So, this is something EndMaster suggested. I thought it would be fun, so we'll be fleshing out my superhero universe, Born Among a Hundred.
Fell free to vote on where you want the story to go. Comments and questions are nice too.
Here we go...
- - - - -
Jonathan wipes the blood from his mouth, easily dodging the projectile flames, allowing it to whiz past his ear. "C'mon man, you can do better than that!" He yelled, standing on the balls of his feet. The two boys stood in a large room, the white even floor a canvas for their duel. The bright lights filled the room, and Jonathan leered at his opponent.
"Just stand still!" Patrick screamed, while filling the space surrounding him with flickering flames. He launched another fireball towards Jonathan, keeping his distance. That was the only shot he had at winning, as he knew his friend would beat him in a close-quarters situation. The orb of combusting air missed its target, as Jonathan evaded gracefully.
A sigh escaped Jonathan's lungs, "If you can't hit a moving target, you aren't going to get promoted."
"You're too fast!" Patrick argues, wiping the sweat from his brow. "You know this is hard for me."
Jonathan rubs his close-shaven head. They were both young, not much older than sixteen. It was difficult for both of them, for all the subjects in the compound. Most of the scientists didn't care much for their well being, and the boys had been subjected to painful and grueling tests for most of their lives. Jonathan thinks back to the more painful times, before their abilities had emerged. Shuddering, he looks back to Patrick. "We've made it this far," Jonathan steps toward his friend, "We can't let the others die for nothing."
"I know that, it's just..." Patrick trailed off, turning away. Jonathan took another step forward, and in a flash of a moment was blasted backwards by a forceful contained explosion.
Jonathan's back hit the floor, and flames licked his white jumpsuit, singing it. He knew Patrick held back as to not hurt him, but it was painful all the same. He wheezed for air as he recovered. He let his head fall back onto the hard floor.
The intercom was activated, filling the room with the familiar voice of Dr. Napier. She was a maternal figure for many of the subjects at the compound. Her voice was even and bright, "Well done, Patrick." He voice shifted to that of disappointment, "Jonathan, you need to stay on task. Both of you, report to your bunks for now."
Patrick runs over to Jonathan, in hopes of helping him up. Jonathan frowns, and gets to his feet. "I'm sorry Jon, I did what I had to."
- Respond aggressively
- Respond passively
- Ignore Patrick
You forgot to tell us who we were, man.
It doesn't matter who you are man, just respond aggressively!
There's three people involved in this third-person narrative. No way to know for sure.
We play as Jonathan.
1. Respond aggressively.
Respond aggressively it is, then.
- - - - -
Jonathan scowls, his hands balling into fists.
He knew he would have to go easy on Patrick in the duel, and dreaded that they were paired. The researchers knew they were friends, yet they allowed it. He didn't even attempt to advance towards his friend, either. He knew he would have won if he had. Patrick wasn't a very good fighter, and had trouble utilizing his abilities. Jonathan on the other hand was an adept fighter, and speed was his ally.
Jonathan's fist flew into Patrick's chest, forcing his friend backwards with a sharp force. Patrick fell over with a look of terror in his eyes as Jonathan stood over him. "I'm sorry!" Patrick's hands flew up in defense. It was fear that muddled his ability to control his fire, and Jonathan knew this.
Jonathan quickly picked up his friend, setting him onto his feet. "I'm not." Jonathan said sharply, walking out of the training room. Patrick stood alone.
. . . .
Back at his bunk, Jonathan sat on his bed without a word to his roommates. They knew not to bother him when he was upset. They stood around, or sat on their beds in the bleak room. Metal frames and plain beige sheets adorned the bunk beds. One of Jonathan's roommates, Chip, plopped sown next to him. Chip was a year younger than Jonathan, but very charismatic. However, he was known for his unique psychic attributes. Chip respected the privacy of others, and tended not to probe the thoughts of others. His battle technique was to create illusive illusions to toy with his opponents. Jonathan knew this well.
"How did your duel go?" Chip asks, even though he already knows the answer. Most of the duels and training exercises are displayed on screens in many of the rooms of the compound.
- "I don't want to talk about it."
- "It went well."
- "Not so good..."
Thanks for the advice, I just spew these out. I'll be sure to think more about things like that.
EDIT: Now that I recall, I had been meaning to write 'elusive' instead.
2. "It went well."
"I don't want to talk about it."
I don't want to talk about it.
