealed doors. They're opening, albeit slowly. Must've started when your lift reached the floor.”

Also, you can ‘glean’ that someone is telling the truth, but not ‘gleam’ (unless you're shining a bright light at someone as an interrogation technique).

There's possibly some foreshadowing of misuse of power, as Czarny is the only one who has access to the full information of what is truly happening. He holds all the power and control; there aren't any override codes or ways to gain access to certain parts. Despite that, Verdes does have a good amount of authority to carry out his mission.

WRITING STYLE

Suspense is cultivated through short and succinct clauses, e.g. “the air is off” and “something isn't right”. Little details hint towards the gravity of the situation, from the cold coffee in the abandoned room to the lady with red and black stains on her coat.

There were a few typos and grammatical errors, but nothing too jarring.

Dialogue is often used to convey information. When the protagonist speaks with other characters, they start to explain their perspective of the situation, providing puzzle pieces to the mystery that is E Event. Sometimes, the protagonist also reveals information which is new to the reader. It comes as a surprise, though this method is preferable to infodumping about everything at the start.

Later in the story, there are a few descriptive passages. I'm torn, because on one hand, I enjoyed reading them, but on the other, it goes against the Remroid's pre-established narrative style: “Sickly growths glide across the walls at a snail's pace, large chunks of wall are cracked, and a black gas leaks, pooling near the ceiling”.

CHARACTERS

When I realized the protagonist is a robot, I was looking forward to seeing how situations of human life and emotions would be touched upon. His name, Verdes, adds a touch of personality that his title Remroid lacks. As for his abilities, these move the plot forward by allowing him to find out information that a human narrator would not be able to, such as scanning for life forms.

The phrase “Wouldn't expect a sympathetic question from a Remroid” reminds me of a time I tried to outsmart chatgpt by making it admit it was wrong (I eventually managed to do so but the details are irrelevant here). One of my attempts revealed that despite it not having any feelings, it is programmed to employ a conversational and friendly style. I like the idea that such emergency Remroids are wired to be calm and sympathetic to put humans at ease when evacuating them. For instance, he uses phrases such as “do not be concerned” and “calm down” when speaking to the agitated research assistant.

I noticed another comment pointing out that everyone had the same voice. In a way, most side characters were panicked and worried (which is of course understandable given the situation), but this contrasted with the protagonist's collected nature. Furthermore, Vaskas seemed to trust Czarny with his life. It's ironic given the situation they're all in.

Speaking of Czarny, the protagonist's dialogue becomes harsher and sterner when speaking to him. "I am not impressed by superficial observations, Principal Investigator." Rather than evacuating him, Verdes also interrogates him about the heir. Unsurprisingly, Czarny is the only one to act against the order of the Remroid if asked to stay.

PLOT

Fascinating world building throughout the story. I like the idea of a somewhat-transient robot rescuing people from a facility overtaken by a dangerous infection. Having the protagonist search each floor and decide whether to let them go is a novel concept. This separates the storygame into stages and presents an important choice at each instance, which also changes the overall success of the mission.

Having the heir of the Fome family was a great way to keep the story from becoming predictable. All along, the mission was to identify the unaffected and release them without risking their lives by letting the affected go. Despite this, there's still the goal of saving as many lives as possible. This time, due to the heir's connection to Organ, the protagonist is instructed to save her at all costs. Perhaps this is a commentary on how influence and status can… well, influence a person's treatment (sorry for the pun).

I enjoyed the bits and pieces of world building scattered around the story. There was the food stuff being grown in labs and scanning an arm to identify a person. One of the details I found amusing is how the floor called Brain Cubicles does not have actual brains, but only because Organs Ethic Enforcements forbade this.

The protagonist is the perfect person to carry out this mission. Even when he's begged to help an infected man escape, if the reader makes the choice to leave him behind, the narration remains free of guilt, sympathy or emotion. Ultimately, a decision is made and the story goes on until the quest reaches its conclusion.

