Forums » The Lounge » Read Thread

So I've been lurking around this community for a while now and I'm confident some of the people here can handle a more mature topic. Pornography, and what to do if you catch children watching it, whether it be yours or someone else's. (Children below the ages of 18.) Not just pornography, but pornographic material in general, such as erotic literature and the like. I'm not free from blame either, and I understand the curiosity maybe once. But when you catch a child actively seeking this material out repeatedly, when is the bottom line?

What do you guys think would be "suffiecient" punishment. Talking to them about it only works so many times. Physically punishing them is just temporary, really I don't see any real options besides cutting them off from the internet, though with so many things relying on the "World Wide Web", it doesn't seem like we can keep them away from that content for long.

Thoughts on this? Opinions? Feel free to comment, though I know this came out of the blue, I do respect some of our users opinions and thoughts.

Super odd question. If you care, just get a filter for the child's interweb device. It'll block the worst stuff.

I know a program called K9 or something is really good at blocking it. I would know since I tried a lot to break through it.

K-9 is what I use on my computer. Really good, usually. You're more likely to find something 'bad' accidentally than on purpose when using it though haha.

Best part of K9 is that lots of religious websites are blocked cuz it's occult. 

True, that was a bit of a problem sometimes. lol

Filters are excellent. They cost money though, and I'm not necessarily talking about my own kids. Parents may not even know their children are exposed to this stuff. I don't chide them for watching it, I only try to explain as honestly as I can. There's this one girl the comes to mind, where we've chatted a couple times about it. But she's just really into the stuff, and to be honest, it's either just leave her the way she is, or explain it so she understands.

I definitely wouldn't want someone to force their ideas into my head, so I usually leave it up to the child to decide what's right. Sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't.

K-9 is fee! (afaik)

My statement still stands ^ But thank you for that.

Interesting. I look forward to people's responses. 

There should be punishment, maybe taking away their phone or something, but also it pisses me off when parents don't let a child read a book because of sexual themes. Unless a book is actually erotica, children over the age of 10 should be able to read it. 

 

As much as I think that porn shouldn't be legal (mostly because of revenge porn, not because of religious reasons) I also don't want to sound like these assholes http://stopmasturbationnow.org.

Old enough to masturbate, old enough to watch porn. It's not like they're hurting anyone. 

I don't want to imagine a 12 year old watching porn and wanking off to it. It's a weird topic. See, I can understand the curiosity, and the pleasurable side of it. But the fact remains that masturbation when you're so young is just not acceptable to me. 

When you're old enough to understand and be mature about it, is when its acceptable for me in my honest opinion. 

Out of curiosity, why do 'you' think it's so unnacceptable? Purely religious reasons or something else?

Oh definitely not! I'm not religious in the slightest ^ Though you do have a good point in asking.

It's not really unacceptable, in todays society, sex is everywhere. I'm not stopping the children from being exposed to it (even if I wanted to, I couldn't). But what the main problem is, is getting the children to understand porn isn't just.. What, 5 minutes of pleasure. I don't really know what position I'm in to even discuss, this. Masturbation isn't bad, it's just not good for children to start so young. It'll affect them in the long run.

How will it affect them?

^ That's what I wanted to ask too. 

Pretty sure her point is that it gives tweens and teens false expectations for sex.
Edit: Nope, not what he/she was going for.

Hate to ruin your expectations, but all of this is coming from a guys point of view ^ (I'm a guy basically.)

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

*Slips on dress, and dramatic flips long golden locks* What about now? Wait.. You're saying I could've posed as a chick this entire time?!

nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

@Animus_Alvin @Silverflame[insertnumbershere]

And I thought we coulda had a thing... :'(

... I need to find a belt.

I made that joke irl once, and the person looked so shocked. Either he didn't get it or he's one of us.

I could've had thing going on with Tanstaafl?

Damnit! Is it too late to say I was joking and I'm actually female? :O

It's over. Life is meaningless now.