Haha, very insightful of you, Mizal.
We should vote option 1 for every post.
Now I can use this information to manipulate the story.
Everyone now pick the 2nd or 3rd options.
I will firmly always choose option 2 now.
Jonathan inhales deeply, "I'm not in the mood to talk about it." He looks down and grips his sheets.
"That's alright, I get it." Chip looks at Jonathan, "Dueling friends is always tricky. Either you go too easy, or do something you'll regret. You did your best."
The intercom blares, with a different voice from before. Instructor Arthurs' gruff voice spoke, "All subjects report to the assembly hall for instruction."
Jonathan was pleased to get out the conversation between Chip and him. He knew Chip wanted to help, but simply wanted to be left alone for the moment. The entire bunk forms a line, and awaits for their appropriate counselor. The door opens, and Counselor Jeri appears in the open doorway. "It looks like Arthurs has another lesson."
"He always does." Chip quips.
Jeri smirks, and leads the way. The bunk follows, as the door shuts behind them.
The entire body of counselors and subjects stood in an ordered block, only taking up third of the space in the assembly hall. Ordered by bunk, with 100 bunks and a total of five subjects in each bunk. Jonathan's bunk number is 17, and even had a badge on his white jumpsuit that proved it.
Everyone stands, with Instructor Arthurs at the front. The middle-aged man's voice fills the room, and demanded everyone's attention. "Focus is a tool I find to be imperative to our cause," His voice booms, as the subjects and counselors listen and watch attentively. No one dares to do otherwise. "To lose one's focus, he damns himself to failure."
He's talking about me, Jonathan thinks to himself. His anger flares as his mind rushes back to Patrick. Suddenly, he has a realization. Patrick took the opening, he knew I was distracted. With this, a pang of guilt rings in his heart.
Arthurs continues to speak as Jonathan's thoughts fester. "So, Jonathan of bunk 17 and Counselor Jericho, please step forward."
Jonathan snaps to attention at the mention of his name and his counselors. I knew this was going to happen, he exists his line and comes forward with his counselor. Jonathan's uneasiness washes away as he stands with Jeri, and listens to the instructor's words.
"Now, focus will allow you to remain hold of your wits, and have a greater control of your abilities," Arthurs explains as the subjects and counselors watched. "Jonathan, I want you to land a strike on your counselors back." Arthurs looks to Jeri, "Jericho, do not let him. Employ every defensive tactic you have."
Jericho uses hard-light energy. He's been known to create dense shields and walls at will, Jonathan frowns. He knows that this session will not be easy. Although he was surely faster than his councilor, Jeri has been given the task of defending himself, which he excels at.
"Begin." Arthurs commanded.
Jonathan searched his mind for a solution. Focus. That is what Arthurs was lecturing about. Focus and do what you do best, he thought.
- Distract Jeri, then strike
-Rush Jeri head on
-Toy with Jeri and search for an opening
Search for an opening and use a sex toy on Jeri
3. Toy with Jeri and search for an opening.
Toy with him.
2. Rush Jeri head on!
Lol, you stuck to your guns.
Always XD (Though I do like 3 more :P...I mean, nothing. I didn't say anything.)
Since everyone is going all "3" and "2", I'll pick 1 :D (Although we all know the winning option is 3 -sigh-)
Instructor Arthurs took a step back, standing in front of the duel that was about to commence.
Jeri's hands glow with a pink light, as Jonathan and his counselor circle each other. Jonathan dashed forward, raising his left fist in an attempt to strike. In response, Jeri raised his arms to block the blow. With a glare of his eyes, a sizable cube of hard light pushes Jonathan back.
Jonathan gritted his teeth and smashed the cube into pieces with a single punch, sprinting again towards Jeri.
"Do not allow your anger to get the best of you, Jonathan." Arthurs advises, watching calmly.
Jonathan continues to run, and swipes at Jeri, who conjures another cube. With a pleased smirk, Jonathan leaps onto the cube and uses it as a spring board to leap onto his counselor. As he soars through the air, he kicks Jeri in the chest, thrusting him backwards and onto the ground.
Arthurs' often gruff voice brightens, "Good!"
Jeri rolls to recover, and casts a wall between himself and Jonathan. With a scowl and a few animalistic grunts, the speedy subject employs a barrage of attacks, each one denting or cracking the field of energy. Jonathan's fists make contact, his fury grows, and with a final blow, he shatters the shield.
