WatchNon-threaded

Forums » The Lounge » Read Message

A place to sit back, hang out, and talk about anything you'd like.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

It's a writing site for ******* sake, surely stories with plots, named characters and properly presented dialogue is not asking for much, it should be the minimum standard rather than something fan-fic writers, WC fans and the guy who likes Spiderman hope to be able to do one day :D - Will11

Having a comment featured (2 points)

Recommending a comment for featuring (1 point)
Recommending a user's excellent aid in the last six months for points (1 point)
Recommending a tag change for a storygame (1 point)
Recommending a storygame for movement to a different category (1 point)
Recommending a storygame for a change in maturity level or difficulty level (1 point for each)
Recommending a storygame for featuring (1 point)
Recommending a storygame for unpublishing (1 point)
Recommending a comment for deletion (1 poin
t)

So, in other words, if you go, right now, and find 5 storygames which are not properly tagged (there are literally dozens of these out there), then you'll get 5 points.

Catch #1:  
To get points for recommending something, I have to agree with you.
 
If you recommend a story for featuring and I don't feature it, then you don't get the points. This is to prevent people from gaming the system. Don't worry, for most of the above recommendations, you won't get rejected often if you follow proper procedure. (Except maybe on the "recommending for featuring.")

Catch #2:  
Newly Created Storygames are not eligible point earners.
 
 
The original intent of this post was to find things we mods/admins had missed in older games. There is no point in spending our time removing comments, featuring comments, adding/removing tags, changing categories and maturity levels on a storygame that's going to be unpublished a week from now. Not to mention, we will almost always notice issues with newly created games without needing to be notified. 

Recommending a comment for featuring:

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the storygame
- The comment that you think deserves featuring (copy and paste it)
- The username of the person who wrote the comment (doesn't have to be the exact username, just enough so I understand who it is)
- If there are already 3 featured comments on the storygame, you also have to let me know whose comment you think should be replaced.
- If I agree, you will get 1 point and the person whose comment is featured will get 2 points. If you are reccomending your own comment, then you only get 2 points.

Note: No points are awarded for recommending/featuring comments on games that are soon to be unpublished.  It's a waste of time on a story that's going to be removed anyway.

Recommending a comment for deletion:

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the storygame
- The comment that you think deserves deletion (copy and paste it)
- The username of the person who wrote the comment (doesn't have to be the exact username, just enough so I understand who it is)

It has to either have spammy punctuation, flame the author, be completely incomprehensible, be a duplicate comment, or not actually be a comment (such as "..." or "poop" or something).  

Note: Do not recommend comments on Endmaster, madglee, or Tanstaafl's games for deletion unless they are spammy or deformed. Basically, they like to read their flamers so don't rob them of that.  
No points are awarded for recommending comments for deletion on games that are soon to be unpublished.  It's a waste of time on a story that's being cleared out anyway.

Recommending a user's aid in the advanced editor (post must be made in the last 6 months)

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- The user who provided the aid
- A hyperlink to the post where he provided the aid

Recommending a tag change for a storygame

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the storygame
- All of the tags you believe the story should have

Recommending a category change for a storygame

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the storygame
- The category you believe it should be in
- A short explanation of why

Recommending a change in maturity or difficulty level for a storygame

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the storygame
- The change you think should be made
- A short explanation of why

Recommending a storygame for featuring

 

Recommending a forum thread for deletion

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the thread
- A short rationale for why

Recommending a storygame for unpublishing

Reply to THIS thread to THIS post with:
- A hyperlink to the storygame
- A short explanation of why [specifically, you must describe how it fails to meet minimum site standards]

    • After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 1/8
    • After receiving at least 7 ratings and being published for at least 1 week, the storygame is rated 2/8 and its length is 1/8
    • The storygame has all of the following characteristics:
      • Grammar and style poor enough that it cannot be ignored
      • A plot which is poor or nonexistent
      • Poor pacing (usually characterized by frequent and unpredictable end game links)
      • A lack of important decisions
      • Unbelievable or overly cliched dialogue (if dialogue is present in the story)
    • The storygame has "dead" pages- pages with no links or way to proceed.
    • The storygame's central concept is pornographic in nature
    • The storygame is not a storygame and is instead intended to fulfill a goal such as communicating with another member (including all inside jokes) or advertising a product.
    • The storygame is explicitly described by the author as a "troll" game, or intentionally poor quality.
    • Any unfinished story rated 4 or less which has been published for over six months.
      • What qualifies a story as "unfinished?"