Maybe change your Facebook status back to "It's Complicated". I'm already in a relationship ^^ 

Shh, she doesn't have to know..

I have no relationship with anything but existence, for it is all fluid now.

Though I haven't brought that up yet, Tanstaafl still has a huge point there. I'll have to admit, my inspiration for this post came from Swiftstryker's post on Abortion (Beating an already dead fetus, from Endmaster's perspective). I disliked the fact that most people around me think of topics such as masturbation, abortion, etc, in a black and white light. What really shone out was Sentinel Penguins post on why abortion is "okay-ish" I guess. 

I appreciate all the comments so far. Mainly, this is so that I can have this communities perspective on a mature topic such as this one. Every comment that challenged why I believe in my stance helps me. Who knows, maybe I was wrong after all and I should leave the children be, it's what I love about this community ^^

Masturbation is just like any plain ole addiction. Young children usually don't know the repercussions of masturbating. (Hell, I haven't done research on the topic or anything. Purely from my experiences and from others.) If they start young, they may not be able to stop. It eventually becomes a big distraction, and based on what I know. They'll do it more and more often to get the same "buzz" as time goes on.

Like I said, I'm not against masturbation. I want children to understand that masturbation can't be a go-to kinda thing. From what I heard, masturbation is even healthy to a degree. I'm definitely not one-sided about this whole thing.

What exactly are the repercussions of masturbation? Stress relief?

Yes, they're not hurting anyone, but themselves in my eyes ^ Remember, these are children I know and interact with. It isn't as easy as standing by and not giving a shit (though I sometimes wish it was).

Of course those filters will get rid of the majority. But somehow, "they" seem to find other sites. Whether it be images, videos, or literature. Knowing todays world, slight romantic or sexual themes are alright to a certain degree. I'm talking about more sites such as "literotica" with full blown detail on detail kind of thing. 50 Shades is borderline from the small parts I read. Endmaster's "Eternal" on the other hand, I don't mind as well due to many things, one being that he knows when to stop and how much to go on. Also the sex isn't just willy nilly, greatly influencing the story.

Hell, I've seen kids read WC fanfics.. now those are just on a whole 'nother level.

 

Well, if they're doing it repeatedly, it might be best to go to a therapist.

Pretty sure if they go see the rapist that's just going to make problem worse.

*Shrugs. They might enjoy the rapist. Who knows, right?

It only costs money if they enjoy it. If it's really therapy then their brain will shut it down, right?

What can a therapist (Not the rapey kind!) do that I can't? Not only does grabbing one cost money, it also gives the child an uncomfortable sense of attention, kind of counter-productive I know, but note that I've never told the childrens parents (yet) about it. I've always talked to them face to face. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

I hate to say it, but if you are asking about what to do in this situation yourself, you might have to take the very difficult option of doing nothing. By all means, talk to them if you must, don't do anything that would be illegal involving it, and express any worries you might have of them being exposed to their content, but there is only so much you can do for something that is not your responsibility. But be straight with them, and they're more likely to listen. That's my two cents on the subject. As far as my opinion on any "punishment" or the like, I can think of no worse punishment than the legal child to be forced to sit own and talk openly with their parents or legal guardians about this.

I also might have to double check on this, but I'm pretty sure discovering masturbation even younger than 12 is actually a more common and natural thing than most people are comfortable with. You're talking about consequences of it but I'm not sure if the consequences are as clear cut. From the sound of things, I think the best thing you could do for yourself is do more research on the subject.

Yes, it is getting to be more popular, though no surprise there with media and the like. I've always tried to sit face to face with the kids and talk to them. I know they're a lot more comfortable talking to me than with their legal parent.

Regarding that, the parents around me have always been black and white about these things. Most being Catholic and all tend to say "Don't do this" and get on with it. I prefer the route of discussing it with them.

I would do more research on it, but like I said. This has always been from my personal experience and those around me. 