The counselor squints, and fires a dense ball of energy at Jonathan.
This again, Jonathan tries to not think about the fight between Patrick and him. Jonathan sidesteps the ball, and readies himself for more projectiles. His counselor amasses a dozen spheres of light, and has them circle Jonathan.
Jericho's eyes meet with his subject, and Jonathan responds with a fierce glare. Jonathan was glad that Jeri was able to take anything he could give him, even though his face displays otherwise. This is a real duel. A challenge, Jonathan's look of fury changed to a sly smirk.
The orbs fling themselves towards their target, missing by only hairs. Jonathan's speed is just enough to evade the projectiles. Spheres zip past his body, as he ducks, flips, and dodges all the while gaining ground on his counselor.
He's lost his focus. He has no idea I'm this close, Jonathan's smirk grows into a grin as he slips underneath his opponent. Jeri turns and dishes out a heavy roundhouse kick, sweeping Jonathan away. What? NO! Jonathan's face contorts into a rage-induced scowl as he lunges toward his duel partner.
In the middle of the air, only a few feet off the ground, Jonathan hangs. Two pink walls of translucent energy hold him up, and he struggles to escape. The walls merge into a single bubble, successfully trapping the subject.
Instructor Arthurs nods in approval, his face revealing nothing of his emotions.
Jonathan's bubble slowly shrinks, causing him to panic. Jeri stands below with his arm suspended, and fingers slowly coming together. Focus! You get out of this! Jonathan pushes out with his arms and legs in an attempt to resist against the crushing force. It was no use. He needed to get behind Jeri, and end the session. Jonathan closes his eyes, and pushes with all of his strength, but with no avail.
Thinking back to the duel earlier, he thought of what he had said to Patrick. We can't let the others die for nothing, Jonathan recalled. The pain and fear rushed back in an instant, and in another were quelled by Jonathan's own power. I've got to go on! Get behind Jeri!
A strange power erupts in the boy, and Jonathan found himself free from the clutch of the bubble. His eyes pop open, and sees Jeri's back facing him. Wasting no time, with his heart pounding and mind racing, he pulls back his fist and jabs his counselor in the back.
Each of the counselors and subjects stood in astonishment. Instructor Arthurs, unfazed, congratulates Jonathan. "Well done, Jonathan. You have surprised us all."
. . . .
The instruction was over, and the subjects and counselors were directed to the cafeteria for dinner. All about, seemingly everyone was talking about Jonathan. He stood in line, holding a plastic tray. A clean-shaven man wearing an apron and jumpsuit behind the counter emptied his ladle onto Jonathan's tray, "Good job, kid."
Jonathan didn't mind the attention. He knew people were talking about him, and what he did. Jeri had told him he had displayed a new ability, and would train with all of them the next day. Teleportation, The word chimed in his mind.
Bunk number seventeen split into their own preferred groups, but Chip had decided against it. He appears beside Jonathan with his trademark grin. "So, what do you think?" Chip asks, looking up at his roommate and carrying his own tray of unmentionable slop.
"I'm not sure what to think," Jonathan walked, looking for a suitable place to sit. In his direct line of sight, he finds Patrick sitting alone. He would usually sit next to him, but now he wasn't so sure.
Chip notices Jonathan's discomfort, and looks at Patrick as well. "Why don't we sit with Patrick?" Chip suggests, in hope of reconnecting the two boys.
- Find another spot
- Sit next to Patrick
isn't this 2? FIND ANOTHER SPOTTTTT
Find another spot.
I like the way you think, Mayana!
I would pick two, but you can pick for us again.
Sit next to Patrick.
?I haven't read these yet, but I will. I want to see how it'd go with the awkwardness and how you'd write it. I think it's the harder option to write. :D
2) Sit next to Patty.
I mean, Jonathan does feel guilty for acting out on his anger so impulsively. He would want to apologize. Patrick and him have been through worse together.
2! Sit next to Patrick!
- Sit next to Patrick
- - - - -
"Sure, Chip." Jonathan sets his tray down next to Patrick and takes a seat, while Chip sits down on the other side of the table. Jonathan thinks of what to say, prodded by the awkward silence. He opens his mouth to apologize, and in the same moment, so does Patrick. The two struggle to determine who goes first.
Chip grins an open-mouth smile, as the two attempt to reconnect.
Patrick looks at Jonathan for a moment, "I'll go first."