        1. Specifically stating in the description/text of the game that it is a "demo."

        2. Ending abruptly with a notice that it will be continued later.

        Games that say they are the first in a series are not automatically considered "unfinished." As long as the game itself is complete, even if the author never returned to write a sequel, it is not up for unpublishing.

         

If you don't follow protocol, either there will be no negative repercussions, you will be ignored, or I'll take your advice and not reward you with points. Following protocol expedites the process for me so I don't have to spend a lot of time making changes.

To summarize: post here (for the most part) with recommendations for who I should reward / what I should change and I'll reward you with points. Take a second to check the posts above you and see if someone else has already made the recommendation. Remember, newly created Storygames are not eligible for tag/category/comment/unpublish points.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Deletion.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/troll~21

I know there is a disclaimer, but, the author could have had a better way of explaining of what not to do in a storygame.

Edit:

Unpublish

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/French-Revolution

Pretty much filled with new page links. 

Edit again: @Kiel_Farren

Sorry if you are busy.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Unpublish

 

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/world-choice-survival

This game is awful. It has unfinished parts in it and the parts that are finish are lacking in quality.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I don't think it's one week old, Jimmy.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

It is not finished though, obviously this kid tried to get free points on a crappy storygame.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I am recommending a forum thread for deletion. You can find it here.  It is without any words except for the title, and it is a potential story that almost certainly will be a 8/8.  Plus, the forum posting appears to be vulgarly trollish. @Kiel_Farren and @Sethaniel

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I deleted it before this, along with its five other forum posts by the same troll.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

You delete faster than I type. Well, you are quite the effective mod.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

You can bet your face he is.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

It's what I'm here for. :)

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I feel it's time for a good old fashioned purge is in order. Let's find a few shitty storygames and burn them to ashes.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/road-trip-to-alaska~21

It's rated 1/8, has 1/8 length and is just awful with no grammer or plot of characters.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/an-olp-adventure

Unfinished with dead links.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-rabbi-duff-chronicles~3a-shadow-of-the-rabbi

Dead ends.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Deletion:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-wolves-ii~3a-the-great-death

?It is hilariously bad and, also, the grammar is atrocious.

 

Don't hurt hurt me...

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

 

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/warrior-cats~3a-test-battle

Not only is it a demo, it consists of poorly planned links that can loop infinitely and it is a Warriors game.

Please kill it.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

It's not published and the author has been inactive for months, so I don't think there's too much chance that it'll ever actually be published.

EDIT: That said, someone did leave a comment relatively recently. Maybe it's worth deleting (along with this author's other unpublished Warriors storygames) to stop attracting the fandom?

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

All of the unpublished WC games get regular comments put on them. That said, I'm leaving the fans alone unless they A, actually publish a game, or B, come parading onto the forums to start another terrible thread / terrible RP / fan propaganda / miniature war.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Please.....destroy this monstrosity...

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

It's already unpublished, and even when it was published, it was rated a 3/8. Yes, it has been commented on recently, but the same goes for that WC story that was talked about in Briar's thread a while back. Do we really want to delete unpublished games just for the off chance they'll attract bad writers? And besides, we don't have that big of a WC problem anymore, right? I say let it be for now.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Pretty sure this thread isn't for recommending the removal of unpublished games. They've already been unpublished. I don't think the ones removed are deleted in the first place.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Depends on the reason it needs to be taken down.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Sorry guys. I didn't know it was unpublished.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

A good way to tell if it's published or not is if you go on the profile of the author. If there's a link to the storygame, it's published. If there's a title and description but no link, it's unpublished.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Assuming it doesn’t get deleted for low ratings, this one should go into Edutainment.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/date-rape-laws-and-prevention

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Just looking at the link makes me want to shove a mason jar up your ass not want to click it.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I think the title is enough for me. I'd rather not play it.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

It's almost certainly a school assignment. Students normally give the most generic names possible, but I do not see why this is such an odd title. It's about date rape laws and ways to prevent it. What else should they have named it?

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Looks like the author just took it down. Too bad, End's review was hilarious.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

What did he say?

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago
Dagnabbit!  And I had just left a comment, too.