Yeah, sounds like the best solution is the hands off type right now. I guess my own personal experience differs a lot with me. I'm surrounded by primarily Catholics, too, but I was also fortunate enough to be raised by people who were more open to talking about things like that. Plus, I was good at hiding my internet activities during puberty. Knowing that you do know these kids personally in real life and not, say, online or anything, I do understand what you mean by the parents being black and white thing. The "punishment" I stated was not really meant to be a real punishment but it would more likely be one in your situation.

While this is about your personal experience and those around you, you did ask a general question and ask for the opinions of others on the subject. I still do suggest some research, at least over masturbation. My own personal experience and experience with those around me has me believe that kids experimenting with their bodies is natural and not necessarily affected by the media. I won't lie. Some of the things you wrote had me raise an eyebrow. Honestly, we both cannot think of our experiences are law. I think you will be much better equipped to talk to kids about this when you yourself have more solid info on the subject. For all you know, many of the things you are concerned about could actually turn out to be normal behavior.

There's this little story about the Birds and the Bees that I hear works wonders.

I've actually never heard of the story about "The birds and the bees"..

Me neither, I figured all that stuff out from the internet. xD

So, a bird has sex with a bee, right? The bee is praised as a champion for satisfying an animal of such greater size before dying because when it has sex, it disembowels itself. Meanwhile, the bird is left with a bee penis inside of it for all of eternity.

What do you mean that's not the story you were told?

What the... Oh my, what a surprise. Thanks for summarizing the story up for me. 

I didn't think it'd end up being so.. Violent >.>

So the moral of the story isn't to have sex until your a Queen Bee and a King Bird?

No, the moral of the story is that if you have sex your penis will fall off and you'll die.

I honestly don't see why it's a bad thing. Just explain your worries, and explain that doing it over, and over and over again might not be the healthiest thing in the world. Then just leave the kid to it. I think talking to them  about it would be punishment enough in a kids eyes.

I'm absolutely astonished that some people here are suggesting that you punish the poor bastard for watching porn.

Seriously guys? Leave the person alone and pretend you don't know what's happening like a reasonable, normal person. Anything else is invasive of their privacy and unpleasant for yourself.

Now, if they're doing nothing but staying in their rooms all day and night and their rooms smell like the inside of a fleshlight, then they probably need an intervention or something, but this is almost never the case.

No, it's not that bad at all (to a degree). (Ewww...)

I disagree with punishing a child for watching porn, though many adults [Read: parents] don't see it the way we do. Of course I made this thread solely to see your guys positions.

Though I hate to say it, leaving them to figure it out themselves may just be the best option at the moment. Anything else would just lead tem to resent you in the long run.

I'm still sorta confused though. How do you know they're doing 'it' when their parents don't know? Are you like, a baby-sitter or a councelor or something?

You "walk in" on crazy shit when you take care of them. They think of me more like a friend than a guardian (they certainly don't treat me like a guardian!). Some have confided in me, others I've seen and discussed with them.

I've had serious conversations with them and they seem to listen. They're decent all in all, I try to keep them from going wild though.

If you'd really like an example, I walked into Child A's bedroom just to check up on him/her. She just looks up and quickly flips to something else. Of course, I'm not ancient and know how to use an Ipad and told him to go back to what she was doing. With that note, bam.. Right there, reading bad fan fiction. After that, I just sit down and talk to him about what it was about, etc etc, and why she liked it. Just small things like that, they seem to appreciate it, and I trust they try to mean well.

I honestly think that most children (maybe not all) mature at a faster rate than parents and adults give them credit for. I distinctly remember hating the feeling of being looked down on, and I was always an independent child who would confide in no one. I think you should leave them to it, they know what they're getting into. With the internet being such a key implement in learning, playing, occupying noisy children etc, kids learn how to get around the web and, at some point or another, will manage to piece together a rough 'sex ed' ridden with slang and "adult jokes" 

I don't think kids mature faster, as much as they lose their innocence earlier. An eight year old who twerks doesn't seem very "mature" to me.