Jonathan places his hand on Patrick's shoulder. "I was wrong. I'm the one who needs to apologize, not you."
Patrick seems surprised. It wasn't often Jonathan opened up like this. He allowed his friend to continue, nodding.
"I know you did what you could to win. If I hadn't stopped, you would have- " Jonathan stops. This is not what he wanted to say. "I mean, you took advantage of your enemy's weakness. You did what you had to. I understand now. I am sorry, despite what I said before."
With a grin Patrick wrapped his arms around his friend, "I forgive you, Jon." Jonathan reluctantly accepts the hug, and Chip's grin grows into a full blown smile.
It was time to stop hugging, as it was getting awkward.
. . . .
The subjects and counselors finished dinner and returned to their bunks. Jonathan found himself laying on his bed staring up in the darkness. Today was..., Jonathan decided he couldn't find a word to describe how he felt. He had developed a new ability, something that rarely happened, defeated Jeri in a duel, and made up with his friend. He was excited to train with Jeri and his roommates the next morning. With a heart full of confusion, excitement, and joy, he fell asleep.
Like many nights before, Jonathan's unconscious mind drifts into his memories. The excruciating medical procedures, physical tests, and mental strain had return to him. He tosses and turns in his bed. Familiar faces, the people he knew flash in and out of focus. Dr. Napier, caring and stern. Patrick, feeble and loyal. Jeri, strong and patient. Instructor Arthurs, calm and gruff. Chip, brash and intelligent.
His mind wafts on, leaving Jonathan with what he said to Patrick during his duel, what he has internalized, and what keeps him going. We can't let the others die for nothing.
Jonathan is shook, and is awoken abruptly. Jeri and Chip stand over him with their hands to their mouths, signifying that he should keep quiet. "The others are sleeping, we need you to wake up!" Jeri whispers forcefully.
"What's going on?" Jonathan sits up in his bed, and gets out of bed. The room is dark, he knows they shouldn't be awake.
"We are leaving the facility, Jonathan." Chip says, eyes wide open with a look of fear and excitement.
The notion of leaving was groundbreaking for Jonathan. He knew that something existed beyond the compound, as subjects and mentors who became promoted high enough were sent away.
Jeri whispered, leaning in, "We've been planning this for months. I've memorized the maps, I know where to go. This is going to be very dangerous, and people may die. We only have one chance. But, Dr. Napier and a handful of other scientists are helping us, as well as other bunks of subjects and counselors." Jeri stood firm, and seemed a little nervous.
- "What's the plan?"
- "What about Patrick?"
- "I don't know what to say..."
- "I can't do this."
How do you guys read these so fast? Haha.
Zag. You must understand that some people read a lot. I am one of those people. We normally read fast too, so get over it XD
I read fast too, but I guess I thought it would take longer for people to reply.
Maybe they're not reading at all and just posting a choice option to see how fast you can write.
That was my initial thought, but it was driven out by my hopes of otherwise.
"What about Patrick?"
2. What about Patrick?
Maybe I should make all the horrible or morally incorrect options number two.
I think you should make ALL the choices like that.
Haha, too late for that, Pops. You all have established the base of this Jonathan's character. Quick to anger, impulsive, but also caring and obedient.
I will still choose 2, most likely xD
Y'all, sometimes you've gotta pick the least interesting option and see what the author comes up with
4) -"I can't do this"
*gets crushed by bubble*
To hell with Patrick! What's the plan?! (1)
I'll merge one and two for the next entry.
why is your character such a goody two-shoes? I have a burning hatred for everything nice.
goody two shoes? not really, but he knows when he's wrong. most of the subjects are obedient to the instructors and counselors. It's the scientists they resent.
fine,whatever. I just think a rivalry between Patrick and Jonathan would've been totally awesome tho
its not a good rivalry if they aren't matched somehow
Mix option 1 and 2. Pwees.
Earlier in this same thread, on this same day:
"I'll merge one and two for the next entry."
is it possible to mix all four? MAKE HIM BIPOLAR
You has no creativity.
You have no reason.
"What about Patrick, and what's the plan?"
"You're a good friend, Jon, and an even better- " Jeri is about to say subject, but decides on a more personal word, "-an even better student. Patrick is in one of the bunks that are helping us. He doesn't know of the plan, but his counselor does."
Jonathan nods, "So, how is this going to work?"