Edit:  Now it's back.  It looks like the only changes made were to category.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I badly wanted to feature your second comment, but it's just... xD not high quality enough on its own.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Requesting comments for deletion on Rob A. Millikan's Oil Drop Experiment.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/Rob-A~2e-Millikan's-Oil-Drop-Experiment

Comments by: Jimmysutton

Reason: Quadruple posted. Easy mistake.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Oops. That was a while ago, I was going to contact a mod, but then I forgot about it.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Jimmy, how do you forget anything?

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Taken care of.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Requesting maturity level change for: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/dead-territories

Currently at a one when it should be a 3 or 4.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Ah, forgot, I took care of this.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago
Are we still deleting old, poorly rated demo stories? If so, this is a self-stated demo, has a 3/8 rating and the author hasn't been around for going on three years.

Helping Leena

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Done.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago
I posted this earlier in the month, but never got a response one way or the other, since Kiel can't reward points to her or something and no one else reviewed it because we switched to this thread right afterwards. I think.

Anyway...

Can someone feature @insanebutvain 's comment on Cliche Adventures?

I now regret not reading this earlier. Good humour, no grammatical mistakes, succinct and logical. A perfect package of knighthood and princess bosom.7/8 -- insanebutvain on 3/9/2016 7:33:14 PM with a score of 0

If that doesn't sum up the importance of a knight's journey for blue eyed, blond haired, big bosom'd princesses - then nothing ever could.

Cliche Adventures

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

You are correct. I cannot award points so I haven't been featuring anything. =(

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago
Thanks anyway Kiel.

@BerkaZerka @Sethaniel

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

... Hm. I'm sorry to say I don't really see this as feature-worthy, tbf. It's ... flattering, and it's not a badly written comment by any means, but it's also very short and only broad strokes. Comments that I regard as feature-worthy are the kind of comments I tend to see from reviewers like you. Detailed and well-composed, with thoughtful commentary on features / plot points.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago
Darn. Thanks for looking into it though.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

@Sethaniel

Recommending a comment for featuring:

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/site-59~3a-no-escape

 

I have mixed feelings about this game. While I felt that the story idea wasn't entirely original and failed to completely grab my attention, I enjoyed discovering the different endings. I liked how there were different paths that you could take which would either lead to escape or - most often - your death. I especially liked how you could choose to abandon your camping trip plans in the beginning. If someone told me that the place I was headed to was dangerous, I would immediately go somewhere else rather than wave off their warnings and continue on (as most characters in horror movies seem to do). The choices in this game were rather logical, and I'm certain that a lot of work went into tying all the paths together and making sure that they led to the right endings.

The quality of the writing was average, perhaps slightly below. Honestly, I felt that it was stating facts rather than pulling me into the story and the world. For instance, there were one or two scenes where the main character had a chance to experience a tender moment with someone. But during those times, I felt like the writing was rattling off a list of events that occurred, which made me feel nothing at all. I was almost impatient to continue on with the story, but at least the grammar was excellent. I also found it difficult to connect with the characters. I understand that the main focus of this story may be on the horror and attempting to survive, but it would've been nice if their personalities were shown a little more. Then, I'd stop seeing them as random side characters whose lives I have little concern for. Also, I personally thought that the attraction between the character and JR was a bit forced, so I found it hard to feel bad whenever he was killed and the character expressed her grief and dismay.

Overall, this game was a nice way to pass the time, but I struggled to remain interested in it after a while. I experienced no emotions the entire time, not even fear or dread whenever the killer made an appearance. I felt detached from the character's world and the events. However, I don't regret playing this game, as the different endings were fun to discover. I simply wish that it would have sucked me in more. 5/8

-- SummerSparrow on 4/11/2016 4:05:15 PM with a score of 0

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Done! ... *pauses to laugh at self* Well, her points and Bucky's both prove I'm still figuring a little of this out.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

@Sethaniel @Kiel_Farren

What's the site's policy on porn again? Just looking at the 'Carmen' story that just popped up, and the maturity rating's at a 7/8 so I guess they're technically fine there to include whatever, but it's like, there's nothing else going on there. I'm not sure if this is removable or not but I vaguely recall 3J saying something about sex having to not be the entire focus. 

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Since I presume you're pointing this out so it can be featured, I'll agree. Put this shit on the front page!

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Urgh, please no. It's funny one time, but I just picture this kind of thing getting popular and leading to a WC level plague.

Bad porn is so easy to write and it naturally lends itself to the CYOA format, if you think about it. ('Insert Tab A into Slot B, C, or D?' So many choices!)

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Funnily enough, this game didn't even had that. It had "Do this" or "Do this other thing, and THEN do the first thing".

