Player Comments on Desperate Heart

Not bad :)

This storygame was really good in many ways, and while i'm not usually too fond of Love & Dating stories (usually because they're almost always short with hardly any branching and similar endings), I found this one to have plenty of effort put into it.

It was longer than I expected from the 4/8 length rating, but it might only feel longer than it is due to it having many pages and choices, but few words in general.

The pages in this game are either a nicely written, detailed groups of paragraphs, while others just contain a sentence or two. Please work on keeping a constant quality streak while writing so the quality doesn't spread thin in some areas.

The fact that you can easily feel emotion while reading this and understand the characters feels due to the descriptions given proves that you're no doubt talented in fleshing out the character development and emotion.

Some of the choices (notably the first ones) lead to the same place, but nonetheless, the branching was rather impressive in my opinion.

I'll say 5/8, there's room for improvement.

I found this story entertaining--not a whole lot of details, but this is a Choose Your Own Adventure thing and not a huge novel, so I can forgive that. Because of that, I don't mind the lack of development between Kei and Kite--and I'm sure much of it happened off-screen that just didn't get shown. But, regardless, I liked the story, loved the ending I got--twisted and I was okay with the maturity, but it was really sweet. My only REAL nitpick is the lack of back-story; I would've enjoyed more of that, but I can forgive it.

A little too brief and short for my liking, but the writing is expressive and the length probably suited to people who only want to read a quick, short story. Feels like a summarized version of a much longer story, maybe of another game, perhaps? The options provided carried compelling emotional consequence, and the resulting description of the characters' state of mind was believable. Some parts of the writing could still use a better choice of words, i.e. there is still room for improvement. But then that could be said for just about all writing (regardless of author) and the quality here is still quite good and much better than most of the works on this site. Keep it up, would love to see more work from this author.

I don't know, I kind of liked it. Might just be the weeb in me.

Wow pretty chilling! I do think the setting wasn't really developed, but it sufficed. This story could have took place on Earth if anything. Umm excuse me? The plot twist?!?! Well for my path at least. Very chilling. Definitely should be a movie plot! XD

It was interesting, even if a little short.

gorey

Reminded me of my desires! Hope for this to happen to me one day. Sounds like a fairytale! I really enjoyed this, and I hope you keep writing these great stories

feel like I should get an automatic comm here just for actually having an account. Seeing nonpersons with comms is saddening.
Anyway, nothing personal, but I very much so dislike this game. It starts out stupid and doesn't reakky get better.

cool

SHIT THIS WAS SUCH A SAD SAD STORY IT WAS DEPRESSING

Well written! This was really good!

oh mah god

I personally liked the story, but that's just my preference. I would recommend it as a quick read, and my fave character is obviously Kite.

everything here was way too unexpected. way too sudden. didn't like it. nothing led up to anything. no choices we made mattered because they lead to the same ending choices.

I wish it was a little longer and you could see what happens

Extremely short, but also extremely interesting. This could've been a novel.

This game is really good!

i don't know what's happening anymore but this was GOOD

Really emotionally affecting. The writing style is perfect for the feeling that's being conveyed. It's vivid and intense, I'd love to see more with these characters.

Please have more unzipping of pants

it was pretty good, could be longer maybe

I didn’t really understand the ending. What is Kite anyways? Is Yumiko good or bad?

Good job! A little vague at some points, but a truly great story that you tried to tell. Well done.

i give this story two words bor- ing

so romantic

I enjoyed it. It could improve, but it was quite good and I hope to see more in the future.

Short, sweet, and a little bit cliche, but well written.

Also, I darn near cried reading this.

Very descriptive. I love it!

I don't really get it but it wasn't the worst ive ever read

Impressive!

Short yet interesting.

Okay, interesting. Sad, but I'm intrigued. I kinda didn't get what was wrong until 3/4 the way through the story, so I feel some kind of backstory would have helped tremendously. (and more details, of course.)
Overall it's linear, but that doesn't seem to big of a problem. The thing is, the choices almost don't matter at all, which isn't good.

Um, ok? Can something be deep and shallow at the same time? Sorta what this felt like

Love it! It is AMAZING, read it. You must.