Not when you're 8, but some people think that kids under 16 are immature and should not be able to make their own desisions.

Kids under 16 ARE immature. Hell, I'm 18 and have a better head on my shoulders than most of my friends, and I'm still immature. Some people may be ahead of their years, but it's kind of stretching it to call yourself mature before your brain has even finished forming.

I do agree that kids should be able to make their own decisions though. How else will they learn from their mistakes?

Well, to put it in an extreme case, if a 16 year old starts smoking then he'll learn from his mistakes if/when he dies of lung cancer decades later unless somebody stops him early on.

Fair point. I'm not saying their actions should be condoned, but most kids should generally have the ability to choose to do things as they see fit. I'm not saying let's be black and white about it, as there are some instances where parents should definitely get involved (Drinking and driving, sex with an older adult, delinquency) but the problem with parents insisting on controlling every aspect of their child's life is the fact that it doesn't teach them to think for themselves.

 

I mostly agree with your last point, the parents should set up a filter, teach their children morals and be an overall good example and after that it's up to the child whether he'll go around the filter or specifically 'rebel'. A parent's job is to be a good role model and to give advice, and that never should stop regardless of age.
I always get annoyed when parents don't let their children explore, but I also get annoyed when they let their children explore freely with no supervision whatsoever, as the child could get lost or hurt (physically or mentally.)

Nah I'm not a baby-sitter. Thing is, I'm like what.. the second generation of my family to come to America. Most don't speak English or read very well. Luckily for me, I went to school for both languages, so I'm pretty fluent in both.

I found porn when I was eight or nine and had no idea why I liked it XD my parents caught me and scolded me but no real punishment was given out. I think people don't really punish their children watching porn because not only is it a semi-necessary thing (it helped me understand sex ed a lot more), but it's also a weird thing to punish in a child's mind. And besides, punishments would only provoke more rebellious behaviour in terms of watching it (they'll watch it more because kids these days think 'bad' things are cool).  

Well, I have a friend in school and she's 14. I asked her,

"Why the hell do you have 50 shades of gray in your hands? We're at school..."

"I have to do a book report.. I like it, and if you have a problem you can kiss my ass."

"You are WAY too young to read that shit."

I don't know if she got in trouble, but i warned her and kind of scolded her... Did I do the right thing?

No. A person's sexuality and what they do in their private time is their business, not your's.

Everyone who's under 18 here should read Flan by Stephen Tunney and tell us their thoughts on whether 10 year olds should be allowed to read it. (especially betaband)

Those 18+ should read it because it's awesome.

I actually will do that.

No. Don't. Do not read that book.

I'll look up the plot.

Just... Don't. Ever. 

It actually looks good, plot wise.

It's not the plot, it's the writing. Don't touch that book. 

Ok?

You'll thank me.

Here's a review from Goodreads:

Imagine Candide set in an Hieronymus Bosch painting.

Now imagine it dull and repetitious. You get Flan.

Flan wakes to find his apartment and possibly the entire world on fire. He barely escapes his building with his scorched toupee and Ginger Kang Kang, his talking fish. He is lucky to have his eyes, because many of those on the street who witnessed the bomb or whatever occurred have empty, bloody, pus-filled sockets. (A lot of things in Flan are bloody and or pus-filled.)

I made it about halfway through this one. Flan and Ginger set out from the devastated city, stumbling over endless corpses, witnessing gang rapes and mercy killings, learning that cannibalism has become a kind of spectator sport -- it's all an inventive but not very interesting endless chain of horror and black comedy. The rapid rate of mutation that sets in provides some interesting creatures.

Tunney has also chosen a diction that slips into the cloying, repetitive prose of children's books from a nearly a century ago. It brings nothing to the narrative. I found the book easy to put down.

Aman, you suck :P

Perhaps I should read this fine spot of literature... It seems everyone and their talking fish already have!