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Well, somebody beat me to it on unpublishing ... porn angle aside, it was very poorly written. (Porn not aside, still poorly written, and admittedly a little gross.)

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I've come to point out a helluva ton of spam comments. Recommending comments for deletion.

Football dream

A guest under the username "Gellerboy" (may in fact be the actual user, maybe not) has been spamming that game.

BEST GAME EVER! OMG! RECOMMEND THIS TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE BITCHIES! 

8/8

Mother's Day Mania

"Gellerboy" rants about how their game was worth a lot more than a 2/8...multiple times...in the wrong area.

You people suck. My game "football dream" should of gotten a 8/8 and featured! Instead, you people suck ass and give it a 2/8. So, I gonna do this so my account doesn't get banned. SUCK DICK LOSERS!

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Removed, enjoy the points.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Featuring a comment:

Comment Author: Wouldn'tItBeNice

Reason: One of the LONGEST comments on the site.

Comment: "Hmmm, there is a new storygame called “Short Story Of Dragnes The Dragon.” I guess I should check it out. It’s a good thing that I know it is a short story because the 3/8 play length normally does not cue me in onto the length. Also, what is Dragnes? *I google it*. Well, it is either Dr. Agnes or a town in Norway. Finally, there is a grammatical error. “Of” is supposed to be “of.” This worries me. 
Okay, now I am on page one. It’s called “A Small introduction of the plot.” I thought that intros are supposed to spoil the ending. Oh well… 
“Your name is Dave a Peasant Farmer, a widower who had never held a child of your own.” Why is “Peasant Farmer” capitalized? Perhaps, it is my last name. At least I know that I am a bad father. I never even held my child. I wonder if it is because I don’t have any arms. 
“The onslaught was caused by abundance of dragons that encircled the town, and you Dave ought to avenge her but how?” I really wish you would have used two t’s in “but”. Also, why is “you Dave” trying avenge my wife when I, Dave a Peasant Farmer, failed to protect her? 
“With the small piece of information about yourself it's time to tell the Story. Please click the ‘Begin’ button to continue to the Story.” What else could I click to advance the plot? 
The Next Page 
“Chapter 1. Act 1 Anxiety has taken over.” How long is this going to be? You said it was a short story. Those normally do not have chapters. 
“It was morning, dawn as the sun rises up. You've awoken around the time the sun was almost noon.” You basically said that the sun is rising in three different ways in the first sentence, but the second sentence contradicts that. If the sun is almost at noon, then it is not dawn. Also, am I suffering from depression or something like that? Farmers traditionally wake up before the sun rises so that they can work before the heat of the day. 
You have also listed four option which are basically saying, “Get the heck out into the fields.” There is no need for giving four repetitive options which *spoilers* have no real influence on the plot. 
The Next Page 
“You inspect the crops and found numerous of plants dead, wilted and dry.” Yep, I am suffering from depression. I can’t even take care of my crops, though it does make sense since I apparently have no arms. 
The link to the next page reads, “( Recommendation before you continue ).” This does not look good at all. Not only are you recommending something to the reader, but you put a space between the quotation mark and the word which is grammatically incorrect. 
The Next Page 
I have to quote this whole page. It’s awesome. 
“Since this is the first gamestory I ever made, I don't know how to make the chores part crossed out once it's already read out so I recommend going back and checking the other chores, afterwards you may continue on. 
“Click Next again once you read the other chores. This message will pop up in the Previous chores that you might have picked already so you don't have to re-pick the very first one you chose to continue on with the story.” LOL. You just said, “I am too lazy to figure this out on my own or ask for help; therefore, I want y’all to make extra clicks due to my laziness.” How did you think that such a choice is a good idea? 
The Next Page 
“How Unusual...” Is something unusual about to happen? “While you eat, Outside your house, a smoke caught your attention and you proceed to check it out.” Why is “Outside” capitalized? Are you aware that people call a cigarette “a smoke”? Well, it would catch my attention since cigarettes have probably not been invented yet. 
“A green-ish yellow smoke appeared from the forest floor. Do you wish to continue and check it out? 
Yes continue 
No, It's outside my land and I have no business there.” 
Do I want to examine the smoke? I think “green-ish yellow smoke” is a very normal color for cigarettes. (After much debate, I chose “Yes continue”.) 
The Next Page 
Hey, this page actually seems pretty good. Good job. 