This game was amazing! In the beginning I wondered what a Promethia or whatever Kite was WAS, but that part just before Kite killed (that was my interpretation) Kei's sister, it showed a flash of pure WONDER! I LOVED IT!!! Just wished it was a little longer but the endings were FANTASTIC!??????????????????

It's okay, I liked it a lot, though I would've hoped for more.

This was weird. Which is totally okay. I think it was every interesting.

this was a very amazing story kind of short but very good
also a little sad but def recommend

It was really interesting. I was always asking "What's Kite doing now?" It had detail, but not too much, it sort of let's you fill in the rest, which I like. It makes you think. Good job.

Pretty good. Entertaining!

Decent game

An adorable short story

It is very very very short and boring. *yawn*

That ending just....
It made me shiver.
I chose the monster one...

It was a very heart-warming story. But why did Kite attack Kei's sister?

That was too sad for my liking. And I didn't understand it at all.

.......was it suppose to be porn? It we just all dirty. Or, the characters lacked life. Lacked more details more dialogue

Great story. I am going to play again just to see the different tangents you've created. Thank you.

I love it alot, it was a great story In my opinion

Good story overall. Very good plot twist. Just for you guys to know, i chose the word "No".

It was interesting but I think it needed more romance in it to be in this category. Still a good story.

Boring and not enough twists and turns

I am at a loss of words I dont know what to say I didnt hate it but i didnt love it at the same time the story is strange but oddly enough...O.K.

Wonderful story! I wished there was more though. (unless theres a sequel)

this was AMAZING I kinda wish this was a movie it would be an awesome movie if the story was LOnGeR
it was....just amazing although I wish there where different endings where *WARNING SPOILER* the sister dosnt get killed
also very romantic but I do wish KITE talked more I know I know shes a broken machene but still the story would be so much more interesting if she spoke more.also I'm wandring how old was every body in the story in the beginning I thought kite and kia where kids but they where obvisoly not
but it was a great story and I'm definitely hopeing for a sequal

I truly love the story all thogh I do not understand the ending...other than that I think it very very cool.<3

Loved it

What? Im not really sure what was happening but... killing Kite was fun? Wish I could have done worse. I wish I didn't have to have sex with her to. That was wierd.

I put a7 out of8 because it tells a story of that could not be honestly i wanted to find the saddest part of the story and it was when kie saw kite killed yumico and said monster at her and he killed kite. Also its quite sad what yumico has to do to survive man thats a cruel life to live in

oh my goodness this story was the best by far thank you writer for creating this beautiful piece of artwork

I love kite

i like it its interesting and its a good length for a short story nice work

This was so boring

Enjoyed it very much.

A good story, I needed that. It was interesting how it asked you to fill in the sentences, but I wish it was longer. It feels like it's a bunch of words (simple, clean, nice words I might say) rather than a story, but I liked it nonetheless.

interesting premise, but something is missing, still fairly enjoyable.

That was…interesting to say the least. But still good.

I didn't really like it. There didn't seem to be a lot of choices that meant something except for the last choice. The plot was okay, the endings were adequate, but I felt like the story was leading me to the ending instead of me leading the story.

Really good descriptive words I love the way it described her as a kite flapping down and the effectiveness of the way she lost her temper on kies sister bit cheesy at points but I think the base line rocked it needs to be longer though the ending where he shouts monster and cuts her, may sound weird but could be a bit more violent and the one where they walk into the heavens together is a bit pathetic I find the most meaningful effective ending that really touched me was her screaming after him telling him she loved him and the way kie was driven with love,madness,loss,grief,anger and hatred.

superb experience

Its awesome

Awesome

good

I love Kei and Yumiko!!!

Meh~ I was to lazy to read the whole thing. And its kinda boring.

It was alright, I was a little confused by the storyline near the end, but overall it was a good story

Loved it.

It was okay. I enjoyed it, and it gave me a bit of entertainement, but it's certaintly not the best.

I thought it was pretty good, it could have used some more detail and description, but there were lots of choices, and the writing was smooth and pretty smart, all in all, i thought it was good.