Chip stays silent, a rare thing. Jeri answers Jonathan's question, "We wake up your roommates, and if luck has it, they'll make the right choice. I'll open the door without any trouble, as you know, I know the key code. Then, I'll inform the subjects of what they need to do to escape, and direct them to where they need to go. I'm also going to have to escort Dr. Napier out of her room, and create a blockade for our opponents."
"I understand." Jonathan whispers.
"But, this is all in the best case scenario. As Arthurs has said, prepare for the worst." Jeri allows a small and sad smile to show. "I'm going to miss the man. He'll most likely try to stop us, and amass a force of other bunks."
Chip keeps his voice low, "It's most likely going to be messy."
Jonathan feels a bit nervous, but attempts to shove the feeling into the back of his mind. One chance. We can do this. All of us. "So, what now?"
Jeri points to the three other roommates. "Wake them up, and tell them what's going on. If they refuse to follow, neutralize them. I know it sounds harsh, but it's what must be done. We want this to go as smoothly as possible."
Chip and Jonathan get to the task, and Jonathan shakes the boy above him. "Brett, wake up." Jonathan urges, as Brett slowly opens his eyes, rubbing them.
"What?" He asks tiredly, "What's going on?"
"We're leaving the compound," Jonathan quickly explains a shortened version of what Jeri and Chip had told him.
Brett isn't too bright, but looks up to Jonathan. He reluctantly agrees.
Behind him, a shout cries, "No! We ca- " before the roommate can finish Jonathan's anger flares, as he leaps off the bunk bed and delivers a sharp jab to the boy's head. He stops shouting, dazed. Chip waves his hand, and the boy falls asleep.
Jeri helps another roommate out of his bed, Rahm. "Good." Jeri begins, "Four out of five subjects. Not too bad. Do we all understand what we need to do?"
Rahm shakes off the grogginess, and nods dutifully. Rahm wields the ability of density control, able to liquefy or harden his body at will. He is a skilled fighter and his set of skills makes him a valued ally. He doesn't talk much, and often has a blank or serious expression plastered on his face. In this moment, he wears the latter.
Brett on the other hand, is scatterbrained and talkative, and often finds himself with Chip. Tonight, he stays silent. He absorbs all forms of energy, feigning the ability of control over cold and darkness. He has been training to be able to release his stored energy at will, but with little results.
Jonathan looks at all of his surviving bunk. I wonder how many will have to be left behind?
Jeri nods, "let's go. Be swift, quiet, and stick to me. I'm sure they already suspect something is up." With that, he inputs the key code to open the door.
The remains of the bunk steps out into the dim and cold hallway, and find another full bunk waiting for them. Jeri motions for them to follow him. They obey.
Glad to see you were luckier than us, Jonathan thinks.
A few other doors open, and their members join the amassing group. A total of four full bunks, and four incomplete ones walk down the hallway. Jeri motions to Chip and another subject in the crowd. All of the renegade bunks feel a strange connection between each of them.
Thanks to Chip and Breanna, a mental link has been established, Jeri's voice is heard in everyone's head. We must act quickly. Follow this hallway, and go to the left. Counselor Aaron will deal with any guards or active scientists. Then, continue and enter the middlemost door...
Another door down the hallway opens, and a bolt of lightning strikes the hallway wall. A booming thunderclap follows. A fight must have broken out in that bunk.
No! Jeri raises an energy wall, blocking off the door. Blood splatters. against the translucent force field. Aaron will take care of the rest! Go!
Jonathan looks around for Patrick or one of his bunkmates in the crowd. None of them are found. Patrick's bunk is further down the hallway, but Jeri had told the group to go ahead. The renegade bunks began to move down the hall, following Aaron, a tall, and freckled young man as he padded down the hallway.
- Follow the rest of the group
- Run down the hall to find Patrick
1) Follow the rest of the group.
Follow the group.
guys, can't you at least make him just the tiniest bit selfish?
He's already prideful, impulsive, and quick to anger. If anything, he'll probably think Patrick can handle himself. Or just be scared out of his wits by the whole situation.
Not what I would have guessed, but thank you either way.
Oh! It's good to see you here! What do you think of the story so far?
2. Run down the hall to find Patrick!
Follow the group.
The first version of this was lost, as I forgot to save it like the dummy I am. I re-wrote it without regard to the last one. Although it is shorter, this one is much better.