Soon, Czarny starts burning records. I knew he was not to be trusted. I like that the protagonist says, “You had your chance at mutual cooperation Czarny”, knowing how best to deal with people like him. Then it's revealed that the sickness was created a long time ago and has been spreading ever since. And it's intelligent, too. It ran the risk of being found out so it tried to escape, therefore infecting the whole facility. For a climax, while the revelations answered some lingering questions, perhaps giving the reader a chance to choose what to say to convince Czarny to provide information would make it more satisfying. As it stands, the information doesn't seem earned or rewarded. It was given somewhat freely.

It's a cool detail that Remroids see each other as family. It gave the unfeeling protagonist a bit more relatability as he saved Ramadi. The last line felt ominous: “Maybe humans will cease being so troublesome after another major revision.” So I guess this is how artificial intelligence will take over the world. If I had a nitpick, it would be how quickly the protagonist turned against humans after having gone on this whole mission to help them in the first place. It felt a bit out of character. But I'm surprised by how emotional this sentence was, considering it was said by a robot: “Let him feel what it is like to lose your skin, your voice, and your identity. I will also show him how to work efficiently, even if humans are much quicker to take apart."

I spotted an error: on the ‘kill him’ page and ‘burn the records page's after finding Ramadi, there are no links to proceed. I'm guessing this might be something to do with variables because the usual ‘there are no links on this page’ text isn't there either.

Sending up the wrong people would lead to disaster. Maybe I used the back button too much or something, but when I got to the clear skies ending (not letting anyone go lol, observing and capturing Czarny and making Cian stay but stopping to get Blanc), it ends abruptly with the paragraph “Heading straight for the manual controls, you are contacted by Gelb”. There isn't an End Game and Leave Comments link. It's probably a bug as the “More Arrive, Roja” page has ‘%%CC%=%2%%%’ and ‘%%’. Other iterations like intervening, killing Czarny and leaving Blanc lead to the same error.

The story makes use of delayed choices so I'm not even sure if I've explored all of the endings. Maybe I missed something, but it seems like not saving anyone was the only way to get to the clear skies path, where the others were marked as casualties. Saving Melyna and Turuncu also results in clear skies, although there's no link to proceed.

Overall, I enjoyed this storygame, though the bugs made it rather difficult to achieve a positive ending. But perhaps it might be thematic—it's almost as if the infection started affecting this story to ensure it'll win most of the time.

Thank you everyone!

I agree with Darius about everyone having the same voice. If it were intentional – done for some purpose – it'd be neat. But alas that's not the case. Instead, it contributes to the story being harder to read than it aims to be.

I will share there is one path that leads to Roja having her guards attack you – but it doesn't go well for them. Still, more variety in responses would help keep the floors feeling distinct.

If anyone wants to stumble onto this ending, you need to skip the fourth floor (lie about crisis on the engineering floor) and visit the sixth's resident (investigate). Generally, there are some differences on the eighth floor depending on if you skip prior ones or not, since then you get to the bottom slower or faster. If you skip fourth and visit the sixth as per the above, and then also kill Czarny before running into Roja, you can do the identity theft ending.

I'm not expecting much traffic if I don't re-release this, so I just wanted to mention this somewhere for posterity's sake.

Regarding some of Wizzy's comments, the story does aim to offer variety across a few playthroughs. Reading more than that, such as trying to see everything, and things can get repetitive – but if the writing is solid, and mayhaps the page names distinct, it might be doable. A pain to script, since one incorrect calculation and suddenly an ending can't be reached.

Otherwise, some of the endings could've definitely been longer. Just a few scenes more to wrap things up. This is especially true for some of the easier to reach endings, so it kinda sucks that they aren't more satisfying.

I do think that a stronger and clearer delivery with certain plot scenes would also help improve the story by a lot. I'm also bothered by the near certainty that not all stray %'s have been caught. I guess they look sci-fi-ish enough to not ruin immersion completely.

Cyclonis, Haemorrhoids are serious business even in the future. (They're called Remroids because: roid = robot & REM = rapid-eye-movement, a stage of sleep where dreams happen).

RJman, I even had plans for dlc!

- Shooting Turuncu when you meet him, allowing for a 'kill everyone' approach.

- If you don't send up any infected, that path could've been expanded to cover three different things: the Remroid Reinforcement, Blakitny's Fabricated Life, and Czarny's (optional) mention of Ramadi (and thus details on his whole situation).