I enjoyed this story, I just wish it were longer.

Quite short, other than that I really liked it, if you could rewrite it with more detail, story, backstory etc. it should also be a lot longer, but I definetley see a lot of potential

I didn't like the ending.

I didn't understand very much. It wasn't one of my favorites.

Beautiful game! But so short, at least how I ended it. Wish it were longer :/

its oki. Its a little boring but whatevesf.

good story but very corny

Tense. It's going to take a few more updates to be better, though.

awesome

Oh my! scared me when Kite destroyed her!

It was a good romance story perfect!

It was marvelous. A true love story.

oh my gosh i think im gonna cry

its really sad.

Why is her name kite

Hauntingly beautiful.

Promethean=Illuminati

It's a strange way to explain love, but it was alright, I guess.

It was dark. Very dark. Please put your talent in to something brighter

Well, this was very WHAT IN THE NAME OF DOG POOP?!?! IT WAS ALL ROMANTIC, THEN... ugh. *snap

Monster.

Very good plot, the end is somewhat weird.

It was pretty good... But not as good as chocolate ;w;

I found it odd...which doesn't mean bad, just strange. it was alright

Meh....Its ok.. Not the best... but I liked it. :P

I love it, You sick weirdo!

average, short and sweet

Amazing.well written. Best story by far.

it was short, boring, and no details

Interesting story

okay wow that was amazing. your writing is very dramatic and beautiful! love it

it was sad and depressing and also at the same time amazing! Why did the sister have to die. i liked how it was short and not long and boring,anyway thanks for it,

A very very sad story that seems like it could have been prevented through simple means.

This is a fun story please make more of this I love it

It was good, with multiple ending. I enjoyed it, but it was too short for my liking.

Ehhhh its OK but first whats a promothian and second :3

Woah... That... That is all I can say... I give it 6/8

Short and sweet.

A beautiful moment is far better than a painfully long and dull novel.

Little kids should stay away from this. but I thought it was great!

fucking promethians or whatever. I wished there wasan option where I could torture this Kite machine

Not Bad Could be longer but not bad

Not as detailed...but amazing!

pretty good....

AWESOME

Well written for the length and I understand that there was fair warning of no happy endings but man... the happiest ending is still gruesome/cold hearted

that was a nice game

I'm disappointed. You had the premise for some truly EPIC sci-fi, and you squandered it. I like romance as much as the next guy, but this pisses me off to know end. (Also, what was with the robot hentai?)

What the fuck is a Promethean? What is Cantus V? Why is all this epic stuff in here, only to be wasted as the background for wanking material?

4/8.

I really enjoyed that, the writing was truly excellent and the storyline was interesting in a slightly sci-fi way. The relative simplicity of the story was a plus point and contrasted well with the unusual nature of the girl Kei (but hey, when love is involved you overcome a few minor stumbling blocks like the unexpected big one at the end of the story). First class story-game.

i like it but, not as much as pokemon.

almost the best ever i wish it was longer and what was she? what was kite? reply to me at [email protected] please

could have been longer

um i didnt understand it but great

It's great,but needs more..detailllll

It was cool.

Oh my god that is so sad. You're killing me. Seriously.

I thought it was a little gruesome, a little boring and not very deep. But it's not way too bad. Just add some emotion or something.

This was shit. It was like i was reading a shit. And then eating a shit. In vivid pointless detail. That didn't even make sense. Coz it's actually just a shit.
Poop on it. Then shit it out of your shit.

It was short and sweet. I enjoyed it as a way to pass time but it wasn't something I'd go out of my way for.

it is kinda good

It wasn't THAT bad but it was kind of boring. And plain. Uh, yeah. Sorry.

Very good

Well written short choose your own. I'm new to this world, but held my attention and wanted to find out what would happen.

Short and cute.

A little dark. Interesting, however. Quite creative.

It was a little short, and I felt like I was imposing background to the story that was probably vastly different than the actual story the author had in mind. I feel that it could be bolstered with a little more background information, and a few more choice scenes between the one choice scenes.