The Next Page 
“Along the way, you found a dead corpse. The corpse lay burnt and held a pitchfork, you decided to take it with you as protection from what may lie beyond the forest.” I wonder if I knew the dead person who I apparently do not care about. Also, the pitchfork worked well for him, so I might as well use it. 
The Next Page 
“At a moment while in the forest, the air gushed slightly towards you from behind. This was when you realized that the dragon stood nearby, By turning around you saw nothing but a partial light that shone from what you thought scales of a dragon.” Am I an expert dragon sniffer, or did the dragon not bathe for eons? People normally do not realize that a dragon is close based off of gushing wind. Also, the English in this quote hardly makes any sense. 
Now, I get to see the thoughts of Mr. a Peasant Farmer. "The dragon is near me. Where is it!? It hasn't made a move yet... why? It might have tried to intimidate me. Surely that thing must have thought that I'm weak and I'm worthless to deal with. So it tried to scare me off instead. Well I am not an ordinary Peasant of the kingdom!" The dragon is near you, yet I do not know if our hero knows that fact based off of the second sentence. Our hero also seems to think that the dragon wants to scare him off instead of easily killing him? Why do you still want to kill this dragon? Apparently, our hero is racist against dragons. He is also “not an ordinary Peasant of the kingdom” which I suppose to be true due to his depression, dragon sniffing abilities, lack of arms, and lack of common sense. 
The Next Page 
Okay, it looks like it is a green dragon that speaks. “Not long now until it Spoke... ‘ Who are you... What are you doing in my forest Human! ’ The Dragon angrily spoke.” Why did you says that the dragon spoke before and after he spoke? 
The Next Page 
Nothing happens. I tell the dragon that I wanted to see the green-ish yellow smoke of a cigarette while he tells me to drop my pitchfork. 
The Next Page 
I drop my weapon so the dragon says, “Hmmm... I see you had a horrible past human. But I am not involved in the onslaught... Don't bother asking, I can see the past life of every creature I examine.” Ummm… the dragon can read minds? Okay, that’s weird. 
“You looked at the dragon directly in it's eyes, you saw how it grew fond of you in what way? you kept that question in your mind for later on.” Other than the grammatical errors here, this is creepy. I hope the writer won’t pair the dragon and the depressed hero together. 
The Next Page 
“You Asked the dragon questions...” That’s all this page has. I would like to ask the writer a few questions as well. The next few pages will all be short as well which means that the writer probably started to get bored with the story. 
The Next Page 
“Oh you seek introduction huh? very well. My name is Dragnes, a green dragon.” Well, Dr. Agnes apparently thinks that Mr. a Peasant Farmer is color blind. 
The Next Page 
“I accepted a neighbor like you, I watched you everyday doing your chores and watering the plants.” Dr. Agnes is a stalker. This is probably going to turn into one of those weird romance stories like The Twilight Saga. 
“Because I know deep inside that you're caring and filled with love.” Dr. Agnes probably cannot read minds because our hero is a dragon racist. 
The Next Page 
“Not all dragons are the same human. You should know that by now.” Did the dragon just acknowledge that our hero is in fact racist? If so, then Dr. Agnes believes that Mr. a Peasant Farmer is a loving racist which makes no sense. 
The Next Page 
“’huh? What favor do you seek human? You wished aid?’ Dragnes replied...” This is the entire page. Yes, the writer is definitely trying to get this story farted out as quickly as possible. 
The Next Page 
“‘I will help you find the dragons that have murdered your wife. I know the feeling of loosing someone very close and I've witnessed it before... We now bare the same fate human. I will allow you to ride me. I will be your dragon...’ Dragnes replied...” Mr. a Peasant Farmer is going to ride the dragon. I told you that the writer is going to pair the two together. Also, “loosing” should have been “losing.” 
“Chapter 1 Act 1 Finished...” Thanks, the “End Game and Leave Comments” link did not cue me in. 
“Thank you for playing this short gamestory of Dragnes the dragon.” It is a storygame you nincompoop. 
“I'm trying my best to try make series out of this gamestory but for now I'd post this and see the outcome of your reviews.” You probably won’t like this comment. 
“Please enjoy what this story had offered for you and I hope it made some interesting points and meaning in real life.” Ummm… all this taught me was that “a Peasant Farmer” can be somebody’s last name and Dragnes is a town in Norway. 
In summary, you could have put a significantly larger amount of effort into this storygame, and you definably should have checked for the spelling and grammar errors. The characters were poorly written as well. I give this a 2/8. The extra point came from the fact that this storygame caused me to laugh in the middle of a library."