Sending up Cian as the only infected leads to a short unique ending, where the lift is dragged down, but it could’ve led to the depths of the 7th floor, the infection, and Blakitny too (or what's left of him).

Another spot is a continuation from you running away from the site, after the infestation has spread to the surface (because of you sending any infected up).

And, finally, joining the infestation instead of using the Remroid's Nill satellite cannon. (This would've been a split from the ending where you only send up infected, while keeping the non-infected inside the facility).

It should be clear how some of these push the scope way too far, and hence why there wasn't time to implement them. Long paths that are hard to reach are also iffy, but I really don't mind making them if it's fun to do so! They are lower priority though.

DireRyse, glad to hear about the writing's impact. Now, imagine how good it could've been if all of it was 100% intentional, aha! (Even having a difference of voice between the Remroids, humans, and infection could've done a lot).

Overall, I'm still proud of this, and I hope to carry what I've learned to future projects! And should any errors be noticed, feel free to message me.

P.S. Characters being named after colours is why it is called Hues of Infection.

This is a storygame with a premise that I haven't seen on this site. In addition, it's actually well-executed (within the constraints of the story). This means it's essentially a unicorn. Overall, this story is a short but sweet adventure with some replay value, cool--albeit unexplored--lore, and solid writing.

The story works really well within the word count constraints. The plot is concise, action-packed, yet full of worldbuilding, and I feel like it lends itself to at least one or two replays--depending on how well you do your first time around. Despite the fact that it does feel complete, the plot also suggests a continuation of the story, one which could easily be incorporated to bring the plot to its total conclusion.

Atmosphere is pretty on-point, but I feel like some of the choices aren't clearly conveyed in the context of the situation. We're forced to make choices from the POV of a character that has vastly more knowledge than us. Simultaneously, this kind of forces you to play through more of the story, so I guess it accomplishes a goal. I did feel like I had a pretty comprehensive understanding of the main story, but the lore that is mentioned isn't explained at all--although it's implied that there might be a correlation between the events.

The atmosphere is enhanced by the writing, and the story had few SPAG errors or awkward lines as icing. I felt like I could comfortably set myself into the MC's shoes after playing through once, and I could logically deduce some of the plot points to reach what I assume is the best ending. Although they weren't entirely clear on the first readthrough, they made more sense with the context gleaned from that reading.

I actually enjoyed this a lot. It was cool, it didn't over-stay its welcome, and it left me wanting more.

Very suspenseful.

It reminds of a 2000's era survival hour game in ways.

In any case, you make not only a great reviewer, but also a writer as well, Zake.

Cool game where you play as a Remroid, which I'm not completely sure but I think is a kind of sci fi slang for a Hemorrhoid.

It was nice, but got over quite quickly.

I think this was a very interesting storyline and world. You did a great job making the reader want more by the end of it. Aside from the usual spelling mistakes or grammatical errors - it wasn't too bad technically speaking.

Story-wise it was very enjoyable to read. I liked how each floor played a different role. Starting off with the 8th floor being completely shut off and had no contact was a great way for me to start thinking what could be down there. After reading your post in the forum about the story, I'm glad you decided to keep it short and to the point. The point blankness of the writing actually made it seem like I was really an android.

Great job!

In the brain cubicles I found a coding bug. Plus in the eighth floor

%%BLANC%>%0%"I am not impressed by superficial observations, Principal Investigator, just as I am not impressed with needing to clean up your mess."
"Blaming me already?"

"You know what awaits you."

"Of course," his cheer is diminished. "It was always a risk I took, taking on all that I did. But all I did was for Organ, and I am sure they will come to see that. And besides, look at you acting like this mess has been sorted out, we aren't at the finger pointing stage just yet!"0BLANC%=%0%"I am not impressed by superficial observations, Principal Investigator."

"Remroids are so hard to please."

"You've interacted with us before?"

"Can't say that I have. Not much at least," he adds.%%

The dialogue was a little difficult to read through. It almost feels like there was only one person talking. Everyone had kind of the same voice.

The descending floors was a fun element and it was a fun thing to anticipate what the lower level might bring.

I was surprised that no one tried to attack you when you say to the other people to stay put. Wouldn't any of them downright panic and threaten you, but they seem to take the infection quite well.