- - - -
Jonathan runs, catching up to his fellow subjects easily. Jogging through the halls feels unnatural to him, as they were often led at a walking pace in a single file line. He's sure the others feel the same way. Jonathan's heart beat rapidly in his chest, not from the exercise, but from the fear. Patrick will have to be strong, Jonathan thinks to himself. I can't let my emotions get in the way this time. We only have one shot.
Jonathan does his best to pay attention to Aaron's instructions as they all run together. A few doors open, and other bunks join them. Jonathan doesn't bother look at how many they have lost, and tries to keep his head clear.
Suddenly, the lights are flicked on. Panic erupts in the mental link, as dozens of flustered thoughts flood everyone's mind. "Shut up!" Aaron says aloud, as the intercom blares, and Instructor Arthurs' voice is heard.
"All bunks, awaken and stay on high alert! An escape attempt is in process. Only exit your bunks if you are willing to defeat the renegades. Permission to use lethal force. Enforcers will be deployed soon."
Aaron curses and turns around, halting everyone. "We are now endangered, so listen closely. Protect one another, and stay close to me. If you get separated, you'll most likely die, but if you survive, remember my directions to reach the final exit."
No one says anything to interject. Aaron leads the way, and turns to the left when they arrive at the appropriate corridor. A few bunk doors open up, and two counselors step out.
Through the mental link, Aaron orders everyone to attack their new foes. The body of renegade subjects and counselors surges forward, trampling their opponents.
"The strength of numbers is something to be reckoned with!" Instructor Athurs congratulates, clapping. "It seems now you can finally demonstrate my lessons in a scenario where there are no regards to safety, renegades."
Jonathan is tripped, a hand tugs on his foot in a fashion familiar to him. The mob continues to move as he is dragged across the white linoleum floor. Jonathan struggles to get a glimpse at his attacker, knowing exactly who it is.
- Mike, the stretching subject
- Todd, subject of shadows
- Zara, the telekinetic subject
2! Todd, the subject of shadows.
I have no idea why, but people with shadow-related powers always interest me a lot. (And yes, I read this.)
Haha, I had to think of some powers that could grab someone from a long distance. Polymorphism is my favorite superpower, but I'm sure Jonathan will have a hard time either way.
I thought of Shikamaru from Naruto when submitting the option of fighting Todd.
Shikamaru :o I haven't watched naturo in awhile, but he was the lazy one that could control anyone touching his shadow, right? And he could stretch his shadow? I vaguely remember the girl with the huge (fan?) fighting him in the tournament.
Polymorphism is fun x3
Yes, that's correct!
However, I imagine Todd to be more aggressive and baleful.
Hooray! I remember things! XD
And hmm..I eagerly await the next part x3 (*whisper* everyone vote #2)
Sorry Seto. I love you and all, but I picked Numero Uno.
Hooray for failed curruption!
It's not corruption >~< it was a whispered ah...plea! Definitely.
This one is my favorite option, as both Jonathan and Mike's powers are dexterity based. Naturally, they have a rivalry.
Mike, the stretchy man
Thank you :D
I want to see what happens with Shikamaru Clone. Plus, if it keeps Zag on his toes then it's good practice.
There's three for Todd and three for Mike. And none for Zara. You guys are super sexist.
Someone needs to break the tie.
Lol. There you are Boss, looking out for your servants!
I'm not sexist. I just don't want a sexy sounding character to become harmed or perish XD
lol. gender equality
Huzzah for Mike! Choose Mike!
Todd, subject of shadows
@ZagHero (I just decided to reply in my vote for this next section. I know you'll see this anyways, but I was curious as to whether I could tag someone correctly.)
I'm enjoying the story. If it were a book all of this would be the first chapter. Not much to go on, but it's a good start. I'll be interested in seeing where it goes. Keep it up.
I'm liking this so far, but I don't give a fuck at all about any of these people. We still have no idea what's going on, or who these super powered fucks are. I kind of randomly pick one choice after every post, because Idgaf. I think you could fix through showing us (not telling us) a more in-depth relationship between people (and perhaps the MC) and through some minor exposition.
The fight will explain Jonathan's connection with the character. Remember, this thread exists to flesh out a story. This is only a rough draft.
I thank you sincerely for your feedback. I'll be sure to heed it.
Looks like Mike won the majority vote. But since the votes were so close I'll write both entries separately.
Also, due to personal issues, my rate of output for these stories will be slowed. I thank you all for showing interest in something I enjoy doing.