Just Aeon and me.

Why does Aman not want anyone to read it?

Prolly because he knows me in RL. (That and it may be specific to Betaband being a jewboy)

He knows you IRL? Sad story. 

So, what your all saying is that you either leave the problem alone or stick them in a closet with 20+ badly made porn movies and not let them out until each one was watched?

Movie reference for anybody who cares.

100% agreement with "leave them alone, it's none of your business."

Especially if it's just reading erotic fanfic. (For whatever reason, I apparently consider text porn less hardcore than visual porn.)

As long as they aren't paying money for it or infecting the computer with viruses, leave them alone.

Porn doesn't harm people; being made to feel guilty/ashamed of sexuality does.
 

^ Indeed. 

I agree, Porn doesn't harm people, unless it's scary porn, like 'Lemon Party', '2G1C', fat fetish shit, the solo girl pornos where they fuck every inanimate object, and 'Along came a Spider'.

Along came a spider?

Just... Just don't ask. You're better off not knowing.

look up "Along Came a Spider Porn" on google. Don't say you weren't warned about the Butterface from Hell...

You're not a parent to any of these kids, you're genuinely concerned enough to put this much thought into it, but haven't told their parents a single thing about this, and you're asking a bunch of jerk-offs on the internet what to do ...? -_-'

The "responsible" thing, if you're actually worried about them, is to have a talk with their parents. If you're trying to be their buddy, of course, they'll probably despise you for a while. Maybe a long while.

The normal thing to do is, since you've already talked to them yourself, shut up and move on because--no offense--it's actually none of your business. :P If you're neither parent, nor legal guardian, it's not your right to censor the world or determine anything consequential about their lives.

The fact that you haven't told their parents and are considering forms of "punishment" on your own is unsettling. -.-' Furthermore, masturbation is never something to punish a kid for, you will screw their psyche up royally. Do I think porn is for kids? Nah. But if kids actively go looking for it, you will not be able to stop them, period. Educating them is a worthy goal, but again, it's neither your responsibility, nor--in all honesty--your right.

Hehehe... "jerk-offs"...

Why are you talking to kids under 12 about pornography if you're not their parent or guardian anyway? That's creepy.

... xD I'm sorry to say it, but I honestly agree with playa. Though I'm positive the OP is related to these kids and watches them for their parents on occasion. Nevertheless, it's ... still disconcerting to think of the OP trying to discipline children concerning "sexual exploration" while not being their parent. >_>'

Fuck disconcerting. It's downright wrong. He has this false holier-than-thou adittude, which he seems to want to force on youth which aren't his offspring. Which, quite frankly is not his place. Not in the slightest.

Did Malkalack really just complain about somebody else having a Holier-than-thou attitude?

Stop talking Malkalack, you make everyone's opinions be in a worse light. You're like a walking Strawman.
I'm not 100% sure what the OP's role in the children he watches development is, but he sounds close, and likely has the parent's permission to be this close, so I wouldn't say that.
Simply don't know how close he is, which is somewhat important as information though. Very vague.

According to the OP, he's family. 

"Nah I'm not a baby-sitter. Thing is, I'm like what.. the second generation of my family to come to America."

Permission or not, it's still creepy to me. Then again, I don't really care what people do with their own lives, so if that's how they decide to go about things then it's whatever.

Look, ever heard of a book called, "It's Perfectly Normal"? 

>named andy

>has a Dean Whinchester avatar

>first post is about fapping

Dis gunna be gud. 13 year old girl with a tumblr or some already active user's alt

I'm male.

11 years old?

12

Damn I'm good

And I have a tumblr.

My powers... they are rising!

*sigh*

Well, since I'm on a roll here...

Do you have any siblings? Perhaps one of which is also using this site?

2. And I'm pretty sure that they're not using this website.

Well shit... 

No. Besides if you did, I'd bitchslap you.