Yes, it's that long.

Link: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/short-story-of-dragnes-the-dragon

?

 

Soo... did I do good? :)

 

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

We don't usually award points for featuring comments in stories that are going to be unpublished. 

(Newly created storygames are not eligible for points.)

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

 Comment for featuring

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/reanimation-2

Not bad, certainly not the worst. Very much better than the first one. 

The biggest problem in your last one was most likely the random deaths, but it seems you've got that covered here. The deaths are a lot better explained, and it isn't like every second choice you make leads to death. And that's great. Although the deaths are a bit cleaned up, they are still a problem, but now a minor one. An example we could see of this would be when Frank gets mauled by the Behemoth, there was only one good choice... out of, about, five I believe. You could've polished that up a bit and made some more branches, leading to some more choices/deaths/endings... as in good endings, non-death ones. 

Another thing I liked about this storygame was the items usage, how you could use a knife or gun. They don't have pictures, however, which is something you could add onto. Also, and forgive me if I'm wrong, but at several points in the storygame, it gives you the choice of "If you don't have enough ammo, do this," or it may imply that you could lose or not have enough ammo, like if you use your knife, for instance, it would say "Right, use your knife, that way you won't waste any ammo,". I played this entire storygame and actually got two endings, but I never really reached a point where I lost ammo before! Maybe I've just not played the entire thing to its full extent, but I really don't think you can ever loose ammo. If it is the case that you can loose ammo, telling the reader how much of the stuff they have would be a great thing. 

In many more ways than one, this was a lot better than your first one. The plot idea was new, of you being in a team of mercenaries. Personally, I liked Reanimation Part 1's plot better, but still, this was the obvious winner between the to. The way you reshaped it from Part 1 was the best part about it. 

Unlike a lot of storygames I've played, this didn't have a lot of problems that I thought it would have from the first one, or general problems that a lot of people would usually have. There are only some minor problems I could tell you, but even then those don't really distract the reader or make this story less engaging. I would suggest to maybe add more text to the pages. You detail and description almost all the pages,... except for the ones you died. Usually the "You Died" pages consist of only 1-2 words, which shouldn't be considering the amount of description that are on the pages when you are alive. Adding some more sentences would be better. 

Another thing would be sort of-ish the logistics of the story, these are things that kind of lack logic and maybe sort of random. Some finer revisions would clear this up. My first example would be the two distinctive paths you reach, at the point where you can either look for the Behemoth, look for Hank or look for the bionic weapon. If you choose the bionic weapon path, you eventually find Hank, and if you take his grenade, you get the Selfish ending? If you go back and throw it, the Behemoth somehow lives and kills you, where as if you don't back up you kill him to get the Selfish ending? Keep in mind that these choices are exactly the same with the Look-For-Hank path. However, when you grab his grenade, you somehow get a Heroic ending. I would suggest you clear this up with some revisions, and also, make the respective paths unique! 

Going with this, were sometimes the choices. One particular event that crossed my mind would be when you learn where the Behemoth's Reanimator is. But it doesn't tell you, and you are basically just clicking links down the list until you get it. 

There were some grammatical errors. Nothing too big or eye-catching, just mispelled words. Also, (and this occurs sometimes a lot in your stories) the perspective changes around a lot. One minute its third-person, and the narrator refers to you as, well, "You". Then, in the next page, its first-person, the narrator is you, and you refer to yourself as "I". And then it jumps back. 

This story, overall, was great! The plot was pretty interesting, and like many, I really did enjoy it. Nothing I've seen so far. I just think you should go back, make some final revisions and also proofread it, and you should be set for a great story! 

5/8. Not the best, not the worst. Very fun.

-- Fazz on 8/14/2014 12:09:58 AM with a score of 0

 

Yeah, perfect description of the game.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Oh. I forgot to say I agreed. But yeah, I featured this one.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Comment for Deletion

Storygame: The Donner Party

Comment: 

lol lol

-- lol on 5/9/2016 8:14:53 PM

Reason: It's just spam that contributes nothing.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Thought about this one before... in the end, I am inclined to agree. 

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Recommending comments for deletion on TRASH by Endmaster.

Reasons: Spam, doesn't let any actual comments/reviews be shown.

I was a bartender. Fun.

-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 3:40:46 PM 

Wow girls can be real bitches sometimes. I lost my car and my car house!