I liked the idea you have going here. It was good, but there were two things I didn't like: that it was in third person and not second person, after all, this is a choose your own adventure, and I didn't like the lack of choices. Most of it there was only one link. But other than that, it was a well-spent 15 minutes.

SUCKS!What ever happened after all that? Nothing? Thats what i thought

Good game a little morbid though

The story is a little disturbing, but definitely very innovative. It could be a little more detailed and little longer. Looking forward to more of such stories.

Pretty good story, But could use more details.

Gives me ideas for Future art drawings!

Side-note: why is her name kite >~<

Nice mini story.

It was boring,,,,sigh,,,

This is an interesting story, but it would be nice if there were more endings. Like, instead of just these endings, maybe ones where Kite dies instead of your sister? Or maybe an option to kill Kite for killing your sister? Overall, its a pretty good story.

Interesting story at first, it's been a while since I read a novel in third person perspective. But the story itself in rough context is good yet it could still do with some touches on the edge. All in all, it's okay but I expected more

Was a nice,but short game!

Really liked this. Although the choices didn't affect the overall story, it was wonderfully written. I liked the characters, even if it was a short story, I 'felt' for the characters.
6/8

It is a good thing that this game was featured. It showed that machines can love. In real lihe, we know they can't.

Ok

Hmmm...good game, but a little too short. The choices in the game didn't seem to affect the ending.

I thought this was a great story, but be warned, it gets explicit.

Ouch... warning, peoples. If you're looking for a fun, squishy romance, this is not the story for you. Heart-rending, but well-done, an interesting story and compelling plot.

It took me a couple plays to really appreciate this one; it comes off as very simple at first, but it evokes the sense of a well-developed world (albeit, one we don't get to see much of) behind it.

Not a lot of endings, from what I've seen though. And definitely nothing happy.

Cute, yet serious too, I like it.

good, but too short
I hope you will (or maybe have already?) make a proper game in this world/setting.

Some very deep notions here, as well as some good description. Though in some places the flow seemed a bit choppy. It could use some smoothing out. As well it always came to the same three options to end; there weren't really different paths so much as different sets of description to lead to the final three choices. Still, it was an evocative game and worth looking through.

the end...that was scary

So awesome paws! I loved it! They are together in my ending! I really like it.

Oh wow! That was the best story I read so far! Kye and Kite in the ending I got, were together forever! Yay! I rated 8.

This was so much better than I thought it would be! I was taking a chance in the love and dating section of the storygames, and I'm glad I did. Simply yet effectively written, thoroughly enjoyable.

It was depresing. Even though i was choosing the things they would say I had to be realistic. But still if i was in Kei's situation I highly doubted I would have known what to do. What the hell man...it was good and dark and scary but mostly heartbreaking.

There wasn't much choice, but it was an intriguing story all the same. Nice, simple, writing style.

This story was really sad, I didn't really mind that it was short, I think it got across everything it needed to get across. Got to say though, I found myself caring more about the sister than I did about the boy and the girl. Also the boy and the girl's relationship didn't seem all that special to me, so I liked the "Monster" ending the best.

I liked it.

... I don't understand, really. I wish you had elaborated on what Kite was and where she came from.

All three ending are so sad! Great atmosphere though. Make more stories, less sad.

Sounds poetic, slightly interesting, way too short.

it was ok

I loved it!

Very nice. Creative. Well done.

Very interesting, although far too short. I would've loved to play a longer version of it, with more depth to the characters. But still a great short story~

Although the game was quite short, and needed a lot more options, It was surprisingly good. I loved the author's writing style, this story really seemed like it flowed so well, like a poem. I would suggest making one with more options and a bit longer.

I thought it was interesting but not the most amazing game ive ever played but the detail in the writng is some of the best i have ever read

Really surprised by the negative comments on this, one of the best games I've played on this site. Simple but evocative.

the only thing i think it needs is a better backstory, so you know more about kite, the war, and how they got there

I don't know, linear, 5/8.

It Was Fun/Sad

Nothing to say much...
It's worst

pretty darn bad.

