Insufferable style fully ready to annoy, I put on my wizard's hat and robe and post my fairly well-defined rating criteria:
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1. Absolute trash. These stories have pages with 99% blank space, little to no coherent plot, looping "choices" that take you back or "choices" that have something like, "You pick A but then decide B" to IMMEDIATELY funnel you back to where the author wants you to go, and of course, cancer like broken links, or losing arcs without an end game off-ramp ("Whoops! This is a choose your story but I don't want you to have that arc so you die and go back. Don't worry, the choice will still be there but if you choose it again you'll just be looped back until you make the choice I want you to make"). And naturally you fantasize about punching the author in the face—especially if the loop is too obnoxious. Of course, spelling errors gallore, poor grammar, etc. In the event that these actually have a semi-coherent plot, they usually involve the very same ending for every branch you take, and nothing in the ending is earned. They might have stupid images which contribute nothing other than annoying the reader and showing how little effort went in to the images.
2. Trash. The very same as 1, but they might have some sort of stupid humor to entertain me for about ten seconds before disappointing me by not delivering what is promised and instead, when you make the choice suggested the event is about to occur, the author just kills you before it happens instead of taking the time to write it out. Consequently, you get annoyed AND you get blue balls and have to loop back. And then you're infuriated, and you fantasize about punching the author in the face. In the event that these stories actually have an ending, it usually goes like this: "Yay, we're happy!" "And then we all died. The end."
3. Trash but not dirty diaper trash. More like used paper towel trash. These would be fit to be destroyed like 1's and 2's except very often the author will attempt to immitate Endmaster's tone and style. That in and of itself doesn't elevate their game to a 3, but it IS pretty entertaining to watch the Endmaster immitation fail spectacularly. Also, the sheer amount of tryhard is worth reading the first couple of pages. Now and then these will actualy have a plot, but there will be anachronisms that aren't "ironic." There will be unfinished story lines that are either literally incomplete, or hastily closed out without any logical reason. These are the stories you read when you're trying to increase review count quickly to compete in a contest. Otherwise, they are completely useless other than the fact that they give authors of 2's and 1's something to aspire to. Filled with grammatical and spelling errors, but it's at least comprehensible.
4. Finally we reach stories that can be entertaining. These tend to have generic, unoriginal characters that don't have a lot of strife or impetus to evolve, but there might be one or two interesting things in the world. The world might be somewhat original. When they do have a legitimately cool premise and some good mystery or something else to hook you, they ruin it with things like infinite loops, or instant deaths without good sendoff or explanation that makes clicking worth it. Overall, they aren't terrible, but you're likely going to be bored at one point or another.
4.5. This one isn't even available! But it is the turning point from bad to good. So that's why I included it. Stories that deserve this rating will usually be short, but immersive, with at least one interesting character, and a couple of choices that can give you slightly different endings.
5. Finally the good stories. These come in basically three flavors for me: (1) Sort of short stories that have a unique, well thoughtout world and a conflicted protagonist, but not enough goes on to justify a higher rating. They are good, but just too short. (2) Longer stories of lesser quality, but either filled with humor or filled with a lot of things to do or branches to explore—with these branches changing the plot enough that often makes it worth seeing a couple of endings. (3) Really good writing and an original idea, but somehow devoid of soul. No real emotional pull.
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ACTUAL good stories below:
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6. Under no circumstances will I rate a story a 6 unless it is either absurdly unique and well executed (something like "Wholesome Dog's Birthday Adventure," or "Color Your Own Adventure (webcomic)," or if they are more traditional writing, they have all of the following: they have excellent sensory description—including at least four senses (If I'm watching a sunset, I better see the distorted reflection of the sun, feel the warmth of the light and the wind in my hair, smell the salty ocean breeze, and hear the waves and a distant bird, or if not that in one setting, all those senses better show up at some point); I better know what the characters look like (so I don't have three generic knights and have to pay super close attention to dialogue to know who is who); AND have a world that feels like it exists apart from the character, including built in lore and mythology; AND have a conflicted protagonist that has to make tough decisions about not only what they do, but who they will be; have a plot and conclusion that show the author cared about what they were writing.
7. If you're getting a 7, it's because you have everything 6 has, but you also have: an extremely interesting and unique world (or if it's a common world setup, you must have something very unique that sets it apart); have characters that do more than just help the protagonist advance the plot (they need to seem like they have their own lives away from the protagonist); have a world that feels like it's existed for eons before your character, and that it will exist eons after; have multiple characters with their own goals and motives which may conflict with the goals and motives of the protagonist; not only will I know what characters look like, I'll know what they audibly sound like; it must have an interesting political structure, and/or magic system, and/or lore and mythology—some of which conflicts with the lore/mythology of other characters—and people close to the protagonist who might be hurt because of the protagonist's actions; the ending must be satisfying, and it must be justified by what has happened before. MUST have emotional pull, whether sorrow, joy, awe, whatever.
8. Everything 7 has, plus the following: characters must not only have goals and motives which conflict with the protagonist, they must conflict with each other, in a meaningful way which affects the plot as well as development of both the protagonist and other characters (and there must be times when characters bury those disagreements or compromise on them, and some other instances where there can be no compromise, only violence); the ending must be so satisfying that I think about it years later; there must be real character development and evolution, but not only with the protagonist, but with other characters—and not only in their relationship to the protagonist, but also to other characters; the world must be so unique and interesting that it demands sequels that aren't even directly related to the protagonist; the world needs to be either so independent of the reader and so alive that I completely lose my sense of reality while reading it, or it must have a charm so powerful that I foundly remember the story years later and laugh like a loving parent at grammatical errors or cringe (this version MUST have branches leading to endings that are very miningfully different from each other); it MUST have a feeling, theme, and character that I'm thinking about long after I'm finished, and all endings must feel entirely justified, as if there could not possibly have been another ending based on the choices I made. And lastly, the world must be so well developed that things like disabilities and psychological problems show up, and other details like that which really paint an immersive world. Lastly, in the event that the story truely snags my soul, it will get an 8 even if only most of this stuff is there.
Forgot to add: branching is WAY down the list of what I care about. In all these, plausibility, immersion, and plot matter above everything to me.
Anyway, I have rated only two games an 8. I'm not sure if either really deserved it based on most of the criteria here, but they did have something that latched right on to me in a way that I'll remember them forever. So, exceptions can be made if you do something that's going to infect my brain in a good way for all time.