-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 2:19:58 PM 

I stole from an evil cat lady. Fun.

-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 2:15:59 PM 

I avoided getting a job. That was easy.

-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 2:13:10 PM 

My girlfriend burned down a strip club. I don't think that's a very nice thing to do.

-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 2:12:31 PM 

My friend robbed a drug dealer, only to get caught. I slept on a couch. Wow this game is really dangerous.

-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 2:04:21 PM 

I got a job at a burger place only to leave early and get a big cut on my leg. So far best ending.

-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 2:02:25 PM 

I got fired after beating up a drug addict. Wow that's an experience.

-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 1:57:20 PM 

Wow, I robbed a drug dealer's house then got wasted. This game deals with a lot of dangerous things.

-- SystemReboot_3 on 4/21/2016 1:46:45 PM

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Actually I kind of like it. Lets me know System_Reboot is dedicated to finding every ending.

He did the same thing with AVSCYS (Under a guest name)

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Well, I know it's great that they're determined to experience every bit of the storygame, but they really don't need to leave a comment after every ending they get.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I just like how he says “Wow this game is dangerous.” or “That was an experience.”  in various ways like a robot learning about the world for the first time

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Okay. Sure. I guess if it's your game, you're the boss. But it's now not showing the actual reviews and comments by other members is all I'm saying.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Doesn't matter, this doesn't qualify as actual spam.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I'm recommending a comment for featuring.
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/sleepless-passion
 

I got the tragic and optimal endings, as well as a number of "game overs." 

It's a very technically well-done story- as far as mechanics, it's pretty much impeccable. 

Now, for the story aspect. I'm only being so critical because I think it has potential. 

The "game over" endings were that random kind where it's difficult to know which will continue the story and which will incomprehensibly lead to an unrealistic cruel ending: my girlfriend left me because I made scrambled eggs instead of an omelet; the rest of my life is lonely and loveless because I held the door for a girl. (Side note: I don't think I'd extrapolate the endings out so far. No need to say your entire life is ruined, maybe just end the story.) 

The plot is meandering. At first, it seems like it's going to be a story about dealing with insomnia. Then, the story takes a 90 degree turn and becomes all about my relationship; the insomnia angle is completely dropped. 

The beginning is strong, there's a sense of moving from one action to another, but as the story continues, the plot starts to feel glossed over, like you knew where you wanted to go next but didn't really know/care how we could plausibly end up there. 
I mean like, I apparently live with Kim, but I broke up with her *over text message* after one date with Sophia?! I guess she took that amazingly well, since we never mention her again. 

As far as characters go, I liked David and Alice. They had personality, even though their screen time was limited. Kim is . . . insane? She has no discernible personality, and breaks up with me for stupid reasons like scrambled eggs. I have no idea how the protagonist feels about her, or what their relationship is like. I guess because she's the romantic false lead? 
Sophia is kinda bland. I'm not entirely sure why she's our soulmate. 

The story's biggest opportunity for improvement- from the game overs to the storyline, there's an overall lack of plausibility that doesn't fit the story's otherwise realistic tone. 

Anyway, it was a great effort for a first story. I know maybe it didn't sound like I thought so, but I wouldn't bother dissecting it if I didn't enjoy it. 

I hope to see you write more: new stories, or a continuation/update of this one.

-- Sethaniel on 11/18/2015 11:51:00 AM

I think it sums it the storygame pretty well -> Mechanics: good, Characters: meh, Overall: pretty good.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Agreed.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

 

Unpublishing

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/90-Minutes~3a-Escape

?Read the description. The game has been rated 2/8 for a while now. The author even said,

 

"I made this game in 90 minutes. It wasn't really a challenge or anything, I just wanted an excuse to make a short game XD
But anyways if you hate it keep in mind that I only had an hour and a half. I understand it's short and all, but still...

You need to escape your office and meet your friend somewhere. A score of two means a good ending, one means meh and zero is lose."

 

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Please re-read the unpublishing guidelines. It's length is not 1/8, and being rated 2/8 is not enough on its own to get a story unpublished. 

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I was more along aiming at this rule.

  • The storygame is explicitly described by the author as a "troll" game, or intentionally poor quality.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Doesn't qualify. "Short" does not automatically mean "troll" or "bad."

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Ah well... I tried. I'll be more observant next time. (;-_  -)

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I found a year old WC fanfiction. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/ocean's-story
I'm guessing that it was missed because it does not say Warrior Cats in the description, but it is blatantly WC in nature having WC names for its characters, thunderclan, and too many darned cats.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

It's unpublished, though?