Come at me bro

How about you say that to the hand.

Oh wait, you already did.

What, you're speechless?

Niah, I just got better things to do. You sure are amusing though.

Thanks idgit.

How'd you know my nick name?

Who's nick?

I'm Nick! I'm Nick!

That was amazing guess work by drako xD I'm fairly impressed.

Good.

Bottom line includes:

-Illegal Porn; depending on the country's laws, but if they're looking at CP it's a good time to explain that they could get in a lot of trouble, and why it's a serious issue. Perhaps it'd be best to explain on a car drive on the way back home which isn't a long drive (over 30 minutes) | (so they don't have to endure the awkward thoughts during the trip very long, and can quickly escape to a room in which they can be alone to think it over/not be awkward).

-Downloading pornographic media onto a portable device and sharing it with others. Specifically at school...they could get in a ton of trouble at school if they're caught.

-Taking nude photos of themselves and putting it either online or in the hands of someone else (like friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc.) It's also an opportunity in that situation to explain that "once it's out there, it's out there forever." type of thing. Especially on cellphones.

-Printing out porn. First off, that's wasting ink, and ink is expensive. Second off, if they hang it in their closet or have a stack of it - that needs to go. There's no reason or them to have porn on paper if we, as young adults - adults, know that they're probably already looking at porn on the internet. Honestly, that's just worthy of a talk about "conserving money." during that talk, don't specially mention, but throw in a talk about "expensive liquids, such as blood, printer ink, oil, and etc." but don't hit the topic directly on the head, it's not as serious as it could be.

Point being: If you do find a child looking at pornographic material, please think out exactly what you're going to say before you say it so that 1. there's minimal awkwardness and 2. neither party feels overly guilty about their actions. A mutual understanding should be good enough, and a one time conversation should do the trick - the topic shouldn't have to be brought up any more than once, that just gets awkward, which for any age is probably not a good thing to built relationships on.

Everything else, unless I missed something vitally important, is fine and doesn't need to be addressed with a serious tone.

lol

On that pleasent note, what are you guys' thoughts on celebrities freaking out because they emailed/texted nudie pics and their computers got hacked and now anybody can download it or whatever?

I just think that they shouldn't post nudes if they're that worried about it. I dunno.

Make sense to me @Tanstaafl.

For one, The Fappening is a hoax by dried up celebs who wish to become relevant again, only 0.111111% is the work of an actual hacker. There is no stopping hackers, when you upload a nude you should be fully aware of what may come

Nice double entendre at the end.
 

If they're worried about the pics leaking they shouldn't take them, but at the same time, their privacy shouldn't be violated in the first place.

No disagreement there.

The problem was it's not like other cases where they posted it themselves or anything. This was something where they most likely didn't know goes into a Cloud automatically. The situation would be close to someone taking someone's phone and maliciously posting all their pictures online without their permission. I dislike the idea of people posting their nudes, but I don't believe people should have their privacy invaded.

I just don't get why the shit celebrities take nudes of themselves left and right. What's the fucking point!? Are they so egotistical that they masturbate to them? I mean, there's not really much other reasons, their significant others probably see them naked often enough already...

As much as I hate to say it, it's not exclusively a celebrity thing. It's just something that some people do.
 

Supposedly one of the reasons one of them gave was that she had a long distance relationship with her boyfriend, and decided that she'd rather him touch himself over her than other porn, sent it... And soon later it got hacked and spread.

I just find it silly even though I realize it's terrible. I mean, the relationship itself has gotta be kinda strained if they're reliant on that...

I would guess the correct answer is speak to your child. Explain what pornography is and how it is used. Depending on what background you come from, you could rail against it religiously or rationally explain its purpose in society.

I never was a fan of the "explaining" bit of porn, sex, etc. I mean, me and everyone I know figured it out on their own and a "daddy talk" just seems akward

I'm not talking about the birds and the bees. That's an entirely different topic.

Yeah it is. Actually.