Awesome

It was an enjoyable reading. However, I didn't really get it. There wasn't enough detail to go around and create a good visual picture. You are a very talented writer and it takes a lot of imagination to make a story like yours. Maybe next time, try to give the reader a more visual and setting. Thanks for the enjoyment! :)

Horror and sadness in a good story. Loved it

boring

What a fantastic experience. Original story, interesting delivery and beautiful characters. Please... Make more.

This was amazing!! So sad though... :( But great!!!

so cute I love love story's

It would be nice if i knew exactly what was going on... but if i knew the background knowledge then this would have been a great story.

OK

So brief.... So sad....

I loved it <3

I'm sorry, but to be frank, that was one of the worst games i have played here. I think you should have put some more effort into it.

dude this sucks monkey butt

So sad.

Truly beautiful.

wow, kind of odd..

i thought that this was amazing, it was very descriptive that it created this image in my head, like a film you kno.. haha. good job, keep it up!

Well written, with an interesting backstory I'd like to know more about. I would have liked the relationships built up a little more, just so the choices were more meaningful and impactful. That I want more attests to the quality of what's there. Good job.

Well written, good backround, and a fairly enjoyable story. Good job

Beautifully written, poignant and wraught with sorrow. Absolutely goregeous

very well written.

Reminds me of Elfen Lied.

I love how this was written!! Of all games I've played on here, this is by far my favorite. Two thumbs up :)

Good and well-written. Sad (I prefer happy endings, but I knew what I was getting into with this, so...) Interesting and moving. It might have been short, but the characters were still clearly well thought out

Great story man... Wish it was longer... And without the death of yumiko... This reminded me of Chobits...Man And Machine falling in love... To me... Love is love.. everyone and everything feels love...

interesting to say the least

It's okay.

Cool

An intriguing, bizarre story that lives up to its claim. I liked it!

bellisima. :)

that was really good

wow...Just wow...It was very, very good. A great story line as well as characters. I could go on and on.

it was weird what happened to Kei's sister. but all in all, it's a good story

it was confusing i couldnt tell what they were talking about and what the choices ment

Wow... just... wow...

it's ok..

Very good story, heard you got it off Elfen Lied

Incredibly beautiful. No matter which path was taken it lead to a coherent and incredible story.

Not too bad, but I didn't really feel like my choices were effecting anything. It's more of a story than a story game, if that's what you were aiming for. Kinda cute.

boring

not long enough

Immediately draws you in and doesn't stop. This is a story that doesn't need to be long. I did a double-take to be sure I wasn't reading something by Seth.

:) Very good! I liked it a lot, and I even laughed once or twice at the choices... But, it really was more of a story then a storygame... I think that, even though the choices didn't do much to affect the story, that you could've at least added more choices near the end, but there are a quite a few pages where you only get one option.

Still, it drew me in and I felt like I was there. O.O You witch! I mean... 7/8 Keep it up. :D

Innovative. Only problem is choices have no effect in the long run until at the end.

lol ok, so lets get this straight DS66. Nothing to critique, so it's perfect, but it only gets a 7/8?

It got a 7 out of 8, merely because it lacked length--from me. Oh and a certain tenta---

7/8. Excellent writing, Corinthian. There isn't anything to critique on my part, so I will just give you a job well done.

i gave it a six because the writing skill was good, but i didnt like the underlying story line and what happens to yumiko

I didnt like it. thats all Ive got to say

Great story. Snow-esque in a way. Excellent job, my friend.

Wasn't Kei a character from a scifi love story Dears, only Khi?

Wow, I agree with the others. There was a lot of mood, good writing, and it was quite original in the way choices were made.

wow...just wow

this is as good as SOME of seth's works

wow

Went through a bunch of different paths. I liked how you integrated the CYS aspect with movements and feelings rather than only "choices." The writing is colorfully descriptive without being too descriptive, and it's unpretentious and clean. Each word seems to have been carefully chosen and placed. I really liked it. I want the tentacle rape scene put back in, though. Excellent work!

Very fucking good.
Could be longer
but GOOD.

very good story. it was different to be able to pick emotions for different characters. fairly new idea, for this site anyway. great writing.

That was epic. Very well written! I would really enjoy reading more from you!

it's based on the celestial maiden legend