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

At the time of my comment, no, it was still published. Now, it isn't, but Kiel probably fixed the problem already.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

You are correct, and I'm impressed you found one I needed to unpublish. I'll give you the points. Next time, though, please hyperlink. 

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Thanks, I'll be sure to hyperlink next time.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

Recommending a comment for featuring:

On File Finder:

As the others have said, you should actually tell me what’s going on on the first page rather than in the description. A lot of times, I’ll just glance at the description and start the game. I went in there with no details of anything going on, or names, or anything.
Two, you tell me about her guilt in the description. “Find Evidence that she is not guilty.” “Find evidence of the woman’s innocence.” That directly implies that the evidence will show she’s innocent.
The Creepypastas were… I don’t know. I enjoy creepypastas, but I’m not sure why they’re here. At first I assumed it was a (kind of) clever way to put online a few short horror stories you did, before realizing that they were the originals of the famous haracters, just copy and pasted. I don’t know why it’s here. It’s not plagarism, but it leaves the same bad taste in my mouth as the fact that a large part of your game isn’t yours.
Yippy’s a stupid name.
The only evidence about Emily’s guilt is that she was acting “suspicious”, which the owner then uses to accuse her of theft. Accusing someone of theft with no evidence and presumably firing her would quickly get his ass sued. I’ve worked in restuarants where people were obviously stealing, and they were just moved around from restaurant to restaurant until they could get absolute proof.
The dialogue is weird. At one point, the boss says “I’ll sue you for double the money that you stole”, which both sounds weird, and sure as hell is weird from a legal stand point. There’s also a line where in her defense, Emily says “I can hardly afford to keep my 2002 Honda Civic running”, which is a super odd line that I could never imagine being said in real life.
There was a weird bit where if I decided the internet history is relevant in a court case, I lose, because it’s presumed that’s the only evidence I require. In the end, I used no evidence in court, and whether I won or lost depended on what I personally thought about her innocence.
There wasn’t much of a mystery. It was obvious she was innocent from the start, but looking for solid evidence I just clicked around and did no deducing whatsoever.
You got super bitchy when faced with criticism from authors. No one said it was “too hard”, they said you gave no information. That’s like if I said “we’re playing game, but I won’t tell you what game because that would make it so easy.” Don’t get so defensive because you made a shitty game, they were offering solid criticism. It’s not that people are “too hard to please”, it’s that you screwed up in making this game, and that’s your fault.

-- Steve24833 on 5/26/2016 5:27:56 PM

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

*chuckle* Agreed.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I recommend this storygame for unpublishing. I honestly don't know why the author went out of their way to publish it. Even if it's some attempt as a joke it's lazy & uninspired.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

No idea which one this was because it was already taken down.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

It was... unspeakable. You're lucky to have not read it. :c

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/why-are-u-a-bitch

Do we really need both this, and filler episode on the front page?

Just from the style of the games it looks like they're from the same guy having a conversation with himself, but if not that then they're friends IRL trolling the site.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I'm going with the latter because the author of the second story has been around since 2013.

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago

I'd already taken it down once, but now... well... he can't put it back up, I'll say that. :)

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago
Comment for featuring
2http://chooseyourstory.com/story/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-flocktown-student

This is great for young kids. It shows responsibility and the consequences of our our actions. It is short enough to keep a kids attention, but not so short that it's boring. Plus, it uses realist examples. They only change that I would make is that when he s/he see's the girl being bullied, there should be a "tell an adult" option (assuming a trust worthy adult is around. Sometimes, going up to a bully is not the best option, as you could get hurt. Of course, standing up for someone is good, so it's a fine line.
I would love to use this with the kids I babysit, and I think they would have fun.

posted by http://chooseyourstory.com/Member/?Username=Ryndragonmaster

@Sethaniel
@Kiel_Farren

Draw My Attention (now with 40% more Kiel)

4 years ago
Comment for featuring.
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/a-sick-day
The spelling, grammar and all that is just fine, and the concept behind it is just fine (if not exactly the most riveting stuff) but it was so, so short.

As a children's game about health I could think of other scenarios more important to cover than whether or not mommy drives you to the doctor, too. Basic stuff like hand washing or not sharing drinks, or how to clean a cut or scrape and put on a bandaid, for instance.

Posted by http://chooseyourstory.com/Member/?Username=mizal